One Thousand and One Nights, page 1034
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Thief’s Tale.
The woman who acted decoy for them and trapped their game and used to inveigle damsels from marriage-banquets, once caught them a woman from a bride-feast, under pretence that she had a wedding in her own house, and fixed for her a day when she should come to her. As soon as the appointed time arrived, the woman presented herself and the other carried her into the house by a door, declaring that it was a private wicket. When she entered the saloon, she saw men and braves91 and knew that she had fallen into a snare; so she looked at them and said, “Harkye, my fine fellows!92 I am a woman and in my slaughter there is no glory, nor have ye against me any feud of blood-wite wherefor ye should pursue me; and that which is upon me of raiment and ornaments ye are free to take as lawful loot.” Quoth they, “We fear thy denunciation;” but quoth she, “I will abide with you, neither coming in nor going out.” So they said, “We grant thee thy life.” Then the Captain looked on her and she pleased him; so he took her for himself, and she abode with him a whole year doing her very best in their service, till they became familiar with her and felt assured of her faith. One night of the nights she plied them with drink and they drank till they became drunken; whereupon she arose and took her clothes and five hundred dinars from the Captain; after which she fetched a razor and shaved off all their beards. Then she took soot from the cooking-pots and blackening their faces93 opened the doors and fared forth; and when the thieves recovered from their drink, they abode confounded and knew that the woman had practiced upon them. All present marvelled at this his story and the ninth constable came forward and said, “I will tell you a right pleasant tale I heard at a wedding.”
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Ninth Constable’s History.
A certain singing-girl was fair of favour and bruited of repute, and it happened one day that she fared forth to a garden a-pleasuring. As she sat in the summer-house, behold, a man lopped of the hand stopped to beg of her, and suddenly entered in at the door. Then he touched her with his stump, saying, “An alms, for the love of Allah!”94 but she answered, “Allah open!” and insulted him. Many days after this, there came to her a messenger and gave her the hire of her going forth.95 So she took with her a hand-maid and an accompanyist;96 and when she came to the place appointed, the messenger brought her into a long passage, at the end whereof was a saloon. “So” (quoth she) “we entered therein and found nobody, but we saw the room made ready for an entertainment with candles, dried fruits and wine, and in another place we saw food and in a third beds. Thereupon we sat down and I looked at him who had opened the door to us, and behold he was lopped of the hand. I misliked this, and when I sat a little longer, there entered a man, who filled the candelabra in the saloon and lit the waxen candles; and behold, he also was handlopped. Then flocked the folk and there entered none except he were lopped of the hand, and indeed the house was full of these companions.97 When the session was complete, the host came in and the company rose to him and seated him in the place of honour. Now he was none other than the man who had fetched me, and he was clad in sumptuous clothes, but his hands were in his sleeves, so that I knew not how it was with them. They brought him food and he ate, he and the company; after which they washed hands and the host began casting at me furtive glances. Then they drank till they were drunken, and when they had taken leave of their wits, the host turned to me and said, ‘Thou dealtest not in friendly fashion with him who sought an alms of thee, and thou saidst to him, “How loathsome art thou!”’´ I considered him and behold, he was the lophand who had accosted me in my pleasance.98 So I asked, ‘O my lord, what is this thou sayest?’ and he answered, ‘Wait; thou shalt remember it.’ So saying, he shook his head and stroked his beard, whilst I sat down for fear. Then he put out his hand to my mantilla and walking-boots and laying them by his side, cried to me, ‘Sing, O accursed!’ Accordingly, I sang till I was tired out, what while they occupied themselves with their case and drank themselves drunk and the heat of their drink redoubled. Presently, the doorkeeper came to me and said, ‘O my lady, fear not; but when thou hast a mind to go, let me know.’ Quoth I, ‘Thinkest thou to delude me?’ and quoth he, ‘Nay, by Allah! But I have ruth on thee for that our Captain and chief purposeth thee no good and methinketh he will kill thee this night.’ Said I to him, ‘An thou be minded to do me a favour, now is its time;’ and said he, ‘When our Chief riseth to his need and goeth to the Chapel of Ease, I will precede him with the light and leave the door open; and do thou wend whithersoever thou wiliest.’ Then I sang and the Captain cried, ‘’Tis good.’ Replied I, ‘Nay, but thou’rt loathsome.’ He looked at me and rejoined, ‘By Allah, thou shalt never more scent the odour of the world!’ But his comrades said to him, ‘Do it not,’ and gentled him, till he added, ‘An it must be so, and there be no help for it, she shall tarry here a whole year and not fare forth.’ My answer was, ‘I am content to submit to whatso pleaseth thee: if I have failed in respect to thee, thou art of the clement.’ He shook his head and drank, then arose and went out to do his need, whilst his comrades were occupied with what they were about of merry-making and drunkenness and sport. So I winked to my friends and we all slipped out into the corridor. We found the door open and fled forth, unveiled99 and unknowing whither we went; nor did we halt till we had fared afar from the house and happened on a Cook cooking, of whom I asked, ‘Hast thou a mind to quicken the dead?’ He said, ‘Come up;’ so we went up into the shop, and he whispered, ‘Lie down.’ Accordingly, we lay down and he covered us with the Halfah grass,100 wherewith he was used to kindle the fire under the food. Hardly had we settled ourselves in the place when we heard a noise of kicking at the door and people running right and left and questioning the Cook and asking, ‘Hath any one passed by thee?’ Answered he, ‘None hath passed by me.’ But they ceased not to go round about the shop till the day broke, when they turned back, disappointed. Then the Cook removed the reeds and said to us, ‘Rise, for ye are delivered from death.’ So we arose, and we were uncovered, sans veil or mantilla; but the Cook carried us up into his house and we sent to our homes and fetched us veils; and we repented to Allah Almighty and renounced singing, for indeed this was a mighty narrow escape after stress.”101 Those present marvelled at this, and the tenth constable came forward and said, “As for me, there befel me that which was yet rarer than all ye have yet heard.” Quoth Al-Malik al-Zahir, “What was that?” And quoth he, “Deign give ear to me.”
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Tenth Constable’s History.
A robbery of stuffs had been committed in the city and as it was a great matter I was cited,102 I and my fellows: they103 pressed hard upon us: but we obtained of them some days’ grace and dispersed in search of the stolen goods. As for me, I sallied forth with five men and went round about the city that day; and on the morrow we fared forth into the suburbs. When we found ourselves a parasang or two parasangs away from the city, we waxed athirst; and presently we came to a garden. There I went in alone and going up to the waterwheel,104 entered it and drank and made the Wuzu-ablution and prayed. Presently, up came the keeper of the garden and said to me, “Woe to thee! Who brought thee to this water-wheel?” and he smote me and squeezed my ribs105 till I was like to die. Then he bound me with one of his bulls and made me work the water-wheel, flogging me as I walked round with a cattle-whip106 he had with him, till my heart was a-fire; after which he loosed me and I went out, knowing not the way. Now when I came forth, I fainted: so I sat down till my trouble subsided; then I made for my comrades and said to them, “‘I have found money and malefactor, and I affrighted him not neither troubled him, lest he should flee; but now, come, let us go to him, so we may contrive to lay hold upon him.” Then I took them and we repaired to the keeper of the garden, who had tortured me with tunding, with the intent to make him taste the like of that which he had done with me and lie against him and cause him eat many a stick. So we rushed to the waterwheel and seized the keeper. Now there was with him a youth and, as we were pinioning the gardener, he said, “By Allah, I was not with him and indeed ’tis six months since I entered this city, nor did I set eyes on the stuffs until they were brought hither.” Quoth we, “Show us the stuffs;” upon which he carried us to a place wherein was a pit, beside the waterwheel, and digging there, brought out the stolen goods with not a thread or a stitch of them missing. So we took them and carried the keeper to the Prefecture of Police where we stripped him and beat him with palm-rods till he confessed to thefts manifold. Now I did this by way of mockery against my comrades, and it succeeded. The company marvelled at this story with the utmost marvelling, and the eleventh constable rose and said, “I know a story yet stranger than this: but it happened not to myself.”
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Eleventh Constable’s History.
There was once in times of yore a Chief Officer of Police and there passed by him one day of the days a Jew, hending in hand a basket wherein were five thousand dinars; whereupon quoth that officer to one of his slaves, “Art able to take that money from yonder Jew’s basket?” “Yes,” quoth he, nor did he tarry beyond the next day ere he came to his lord, bringing the basket. “So” (said the officer) “I bade him ‘Go, bury it in such a place;’ whereupon he went and buried it and returned and told me. Hardly had he reported this when there arose a clamour like that of Doomsday and up came the Jew, with one of the King’s officers, declaring that the gold pieces belonged to the Sultan and that he looked to none but us for it. We demanded of him three days’ delay, according to custom and I said to him who had taken the money, ‘Go and set in the Jew’s house somewhat that shall occupy him with himself.’ Accordingly he went and played a mighty fine trick, which was, he laid in a basket a dead woman’s hand, painted with henna and having a gold seal-ring on one of the fingers, and buried that basket under a slab in the Jew’s home. Then we came and searched and found the basket, whereupon without a moment of delay we clapped the Jew in irons for the murder of a woman. As soon as it was the appointed time, there entered to us the man of the Sultan’s guards, who had accompanied the Jew, when he came to complain of the loss of the money,107 and said, ‘The Sultan sayeth to you, Nail up108 the Jew and bring the money, for there is no way by which five thousand gold pieces can be lost.’ Wherefore we knew that our device did not suffice. So I went forth and finding a young man, a Hauráni,109 passing along the road, laid hands on him forthright and stripped him, and whipped him with palm-rods. Then I threw him in jail, ironed, and carrying him to the Prefecture, beat him again, saying to them, ‘This be the robber who stole the coin.’ And we strove to make him confess; but he would not. Accordingly, we beat him a third and a fourth time, till we were aweary and exhausted and he became unable to return a reply; but, when we had made an end of beating and tormenting him, he said, ‘I will fetch the money this very moment.’ Presently we went with him till he came to the place where my slave had buried the gold and he dug there and brought it out; whereat I marvelled with the utmost marvel and we carried it to the Prefect’s house. When the Wali saw the money and made sure of it with his own eyes, he rejoiced with joy exceeding and bestowed on me a robe of honour. Then he restored the coin straightway to the Sultan and we left the youth in durance vile; whilst I said to my slave who had taken the money, ‘Say me, did yonder young man see thee, what time thou buriedst the money?’ and he replied, ‘No, by Allah the Great!’ So I went in to the young man, the prisoner, and plied him with wine110 till he recovered, when I said to him, ‘Tell me how thou stolest the money?’ Answered he, ‘By Allah, I stole it not, nor did I ever set eyes on it till I brought it forth of the earth!’ Quoth I, ‘How so?’ and quoth he, ‘Know that the cause of my falling into your hands was my parent’s imprecation against me; because I entreated her evilly yesternight and beat her and she said to me, ‘By Allah, O my son, the Lord shall assuredly gar the oppressor prevail over thee!’ Now she is a pious woman. So I went out forthright and thou sawest me on my way and didst that which thou didst; and when beating was prolonged on me, my senses failed me and I heard a voice saying to me, ‘Fetch it.’ So I said to you what I said and the Speaker111 guided me till I came to the place and there befel what befel of the bringing out of the money.’ I admired this with the utmost admiration and knew that he was of the sons of the pious. So I bestirred myself for his release and cured him and besought him of acquittance and absolution of responsibility.” All those who were present marvelled at this story with the utmost marvel, and the twelfth constable came forward and said, “I will tell you a pleasant trait that I heard from a certain person, concerning an adventure which befel him with one of the thieves.
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Twelfth Constable’s History.
I was passing one day in the market, when I found that a robber had broken into the shop of a shroff, a changer of monies, and thence taken a casket, wherewith he had made off to the burial-ground. Accordingly I followed him thither and came up to him, as he opened the casket and fell a-looking into it; whereupon I accosted him, saying, “Peace be on you!”112 And he was startled at me; so I left him and went away from him. Some months after this, I met him again under arrest, in the midst of the guards and “men of violence,”113 and he said to them, “Seize this man.” So they laid hands on me and carried me to the Chief of Police, who said, “What hast thou to do with this wight?” The robber turned to me and looking a long while in my face, asked, “Who took this man?” and the officer answered, “Thou badest us take him; so we took him.” And he cried, “I ask refuge of Allah! I know not this man, nor knoweth he me; and I said not that to you but of a person other than this.” So they released me, and a while after the thief met me in the street and saluted me with the salam, saying, “O my lord, fright for fright! Hadst thou taken aught from me, thou hadst a part in the calamity.”114 I replied to him, “Allah be the judge between thee and me!”115 And this is what I have to recount. Then came forward the thirteenth constable and said, “‘I will tell you a tale which a man of my friends told me.”
Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents
The Thirteenth Constable’s History.
I went out one night of the nights to the house of a friend and when it was the middle of the night, I sallied forth alone to hie me home. When I came into the road, I espied a sort of thieves and they espied me, whereupon my spittle dried up; but I feigned myself drunken and staggered from side to side, crying out and saying, “I am drunken.” And I went up to the walls right and left and made as if I saw not the thieves, who followed me afoot till I reached my home and knocked at the door, when they went away. Some few days after this, as I stood at the door of my house, behold, there came up to me a young man, with a chain about his neck and with him a trooper, and he said to me, “O my lord, an alms for the love of Allah!” I replied, “Allah open!” and he looked at me a long while and cried, “That which thou shouldst give me would not come to the worth of thy turband or thy waistcloth or what not else of thy habit, to say nothing of the gold and the silver which were about thy person.” I asked, “And how so?” and he answered, “On such a night, when thou fellest into peril and the thieves would have stripped thee, I was with them and said to them, Yonder man is my lord and my master who reared me. So was I and only I the cause of thy deliverance and thus I saved thee from them.” When I heard this, I said to him, “Stop ;” and entering my house, brought him that which Allah Almighty made easy to me.116 So he went his way; and this is all I have to say. Then came forward the fourteenth constable and said, “Know that the tale I have to tell is rarer and pleasanter than this; and ’tis as follows.”
