Painful, page 27
“Kellan,” the girl murmured, like she was memorizing it. “I like it, it’s sexy.”
I shook my head at her. “I didn’t pick it, but thanks,” I said with a small, amused smile. I supposed that was one tiny thing I could thank my parents for; Kellan Kyle had a certain ring to it. Hmmm…so did Kiera Kyle. God, I loved that our initials would match…if she agreed to marry me. Would she? She hadn’t found the letter in the couch yet…so we hadn’t talked about it yet. I both wanted to and didn’t want to.
The girl next to me got the wrong idea from my smile; she leaned forward, her hand going to my knee between us. “So…what’s your story, Kellan?”
I almost sighed at her. Not one I’m going to share with you. I wasn’t entirely sure how to get out of this conversation without making her mad. Could you leave me alone? seemed kind of rude. And that was when my savior sat down across from us.
Wide smile on his face, Griffin nodded his head at me. “Save your breath, cutie. He’s dick-deep in some girl back home. Won’t even consider cheating on her.” He rolled his eyes at me, then his grin returned as he looked the girl up and down. “Me, however, I have no such restrictions. I also have a bed, right back there.”
He pointed down the hallway, and the girl followed his finger. She looked back at me with a clear pout on her face. Grinning, I shrugged. “He’s right. I’m not gonna sleep with you.”
She sighed, then looked back at Griffin. Eyebrow raised, he splayed his fingers, waiting for her answer. She sighed again, then said, “All right…fine, let’s go.”
Griffin slapped the table, then swept her away to his bedroom. Thank God, potential angry confrontation averted. Damn, I can’t believe I actually owe Griffin one. Who knew having him around could be helpful?
While Griffin entertained our “guest,” I called Kiera. I never mentioned the girls that hovered around the bands. I didn’t want her to unnecessarily worry about them, and I knew she would. But their presence was inconsequential to me—it didn’t change how I felt about her, how dedicated I was to her. They could all be dancing around me naked, and I’d barely notice.
A small part of me wondered if Kiera knew about the girls though, if she’d heard anything in the background while we’d talked. If she had, and if she wondered why they were always around, she never brought it up. It made me happy that she didn’t, it made me feel like she actually did trust me. And she should. Those girls…they weren’t on my radar. Not even the ones who bluntly propositioned me. Kiera was the only thing in front of me, around me, behind me…she was everywhere, she was everything.
We got to our next stop early the next morning. Well, it was early for most of the guys. I’d been up for hours. Groggy and sleepy, they stumbled out of the buses and blinked at the sun like they’d never seen it before. While Griffin leaned on Matt, I noticed one of the crew escorting Griffin’s “date” to a nearby cab. None of the other guys looked her way, which…kind of made me feel bad for her. But I had a feeling if I waved or acknowledged her in any way, she’d show up on our bus again, and I’d have to have that awkward conversation again. And I doubted Griffin could get me out of it twice. So, I ignored her, just like everybody else.
The tour manager, Scott, looking a little frazzled as always, was walking down the line of us, handing out hotel room keys and shouting out room assignments. When he got to us, I knew what he was going to say even before he said it. “Kyle, Wilder, you two are together, room 602. Hancock and Hancock, you two are together, room 604.” Yep. That was typically how we were sorted.
He handed the four of us our key cards, while Matt grunted in annoyance. “Goddamn it,” he grumbled as Scott moved down the line. “Every single fucking time…” Closing his eyes, he let out a long sigh. “I have to deal with him every single day of my life. I was kind of hoping for a day or two off on this tour.”
While I smirked at the look on his face, Griffin laughed and smacked him on the back. “Sorry, cuz. You’re stuck with me, twenty-four-seven.”
Matt dropped his head into his hands. “Why me…?” he murmured.
Griffin poked him in the shoulder, making him look up at him. “Because the universe wants you to stay up late watching porn with me,” he stated.
Matt pursed his lips. Looking over at Evan and me, he said, “I don’t care what the assignment is, I call dibs on one of you two next stop.”
Evan and I glanced at each other, then started laughing. Matt flipped us off before leaving to go get his stuff.
When Evan and I got to our room, Evan immediately tossed his bag on a chair, kicked off his shoes, and collapsed onto one of the beds. He didn’t move again, so I figured he was already passed out; it was really hard to get a good night’s sleep in those cramped cubbies, and after so many nights of that, the body rebelled.
I debated taking a nap too, but the shower was calling me. The streaming hot water was a glorious treat, one I enjoyed for far too long. And sadly, by the time I got out of it and dried off, I was refreshed and energized. I couldn’t have fallen back asleep even if I tried. Lying on the other bed, I thought over ways to kill some time. I could write out some lyrics, but honestly, I’d been doing a lot of that on the bus. I’d only brought one notebook with me, and it was already over halfway full of random poetic verses. I didn’t want to read, didn’t want to watch TV. There was really only one thing I wanted; it was what I always wanted.
Glancing at Evan’s sleeping form, I pulled out my cell phone. I could tell he was sleeping pretty soundly, and I probably wouldn’t wake him, so I called Kiera. Her voice was sleepy when she answered. “Hell…o?”
Damn. Did I mess up on the time zone change again? My eyes flicked to the clock. It was late morning here in…where the hell were we? Somewhere in Ohio, if I was remembering the last concert correctly. That made me smile, being in Kiera’s home state made me feel oddly closer to her. “Sorry, did I wake you?”
“Hey…no, I was just waking up.” I was about to tell her where I was, but she distracted me by saying, “I’m a little unmotivated to leave your bed.”
The grin on my face was uncontainable as I pictured her spread out on my sheets. “My bed?”
She giggled in my ear. “I came over last night to grab your mail and go through your bills, and I just couldn’t stop myself from crawling under your covers.”
“Yes,” I said with a soft smile. “I do seem to recall that being a problem of yours.”
She laughed again, then sighed. “It smells like you here…it makes me miss you even more.”
I had to close my eyes as an ache tore through me. “I miss you too.” There was a moment of silence, then Kiera yawned. “You’re tired,” I stated.
A quiet sigh met my ear. “It’s harder to sleep…knowing you’re so far away.” She paused and when her voice returned there was humor in it. “Our new bed is much too big. I think we should return it.”
A light laugh escaped me. “Agreed. But even still…I have to thank you.”
“Thank me?” she asked, sounding confused.
“For making me do this. For the gentle push. It’s tiring, but it’s…I don’t know, it’s just…it’s everything I wanted it to be.” The shows, the crowd, the noise, the pulse of energy…it all flashed through my mind in a microsecond, wrapping me in contentment. Then I frowned as I reconsidered. There was one missing element to my happiness. “Minus you, of course.”
I could hear the smile in her voice when she responded. “Good, I’m glad. You’re meant for that life, Kellan.”
There was a trace of sadness in her voice, and I knew what she was thinking. That life…separate from hers. Like she couldn’t see how she fit into my surreal chaos. Like she didn’t understand that she was the framework, that everything else was molded onto her.
“I’m meant for you too, Kiera,” I told her. “I love you…so damn much. I wish there was a better word,” I said with a sigh. “Love just seems…too small. You’re the most important thing in my life.” By far.
I heard her voice catch, and it was a moment before she said anything. “Now I really wish our bed was smaller,” she murmured. I smiled at her and was about to tell her I wished that too, when she started gushing. “It’s the same for me, Kellan. I never knew love could be like this. It’s overwhelming what I feel for you. Almost…”
“Painful?” I whispered.
“Yeah,” she said with a sigh.
“I know…I feel it too.” Heaven and hell, torture and bliss, one extreme followed by the other. Did everyone in love feel this way? Both completely content and utterly terrified?
Kiera was silent a moment, then she yawned again. She was more tired than she was letting on. Feeling bad that my hectic life was intruding on hers, I said, “Do you want me to sing you back to sleep?”
“I don’t think I can sleep, but I would love to hear your voice.”
I smiled, then started singing her a song. And because I knew she was a fan, I sang her one of Justin’s songs. She laughed at first, then grew quiet as she listened. By the end of it, she was exceedingly quiet. “Kiera? Did I lose you?”
I glanced at the phone, but we were still connected. I really had sung her back to sleep. That made me deliriously happy. Grinning, I brought the phone back to my ear. “Sweet dreams, sweetheart.” A swell of love and loneliness swept over me as I disconnected the call. God, I missed her.
* * *
I ended up doing laundry at a nearby laundromat while Evan slept. And because I was an awesome friend and roommate, I did his too. When he finally woke up, we debated how to spend our free time. Our show wasn’t until tomorrow night, so we had the evening to ourselves. After checking in with Matt and Griffin, we decided to go exploring. Matt and Griffin joined us downstairs in the lobby, where we spotted Justin drinking alone in the hotel bar.
“Hey, Justin,” I said, poking my head into the bar. “We’re gonna go exploring. Want to come?”
Griffin bounced on his toes beside me. “I’m gonna find a Great Lake and skinny-dip in it, dude!”
Shaking my head, I mouthed, No, to Justin.
He laughed, then nodded. “Yeah, sure.” Finishing his drink, he paid his tab then joined us in the lobby.
We tooled around the city for a while, checking out local shops. Matt found a vintage record store that absorbed him for a good hour. Evan found an art gallery and picked up a little something for Jenny. We came across a bakery that had these chocolate-peanut butter things called buckeyes. We ate about fifty thousand of them, and then I had them mail a bunch to Kiera’s apartment. I figured she’d love a little reminder of home. And they were really fucking good. After stopping Griffin from stripping and jumping into a river—because we weren’t close enough to a Great Lake—we decided to check out the local bars.
Finding one we liked, we ordered beers from the bartender, then found a table in the middle of the room where we could sit and people watch. We all relaxed into our chairs. All except for Griffin. He started rubbing his hands together as he stood before us, and there was a playful gleam in his eye that I was all too familiar with. Great. What did the jackass think up now?
Leaning over, hands on the table he said, “Let’s play a game.”
“Pool?” Evan asked, looking around the bar for tables.
Griffin frowned at him. “No…an interesting game.”
Yeah, I’d had a feeling it wouldn’t be as simple as pool. Knowing I was going to regret it, I asked, “Like what?”
Griffin’s devilish grin turned toward me. “It’s a little something I like to call Find-a-Skank.”
Yep. Thought so. Matt, Evan, and I answered him at the same time. “No.”
Griffin’s mouth popped open as he finally sat down. “No? You haven’t even heard the rules yet,” he whined.
Shaking my head, I told him, “None of us want to find skanks.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Speak for yourself, dude. Finding skanks is my mission in life.” Justin choked on the sip of beer he’d just taken. Griffin shook his head as he took a drink of his own beer. “It’s just a game, Kell. Relax. It’s not like I’m gonna force you to fuck ‘em or something.” He rolled his eyes again. If he kept doing that, I was going to smack him.
Before I could tell him no again, Justin tilted his head and said, “What are the rules?”
Griffin smacked the table, his grin huge. “Ah yeah, Justin wants to play! Finally, a rock star who wants to be a rock star.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. Leaning in, Griffin told Justin, “It’s super simple. Just talk to girls and collect things. Numbers are one point, condoms five…hotel keys are an instant win. ‘Cause you’re just king if that happens. At the end of the night, we add up the points. The loser gets the tab and then everybody buys the winner a shot.” He looked around the table. “You guys in?”
“Whatever, Griffin,” I muttered, sipping my beer.
Of course, he took that as an enthusiastic yes. “Sweet! I’m gonna start now.” He immediately stood up and walked over to a table full of girls who looked around our age.
Matt shook his head at him, then looked over at me. “Do you think he’ll ever learn that ‘whatever’ doesn’t actually mean yes?”
I smiled around the beer bottle in my mouth. Shaking my head, I shrugged. “Hell…freezing…”
Ignoring Griffin’s game, I spent the bulk of the night just talking and laughing with my friends. But oddly enough, as the night wore on, even though we weren’t really doing anything special, our small group turned into a much larger group, full of girls and guys alike. That tended to happen when we went out. I wasn’t entirely sure why, we just…attracted people.
Before I knew it, it was last call. Hearing those words made Griffin panic. He instantly appeared at our table. “Dudes! We need a winner so he can get his shots!”
Nobody but him—and maybe Justin—had truly been playing his game, but even still…I’d sensed a few things being shoved into my pockets throughout the night, and there had been a couple of brazen girls who’d walked up and boldly handed me their numbers. Because I knew it would piss off Griffin, I’d decided to play along, and I’d accepted them. Pulling out the scraps of paper I’d collected, I counted them out as I set them on the table. “I got six,” I told him.
Griffin stared at my pile with a dazed look on his face. “How? How! You weren’t even doing anything?”
He tossed down his pair of phone numbers. I could tell just by glancing at one of them that it was fake. The letters FU gave it away. Crossing his arms over his chest, Griffin looked at Matt, Justin, and Evan. “Please tell me one of you guys can beat him.”
Matt shook his head. “I got nada.”
Justin smirked. “I got three. Didn’t beat him, but I beat you.”
Griffin glared at him, then turned to Evan. “It’s all on you, bro.”
I watched Evan closely, curious. He looked over at me with calm brown eyes, smiled…then shook his head. “I just got one.”
Matt shrugged. “Guess I lost.”
Griffin ignored him; his pale, irritated eyes narrowed on me. “What the fuck? How the fuck? Did you cheat? Let me see those…”
He pulled out his phone, like he was going to start calling the numbers. Laughing, I grabbed the stack and crumpled them. Griffin scowled at me. “You’re such a slut. You were literally just sitting there.”
Matt shook his spikey head. “No, he did get up to go to the bathroom a couple times.”
Evan snapped his fingers. “And he went up to the bar.”
Matt nodded. “And he went over to the jukebox. That’s a hot spot.”
Justin started laughing, which made Matt and Evan laugh, which made me laugh. I laughed so hard tears stung my eyes. Griffin eyed us all, unamused. “I know you cheated. I’ll get you next time, fucker.”
He turned around and left, and I just about fell out of my chair. Matt did. “Oh God, Kell,” he said, sitting back on his seat and wiping tears from his eyes. “That was awesome. I might actually enjoy that game.”
Laughing at his joy, I held my beer bottle out to him, and he clinked his against mine. I might actually enjoy that game too. Just to see Griffin’s head explode over and over again.
A part of me wanted to mention the game to Kiera when I called her later, but I was pretty sure she wouldn’t find it as funny as we all did. She wouldn’t appreciate the nature of the game, or the fact that girls slipped me phone numbers unsolicited; I was pretty sure she’d never noticed that happening at Pete’s, and I didn’t feel like informing her. Kiera had a bit of a jealous streak. Not that I could really complain about that; I did too.
Instead of the game, I told her about our day sightseeing in her home state. “Did you know that one of the things on Griffin’s bucket list is to dip a specific part of himself into every large body of water on Earth?”
I could easily picture her cringing in disgust. “Do I want to know which body part?”
With a laugh, I told her, “It’s exactly what you’re thinking. He says water blessed by his junk will bring good luck to the world. Who knew he was such a peacekeeper.” Kiera started laughing, and it was a solid minute before she could speak again.
When her giggles subsided, she told me about her day, then about what notes she’d found. We talked for hours…far later than we probably should have considering what time it was both here and there. Eventually, Kiera started yawning repeatedly. “Want me to sing you to sleep again?” I asked.
She sighed, the sound content and happy. “Yes, please.”
I instantly started singing a song for her, but this time, it was one of mine. The pull of sleep started dragging me under long before the song was done, and knowing Kiera was well on her way, if not already asleep, I let myself sink into the nothingness. And it gave me the greatest sense of peace to know we were falling asleep together.
