Painful, page 48
My jaw tightened as I stared her down. “You didn’t know how I’d react, or how you’d react?” I touched her chest, and as I did, anger—and wanton need—rushed through me. “Maybe you thought you’d start back up again.” I leaned into her, furious but aching with hunger. Our lips close, but still too far away, I spilled my darkest fear to her. “Maybe you were hoping for it to start back up again?”
She shoved against my chest, trying to get me to back up, but my body was so rigidly tight, she ended up pushing herself down onto the couch. My eyes narrowed as I watched her, my breath fast as anger and desire waged war within me, each battling for control. Kiera looked up at me, and I saw lust in her eyes as she studied my reaction. It electrified me, and I felt myself hardening as I stared at her.
Running her tongue over her bottom lip, she told me, “Nothing happened, Kellan, and I didn’t want anything to happen. Denny and I are just friends…I promise.”
God, I wanted to believe her. I wanted to forget all of this and make love to her, but fuck…the pain was starting to seep in, stimulated by my fear of losing her. I held onto the anger…the anger kept the agony away. Kiera was looking up at me with hooded eyes. The desire helped block the pain too. I let the ache of wanting her fill me, latched onto it like a lifeline. Leaning down, I pulled her to her feet. Our bodies instinctively melded together, every section of her front touching mine. It sent bolts of lightning through me, quickened my heartbeat, made my body surge with white-hot need. One of my hands drifted over to cup her ass, pulling her into me. I wanted more. So much more. But how could I go there…if she wasn’t telling the truth?
My lips lowered to hover over hers. It was so hard not to kiss her, but I forced myself to say the words that were holding me back. “Don’t lie to me, Kiera.” I couldn’t cave if she was lying. I’d never survive that kind of betrayal. You promised.
She shook her head, her breath fast against me. “I’m not, Kellan…I swear. I never touched him like that. I gave him a hug because he’s sad his girlfriend is stuck back in Australia, but there’s never been more than friendship between us while you’ve been gone…I promise.”
Her words were everything I wanted to hear, but still, fear made me balk, made me doubt. It was too easy to picture them together. It was too easy to remember. Kiera pressed harder against me. Her hands lifted to my chest, filling me with fire. And pain. I lowered my forehead to hers, torn, confused, angry…needy. “Kiera…don’t, don’t lie to me…please.” I could hear the odd ache in my voice as desperation filled me. It was half anguish, half lust. I needed her…but I also needed her words to be true. I couldn’t handle her cheating on me. Not now, not after we’d pledged ourselves to be faithful to one another. Let it be true, Kiera…and if it’s not…just kill me.
Kiera let out a throaty moan as I placed a hand on her waist. My fingers on her ass instinctively squeezed as the hunger of wanting her intensified. Resisting her was painful…but taking her could be too.
“I’m not, Kellan…” Her hands ran up my chest, her fingers stroking my neck before tangling into my hair. I suppressed a groan at how good it felt. Kiera’s voice was full of matching need when she spoke again. “Please…believe me…”
God, I wanted to believe her. God, I wanted her. Her fast breath was driving me insane. Her mouth so close to mine was excruciating torture. My body was throbbing, my heart was aching. She’s swearing her faithfulness, she’s asking me to believe in her. It must be true. It has to be true. My hand on her side slid up her chest, over her breast. I couldn’t contain the groan that time.
Kiera sucked in a sharp breath; her arms squeezed me tight. “Kellan, please…take me…”
Her begging was my undoing. I simply couldn’t resist her anymore. My mouth found hers before I was even aware of doing it. The sensation, the satisfaction, it was beyond all expectation. There was a frantic desperation to the way our mouths moved together—the way we attacked each other. I couldn’t get enough of her. I knew I should be gentler, softer, more romantic…but I couldn’t calm down. I just fucking needed her so goddamn much. And Kiera seemed to need me too. She met every forceful kiss, her body clamping around me, her fingers tightening in my hair.
Slightly bending, I ran my hands down her thighs and picked her up. Her legs instantly cinched around me. I turned us around, trying to make it to her bedroom. It was difficult. My mind was too hazy to remember the layout of her apartment, and I couldn’t stop kissing her to look properly. When Kiera started grinding against me, sending shockwaves of pleasure through me, I stumbled against the wall. Fuck. Could I just take her here? “God, I want you so bad…” I groaned.
“I want you too,” she moaned back.
I found her room, set her down, and shoved the door shut. The second the door was closed, I pulled at her clothes while she pulled on mine. The need grew painful as more of her skin was exposed, as more of mine was freed. I felt incoherent, drunk on her nearness. When the last pieces of our clothing were finally gone, I pushed her onto the bed, moving over the top of her as she laid back. I paused for just a second, trying to slow down, but Kiera whimpered beneath me. “Yes, take me…”
I let the madness fully take me over and drove into her, hard, owning her. She moved against me just as intensely, the cries leaving her only filled with ecstasy. It was so hard, deep, fast…it didn’t take long to feel the build-up cresting. I didn’t try to resist it. I wanted this too much, wanted her too much. Kiera’s legs around me tightened as a loud moan left her. Feeling her climax sent me over the edge. My body tightened as the euphoria exploded through me. I rode out the sensation with Kiera…it felt like it lasted forever.
Worn, I sagged against Kiera when the bliss ebbed. My breath was still fast, my heart was still racing, and I was slightly sweaty. Kiera too. She held me tight to her as she panted in my ear. A flash of guilt went through me. That hadn’t been the anniversary greeting I’d wanted to give her. That hadn’t been making love at all. That had been flat-out, lust-filled fucking. But also love-filled. Maybe that brought it a step up from fucking, a step down from tender love making. A passionate, fiery, much-needed in between. I hoped Kiera felt the same, but even still, I felt the need to apologize.
I shifted to her side. Her hand was over her eyes as she struggled to breathe normally. “I’m sorry,” I told her. “That’s not how I wanted our first time after so long to be…” I’d pictured romance, gentleness, hours of teasing and tasting, not…that. I shifted to my back and stared up at the ceiling, disappointed at myself. And the situation. Tonight hadn’t at all gone as I’d expected, and I wasn’t sure what to feel right now. A little lingering anger, more than a little bit of sadness, a large dose of happiness, and even some relief. At least I know what she’s been hiding now. I just wish she’d told me earlier. I wish I hadn’t found out that way.
Kiera twisted to face me. After a long, silent moment, she asked, “Do you believe me? About Denny?”
That was the real question, wasn’t it? Did I believe her? Did I believe that she didn’t want him anymore? That all this time nothing had happened between them? That she’d merely been comforting a friend earlier? There were several times in her relationship with Denny when I could have sworn there was more friendship-love than romantic-love between them. Even Kiera not wanting to let him go at the end…now that I was looking at it through the lens of time and experience, that choice seemed fueled by friendship too. Thinking rationally and not fearfully, it was easy to picture the two of them as friends. I didn’t like it…but I could see it.
My gaze swung down to hers. “Yeah, I believe you.”
She gave me a soft smile as she nodded, then she leaned over to gently kiss me. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve missed you…”
A genuine smile broke over my face; it significantly improved my mood. “I’ve missed you too…if you couldn’t tell.” With a small laugh, I indicated my spent body. I supposed I could partially blame my eagerness on being apart from her for so long.
Kiera adorably bit her lip as she examined my bare skin. The cute expression on her face made my heart swell. God, I’d missed her. Thank God, she hadn’t cheated on me. Now that I knew her secret…and knew how much it hurt to be blindsided…maybe it was time to tell her mine. Because it was driving us apart. I knew it. And I didn’t want to go through that kind of anger and pain with her again. Somehow…I had to find the courage to tell her about Gavin. Staying silent was no longer an option. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too upset with me. And hopefully she’d respect my wishes to never accept him into my life.
Leaning forward, Kiera gave me a quick kiss. “I’m gonna brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I’ll be right back.” She sat up, a slight frown on her face. “You won’t leave, right?”
Knowing she was worried that I was still mad, I smiled and shook my head. “I’ll be here, Kiera.” Struggling to find the words to finally tell you what’s going on with me.
She grinned, then stood up and put on her pajamas. I watched her the entire time she got ready, the entire time she left, but my mind was spinning, and my stomach was churning. I didn’t want to tell her. I wanted to take this secret to my grave. But I didn’t want to lose her, so it was time for me to fucking man up.
With a sigh, I sat up. I glanced at the clothes tossed around her floor. I wanted to be dressed for this, since it was an important conversation—a fucking monumental conversation—but I really didn’t want to put on my grimy concert/travel clothes. Then I remembered my drawer here, and I grinned again. Fresh clothes. That was just what I needed to…barely make it through this conversation.
Rolling my eyes at myself, I walked over to her dresser. Stop being so fucking melodramatic. It’s not like you’re going to tell her you slipped up and cheated on her. This wouldn’t even really hurt her, just me. It shouldn’t be so difficult. It shouldn’t, but fuck…it was. My stomach was dangerously close to emptying.
Annoyed at myself, I yanked open my dresser drawer. My hand paused over the opening as I stared at something inside that didn’t belong. A brown paper bag. Weird. Had Kiera left me a surprise? Like the ones I’d left for her? I looked over to the open door, a small grin on my face. I could hear Kiera in the bathroom, hear the water running; she was probably brushing her teeth. Smiling wider, I picked up the bag. I wonder what she left for me? Opening the bag, I peeked inside, then frowned. What…are these? Reaching in, I pulled out a plastic stick looking thing. Once it was in the light coming from the hallway, it was easy to tell what it was. The giant word staring at me gave it away too: Pregnant. It was a pregnancy test, and the result screen was saying…yes.
My mouth popped open as my churning stomach settled. I pulled out a few more sticks, and in one way or another, they all said the same thing…pregnant. My heart started beating faster. Oh my God…Kiera is pregnant. We’re gonna have a baby. I was just about to run to the bathroom to sweep her into my arms and kiss every inch of her when it suddenly dawned on me…if she was pregnant…it wasn’t mine.
My hand tightened around the bag as rage and disbelief flooded every cell in my body. Before tonight, I hadn’t had sex with Kiera since December. I’d just seen her naked. Her body was flat, perfect…she couldn’t be that far along. It wasn’t mine. It wasn’t fucking mine. She lied to me? She fucking lied to me?
Tears stung my eyes as I felt my entire world crumbling to pieces. Everything we’d had, everything we’d shared, every dream I’d ever wanted…gone. Confirmed by a dozen different tests. She had fucked him. And Denny had finally gotten what he’d always wanted: Kiera, pregnant with his child. They’d both lied to me…and I’d fucking believed them. Jesus Christ…she had his child inside of her. I was gonna be sick. I needed out of here. There was no fucking reason to stay now.
Chapter 30
IT’S OVER
Shoving the bag back into the drawer, I put on my dirty clothes strewn about the floor. I didn’t want to be clean. I didn’t need to be clean. I needed to be gone. Kiera was still in the bathroom when I walked into the hallway. The door was closed, but even still, I didn’t look her way. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to look at her again. Bile rose up my throat. How could she?
Needing an outlet for my rage, I yanked her bedroom door shut, slamming it hard against the frame. The sound was satisfying, but it did nothing to diminish my anger. Turning away from Kiera, away from our life together, I stormed down the hall. I needed my keys. I needed to get to the door. Once I was gone, then I could fall apart. Or start tearing shit apart. I wasn’t sure which way my emotions were going to lead me. And I didn’t care.
I wasn’t two steps from the bedroom when I heard Kiera’s voice. “Kellan? What are you doing?”
She seemed genuinely stunned. Fucking bitch. Like I would stay? What the hell did you think was going to happen here? My hands curled into fists as the boiling heat inside me begged to be set free. I pushed down the fury and, ignoring her question, I kept walking down the hallway; I didn’t owe her an explanation. I didn’t owe her anything anymore. How could you?
I spotted her school bag resting on the card table and praying my keys were inside, I headed over to it. My fingers found the cool metal, and I clenched my hand around them, then shoved them in my jacket pocket. I never should have given her these. I never should have given her me. I should have run, fled from her like my life depended on it…because it was starting to feel like it did. How could I have been so stupid?
Pent-up rage swirled through my soul as I shifted to the door. I needed to hit something. I needed to scream. I needed to throw up. His baby is growing inside her. Fuck. Me.
Kiera beat me to the door. She stood in front of it, blocking it with her body. “Are you leaving?”
I couldn’t look at her, couldn’t focus on her body. I wanted her gone. I wanted her out of the way. But even still…I didn’t want to hurt her, so I knew I couldn’t touch her. I was too fucking angry to touch her right now. I would not be gentle, and I was not about to let myself become my father. I would not be that monster, no matter how much she fucking pushed me. So I just stood there, staring through her body, ignoring her, willing her to move and leave me alone. Let me go.
Instead of granting my silent request, Kiera pressed herself into the door. “Why? Because of Denny? I already told you nothing—”
Another refusal was too much to bear, and my eyes involuntarily snapped to hers. She stopped speaking as she took the full force of the fury in my glare. “Nothing? You must think I’m an idiot.” I certainly felt like one. How the fuck did I ever believe her? “I may not be as ‘brilliant’ as Denny, but I’m not stupid, Kiera.” I can do simple math. I know the baby isn’t mine. I know you fucked him. You left me the proof, you fucking bitch. So just stop denying it and let me go.
Needing relief, needing escape, I accepted the fact that I was going to have to forcibly remove her from my path. Careful to not hurt her, I grabbed her arm and tugged. “Now get out of my way!”
She resisted my pull. Shaking her head, she snapped, “Not until you talk to me. Why are you so pissed?”
My jaw dropped like she’d struck me. Seriously? She was still going to play the innocent card? “Are you fucking kidding me?” Stepping back, I ran my hands through my hair in frustration; I wanted to rip it out in frustration. Just let me leave. Why won’t you ever let me leave? Did she enjoy tearing my heart out? Maybe I was wrong about her not being cruel. This felt pretty fucking cruel.
She took a tentative step forward, away from the door. “Okay, I should have told you about Denny, I know that, but we didn’t do anything!”
My eyes slammed shut as her words sizzled my brain. Didn’t do anything? They didn’t fucking do anything? They made a fucking baby! They fucked me over. They both fucking lied. They did…everything.
I felt myself shaking, I felt my control slipping. I couldn’t stay here much longer, not without escalating this in a way I didn’t want it to escalate. Let me fucking leave, bitch! Barely holding the reins on my fury, I kept my eyes closed and tried to speak calmly, rationally. “I need to get away from you. Please move, so I don’t do something really stupid.”
Instead of respecting my wishes…she did the exact opposite. She grabbed my fucking face, shocking me into opening my eyes and looking at her. I instantly batted her hands away and shoved her back, into the door. My breath was heavy, and my fingers dug into her skin as I stared at her. Calm down. Get out of here, then lose it.
Kiera shook her head. “No, talk to me!”
Talk to her? Why? There was no point, not anymore. The damage was already done. Forcing myself to back down, I shook my head and took a step away from her. Maybe if I stood here long enough, silently stewing, she’d finally give up and leave me the fuck alone. But of course…she didn’t.
She shoved her hands into my chest and fucking yelled at me. “You son of a bitch! No, you don’t get to run away from me. You’re always trying to run away from me!” She shoved me again, pushing me back a step as her sudden anger took me by surprise. “But not this time. This time…you will talk to me! We talk things out, remember!”
No, we don’t…not anymore. Seeing an opportunity, I shoved her hands off of me and lunged for the doorknob. I had the knob twisted, the door partially cracked open, escape finally showing itself, but then Kiera fucking body slammed the door shut with her shoulder. Fucking bitch. Glaring at her, I snapped, “I’ve got nothing to say to you. Get out of my way!”
Her eyes glistened with tears. Even furious at her, it tore something inside of me. “Nothing to say? After everything you’ve done to me?”
For a moment, all my anger shifted into utter shock and disbelief. Everything…I’ve done…to her? What the fuck was she talking about? All I had ever done was love her. Wholly. Completely. Faithfully. “Me? What I’ve done to you?” My jaw tightened as the anger slammed back into me. How dare she try and make this about me. I never betrayed her. Ever. I stepped into her body, pressing her against the door. “You’re fucking your ex and I’m the bad guy? Is that how you want to play this, Kiera?”
She shoved against my chest, trying to get me to back up, but my body was so rigidly tight, she ended up pushing herself down onto the couch. My eyes narrowed as I watched her, my breath fast as anger and desire waged war within me, each battling for control. Kiera looked up at me, and I saw lust in her eyes as she studied my reaction. It electrified me, and I felt myself hardening as I stared at her.
Running her tongue over her bottom lip, she told me, “Nothing happened, Kellan, and I didn’t want anything to happen. Denny and I are just friends…I promise.”
God, I wanted to believe her. I wanted to forget all of this and make love to her, but fuck…the pain was starting to seep in, stimulated by my fear of losing her. I held onto the anger…the anger kept the agony away. Kiera was looking up at me with hooded eyes. The desire helped block the pain too. I let the ache of wanting her fill me, latched onto it like a lifeline. Leaning down, I pulled her to her feet. Our bodies instinctively melded together, every section of her front touching mine. It sent bolts of lightning through me, quickened my heartbeat, made my body surge with white-hot need. One of my hands drifted over to cup her ass, pulling her into me. I wanted more. So much more. But how could I go there…if she wasn’t telling the truth?
My lips lowered to hover over hers. It was so hard not to kiss her, but I forced myself to say the words that were holding me back. “Don’t lie to me, Kiera.” I couldn’t cave if she was lying. I’d never survive that kind of betrayal. You promised.
She shook her head, her breath fast against me. “I’m not, Kellan…I swear. I never touched him like that. I gave him a hug because he’s sad his girlfriend is stuck back in Australia, but there’s never been more than friendship between us while you’ve been gone…I promise.”
Her words were everything I wanted to hear, but still, fear made me balk, made me doubt. It was too easy to picture them together. It was too easy to remember. Kiera pressed harder against me. Her hands lifted to my chest, filling me with fire. And pain. I lowered my forehead to hers, torn, confused, angry…needy. “Kiera…don’t, don’t lie to me…please.” I could hear the odd ache in my voice as desperation filled me. It was half anguish, half lust. I needed her…but I also needed her words to be true. I couldn’t handle her cheating on me. Not now, not after we’d pledged ourselves to be faithful to one another. Let it be true, Kiera…and if it’s not…just kill me.
Kiera let out a throaty moan as I placed a hand on her waist. My fingers on her ass instinctively squeezed as the hunger of wanting her intensified. Resisting her was painful…but taking her could be too.
“I’m not, Kellan…” Her hands ran up my chest, her fingers stroking my neck before tangling into my hair. I suppressed a groan at how good it felt. Kiera’s voice was full of matching need when she spoke again. “Please…believe me…”
God, I wanted to believe her. God, I wanted her. Her fast breath was driving me insane. Her mouth so close to mine was excruciating torture. My body was throbbing, my heart was aching. She’s swearing her faithfulness, she’s asking me to believe in her. It must be true. It has to be true. My hand on her side slid up her chest, over her breast. I couldn’t contain the groan that time.
Kiera sucked in a sharp breath; her arms squeezed me tight. “Kellan, please…take me…”
Her begging was my undoing. I simply couldn’t resist her anymore. My mouth found hers before I was even aware of doing it. The sensation, the satisfaction, it was beyond all expectation. There was a frantic desperation to the way our mouths moved together—the way we attacked each other. I couldn’t get enough of her. I knew I should be gentler, softer, more romantic…but I couldn’t calm down. I just fucking needed her so goddamn much. And Kiera seemed to need me too. She met every forceful kiss, her body clamping around me, her fingers tightening in my hair.
Slightly bending, I ran my hands down her thighs and picked her up. Her legs instantly cinched around me. I turned us around, trying to make it to her bedroom. It was difficult. My mind was too hazy to remember the layout of her apartment, and I couldn’t stop kissing her to look properly. When Kiera started grinding against me, sending shockwaves of pleasure through me, I stumbled against the wall. Fuck. Could I just take her here? “God, I want you so bad…” I groaned.
“I want you too,” she moaned back.
I found her room, set her down, and shoved the door shut. The second the door was closed, I pulled at her clothes while she pulled on mine. The need grew painful as more of her skin was exposed, as more of mine was freed. I felt incoherent, drunk on her nearness. When the last pieces of our clothing were finally gone, I pushed her onto the bed, moving over the top of her as she laid back. I paused for just a second, trying to slow down, but Kiera whimpered beneath me. “Yes, take me…”
I let the madness fully take me over and drove into her, hard, owning her. She moved against me just as intensely, the cries leaving her only filled with ecstasy. It was so hard, deep, fast…it didn’t take long to feel the build-up cresting. I didn’t try to resist it. I wanted this too much, wanted her too much. Kiera’s legs around me tightened as a loud moan left her. Feeling her climax sent me over the edge. My body tightened as the euphoria exploded through me. I rode out the sensation with Kiera…it felt like it lasted forever.
Worn, I sagged against Kiera when the bliss ebbed. My breath was still fast, my heart was still racing, and I was slightly sweaty. Kiera too. She held me tight to her as she panted in my ear. A flash of guilt went through me. That hadn’t been the anniversary greeting I’d wanted to give her. That hadn’t been making love at all. That had been flat-out, lust-filled fucking. But also love-filled. Maybe that brought it a step up from fucking, a step down from tender love making. A passionate, fiery, much-needed in between. I hoped Kiera felt the same, but even still, I felt the need to apologize.
I shifted to her side. Her hand was over her eyes as she struggled to breathe normally. “I’m sorry,” I told her. “That’s not how I wanted our first time after so long to be…” I’d pictured romance, gentleness, hours of teasing and tasting, not…that. I shifted to my back and stared up at the ceiling, disappointed at myself. And the situation. Tonight hadn’t at all gone as I’d expected, and I wasn’t sure what to feel right now. A little lingering anger, more than a little bit of sadness, a large dose of happiness, and even some relief. At least I know what she’s been hiding now. I just wish she’d told me earlier. I wish I hadn’t found out that way.
Kiera twisted to face me. After a long, silent moment, she asked, “Do you believe me? About Denny?”
That was the real question, wasn’t it? Did I believe her? Did I believe that she didn’t want him anymore? That all this time nothing had happened between them? That she’d merely been comforting a friend earlier? There were several times in her relationship with Denny when I could have sworn there was more friendship-love than romantic-love between them. Even Kiera not wanting to let him go at the end…now that I was looking at it through the lens of time and experience, that choice seemed fueled by friendship too. Thinking rationally and not fearfully, it was easy to picture the two of them as friends. I didn’t like it…but I could see it.
My gaze swung down to hers. “Yeah, I believe you.”
She gave me a soft smile as she nodded, then she leaned over to gently kiss me. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve missed you…”
A genuine smile broke over my face; it significantly improved my mood. “I’ve missed you too…if you couldn’t tell.” With a small laugh, I indicated my spent body. I supposed I could partially blame my eagerness on being apart from her for so long.
Kiera adorably bit her lip as she examined my bare skin. The cute expression on her face made my heart swell. God, I’d missed her. Thank God, she hadn’t cheated on me. Now that I knew her secret…and knew how much it hurt to be blindsided…maybe it was time to tell her mine. Because it was driving us apart. I knew it. And I didn’t want to go through that kind of anger and pain with her again. Somehow…I had to find the courage to tell her about Gavin. Staying silent was no longer an option. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too upset with me. And hopefully she’d respect my wishes to never accept him into my life.
Leaning forward, Kiera gave me a quick kiss. “I’m gonna brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I’ll be right back.” She sat up, a slight frown on her face. “You won’t leave, right?”
Knowing she was worried that I was still mad, I smiled and shook my head. “I’ll be here, Kiera.” Struggling to find the words to finally tell you what’s going on with me.
She grinned, then stood up and put on her pajamas. I watched her the entire time she got ready, the entire time she left, but my mind was spinning, and my stomach was churning. I didn’t want to tell her. I wanted to take this secret to my grave. But I didn’t want to lose her, so it was time for me to fucking man up.
With a sigh, I sat up. I glanced at the clothes tossed around her floor. I wanted to be dressed for this, since it was an important conversation—a fucking monumental conversation—but I really didn’t want to put on my grimy concert/travel clothes. Then I remembered my drawer here, and I grinned again. Fresh clothes. That was just what I needed to…barely make it through this conversation.
Rolling my eyes at myself, I walked over to her dresser. Stop being so fucking melodramatic. It’s not like you’re going to tell her you slipped up and cheated on her. This wouldn’t even really hurt her, just me. It shouldn’t be so difficult. It shouldn’t, but fuck…it was. My stomach was dangerously close to emptying.
Annoyed at myself, I yanked open my dresser drawer. My hand paused over the opening as I stared at something inside that didn’t belong. A brown paper bag. Weird. Had Kiera left me a surprise? Like the ones I’d left for her? I looked over to the open door, a small grin on my face. I could hear Kiera in the bathroom, hear the water running; she was probably brushing her teeth. Smiling wider, I picked up the bag. I wonder what she left for me? Opening the bag, I peeked inside, then frowned. What…are these? Reaching in, I pulled out a plastic stick looking thing. Once it was in the light coming from the hallway, it was easy to tell what it was. The giant word staring at me gave it away too: Pregnant. It was a pregnancy test, and the result screen was saying…yes.
My mouth popped open as my churning stomach settled. I pulled out a few more sticks, and in one way or another, they all said the same thing…pregnant. My heart started beating faster. Oh my God…Kiera is pregnant. We’re gonna have a baby. I was just about to run to the bathroom to sweep her into my arms and kiss every inch of her when it suddenly dawned on me…if she was pregnant…it wasn’t mine.
My hand tightened around the bag as rage and disbelief flooded every cell in my body. Before tonight, I hadn’t had sex with Kiera since December. I’d just seen her naked. Her body was flat, perfect…she couldn’t be that far along. It wasn’t mine. It wasn’t fucking mine. She lied to me? She fucking lied to me?
Tears stung my eyes as I felt my entire world crumbling to pieces. Everything we’d had, everything we’d shared, every dream I’d ever wanted…gone. Confirmed by a dozen different tests. She had fucked him. And Denny had finally gotten what he’d always wanted: Kiera, pregnant with his child. They’d both lied to me…and I’d fucking believed them. Jesus Christ…she had his child inside of her. I was gonna be sick. I needed out of here. There was no fucking reason to stay now.
Chapter 30
IT’S OVER
Shoving the bag back into the drawer, I put on my dirty clothes strewn about the floor. I didn’t want to be clean. I didn’t need to be clean. I needed to be gone. Kiera was still in the bathroom when I walked into the hallway. The door was closed, but even still, I didn’t look her way. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to look at her again. Bile rose up my throat. How could she?
Needing an outlet for my rage, I yanked her bedroom door shut, slamming it hard against the frame. The sound was satisfying, but it did nothing to diminish my anger. Turning away from Kiera, away from our life together, I stormed down the hall. I needed my keys. I needed to get to the door. Once I was gone, then I could fall apart. Or start tearing shit apart. I wasn’t sure which way my emotions were going to lead me. And I didn’t care.
I wasn’t two steps from the bedroom when I heard Kiera’s voice. “Kellan? What are you doing?”
She seemed genuinely stunned. Fucking bitch. Like I would stay? What the hell did you think was going to happen here? My hands curled into fists as the boiling heat inside me begged to be set free. I pushed down the fury and, ignoring her question, I kept walking down the hallway; I didn’t owe her an explanation. I didn’t owe her anything anymore. How could you?
I spotted her school bag resting on the card table and praying my keys were inside, I headed over to it. My fingers found the cool metal, and I clenched my hand around them, then shoved them in my jacket pocket. I never should have given her these. I never should have given her me. I should have run, fled from her like my life depended on it…because it was starting to feel like it did. How could I have been so stupid?
Pent-up rage swirled through my soul as I shifted to the door. I needed to hit something. I needed to scream. I needed to throw up. His baby is growing inside her. Fuck. Me.
Kiera beat me to the door. She stood in front of it, blocking it with her body. “Are you leaving?”
I couldn’t look at her, couldn’t focus on her body. I wanted her gone. I wanted her out of the way. But even still…I didn’t want to hurt her, so I knew I couldn’t touch her. I was too fucking angry to touch her right now. I would not be gentle, and I was not about to let myself become my father. I would not be that monster, no matter how much she fucking pushed me. So I just stood there, staring through her body, ignoring her, willing her to move and leave me alone. Let me go.
Instead of granting my silent request, Kiera pressed herself into the door. “Why? Because of Denny? I already told you nothing—”
Another refusal was too much to bear, and my eyes involuntarily snapped to hers. She stopped speaking as she took the full force of the fury in my glare. “Nothing? You must think I’m an idiot.” I certainly felt like one. How the fuck did I ever believe her? “I may not be as ‘brilliant’ as Denny, but I’m not stupid, Kiera.” I can do simple math. I know the baby isn’t mine. I know you fucked him. You left me the proof, you fucking bitch. So just stop denying it and let me go.
Needing relief, needing escape, I accepted the fact that I was going to have to forcibly remove her from my path. Careful to not hurt her, I grabbed her arm and tugged. “Now get out of my way!”
She resisted my pull. Shaking her head, she snapped, “Not until you talk to me. Why are you so pissed?”
My jaw dropped like she’d struck me. Seriously? She was still going to play the innocent card? “Are you fucking kidding me?” Stepping back, I ran my hands through my hair in frustration; I wanted to rip it out in frustration. Just let me leave. Why won’t you ever let me leave? Did she enjoy tearing my heart out? Maybe I was wrong about her not being cruel. This felt pretty fucking cruel.
She took a tentative step forward, away from the door. “Okay, I should have told you about Denny, I know that, but we didn’t do anything!”
My eyes slammed shut as her words sizzled my brain. Didn’t do anything? They didn’t fucking do anything? They made a fucking baby! They fucked me over. They both fucking lied. They did…everything.
I felt myself shaking, I felt my control slipping. I couldn’t stay here much longer, not without escalating this in a way I didn’t want it to escalate. Let me fucking leave, bitch! Barely holding the reins on my fury, I kept my eyes closed and tried to speak calmly, rationally. “I need to get away from you. Please move, so I don’t do something really stupid.”
Instead of respecting my wishes…she did the exact opposite. She grabbed my fucking face, shocking me into opening my eyes and looking at her. I instantly batted her hands away and shoved her back, into the door. My breath was heavy, and my fingers dug into her skin as I stared at her. Calm down. Get out of here, then lose it.
Kiera shook her head. “No, talk to me!”
Talk to her? Why? There was no point, not anymore. The damage was already done. Forcing myself to back down, I shook my head and took a step away from her. Maybe if I stood here long enough, silently stewing, she’d finally give up and leave me the fuck alone. But of course…she didn’t.
She shoved her hands into my chest and fucking yelled at me. “You son of a bitch! No, you don’t get to run away from me. You’re always trying to run away from me!” She shoved me again, pushing me back a step as her sudden anger took me by surprise. “But not this time. This time…you will talk to me! We talk things out, remember!”
No, we don’t…not anymore. Seeing an opportunity, I shoved her hands off of me and lunged for the doorknob. I had the knob twisted, the door partially cracked open, escape finally showing itself, but then Kiera fucking body slammed the door shut with her shoulder. Fucking bitch. Glaring at her, I snapped, “I’ve got nothing to say to you. Get out of my way!”
Her eyes glistened with tears. Even furious at her, it tore something inside of me. “Nothing to say? After everything you’ve done to me?”
For a moment, all my anger shifted into utter shock and disbelief. Everything…I’ve done…to her? What the fuck was she talking about? All I had ever done was love her. Wholly. Completely. Faithfully. “Me? What I’ve done to you?” My jaw tightened as the anger slammed back into me. How dare she try and make this about me. I never betrayed her. Ever. I stepped into her body, pressing her against the door. “You’re fucking your ex and I’m the bad guy? Is that how you want to play this, Kiera?”
