One Thousand and One Nights, page 1145
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Night-Adventure of Sultan Mohammed of Cairo.130
The Sultan and the Wazir threaded the broadways of the city and they noted the houses and stood for an hour or so in each and every greater thoroughfare, till they came to a lane, a cul-de-sac wherethrough none could pass, and behold, they hit upon a house containing a company of folk. Now these were conversing and saying, “By Allah, our Sultan hath not acted wisely nor hath he any cause to be proud, since he hath made his daughter’s bride-feast a vanity and a vexation and the poor are excluded therefrom. He had done better to distribute somewhat of his bounty amongst the paupers and the mesquin, who may not enter his palace nor can they obtain aught to eat.” Hearing this the Sultan said to the Wazir, “By Allah, needs must we enter this place;” and the Minister replied, “Do whatso thou willest.” Accordingly the King went up to the door and knocked, when one came out and asked, “Who is at the door?” The Sultan answered, “Guests;” and the voice rejoined, “Welcome to the guests;” and the door was thrown open. Then they went in till they reached the sitting-room where they found three men of whom one was lame, the second was broken-backed and the third was split-mouthed.131 And all three were sitting together in that place. So he asked them, “Wherefore sit ye here, ye three, instead of going to the Palace?” and they answered him, “O Darwaysh, ’tis of the weakness of our wits!” The King then turned to his Minister and said, “There is no help but thou must bring these three men into my presence, as soon as the wedding-fętes be finished, that I may enquire into what stablished their imbecility.”?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night, an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Three Hundred and Sixty-second Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Sultan said to the Wazir, “Needs must thou bring these three men into my presence, as soon as the wedding-fętes be finished, and we will enquire into what proved their imbecility.” Then quoth the King to them, “Wherefore fare ye not, ye three, and eat of the royal banquet day by day?” and quoth they, “O Darwaysh, we are crippled folk who cannot go and come, for this be grievous to us; but, an the Sultan would assign to us somewhat of victual, and send it hither, we would willingly eat thereof.” He rejoined, “What knoweth the Sultan that ye sit in this place?” and they retorted, “Ye be Darwayshes who enter everywhere: so when ye go in to him, tell him our tale; haply shall Almighty Allah incline his heart uswards.” The King asked them, “Be you three ever sitting together in this stead?” and they answered, “Yea, verily: we never leave one another by night or by day.” Then the King and the Minister rose up and having presented them with a few silvers took leave and departed. Now it was midnight when they reached a tenement wherein sat three girls with their mother spinning and eating; and each one appeared fairer than her fellows, and at times they sang and then they laughed and then they talked. The Sultan said to the Wazir, “There is no help but we enter to these damsels;” whereto the Minister replied “What have we to do with going near them? Let them be as they are!” The Sultan, however, rejoined, “Needs must we enter,” and the Wazir retorted, “Hearkening and obedience;” and he rapped at the door when one of the sisterhood cried out, “Who knocketh in this gloom of the night?” The Minister answered, “We are two Darwayshes, guests and strangers;” and the girl rejoined, “We are maidens with our mother and we have no men in our house who can admit you; so fare ye to the marriage-feast of the Sultan and become ye his guests.” The Minister continued, “We are foreigners and we know not the way to the Palace and we dread lest the Chief of Police happen upon us and apprehend us at this time o’ night. We desire that you afford us lodging till daylight when we will go about our business and you need not expect from us aught save respect and honourable treatment.” Now when the mother heard this, she pitied them and bade one daughter open the door. So the damsel threw it open and the Sultan and Wazir entered and salam’d and sat down to converse together; but the King gazed upon the sisters and marvelled at their beauty and their loveliness, and said in his mind, “How cometh it that these maidens dwell by themselves unmated and they in such case?” So quoth he to them, “How is it ye lack husbands, you being so beautiful, and that ye have not a man in the house?” Quoth the youngest, “O Darwaysh, hold thy tongue132 nor ask us of aught, for our story is wondrous and our adventures marvellous. But ‘ware thy words and shorten thy speech; verily hadst thou been the Sultan and thy companion the Wazir an you heard our history haply ye had taken compassion upon our case.” Thereupon the King turned to the Minister and said, “Up with us and wend we our ways; but first do thou make sure of the place and affix thy mark upon the door.” Then the twain rose up and fared forth but the Wazir stood awhile and set a sign upon the entrance and there left his imprint; after which the twain returned to the Palace. Presently the youngest sister said to her mother, “By Allah, I fear lest the Darwayshes have made their mark upon our door to the end that they may recognise it by day; for haply the twain may be the King and his Minister.” “What proof hast thou of this?” asked the mother, and the daughter answered, “Their language and their questioning which were naught save importunity!” And saying this she went to the door where she found the sign and mark. Now besides the two houses to the right and to the left were fifteen doors, so the girl marked them all with the same mark set by the Wazir.133 But when Allah had caused the day to dawn, the King said to the Minister, “Go thou and look at the sign and make sure of it.” The Wazir went as he was commanded by the Sultan, but he found all the doors marked in the same way, whereat he marvelled and knew not nor could he distinguish the door he sought. Presently he returned and reported the matter of the door-marks to the King who cried, “By Allah, these girls must have a curious history! But when the bride-feast is finished we will enquire into the case of the three men who are weak-witlings and then we will consider that of the damsels who are not.” As soon as the thirtieth feast-day passed by, he invested with robes of honour all the Lords of his land and the high Officers of his estate and matters returned to their customed course. Then he sent to summon the three men who had professed themselves weak of wits and they were brought into the presence, each saying of himself, “What can the King require of us?” When they came before him he bade them be seated and they sat; then he said to them, “My requirement is that ye relate to me proofs of the weakness of your minds and the reason of your maims.” Now the first who was questioned was he of the broken back, and when the enquiry was put to him he said, “Deign to favour me with an answer O our Lord the Sultan, on a matter which passed through my mind.” He replied, “Speak out and fear not!” So the other enquired, “How didst thou know us and who told thee of us and of our weakly wits?” Quoth the King, “’Twas the Darwaysh who went in to you on such a night;” and quoth the broken-backed man, “Allah slay all the Darwayshes who be tattlers and tale-carriers!” Thereupon the Sultan turned to the Wazir and laughing said, “We will not reproach them for aught: rather let us make fun of them,” adding to the man, “Recite, O Shaykh.” So he fell to telling
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Story of the Broke-Back Schoolmaster.134
I began life, O King of the Age, as a Schoolmaster and my case was wondrous.?And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Three Hundred and Sixty-third Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Shaykh continued.?I began life, O my lord, as a Schoolmaster, and my tale with the boys was wondrous. They numbered from sixty to seventy, and I taught them to read and I inculcated due discipline and ready respect esteeming these a part of liberal education; nor did I regard, O King of the Age, the vicissitudes of Time and Change; nay, I held them with so tight a rein that whenever the boys heard me sneeze135 they were expected to lay down their writing-tablets and stand up with their arms crossed and exclaim, “Allah have ruth upon thee, O our lord!” whereto I would make reply, “Allah deign pardon us and you!” And if any of the lads failed or delayed to join in this prayer I was wont to bash him with a severe bashing. One day of the days they asked leave to visit the outskirts of the town for liberty and pleasuring136 and when I granted it they clubbed their pittances for a certain sum of money to buy them a noonday meal. So we went forth to the suburbs and there found verdure and water, and we enjoyed ourselves that day with perfect enjoyment until mid-afternoon when we purposed to return homewards. Accordingly, the boys collected their belongings and laded them upon an ass and we walked about half-way when behold, the whole party, big and little, stood still and said to me, “O our lord, we are athirst and burning with drowthiness, nor can we stir from this spot and if we leave it without drinking we shall all die.” Now there was in that place a draw-well, but it was deep and we had nor pitcher nor bucket nor aught wherein to draw water and the scholars still suffered from exceeding thirst. We had with us, however, cooking-gear such as chauldrons and platters; so I said to them, “O boys, whoso carrieth a cord or hath bound his belongings with one let him bring it hither!” They did my bidding and I tied these articles together and spliced them as strongly as I could: then said I to the lads, “Bind me under the arm-pits.” Accordingly they made me fast by passing the rope around me and I took with me a chauldron, whereupon they let me down bucket-wise into the well till I reached the water. Then I loosed the bandage from under my armpits and tied it to the chauldron which I filled brim-full and shook the rope for a signal to the boys above. They haled at the vessel till they pulled it up and began drinking and giving drink; and on this wise they drew a first chauldron and a second and a third and a fourth till they were satisfied and could no more and cried out to me, “We have had enough, quite enough.” Hereupon I bound the bandage under my armpits, as it was when I went down, and I shook it as a signal and they haled me up till I had well-nigh reached the kerbstone of the well when a fit of sneezing seized me and I sneezed violently. At this all let go their hold and carrying their arms over their breasts, cried aloud, “Allah have ruth upon thee, O our lord!” but I, as soon as they loosed hold, fell into the depths of the well and brake my back. I shrieked for excess of agony and all the boys ran on all sides screaming for aid till they were heard by some wayfaring folk; and these haled at me and drew me out. They placed me upon the ass and bore me home: then they brought a leach to medicine me and at last I became even as thou seest me, O Sultan of the Age. Such, then, is my story showing the weakness of my wits; for had I not enjoined and enforced over-respect the boys would not have let go their hold when I happened to sneeze nor would my back have been broken. “Thou speakest sooth, O Shaykh,” said the Sultan, “and indeed thou hast made evident the weakness of thy wit.” Then quoth he to the man who was cloven of mouth. “And thou, the other, what was it split thy gape?” “The weakness of my wit, O my lord the Sultan,” quoth he, and fell to telling the
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
Story of the Split-Mouthed Schoolmaster.137
