Painful, page 30
I had to close my eyes as those words settled into my heart. She’d missed me, she’d thought of me. Thank God she was still thinking about me. Remembering just how often she was on my mind made a small laugh escape me. “I missed you too. Anything noteworthy today?”
She laughed, and I knew she understood my not-so-subtle hint. “Ah, yeah, actually. The cleaning staff at school has been slacking off lately. I found at least a hundred slips of paper that the janitors missed.”
My grin was huge again as I pictured her retrieving all the crap I’d stuffed in those seats. About time she’d noticed them. I was honestly surprised any of them were still there. That had been one of my more ambitious projects. And a hundred…that sounded about right. She’d gotten most of them then. Good. But still, I had to tease her. “Hmmm…just a hundred? Guess some got nabbed by your classmates.” With a laugh, I added, “I hope they got the kinky ones.” Let her mind spin on that. The imagined blush on her cheeks made my chest tighten with longing. God, I missed her.
Her thoughts in line with mine, she said, “I’m packing right now…I can’t wait to see you next week. Is there anything you need from your place? I could grab it.”
A thought instantly leapt into my head, and I knew there was just no way I couldn’t say it…it would be too much fun. “I can’t wait to see you either,” I told her, glancing at my friends. Matt and Evan were busy texting, Griffin was showing Justin a video on his phone. Nobody was really paying me any attention. Grinning, I lowered my voice and said, “In fact, I bought this lingerie for you before I left. I tucked it away for when I got back…You could bring that.”
Her reaction was exactly what I’d been hoping for. “Uh, I don’t…um…”
The slightly intrigued, slightly embarrassed image of her in my head was too adorable, and I couldn’t help but softly chuckle at her. “I’m kidding, Kiera. You don’t have to dress sexy for me…you already are.” You’re perfect, just the way you are. I don’t need more; I’ll never need more.
She sighed at me, but the sound was sullen…sad. Crap. Had I hurt her feelings somehow? Made her think I was anything other than completely satisfied with her? That hadn’t been my intention. At all. I wanted her to feel confident around me…I just also really liked teasing her. But surely, she had to know by now just what her body did to me. And if she ever did wear lingerie for me, Jesus…I honestly wasn’t sure if I could handle that. Stimulus overload. But maybe…maybe that sigh meant something else entirely. Had something happened? Fuck. Was she about to rip out my heart?
“You okay?” I murmured, my stomach unintentionally clenching. Are we okay? Please say we’re okay.
Her answer was immediate, an unthinking response, and it wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. “Rain says thank you…again.”
Rain? Poetic Bliss Rain? Why would she be sad about Rain? Why would she even be thinking about Rain right now? “Oh. Well, tell her it was no big deal. Her band is great; they deserved the opportunity.” What’s really eating at you?
The sullenness returned as she muttered, “Yeah, and she’s not one to pass up an opportunity.”
The trace of sarcasm, the slight edge of bitterness and annoyance…it all clicked into place, and I suddenly understood just what was bothering her. Goddamn it. She knows about Rain and me. Well, of course she knows. Kiera finding out about all my dirty little escapades seemed to be the story of my life. How was she still with me?
Knowing we should probably talk about it, I made myself say, “She told you, didn’t she?”
Her breath escaped her in an angry burst, and when she spoke, the edge to her voice was harder than before. “No, I overheard her and Rita comparing notes.”
Well, fuck my life. Why did my past seem to run into Kiera so often? Why did girls want to talk about sleeping with me so goddamn much? And why was Kiera always in the wrong place at the wrong time so that she had to hear every fucking detail? If it were me, hearing about her, I’d go insane. Damn it. Fate was either trying to make sure she knew exactly what she was getting herself into…or fate was blatantly trying to ruin us. Either way, I just wanted fate to leave us the fuck alone.
“Oh…did you know about Rita already?” How long had she been sitting on that secret? How was she okay with that secret? Why did she ever touch me in the first place…?
“Yes.”
Her answer was curt, like she couldn’t say anymore. And she didn’t have to. She knew so much. She knew too much. How could I fix this? Especially from here. A surge of agony washed through me as I struggled for something to say, anything that would make this better for her. Easier. There really wasn’t anything for me to say, except an acknowledgement of the truth. She knew why I had so many…dalliances. Hopefully that would keep her near me, instead of finally pushing her away. But how long would she keep accepting me? Hopefully, for the rest of my life.
“I’m sorry, Kiera. I never wanted you to have to hear about…them. If I could stop the gossiping, you know I would.” I’d give anything to erase myself from everyone’s memory but hers. Anything.
There was guilt in her voice when she responded to me, like she hadn’t meant to bring any of that up. “You don’t have to apologize, Kellan. It’s…water under the bridge, really.”
Water under the bridge? I supposed it was, but still, if the bridge wasn’t stable enough, if there were cracks in the foundation, then that torrent of water beneath the bridge was no longer insignificant. It was inevitable doom where the past would reclaim us, drown us. Please let us be stable.
Before I could say anything to that, Kiera lightened her voice and tried to change the subject. “What about you, what have you been up to?”
Her simple question reopened a gaping wound, and I instantly filled with pain. And guilt. I should tell her about Hailey, about Gavin. I opened my mouth to do it, but I couldn’t make the sounds. She won’t understand. She’ll poke and prod and will never leave it alone. She’ll try and force something I don’t want. I can’t deal with this right now…
Suddenly weary, I told her a half-truth. “Just shows and traveling. I’m so sorry I haven’t had a chance to come home yet. With us on the road between shows, there just hasn’t been enough time to fly back to you.” And now that I was here, doing it, I could see that my original hope of seeing her on occasion wasn’t as practical as I’d originally thought. It killed me that she was just out of reach. Always just out of reach. Maybe that was the true story of my life.
“I know,” she sighed. “I miss you…so much.”
The wistfulness in her voice broke me, but at the same time, it warmed me. It also brought an ache to the surface. A needy, physical ache, but also a lonely, emotional ache, an ache that could never be satisfied, not without her in my arms. But I wanted her to know how much I still longed for her, how profoundly I missed her.
Knowing what I wanted to confess to her made a soft, throaty laugh escape me. I glanced at the guys again before I said it, but they still weren’t paying any attention to my conversation. “I miss you too,” I told her in a low, seductive voice. “I have the wildest dreams about you. You would not believe the hard-ons I wake up with.”
Picturing Kiera’s face right now, after hearing me say that, made me lightly laugh again. But what she said in response…blew me away. “Me too,” she whispered.
I couldn’t contain the amused chuckle at how she’d phrased it, but the image of what she was saying…Goddamn. Just the thought of her waking up wet, aching for me, was starting to make me hard. I had to adjust the way I was sitting. Don’t go there…think of something else.
Kiera fumbled for words. “I mean, I’m not hard, but…” She groaned, annoyed at herself. If she knew just how much she was turning me on right now, she wouldn’t be nearly so embarrassed.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said with a smile. Not wanting her to dwell on being embarrassed, I told her a straight-up fact. “I wish I was there, to touch you when you woke up that way. I wish I could feel how much you miss me.”
Her response again surprised me. “I wish you were too…” she said, her voice full of longing.
Damn. She was killing me. Letting my exhale come out husky, needy, I told her, “God, your voice…I’m hard right now, Kiera. I wish you could touch me.”
“I want to…” she murmured.
I could hear the desire in her voice, the wistful wish to be satisfied. If she were open to the idea, I could satisfy that ache for her. Would she be open to letting go for me? I surreptitiously looked at the guys, but they were all still preoccupied. There was no reason we both needed to go to bed unfulfilled. I could please her if she let me. And I really wanted her to let me. “Oh, Kiera…I want you so bad…What do you want me to do?” Let me know you want this.
“Touch it. Pretend it’s me.”
Well, damn. I really hadn’t expected her to say that, to go along with this. I glanced around the table again, but no one had noticed what I was saying. Wondering if Kiera would be able to hear it, I held the phone with my shoulder and unzipped my jacket. Hoping the guys ignored this too, I drew in a purposely noisy breath. “Oh, I’m so hard…it feels so good. What now?” I asked, genuinely curious what she would say.
“Stroke it.”
Fuck. Me. I needed to stop thinking about the words she was saying. I was not in the right place to experience this with her, but I could definitely give the experience to her. I’d just have to turn her on while turning myself off. This…was going to be tricky. Letting desire leech into my voice, I breathily told her, “Kiera…God…feels so good…I wish I was wet, though, like I am when I’m inside you.”
“Do you have anything that would…?”
Thrilled she was playing along, I made my voice sound strained. “Yeah…hold on.” I looked around the table for something, anything that would make the right noise. There was a squeeze bottle of ketchup by Griffin. Perfect. Griffin was still staring at his phone, oblivious to my conversation. I quietly snapped my fingers at him, waving until he looked at me. That got everyone’s attention, and now they were all looking at me. Fuck. Oh well. Kiera was into this, and there was no way I was stopping now.
Pointing at the bottle, I motioned for Griffin to pass it over. Confused look on his face, he tossed it across the table to me. God, Kiera would fucking kill me if she knew what I was doing. But if she was willing to do this with me, then I was going to give her the best orgasm I could, audience be damned, and a little realism would help set the stage for her.
I noisily squirted some ketchup into my palm, then squished it a couple times. It was pretty loud, so I was pretty sure she’d heard it. All the guys tilted their heads as they tried to figure out just what the fuck I was doing. They’d figure it out in a second.
Ignoring the eyes on me, I groaned into the phone, “Oh…God…yes, it’s warm…like you. You feel so good, wrapped around me…” Every single one of my friends raised their eyebrows, but none of them said a damn word.
As I wiped the ketchup off my hand with some nearby napkins, Kiera moaned in my ear, igniting me. “Do you want to touch me, Kellan?”
Jesus…did I. Fuck. Yes. But no, I couldn’t let myself get turned on. Too much. This was for her, not me. And I was determined to satisfy her. Whatever it takes. Closing my eyes, I crumpled some extra napkins in my hand and murmured, “Oh God, yes, please. I need to feel that warm, wet skin…I need to be inside you…” Please do it, Kiera. I want to give this to you. “Does it feel good?”
Her voice was a whisper. “Yes.”
I had to pause and press my lips together. Goddamn. Don’t picture her touching herself. Just…don’t. Banishing the erotic image, I made my breath quicken, made my voice sound achy, needy. “Oh God, I need it harder…faster…”
Her response was perfect. “Yes. Do it, do it faster…”
“Oh God, yes…don’t stop…that feels so good, please don’t stop…” She moaned in my ear, and I cringed as I tried very hard not to be aroused. Baseball, basketball…what fucking sport should I be thinking about? I let out a low, erotic noise for Kiera, made my breaths come in short pants like I was close. “I want to come…Kiera…come with me…” Please…let go for me.
“Okay,” she whispered. Then she said, “Harder, Kellan, I need more of you in me.”
Jesus. I cracked open my eyes to see if I still had an audience. Fuck. Yep, they were all still watching me. Evan shook his head at me, his lips curled in amusement. Matt looked…oddly curious as he studied me, like I was a song he was trying to memorize. Justin was biting his lip, trying not to laugh. And Griffin…he had his head cradled in his hands as he leaned on the table; the joy on his face definitely helped turn me off. I tossed the wad of napkins in my palm at him, but he just smiled wider at me.
Ignoring them all, I reclosed my eyes. They don’t matter right now; nothing matters but Kiera. I let out another steamy sound for her, groaning, “Yes…God, Kiera, you’re so sexy, you feel so good. I’m in you…right now…can you feel me? Can you feel how deep I am?”
She moaned louder than before, and I knew she was on the brink of…something. Don’t think about it, don’t think about what she’s doing. “God, Kellan, you’re perfect…so perfect.” No, you’re perfect. “Yes, yes, take me…” Anytime, anywhere, Kiera.
There was an odd noise at our table, someone softly talking, but I ignored it. Kiera was close; I needed to give this to her. Tilting my head back, I let my breathing sound like I was about to fall over the edge. “Oh my God, Kiera, I’m almost there…come with me…” Go over the edge for me.
“Yes, Kellan, do it…come for me…”
I felt someone poke my shoulder, and looking over, I saw Evan pointing up at an older woman standing beside him. Our waitress. She looked unfazed by my sexy talk, or by the fact that I was panting into my phone. Actually, she looked pretty amused by the whole thing. When she saw she had my attention, she whispered, “What do you want?” Pretty nice of her to be so considerate about what I was doing. I’d have to make sure we tipped her really well.
Hating to have to interrupt Kiera’s moment, I stopped intentionally breathing like a maniac, covered the bottom of the phone with my hand, and told the waitress, “I’ll have a Denver omelet…thank you.”
Kiera instantly yelled at me. “Kellan Kyle! Are you in a restaurant!”
Fuck. Guess I hadn’t muffled the phone well enough. Damn it. Hoping humor would diffuse the bomb, I said, “Well, I wouldn’t exactly call this a restaurant…greasy spoon, maybe.” The waitress lightly laughed as she left our table. Evan just kept shaking his head at me.
Kiera sounded mortified. “Please tell me you are not about to be arrested for indecent exposure.”
I had to laugh at that. “No, I’m not.”
“You faked all that? Why would you do that to me?” She sounded stunned, and I immediately felt guilty.
With a sigh, I said, “I never expected you to go along with it and when you did, well, I wasn’t about to stop you from having your moment.” Lowering my voice, I told her my simple truth. “Even if I can’t come right now…I want you to.”
She was quiet a moment, then she said, “I may have exaggerated my part in it…but I was thinking about it.”
I laughed at that. She couldn’t really be mad if we were both faking, right? “Well, we’ll call that a practice round then. Next time…I’ll be somewhere private, and you will actually touch yourself. Deal?”
As she murmured, “Yeah,” Justin leaned forward, a huge grin on his face. “Kellan, tell her hi for me.”
Frowning, I shook my head at him. No, I wasn’t going to let her know that he was right here listening, that they all were. She’d kill me. Unfortunately…Kiera must have heard him say that. “Oh my God, please tell me that you’re sitting alone.”
Well, shit. Will I get in more trouble if I tell her the truth? Or will she appreciate the honesty? “Um, well, no…the guys are here…and Justin. He says hey, by the way.” No point in not telling her hello now. Justin lowered his head to the table as he laughed.
Kiera screeched, “Oh my God!” And then the line went dead silent.
“Hello? Kiera? Are you still there?” Lowering the phone, I saw that the call was definitely over. Damn it. With a frown, I looked over at Evan. “She hung up on me.”
He started laughing so hard, his eyes watered. “You’re such a dick,” he said around chuckles.
I pursed my lips at him, then looked around the table; they were all dying of laughter. “I wasn’t trying to be a dick. I was trying to be nice.” That just made them laugh harder. Their laughter was getting to me, and I started chuckling too. “Guess I got carried away…” Maybe I should have gone somewhere else to do that. It just hadn’t occurred to me at the time. Oops.
Wiping his eyes, Griffin said in a half snicker, half singsong, “Kellan Kyle, you’re my hero.”
That curbed my amusement some. I definitely screwed up if Griffin approved. Letting out a long sigh, I shook my head and looked over at Evan. “Goddamn it. I have to call her back, right?”
Still laughing, Evan nodded, then he started pushing me out of my seat. “Beg for your life, dude…beg for your life.”
Well, fuck. Hopefully she wasn’t too mad…
Stepping outside, I tried to reconnect the call. I really hoped she picked up. I needed to know just how pissed she was. She answered right away, thankfully, but her tone was ice-cold. “What?” she clipped.
“I’m outside now. I’m sorry.” Don’t hate me.
I heard her inhale and exhale a calming breath. “You did all of that in front of your friends?” She sounded both mystified and irritated.
Cringing, I kept my answer short, simple, and honest. “Yeah…I’m sorry.”
“They all listened to you have phone sex with me?” By her voice, it was clear that she still couldn’t quite process that I’d done that. It probably wasn’t a good idea to mention that it wasn’t the first time the guys had overheard me doing something overly erotic like that. There might have been a party or two where a forward girl had dared me to fake an orgasm, and I might have gone through with it since, at the time, there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for a forward girl. And it might have led to…
