Painful, page 53
I had to close my eyes as a rush of desire—and love—went through me. “God, you’re making me wish we were back in my bed when you say stuff like that.” Kiera let out an adorable giggle, and I softly laughed. “I feel the same way, Kiera. No one comes close to you in my eyes…no one.”
“I love you. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
I smiled, excited and impatient to see her again. “Okay, I love you too.”
Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I took a minute to cherish the happiness inside me, to wrap myself around the multiple wonderful futures that were now possible for Kiera and me. Living with her again, marrying her, having children with her…I felt like I could do anything with her firmly beside me, and when I heard my phone chirp with another message—a message that I just knew was from Gavin—it barely even fazed me. With Kiera in on the secret, supporting me through the pain, ignoring him was so much easier. I should have told her from the beginning.
Knowing that dwelling on regret would get me nowhere, I started heading for the taxi line so I could get back to the guys…where another man with unknown regrets was waiting in oblivious bliss. What the fuck was I going to do about Griffin? What was I going to say around him? Not mentioning this was going to be harder than I thought, because I really wanted to fucking yell at him. And then have Matt yell at him. But I couldn’t. This was between him and Anna, and I had to stay out of their way. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t occasionally smack Griffin upside the head for no apparent reason.
I texted Matt that I was here, then asked him to remind me of the name of the hotel so I could give it to the taxi driver. Matt’s response was instant. As I held my phone, I debated calling Denny. I probably owed him an apology. Or did I? It wasn’t like he’d felt the need to tell me he was in town. Was that because Kiera had asked him not to tell me? Or because he hadn’t wanted me to know? Or maybe it was just because we really hadn’t talked all that much since I’d left. With the tour, and Gavin, and the record deal, and the oddness with Kiera…I just hadn’t had time for Denny. I felt kind of bad about that.
Shaking my head, I typed him a brief message. ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you.’
His response was surprisingly quick. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was here. I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you.’
I bit my lip, wondering if that was true. But it was Denny…it had to be true. ‘Kiera asked you not to tell me, didn’t she?’
His response was simple. ‘Yes.’ Then he added, ‘She was worried you’d leave the tour.’
I frowned as I debated that. Would I have left? If she’d told me in the beginning? Fuck…maybe. Shaking my head, I told him, ‘She might have been right.’
Denny didn’t respond for a while. I was starting to put my phone back in my pocket when he finally did. ‘You don’t have to worry about me. I don’t want her.’
His brutal honesty was surprisingly refreshing. ‘I know. I’m glad you’re happy.’
His response again took some time. ‘Thanks. But I think you missed the obvious follow-up to my statement.’
I tilted my head, confused. ‘And what’s that?’
‘She doesn’t want me either, mate. She loves you. I think she always has.’
I had to close my eyes at that. Jesus Christ. This was why I would never measure up to Denny. He was just…a thousand times a better person than I would ever be. I didn’t even know what to say to that. Denny seemed to sense that I was speechless. His next text effectively ended the conversation. ‘I hope the rest of your tour is good. See ya around, mate.’
‘Thanks. See ya.’
Shoving the phone into my pocket, I shook my head in disbelief. Why the fuck was he so good to me? I stewed on that the entire car ride to the hotel, and when I got there, I still had no idea. Denny was just…a remarkable person.
My friends were hanging out in the hotel bar when I walked inside; I could hear them from the lobby. Justin and the rest of Avoiding Redemption were with them. Evan noticed me first and raised a hand in greeting. I nodded at him as I approached their boisterous section. Everyone turned to look at me then, saying hello in one way or another. Except for Griffin. He had his head on the table, and he looked a little green. He was staring up at me, but he wasn’t saying anything, and he wasn’t moving; if it weren’t for the occasional eye movement as he scanned me, I might have thought he was dead. I could only assume he went out last night and had thoroughly overdone it.
Because I was in a really good mood, because I couldn’t resist fucking with him, and because Griffin deserved a few consequences, I smacked the table in front of him, hard. “How’s it going, Griffin?” I said, loudly, brightly.
He cringed and groaned. “Fuck…off,” he murmured. The guys around me snickered as Griffin weakly lifted his head. “I hate New Orleans,” he pouted.
Matt clapped his back. “That’s not what you said last night. I’m pretty sure you said you were moving here.”
Evan nodded. “Yep. You said you were grabbing Anna, and the two of you were gonna live together here, right above a bar.” I raised an eyebrow at hearing that, and Evan gave me a small nod that clearly said: I know, right?
Griffin snorted, then grimaced. “There’s no fucking way I would say that. I’m not living anywhere with a chick.”
I opened my mouth, desperate to tell him what I knew, then I silently pressed my lips together. It wasn’t for me to say. And it might not change anything anyway. Matt grinned at him. “It’s not that you won’t live with a chick, Griffin, it’s that a chick won’t live with you. And as your roommate, I totally understand why.”
Griffin slowly twisted to face him. “Matty, you keep acting like you hate living with me, but then you never move out. So, I think I’m not as bad as you say I am.”
Matt rolled his eyes. “I just can’t afford to live without you. It’s not a choice, I’m stuck with you…there’s a difference.”
“Maybe you’re the one who should move in with a chick then,” Griffin murmured, annoyed.
Seeing an opportunity, I shrugged and said, “He might be on to something, Matt. Kiera just decided to move in with me. You could live with Anna?”
Evan smiled at me, happy for my news. Matt smirked. Seeing the breadcrumbs I’d laid out for him, he looked over at Griffin and suggestively raised his eyebrows. “Great idea, Kellan. I’ll live with Anna.”
Even though he looked like he was going to puke, Griffin’s cheeks flooded with color. “You fucking touch her, and I will fucking kill you.”
Whoa. That sounded like a genuine threat, not just his typical competitive jealousy. Griffin had an odd look on his face, like he wasn’t sure why he’d said that, or more accurately, why he’d meant it. Matt glanced up at me with a knowing smile, then he tilted his head at Griffin. “Why? You got a problem with Anna and me being together?”
Griffin’s jaw dropped. “Well, yeah,” he said with a shrug.
Matt lifted an eyebrow. “Why? You’re not exclusive. What’s it matter?”
We all leaned forward a little, waiting for him to say it—for him to finally admit that he actually had feelings for her, something beyond lust. But Griffin seemed perplexed by Matt’s question. He also seemed sickened, and I didn’t think it was the hangover making him look that way anymore. “Dude…” He seemed lost for a valid reason, until one suddenly struck him, and he smiled. “Because you’d be cheating on Rachel. And me and Rach are tight. You fuck her over, I’ll fuck you up.”
He smirked, like he was sure that completely ended the argument. I rolled my eyes. Really? He was going to make this about Rachel? As Griffin had told us before, back when he’d complained about us not being “true” rock stars who banged groupies left and right, he didn’t care if we cheated on our girlfriends. He thought monogamy was lame.
Matt stared at him a moment, stunned by his choice of a rebuttal, then he started laughing. “You and Rachel are…tight? Since when?”
Griffin frowned. “Since always. She’s practically family, right? I mean, since you’re my family, and you fuck Rachel, then she’s like my…fuck-family.” He nodded after he said it. “And that’s a sacred bond. You don’t mess with fuck-family…which means you can’t mess with Anna.” He grinned, looking very pleased with himself.
The guys listening all started laughing. God…fucking Griffin. Matt was just staring at Griffin and slowly shaking his head. Looking up at me, he mouthed, Fuck-family? I laughed at the look on his face, and I laughed at Griffin’s absolute refusal to admit he cared about Anna. God, what was he going to do when she told him she was pregnant? That thought sobered me a little. If she wanted to keep it, raise the baby with him, and he pushed her away…I really wasn’t sure how I’d handle that.
But that was a problem for a later day. Right now, we had work to do.
Matt was still laughing at Griffin’s twisted but almost sensical logic. I clapped his shoulder. “You ready to finish this, Matt?”
He looked up at me, and I could tell he knew exactly what I meant. “Absolutely,” he said, a bright smile on his face.
I nodded at him, then Evan, then Griffin. “All right…let’s get to work.”
Chapter 33
HOME AGAIN
It took two more weeks, but we finally had all the songs picked and approved. Everyone was so relieved to be done with that part of it; I swear, doing all that was going to be harder than actually making the album. Lana was thrilled with our selections. I was thrilled with the fact that the label was letting us go home right after the tour, and we wouldn’t be starting on the album until a few days after Kiera’s birthday. I was damn-near giddy to be able to spend it with her.
Surprising the hell out of me, all of Avoiding Redemption decided to join us in Seattle when we went home. They said they wanted to see Pete’s.
“It’s just a bar, man. I really don’t get why you’d want to go all the way up there just to see it.”
Justin glanced at his band where we were gathered backstage. Smiling, he shook his shaggy head. “It’s not just a bar, it’s where the D-Bags got their start. And that means it’s gonna be important one day. I want to see it before it gets all…touristy.”
I just pursed my lips and stared at him. Seriously, why was everyone I met so insistent that the D-Bags were gonna be bigger than the Beatles or something? That wasn’t how life worked. Not for me. If we were lucky, we’d get one song on the radio. Hopefully it wouldn’t be so overplayed that people started hating us. I’d like to be able to do this for a little bit longer.
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head at him. Justin laughed at the look on my face, but from his expression, it was clear he thought he was right, and I was being the ridiculous one. For a rock star, he sure was delusional.
When I called Kiera later and told her Justin’s plan to come up and spend some time with us, she was just as mystified as me. But whatever, Justin could do what he wanted, and showing him and the guys Pete’s actually sounded like a lot of fun. I was ready for the tour to be over with.
The last show, however, was surprisingly emotional for me. We were in Miami, and as I stared out over the screaming crowd, I felt my throat getting tight. This tour had been emotionally and physically exhausting, but in a weird way, I was going to miss it.
“Hey, Miami! How’s it going?” I paused to let the screaming die down. Smiling, I met eyes with some of the fans in front. A couple of girls started fanning themselves, making me laugh a little. “Since this is our last stop, I just wanted to say…this has been the greatest experience of our lives.” I indicated the guys behind me. Glancing back, I saw them smiling and nodding. Even Matt was grinning as he scanned the massive crowd. He looked so much calmer now than he had in the beginning; it was great to see.
Turning back to the fans, I said, “I want to thank you all for being a part of it, for supporting all these great bands tonight. On behalf of everyone, we all really appreciate it.” With a laugh, I pointed at the audience and added, “And I fully expect to see all of you at our next show.” Whenever the hell that might be.
The crowd started screaming again, like every single one of them was on board for that idea. My grin was huge as I motioned for Evan to start the song. Who knows, maybe some of the people here might actually take me up on that and start following us around. That would be a win-win. There was something really satisfying about how symbiotic the relationship was between the fans and the bands. It appealed to every part of me.
We nailed the show, and I left the stage on an exquisite high. Not even the fact that the tour was over could get me down. After the concert was completely finished, we all helped tear down the show, then congregated outside by the buses. It was weird to not have another concert to travel to, and for a moment, I felt a little lost as I looked over the group of guys I’d bonded with over the last several months.
My friends and I started saying goodbye. I was a little choked up as I said farewell to all the guys I’d gotten to know during the super-long tour: Kurt, Benji, my bunkmate Mark, and so many others. Most of us had exchanged phone numbers during the tour, so I knew I’d talk to them again, but still…it was oddly difficult to say goodbye. We’d gone through a lot together, ups and downs.
Then I spotted the one person I was genuinely happy to leave behind: Paul. He’d been shockingly absent in my life after I’d threatened him, but he still sneered at me when he caught me looking his way. Shaking my head, I turned away from him; I really hoped I never became that jaded.
After our long goodbyes, the guys started piling back on the buses. All except us and the members of Avoiding Redemption. We were staying in Miami, for the night at least. Matt had our group booked on a flight home tomorrow. Justin said one of his guys had booked a similar flight. The buses were headed back to Seattle, back to where they’d begun the journey, to drop off the rock stars and all their equipment. We could have stayed on them, of course, but the trek home would take forever that way, and we just didn’t have that kind of time.
We were due in L.A. on Monday, where all our stuff would be waiting for us. Lana had retrieved our equipment right after our set, and all of our personal belongings—even Matt’s security bucket had been packed up to come with us. Matt had been a little leery about letting our things be taken unsupervised by someone in the band. So as a show of good faith, I’d let them take my prized guitar too. Seeing that I was okay with it had made Matt more okay with it too. And now I seriously hoped everything made it there unscathed; the only thing I’d kept with me, the only thing I hadn’t risked losing, was the Hot Wheels car Kiera had given me for Christmas. It was safely tucked in my pocket.
But I was sure everything would be fine—Lana knew what she was doing. And she assured us that she would be closely monitoring our equipment’s progress as it sped its way to Los Angeles, to a massive house the label had available for visiting artists. From what she’d told us, the house was extremely nice. Griffin couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait to walk into Pete’s again. And see my girl again.
It felt like it took forever to get back to Seattle, and it was early evening by the time we landed. There was a restless air of excitement in the cab as we made our way to Pete’s. Kiera and Jenny were already there, working. Rachel was joining us there when she got off work. Anna…I really had no idea if she’d be there or not, if tonight was the night she’d finally tell Griffin he was a father. I kept glancing at him in the cab. Was this when his life completely changed? I supposed it already had changed, he just wasn’t aware of it yet.
He was the first one out of the cab when we got to the bar. I paid the driver while Matt followed Griffin. Evan was waiting for me, and I couldn’t stop grinning when I turned around to face the front of the bar. Smiling himself, Evan looked over at me. “Damn, I’ve really missed this place,” he said.
I nodded as we started walking toward the doors. “Yeah, me too. As fun as the tour was, I think this might be my favorite part.”
Evan tilted his head at me, lifting his newly pierced eyebrow. “Better than that one time Griffin got trapped in the hotel elevator, but we got the door open just far enough that we were able to spritz him with some random kid’s juice box?”
Evan caught the closing bar door and we walked through, laughing as we remembered that day. Griffin had been so pissed, especially when Matt had run to the hotel café and purchased a bunch more of the juice boxes. Ah…good times.
I let the past slide off me as the present assaulted me. Everyone in the bar was cheering, clapping, whistling…it was so weird. I acknowledged the affection with a small nod and a lift of my hand. My gaze swept the room before settling on Kiera, standing at the far end of the bar with Kate; Jenny was already leaping into Evan’s arms. Bright grin on my face, I started striding over to my girl. She met me halfway, and then I was grabbing her face, pulling her mouth to mine.
I reveled in the kiss, feeling her, tasting her. Kiera didn’t usually let me get so passionate in such a public place, but when she ran her hands up to tangle her fingers in my hair, I figured she wasn’t really worried about it right now. I let myself get lost in the moment as our mouths moved together, but eventually, I wanted so much more, and my fingers slid down her body to squeeze her ass.
That was when she pulled away from me. Breathing heavier, she gave me a reproachful look. I shrugged at her in apology. Give me an inch, Kiera, and I’ll take it. Every time. Forgiving my wandering hands, she laughed and gave me a soft, innocent kiss.
“You’re here,” she sighed.
“There was nowhere else I wanted to be,” I told her.
She shook her head and smiled. As we broke apart, I was swarmed by friends from the bar wanting to congratulate me. People wanted to know how it was on the road, wanted to hear funny stories. I told them the few I could think of off the top of my head, and they laughed, making me laugh, and it suddenly felt like I’d never been gone. Until Sam tried to kill me.
