Painful, page 54
“Damn, man, it’s good to see you,” he said, wrapping his mammoth arms around me and squeezing so hard I swear something popped.
“Jesus, Sam,” I said when I could breathe. “Don’t break me.” He smirked at me, and I crooked a grin. “I never would have left if I’d realized just how much you love me.”
He smacked the back of my head. “Jackass,” he muttered.
I laughed at the look on his face, then I noticed that Justin and his band had arrived. Grinning, I made my way over to him. “Hey, man,” I said, extending my hand. “Good timing, we just got here.”
Justin briefly shook my hand before looking around at my old stomping grounds. “This place is cool…I like it.”
“Yeah, this place is great.” Better than great. This place was home.
I indicated the band’s regular table, and we both sat down to start people watching. Everything here was so damn familiar—the wall of guitars behind the stage, the glowing neon signs in the windows, the worn floors, the chip in the table where Griffin had damaged it, my friends lounging around, relaxing, talking, laughing, Jenny giggling at Evan, Kiera at the bar, smiling at me as she grabbed me a drink…Rita undressing me with her eyes. Seeing all the things I was used to filled me with peace. There was really only one thing that was slightly different here…and it made a weird sort of sadness wash through me. The instruments resting on the stage. I was so used to seeing our shit there, but the bright Poetic Bliss logo on the drum set, and the electric blue, neon pink, and deep purple guitars loudly proclaimed the stage as being someone else’s. I once thought we’d come back here after the tour ended, reclaim our weekly gig, but now…I wasn’t so sure. Like it or not, things were different.
But not completely different.
Kiera stopped at the table, Kate in tow. Kate was blatantly staring at Justin. She only flicked a cursory glance at me when I said hello. Kiera handed me a bottle of beer with a wink. I grinned at her as Kate nervously held a tray holding a pitcher of beer and glasses for all the guys. Justin looked up at Kiera, gave her a smile, then slid his eyes to Kate; they stayed on Kate. Interesting.
Kiera lifted a hand toward her friend and coworker. “Hey, Justin. This is Kate. She’s helping me tonight.” I raised my eyebrows as I watched Kiera interact with Justin. She talked to him smoothly, easily, just as she would with me or the other D-Bags. It was nice to see her more comfortable in her own skin. Because it was truly remarkable skin, and she should be comfortable in it.
Kate awkwardly put down the tray and lifted her hand in a small wave. “Hi…I just…love your music.”
Her cheeks flushed with color, and I shook my head in amusement. Justin went on to thank her, but I tuned them out as Kiera sat down on my lap. Ah…heaven. Wrapping my arms around her, I smiled and said, “Thanks for the beer.”
She gave me a soft kiss. “Just doing my job.”
Grabbing her hips, I pulled her into me, rubbing her against me. “This is your job?” I suggestively asked.
She laughed, then tucked a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear. Leaning forward, she quietly said, “Only when you’re the customer.”
I chuckled at her answer then kissed her neck. “Well, I like it, so I’ll just have to make sure I’m your only customer from now on.”
The look on her face when she pulled back was adoring. “You are…my only.”
Damn. My heart swelled, squeezed, and did this weird fluttery thing. Soft smile on my face, I looked down as I let the content feeling overwhelm me. Kiera kissed my cheek, then stood up to take care of the other customers that she actually did have, but her words stuck with me. My only.
As much fun as it was to hang out with Justin and the guys, I was ready to go home with Kiera…to our home. Just the thought made me grin. But she couldn’t leave yet, so I made the most of my time—laughing, drinking, and eventually, dancing. Since Kiera was the only one I wanted to dance with, I twirled her around the edge of the crowd whenever she had a break between customers.
I was just pulling her tight to me when Griffin suddenly approached us. Looking forlorn, he tapped Kiera’s shoulder. Her expression when she looked over at him was priceless; it was almost like she thought he was going to ask for a turn. I didn’t think that was it though.
“Hey, where’s your sister?” he asked.
Kiera bit her lip while I tried really hard not to frown. Anna wasn’t here, and I hadn’t asked Kiera, but I had the feeling Anna wasn’t coming. She was still avoiding Griffin, still avoiding the hard conversation she obviously didn’t want to have with him. I could understand wanting to hide, but I also knew from experience that she couldn’t hide forever—the truth was going to come out.
I watched Kiera closely, wondering what she was going to tell him…and not tell him. Kiera saw my expression, saw me raise an eyebrow in question. She looked torn, but eventually she shrugged and said, “Sorry, she had to go back east for a few days to see our parents.”
Griffin frowned, looking truly disappointed. “Really? Now?” He shook his head, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for him; it was odd to feel that way. “I told her we were coming up this weekend. She couldn’t wait?”
Kiera sighed, and I could see how much she hated this. Even though Griffin wasn’t her favorite person, she still wanted him to know. I did too. Jackass or not, he deserved the truth. “Sorry, family thing.”
Griffin rolled his eyes, annoyed, and Kiera frowned. “Well, I’m sure you could find someone else to…hang out with this weekend.”
I pursed my lips as I watched Kiera. Anna and Griffin’s relationship was an odd one to her. I think Kiera wanted Griffin to love Anna like the rest of us loved our girlfriends—heart and soul, wholly and completely…faithfully. But that wasn’t what they had, and I wasn’t sure if they ever would have a relationship like that. It just didn’t seem to interest them. Either one of them. Although, I had seen…something from Griffin on occasion, so I wasn’t entirely throwing in the towel yet.
Griffin still had that disappointed, disgruntled look on his face. He shrugged. “Yeah, sure…but Anna’s the best, though. She knows just what I like.” His eyes scanned the bar, his frown deepening. “These girls, they’re all too…giddy. It can be annoying…sometimes.”
My jaw almost dropped. Giddy was Griffin’s favorite type of girl. Or at least, it had been. I had to wonder if Kiera had caught the significance of what he’d just said. But then Kiera said something that blew my fucking mind. “You could hang out with Kellan and me?”
My eyes instantly snapped to hers. Why the fuck would you ask him to hang out with us? I just spent six fucking months with him. I need a break. Kiera looked chagrined as she bit her lip, and I instantly realized she hadn’t meant to say that. Every so often, things just came out of her mouth with no thought behind them. It was something we had in common since my tongue loosened on me sometimes too. Usually just when I was pissed though. Kiera could do it on a whim.
I was still giving Kiera a questioning, admonishing look when I heard Griffin say, “Nah, no thanks.” Then he suddenly smacked me on the chest. “I’d rather be alone than hang out with this jackoff.”
Genuinely confused, I looked over at Griffin. “What did I do to you?” He was the one who was constantly being irritating. I think he’d been smacked by everyone on the tour at one point or another. And as for picking on him…well, that was typically Matt, not me. I was an innocent bystander. Usually.
Griffin narrowed his eyes at me, clearly disagreeing with my assessment of our relationship. “Jersey…those two hot girls?”
Oh my God…I knew exactly what he was talking about now. Jesus, Griffin…He still had no clue. And he still hadn’t forgotten about it. That was so fucking long ago. I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. “Uh, Griff…I was doing you a favor.” You just don’t realize it.
“Save it, man.” He poked me in the chest. “You were just jealous ‘cause you were doing the monogamous thing. Whatever. You didn’t need to cock block me! And right when things were getting interesting!”
I could barely contain my laughter now; a small chuckle escaped me. “Griffin…”
Griffin shook his head and walked away. At least he wasn’t truly furious anymore, but still…God…dumbass. Letting the laughter bubble out of me, I finally told him what he should have realized all along. “I tried to tell you…those weren’t girls, dude.”
He raised his middle finger into the air, not looking at me. Oh God…he didn’t believe me. I had a feeling he never would. I laughed harder, then looked down at Kiera; she was smiling and laughing too. “Maybe I should have just let him figure it out for himself?” I told her. Next time, I will.
Kiera laughed with me for a moment. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and she wrapped hers around my neck. “Monogamous thing?” she said, tilting her head.
Grinning, I rested my head against hers. “Yeah, see, I told you I was being good.”
She giggled, then gave me a soft kiss. “I know you were.” Looking amused and astonished, she shook her head. “Who knew I’d ever find a conversation with Griffin comforting?”
“Life’s little mysteries,” I told her.
Kiera threaded her fingers through my hair, gazing at me with love in her eyes while I gazed at her. Then her expression changed, and she suddenly looked a little…nervous. I bunched my brows in confusion as I studied her odd reaction. After clearing her throat, she glanced around the bar and said, “Um, Kellan, since we’re doing the honesty-at-all-costs policy, I have something to confess.”
I wasn’t sure why she looked so worried, but she was giving me an opportunity to tease her, and I was going to take it. “Rob a bank while I was gone?”
She smirked, then shook her head. “No.”
A better idea popped into my head, and I leaned in, eyebrow raised. “A sex shop?”
Her cheeks flushed with color as she looked away and murmured, “No, I didn’t rob anyone.” She laughed as she looked back at me. I was still grinning, because I was still imagining her wading through a sea of erotic toys. She knew it too. Her cheeks were bright red now as she smacked my chest. “Stop picturing me…where you’re picturing me.”
I laughed, then kissed her cheek. So adorable. “Okay, what is it?”
The expression on her face changed again, turned far more serious than it should have. She bit her lip, nervous again. “Okay, it’s going to make you mad, but hear me out before you start yelling.”
I was confused for half a second. Why would I yell at you? I was certain she hadn’t cheated on me, and she wouldn’t cheat on me, so I honestly couldn’t think of anything that would make me yell at her anymore. And then I was struck cold with icy realization. Shit. No, there actually was one thing that she might do that would definitely make me mad. She wouldn’t. It had to be something else. “What did you do?” I tentatively asked.
She swallowed, then started tracing my tattoo. Normally, I loved that, but right now, it kind of felt like a warning: Remember you love me. “I invited your dad and his family to my graduation party at Pete’s.”
God-fucking-damn it. I knew it. Anger flooded me, along with a good dose of fear and a slice of betrayal. She had no right to do that. Before I could stop myself, I shoved her away from me. “You what? Kiera, I told you I didn’t want any contact with him. Why would you do that?” It was the entire reason I hadn’t told her from the beginning. Although, my original worry had been about her bugging me to contact him. Her contacting him directly had never even occurred to me.
Kiera sighed as she stepped up to me. “Because you need them, Kellan.”
Bullshit. I didn’t need anything from them. Or at least, anything from him. Shaking my head, I started to tell her that, but she cut me off. “No, you don’t believe that you do…but you do, Kellan.” She rested her hand on my chest; it calmed me a little. So did her words. “I’ve heard you talk about your sister. You care about her. And your brother? You’ve never even met him…Don’t you want to?”
Yes. That was truly my only regret about the situation. I’d have to wait so long to meet Riley. Or, I would have, if Kiera hadn’t done this. I gave her a slight nod, conceding her point. She smiled at me, then said, “And your dad…how do you know what you’ll feel toward him, if you never give him a chance?” She brought her other hand to my cheek, stroked my skin with her thumb. “You could be missing out on something really good…because you’re scared.”
Or avoiding something really bad… I didn’t need more pain in my life. I just needed her. I looked down. “Kiera…” Don’t make me do this.
She lifted my head, returning my gaze to hers. “I saw you on Christmas morning, Kellan. You wanted that bond, that family bond…and you can have it. You just have to be brave.” Her smile grew wider as she studied me. “You are a smart, handsome, rock star with a girlfriend who adores you. You have nothing to fear…ever.”
She was repeating my sentiment of encouragement back to me, and I couldn’t help but grin at her. Maybe she was right. Maybe I’d been holding so tightly to my rage out of fear. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have a…to have a family of my own. One that wanted me. I wasn’t sure if Gavin wanted me, I wasn’t entirely sure why he’d disappeared, but Hailey and Riley…I could have them in my life, and that, I did want.
Letting go of my annoyance at her, I shook my head. “When did you get so wise?” I asked.
With an adorable smirk on her face, she shrugged. “I am a college graduate, you know.”
I gave her look right back to her. “Not yet.”
Laughing, she slung her arms around me again. “Close enough.”
Curious, I asked her how she got Gavin’s number. She gave me a blank look, like she was stunned I’d ask her that. “Are you kidding, that number’s been burned into my brain since December.”
Cringing, I stared at the floor. Right. When I’d flat-out lied to her. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
She gave me a soft, forgiving kiss. “It’s okay…I get it now.” I was so grateful that she did.
Kiera eventually had to get back to work. She pulled me up to the bar with her though, like she was reluctant to be too far away from me. I loved that she felt that way; I didn’t want to be far from her either. Once we got to the bar, Kiera frowned and glanced back at the dancefloor. Rita had abandoned her post ages ago and was currently dirty dancing with Justin. Or trying to. Justin kept pushing her away, but she just kept right on returning to him. I felt bad for the guy; I knew from experience just how persistent Rita could be. I wasn’t about to rescue him though. I’d just end up taking his place.
Kiera looked back at me with a smirk on her lips. “Want to fill in for Rita?”
She didn’t have to ask me twice. I’d been wanting to sling drinks back here for a while, but with Rita always there, it hadn’t really been an option…until now. Before Kiera could tell me she was just joking, I hopped onto the bar and swung my legs around to the other side. Once there, I tied an apron around my waist and started thinking through all the drinks I knew; my knowledge base wasn’t all that large, since I typically just ordered beer. Whatever. I’d just make shit up if I didn’t know it. Looking at the eager crowd of women waiting for me, I had a feeling they wouldn’t mind.
Kiera gave me an adoring smile as she returned to her duties. I grinned as I started in on mine. “Ladies, what can I get for you?”
They started giving me every dirty drink name in the book: Sex on the Beach, Slippery Nipple, Screaming Orgasm, Fuck Me Hard. I laughed as I shook my head, then started making…something for them.
I was thoroughly enjoying myself when I noticed someone stepping into the bar. Denny. Seeing him made my stomach drop a little. God, I’d been such a dick to him. Again. True, I’d already apologized to him, but it was still bugging me. Seeing him in person made me want to apologize again. Before the night was through, I had to talk to him.
Surprisingly, Denny didn’t walk into the bar alone. A cute blonde was holding his hand. Knowing what I knew about him, I had to assume that she was his girlfriend, Abby. I seemed to recall Kiera saying something about her being stuck in Australia. Guess she finally made it over here. Good. Denny deserved to be with the woman he loved. And honestly, that made me feel even better about him being here in Seattle. I finally trusted Kiera and Denny, but that didn’t mean I suddenly liked it now. It just…was what it was.
Kiera had spotted Denny too, and she motioned for him to sit in her section. I watched his progress, wondering how long I should wait to talk to him. Maybe he should have a drink first. Maybe I should have another drink first. From the corner of my eye, I saw Kiera approaching the bar. I pulled my eyes from Denny to look over at her. Adorable smile on her face, she leaned over the bar to me. Grinning crookedly, I leaned toward her. Her eyes began scanning my body, and I smiled, waiting for her to reach my face again. I’d really missed her drinking me in.
When our eyes met, I nodded over her shoulder at Denny. “I should go say hi. The last time we saw each other I wasn’t exactly…nice.”
Kiera’s face matched mine for a moment as we both remembered me yelling at him. At least I hadn’t punched him. Kiera looked back at Denny. “Yeah, I should talk to him too. I haven’t had a chance to meet Abby yet.”
Like he knew we were talking about him, Denny glanced up at us and frowned. He partially stood, like he wanted to talk to us too. I was just about to head over there when someone pinched my ass. Startled, I stepped away from my attacker—Rita. She instantly moved forward and wrapped her arms around my waist. “I knew I’d get you back behind this bar again, sweetheart,” she cooed.
Annoyance ran up my spine. I should have been watching her more carefully while I worked. Rita was never one to be subtle about her interest in me. I shouldn’t have ever had sex with her. Willing or not, she was married, and I should have respected that. Hell, I should have respected myself.
I tried to disengage from her, but every time I moved one hand away, she’d just move it back when I grabbed her other one. Kiera was giggling as she watched my futile attempt at freedom. It filled me with relief that she wasn’t upset, but I frowned at her on principle. It’s not funny. Rita laid her head on my chest, perfectly at home curled up to my body, and I let out a long sigh. Damn it. Now what do I do?
