Painful, page 39
“Did you hear that crowd? I think that was the loudest one yet,” I told her, grinning.
She laughed, then nodded. “I agree.” Smiling, she shook her head at me. “Every time you guys play, you are spot on…just incredible. So much talent. I usually have a tip or two to give the other bands, some sort of critique, but never for you four. It’s like you’ve been doing this for twenty years.”
I laughed at her comment, then leaned forward so she would hear me over the noise. “They were really good out there, weren’t they?”
She got an insightful look on her face. “You’re the only prospective band whose sound hasn’t changed since my arrival. They have no idea I’m scouting them, do they?”
Biting my lip, I looked around, but the guys had already fled. “No. I didn’t tell them who you were.” I shrugged. “And I’ve been making sure they don’t find out.”
Her grin grew. “Smart. That’s one of the reasons I only talk to the lead singer of the band. I want to see what he or she will do with the information. It’s a skill that can’t really be taught. Being the leader, you have to know your band. Know what to give them and know what to keep from them. It can be a very fine line. You’re so young, and yet…you already knew exactly what to do to protect them, and you’re strong enough to hide things from them, help them shine. You never cease to amaze me.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “Does that mean…?”
Her smile never changed. “It’s not entirely up to me. But you definitely have my vote. You belong with Vivasec. I need to run this up the flagpole. I’ll let you know what they decide. Excellent work, Kellan. You should be very proud.”
She walked away and I just stood there, staring at the spot she’d been. She said yes…Holy fuck, she said yes… I felt like I should tell someone. Hell, I felt like I should scream it at the top of my lungs, but…it wasn’t a for-sure thing yet. It could still go south, could still fall apart. I didn’t want to give the guys false hope. I had to keep it inside a little longer, just in case someone higher up said no. And so, the secrets had to continue. Damn it.
Chapter 24
AM I DREAMING?
I was a ball of anxious energy waiting to hear the final word from Lana. I just wanted to either tell the guys some good news or let this whole fucking thing go so I could move on with my life. But the longer it took for Lana to get back to me, the more I started feeling something else…something darker. Rejection. Failure. It was taking so long…clearly, they were going to say no. I’d done everything I could, but it still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t enough. It was such a familiar feeling, and it wrapped around me so easily, it was hard to shake. I’m glad I didn’t tell the guys, so they don’t have to feel this too.
“Dude, you okay?”
I was sitting on a couch backstage, blankly staring at a full cup of beer in my hands. I hadn’t taken a sip of it yet, and I could tell from my fingers it was warm now. Shaking off my thoughts, I looked up to see Griffin staring at me, a weird mixture of concern and confusion on his face. I tossed on a smile. “Yeah, just tired…zoning.”
With a nod, he relaxed back in his chair. Twirling a finger to indicate the room, he told me, “Score a chick. That’ll wake you up.” Twisting my lips, I lifted an eyebrow at him. He rolled his eyes. “Right…monogamy.” He shook his head as he rolled his eyes…again. Then he slapped his hands on his thighs. “Well, I’m gonna score a chick. See ya.”
Because I couldn’t help myself, I tossed out, “Make sure it’s a chick.”
Griffin gave me a confused look, like he thought I was mental. I bit back a laugh. Matt had told me Griffin had never found the two guys I’d chased away from him that fateful night; he still had no idea he’d been making out with men. That was something I’d confirmed while playing that stupid drinking game with him. Griffin was utterly clueless. A fact that brought Matt an endless amount of joy; he broke down into hysterics every time he thought about it.
Smiling, feeling better, I set down my beer on a nearby table. A girl dropped down on the couch beside me. “Hi,” she said, her eyes scanning my face.
“Hello,” I politely returned.
She bit her lip and giggled. There was something about the gesture that really made me miss Kiera. We talked a lot, several times a day, but it just wasn’t the same. It was March now, our anniversary month, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to see her. Our first year together…and we’d spent so much of it apart. It killed me.
I suddenly wanted to call her, talk to her until she unknowingly changed my mood, but the girl beside me suddenly became emboldened…maybe because I’d just been staring at her the entire time my mind had spun.
“Fuck it,” she said, then she flung her arms around my neck and leapt onto my lap. I was so shocked I barely had time to stop her from attaching her mouth to mine.
My eyes were wide as I gently—but firmly—pushed her shoulders back. She was still straddling my lap, breathing heavier as she stared at me. She didn’t seem to notice that I was completely rigid, or that I was holding her back. She strained against me, her head leaning forward, angling in, searching for me.
“Stop!” I snapped, my eyes narrowing as I pushed her further away.
That was when she seemed to wake up. Her eyes widened as she stared at me, and all the blood drained from her face. “Oh my God…I’m sorry,” she said.
She seemed frozen in her embarrassment. I really wanted her off my lap, but I didn’t want to make her feel any worse. I softened my expression and let out a soft laugh. “It’s fine, but…could you get off me?”
She looked down, and by her expression it seemed like she hadn’t even realized she was pressing herself against me. She must be very, very drunk. “Oh my God,” she said again, but she finally scrambled off my lap.
I nearly sighed in relief. But then her eyes started watering, and I felt bad more than anything. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have stopped her. Maybe she should know that. Giving her an encouraging smile, I pointed to the ring on my right hand. “You’re very pretty, but I’m committed to someone.” My smile turned ridiculously dopey. “And I am…so in love with her.”
The girl’s tears dried up as she stared at my expression, then she softly smiled at me. “Lucky girl,” she murmured, then she fled.
I shook my head at her hasty retreat. Then I spotted Evan across the room, staring at me. Laughing. I flipped him off. That was not funny. Asshole. I got off the couch and made a mental note to never sit down backstage again. Apparently, I was just too tempting.
I still attracted a swarm of girls, but they were easier to keep at bay when I was standing. I tried to keep the eye contact to a minimum as I talked to them, not wanting one of them to have a “Fuck it” moment. They still leaned into my side, but that was fine. Much better than them grinding their privates against me.
As I signed something for one of them, I happened to notice Lana. She was talking to Paul in a corner of the room, and he did not seem happy about what she was saying. He looked like he was pleading with her to change her mind. Fuck…she was telling him no. While I wasn’t too surprised by that—his band was…okay—it was still difficult to watch someone’s dream die. I wanted to give him privacy, but I was too caught up in the moment to look away.
Lana left his side, and Paul’s gaze connected with mine. His eyes narrowed, and I knew he hadn’t wanted me to witness that. I returned my attention to the fans around me, ignoring the hate I felt pouring from him. Lana stepped up to me next, and I felt my mouth go dry. Was this it? The moment our dream died.
Amusement in her eyes, Lana’s gaze swept over the girls clamoring around me. In my distraction, one had attached herself to my arm. Not knowing how to shake her off while still appearing professional, I ignored the affection. Lana smiled at the group. “Excuse me, ladies. I need to speak with Kellan alone for a moment.” She leaned in and winked. “I promise to give him right back.”
The girls tittered as they moved a respectful distance away. Lana softly laughed, then swung her eyes up to mine. I swallowed, suddenly really nervous. Lana just smiled at me, not helping my nerves at all. Licking my lips, I asked, “Did you…hear something?”
Her dark eyes scanned my face, and her smile dropped. My stomach also dropped. It’s a no. Then she grinned and extended her hand. “Congratulations, Kellan. They said yes.”
My mouth dropped as I stared at her. Yes? I really hadn’t been expecting that. I took her hand, but I could barely feel myself shaking it. “Yes?” I asked, stunned.
She laughed, then nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry it took so long to get back to you. I was trying to get a special deal for you, and that took a little convincing.”
I tilted my head as our hands dropped. “What deal?”
Her smile brightened. “A three-record deal. Starting immediately. The second this tour is over, you’ll head to L.A. and begin recording. The label wants an album as soon as possible.” She winked. “I thoroughly convinced them that you…will have no limit. You will be our biggest artist, it’s just a matter of time.”
All I could do was stare at her as I was assaulted by shock, confusion, surprise…warmth. They said yes? Trying to wrap my head around it all, I murmured, “Three records?”
The look on my face must have been one of uncertainty. Her brows furrowed. “It’s a lot to process, I know. And you don’t have to say yes to this. If you think you can do better somewhere else, you’re free to keep looking around. But Kellan…” She leaned in and put a hand on my shoulder. “This is a good deal. A once in a lifetime deal. I know I probably seem biased, but you should say yes to this.”
I nodded. “Yes…I…yes, I’m saying yes,” I finally said with a laugh.
She grinned. “You should talk to your band, make sure they’re on board too.” She pointed up. “There is a conference room upstairs. I’ll have my people prepare the contracts for you, and I’ll let you know when they’re ready.”
Overwhelmed, I just nodded again. She patted my shoulder, told me congratulations again, then walked away to get to work. I watched her leave, and as I did, my gaze fell over Paul again. His mouth was open, shocked, and I knew he understood what had just happened. Not really caring what he thought, I sought out my band. They said yes. They fucking said yes. I could finally let this secret out.
Evan had left the room, and Matt and Griffin weren’t in here. My eager group of fans was still nearby, waiting, but I had something important I needed to do. Looking their way, I said, “Sorry,” then I left to go find some D-Bags.
I ended up finding Justin first. I grabbed his shoulders as adrenaline flooded me. He blinked at me, his brows pulled together in amusement and confusion. “Dude…they said yes,” I told him. He tilted his head, and I made myself calm down and explain it in a way that made sense. “We got signed.”
Justin grinned, then gave me a quick hug. “I knew it! I knew she wanted you!” He smacked my shoulder when we pulled apart. “We’re labelmates, man.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “How the fuck is this my life?”
Justin snorted. “Kellan, I have a feeling, for you…this is just the beginning.”
I rolled my eyes, then clapped him on the back. “I gotta find the guys. Finally fucking tell them.” Getting this off my chest was going to feel so good.
Justin’s grin grew; he knew this had been killing me. He pointed to the other side of the large room we were in. “I don’t know where Matt and Evan are, but Griffin’s over there, drinking with some girls.”
“Thanks. I’m gonna go tell him.”
“Congratulations, man!” he called out as I left.
The room was pretty packed, full of people and furniture. I had to weave my way around pockets of bodies. This looked like a hookup room, with flirting and making out everywhere. It didn’t surprise me at all that Griffin was hanging out in here. Off to my right, I spotted the girl who’d brazenly climbed onto my lap. She was sucking on Benji’s neck. I smiled at the two of them. Benji was a much better option for her tonight, and he could definitely use the pick-me-up.
I found Griffin in the far end of the room, standing near a makeshift bar. I wasn’t sure where the alcohol came from—band members, the crew, or maybe even the label—but there was always something to drink backstage. And there was usually quite a variety. I grabbed an unopened bottle of beer from a cooler and popped the top off. I needed to calm down, especially if Griffin was the first person I was going to tell.
I took a long swallow from my beer as I approached him, trying to push down the giddiness. Griffin was intently staring at something in front of him as I stepped beside him, and I shifted my focus to look. There was a cute blonde on her knees on top of a table. She was clearly putting on a show for Griffin. Writhing around, touching herself, rolling her hips. I almost felt like telling her that she didn’t need to try that hard. All she had to do was ask Griffin to have sex with her and he would. Gladly. One of the girl’s friends whispered something to her and the blonde nodded. Then she started taking off her shirt, exposing her lacey bra. I glanced over at Griffin grinning at her, delighted, and rolled my eyes. Maybe I should tell Matt and Evan first.
Griffin finally noticed me though. He looked over at me, and then he did a double take. “You change your mind?” he asked. “’Cause I call dibs on that one.” He pointed to the half-naked blonde.
I looked back at the girl. She gave Griffin a wink, then she laid back on the table. Her two friends approached her, staring at Griffin, and now me, then they started pouring alcohol on the girl and sucking it off of her. It was like witnessing one of Griffin’s fantasies come to life. I laughed as I watched them. At least he’d found girls.
Leaning over, I told him, “They’re all yours, remember. You can have every last one of them.”
Griffin smirked at me. “Like I don’t already know that,” he said.
Shaking my head, I laughed again. What I wanted to tell Griffin slipped to the back of my mind as I stared at the rambunctious girls in front of me. What they were doing was distracting, true, but more than that…it was giving me a great idea. I instantly pictured lying Kiera out somewhere, filling the crevices of her body with alcohol…licking it off her skin. Jesus. That thought was doing way more for me than actually watching Griffin’s future hookups doing it. I chewed on my lip as I let the fantasy carry me away. I shouldn’t dwell on that back here…fans nearby might get the wrong idea. I should think of something else, anything else. What was I going to tell Griffin again?
I felt someone approaching on my right and flashed a quick glance in their direction. Kiera and Anna. My eyes had already returned to the front before what I’d just noticed fully registered. Kiera and Anna? Feeling like I’d just lost my mind, I twisted to face the impossibility of my girlfriend and her sister in front of me. Was I dreaming? Kiera was staring at my crotch for some reason, but her eyes immediately shifted to my face as her cheeks filled with color. I was too floored to be too curious about her reaction. She’s here. Holy fuck, she’s here. I must be dreaming.
But then Griffin exclaimed, “Hell yeah!” and I knew it was real. She was really here. Griffin grabbed Anna and had his tongue down her throat before I could even wipe the shock off my face. Kiera twisted to watch Griffin sweep Anna away. When her beautiful features returned to me, I finally smiled. “You’re here?” I said, stepping forward. I’m not dreaming?
A soft smile on her lips, she nodded. Then her hazel eyes flicked to the table, and a wave of guilt washed over me. Oh, shit. My gaze shifted back to the girls still making out with each other, oblivious to Griffin’s absence. Kiera had seen me staring at them. She wouldn’t understand that I hadn’t really been watching them. She’d think I was just trying to save face if I told her the truth. So, all I could do was apologize.
Looking back at her, I cringed and shrugged. I hoped she wasn’t too angry as I grabbed her hand and pulled her into me. “Sorry about that.” I blindly handed my beer bottle to someone nearby, then I ran my hand through her soft, silky hair. I studied her face like I’d never seen it before, and I felt myself getting lost in her perfection. God, I’d missed her. How was she here? “Some girls will do anything to get noticed,” I murmured. But all I think about is you.
Feeling more complete than I’d felt in weeks, I cupped her cheek. “I can’t believe you’re here.” I flicked a glance at where we were and wondered how she’d accomplished that. Matt had told me earlier that the show was sold out, and backstage passes usually ran out long before the regular tickets. “How did you get back here?” Did she win a contest or something? How? When? Why?
She let out an amusing pained sound. “You would not believe what I had to do.” She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow. “Make sure you say bye to Anna…because I’m killing her when we get home.”
The look on her face made me laugh, but the curiosity was killing me. Was it a contest then? Because I’d talked to some of the winners before, and the things they’d had to do…had to eat…I still couldn’t believe people would do that to meet a rock star. Laughing, I told her, “Ah, I can’t wait to hear this story.”
Kiera bit her lip as she stepped closer to me. I instantly stopped breathing. “Maybe it could wait just a little bit?” she said, staring at my mouth.
Fuck…yes. I instantly brought my lips to hers. It was like dousing myself in fire as our mouths connected. Heavenly, wonderful, erotic fire. It was difficult to control the sudden, rampaging need coursing through me, the almost-wild desire. It had been so long…she tasted so good, felt so good…made me feel so good. Why weren’t we alone? I needed to be alone with her. My hand on her cheek slid to her neck, my other hand wrapped around her waist, pulling her in closer. More. Her hands slid up my chest. One of them tangled in my hair, and I felt my control slipping. I wanted her. Now.
