H G Wells Omnibus, page 240
The conversation thus opened by Manning centred for a time upon Colonel Rendezvous. He was presented as a monster of energy and self-discipline; as the determined foe of every form of looseness, slackness, and easygoingness.
“He’s done wonderful work for the local Boy Scout movement,” said Manning
“It’s Kitchenerism,” said Britling.
“It’s the army side of the efficiency stunt,” said Manning.
There followed a digression upon the Boy Scout movement, and Mr. Direck made comparisons with the propaganda of Seton Thompson in America. “Teddy Rooseveltism,” said Manning. “It’s a sort of reaction against everything being too easy and too safe.”
“It’s got its anti-decadent side,” said Mr. Direck.
“If there is such a thing as decadence,” said Mr. Britling.
“If there wasn’t such a thing as decadence,” said Manning, “we journalists would have had to invent it.”. …
“There is something tragic in all this—what shall I call it?—Kitchenerism,” Mr. Britling reflected. “Here you have it rushing about and keeping itself—screwed up, and trying desperately to keep the country screwed up. And all because there may be a war some day somehow with Germany. Provided Germany is insane. It’s that war, like some sort of bee in Rendezvous’ brains, that is driving him along the road now to Market Saffron—he always keeps to the roads because they are severer—through all the dust and sunshine. When he might be here gossiping. …
“And you know, I don’t see that war coming,” said Mr. Britling. “I believe Rendezvous sweats in vain. I can’t believe in that war. It has held off for forty years. It may hold off for ever.”
He nodded his head towards the German tutor, who had come into view across the lawn, talking profoundly with Mr. Britling’s eldest son.
“Look at that pleasant person. There he is—echt Deutsch—if anything ever was. Look at my son there! Do you see the two of them engaged in mortal combat? The thing’s too ridiculous. The world grows sane. They may fight in the Balkans still; in many ways the Balkan States are in the very rear of civilisation; but to imagine decent countries like this or Germany going back to bloodshed! No. … When I see Rendezvous keeping it up and keeping it up, I begin to see just how poor Germany must be keeping it up. I begin to realise how sick Germany must be getting of the highroad and the dust and heat and the everlasting drill and restraint. … My heart goes out to the South Germans. Old Manning here always reminds me of Austria. Think of Germany coming like Rendezvous on a Sunday morning, and looking stiffly over Austria’s fence. ‘Come for a good hard walk, man. Keep fit.’ …”
“But suppose this Balkan trouble becomes acute,” said Manning.
“It hasn’t; it won’t. Even if it did we should keep out of it.”
“But suppose Russia grappled Austria and Germany flung herself suddenly upon France—perhaps taking Belgium on the way.”
“Oh!—we should fight. Of course we should fight. Could anyone but a congenital idiot suppose we shouldn’t fight? They know we should fight. They aren’t altogether idiots in Germany. But the thing’s absurd. Why should Germany attack France? It’s as if Manning here took a hatchet suddenly and assailed Edith. … It’s just the dream of their military journalists. It’s such schoolboy nonsense. Isn’t that a beautiful pillar rose? Edith only put it in last year. … I hate all this talk of wars and rumours of wars. … It’s worried all my life. And it gets worse and it gets emptier every year. …”
§ 2
Now just at that moment there was a loud report. …
But neither Mr. Britling nor Mr. Manning nor Mr. Direck was interrupted or incommoded in the slightest degree by that report. Because it was too far off over the curve of this round world to be either heard or seen at Matching’s Easy. Nevertheless it was a very loud report. It occurred at an open space by a river that ran through a cramped Oriental city, a city spiked with white minarets and girt about by bare hills under a blazing afternoon sky. It came from a black parcel that the Archduke Francis Ferdinand of Austria, with great presence of mind, had just flung out from the open hood of his automobile, where, tossed from the side of the quay, it had descended a few seconds before. It exploded as it touched the cobbled road just under the front of the second vehicle in the procession, and it blew to pieces the front of the automobile and injured the aide-decamp who was in it and several of the spectators. Its thrower was immediately gripped by the bystanders. The procession stopped. There was a tremendous commotion amongst that brightly costumed crowd, a hot excitement in vivid contrast to the Sabbath calm of Matching’s Easy. …
Mr. Britling, to whom the explosion was altogether inaudible, continued his dissertation upon the common sense of the world and the practical security of our Western peace.
§ 3
Lunch was an open-air feast again. Three visitors had dropped in; they had motored down from London piled up on a motor-cycle and a side-car; a brother and two sisters they seemed to be, and they had apparently reduced hilariousness to a principle. The rumours of coming hockey, that had been floating on the outskirts of Mr. Direck’s consciousness ever since his arrival thickened and multiplied. … It crept into his mind that he was expected to play. …
He decided he would not play. He took various people into his confidence. He told Mr. Britling, and Mr. Britling said, “We’ll make you full-back, where you’ll get a hit now and then and not have very much to do. All you have to remember is to hit with the flat side of your stick and not raise it above your shoulders.” He told Teddy, and Teddy said, “I strongly advise you to dress as thinly as you can consistently with decency, and put your collar and tie in your pocket before the game begins. Hockey is properly a winter game.” He told the maiden aunt-like lady with the prominent nose, and she said almost enviously, “Every one here is asked to play except me. I assuage the perambulator. I suppose one mustn’t be envious. I don’t see why I shouldn’t play. I’m not so old as all that.” He told Hugh, and Hugh warned him to be careful not to get hold of one of the sprung sticks. He considered whether it wouldn’t be wiser to go to his own room and lock himself in, or stroll off for a walk through Claverings Park. But then he would miss Miss Corner, who was certain, it seemed, to come up for hockey. On the other hand, if he did not miss her he might make himself ridiculous in her eyes, and efface the effect of the green silk stuff with the golden pheasants.
He determined to stay behind until she arrived, and explain to her that he was not going to play. He didn’t somehow want her to think he wasn’t perfectly fit to play.
Mr. Carmine arrived in an automobile with two Indians and a gentleman who had been a prospector in Alaska, the family who had danced overnight at the Dower House reappeared, and then Mrs. Teddy, very detached with a special hockey-stick, and Miss Corner wheeling the perambulator. Then came further arrivals. At the earliest opportunity Mr. Direck secured the attention of Miss Corner, and lost his interest in any one else.
“I can’t play this hockey,” said Mr. Direck. “I feel strange about it. It isn’t an American game. Now if it were baseball——!”
He left her to suppose him uncommonly hot stuff at baseball.
“If you’re on my side,” said Cecily, “mind you pass to me.”
It became evident to Mr. Direck that he was going to play this hockey after all.
“Well,” he said, “if I’ve got to play hockey, I guess I’ve got to play hockey. But can’t I just get a bit of practice somewhere before the game begins?”
So Miss Corner went off to get two sticks and a ball and came back to instruct Mr. Direck. She said he had a good eye. The two small boys scenting play in the air got sticks and joined them. The overnight visitor’s wife appeared from the house in abbreviated skirts, and wearing formidable shin-guards. With her abundant fair hair, which was already breaking loose, so to speak, to join the fray, she looked like a short stout dismounted Valkyr. Her gaze was clear and firm.
§ 4
Hockey as it was played at the Dower House at Matching’s Easy before the war was a game combining danger, physical exercise and kindliness in a very high degree. Except for the infant in the perambulator and the outwardly calm but inwardly resentful aunt, who wheeled the child up and down in a position of maximum danger just behind the unnetted goal, every one was involved. Quite able-bodied people acquainted with the game played forward, the less well-informed played a defensive game behind the forward line, elderly, infirm, and bulky persons were used chiefly as obstacles in goal. Several players wore padded leg-guards, and all players were assumed to have them and expected to behave accordingly.
Proceedings began with an invidious ceremony called picking up. This was heralded by Mr. Britling, clad in the diaphanous flannels and bearing a hockey-stick, advancing with loud shouts to the centre of the hockey-field. “Pick up! Pick up!” echoed the young Britlings.
Mr. Direck became aware of a tall, drooping man with long hair and long digressive legs in still longer white flannel trousers, and a face that was somehow familiar. He was talking with affectionate intimacy to Manning, and suddenly Mr. Direck remembered that it was in Manning’s weekly paper, The Sectarian, in which a bitter caricaturist enlivened a biting text, that he had become familiar with the features of Manning’s companion. It was Raeburn, Raeburn the insidious, Raeburn the completest product of the party system. … Well, that was the English way. “Come for the pick up!” cried the youngest Britling, seizing upon Mr. Direck’s elbow. It appeared that Mr. Britling and the overnight dinner-guest—Mr. Direck never learned his name—were picking up.
Names were shouted. “I’ll take Cecily!” Mr. Direck heard Mr. Britling say quite early. The opposing sides as they were picked fell into two groups. There seemed to be difficulties about some of the names. Mr. Britling, pointing to the more powerful-looking of the Indian gentlemen, said, “You, sir.”
“I’m going to speculate on Mr. Dinks,” said Mr. Britling’s opponent. Mr. Direck gathered that Mr. Dinks was to be his hockey name.
“You’re on our side,” said Mrs. Teddy. “I think you’ll have to play forward, outer right, and keep a sharp eye on Cissie.”
“I’ll do what I can,” said Mr. Direck.
His captain presently confirmed this appointment.
His stick was really a sort of club and the ball was a firm hard cricket-ball. … He resolved to be very gentle with Cecily, and see that she didn’t get hurt.
The sides took their places for the game, and a kind of order became apparent to Mr. Direck. In the centre stood Mr. Britling and the opposing captain, and the ball lay between them. They were preparing to “bully-off” and start the game. In a line with each of them were four other forwards. They all looked spirited and intent young people, and Mr. Direck wished he had had more exercise to justify his own alert appearance. Behind each centre forward hovered one of the Britling boys. Then on each side came a vaguer row of three backs, persons of gentler disposition or maturer years. They included Mr. Raeburn, who was considered to have great natural abilities for hockey but little experience. Mr. Raeburn was behind Mr. Direck. Mrs. Britling was the centre back. Then in a corner of Mr. Direck’s side was a small girl of six or seven, and in the half-circle about the goal a lady in a motoring dust-coat and a very short little man whom Mr. Direck had not previously remarked. Mr. Lawrence Carmine, stripped to the braces, which were richly ornamented with Oriental embroidery, kept goal for our team.
The centre forwards went through a rapid little ceremony. They smote their sticks on the ground, and then hit the sticks together. “One,” said Mr. Britling. The operation was repeated. “Two,” … “Three.”
Smack, Mr. Britling had got it and the ball had gone to the shorter and sturdier of the younger Britlings, who had been standing behind Mr. Direck’s captain. Crack, and it was away to Teddy; smack, and it was coming right at Direck.
“Lordy!” he said and prepared to smite it.
Then something swift and blue had flashed before him, intercepted the ball and shot it past him. This was Cecily Corner, and she and Teddy were running abreast like the wind towards Mr. Raeburn.
“Hey!” cried Mr. Raeburn, “stop!” and advanced, as it seemed to Mr. Direck, with unseemly and threatening gestures towards Cissie.
But before Mr. Direck could adjust his mind to this new phase of affairs, Cecily had passed the right honourable gentleman with the same mysterious ease with which she had flashed by Mr. Direck, and was bearing down upon the miscellaneous Landwehr which formed the “backs” of Mr. Direck’s side.
“You rabbit!” cried Mr. Raeburn, and became extraordinarily active in pursuit, administering great lengths of arm and leg with a centralised efficiency he had not hitherto displayed.
Running hard to the help of Mr. Raeburn was the youngest Britling boy, a beautiful contrast. It was like a puffball supporting and assisting a conger-eel. In front of Mr. Direck the little stout man was being alert. Teddy was supporting the attack near the middle of the field, crying “Centre!” while Mr. Britling, very round and resolute, was bouncing straight towards the threatened goal. But Mrs. Teddy, running as swiftly as her sister, was between Teddy and the ball. Whack! the little short man’s stick had clashed with Cecily’s. Confused things happened with sticks and feet, and the little short man appeared to be trying to cut down Cecily as one cuts down a tree, she tried to pass the ball to her centre forward—too late, and then Mrs. Teddy had intercepted it, and was flickering back towards Mr. Britling’s goal in a rush in which Mr. Direck perceived it was his duty to join.
Yes, he had to follow up Mrs. Teddy and pick up the ball if he had a chance and send it in to her or the captain or across to the left forwards, as circumstances might decide. It was perfectly clear.
Then came his moment. The little formidably padded lady who had dined at the Dower House overnight made a gallant attack upon Mrs. Teddy. Out of the confusion of this clash the ball spun into Mr. Direck’s radius. Where should he smite and how? A moment of reflection was natural.
But now the easy-fitting discipline of the Dower House style of hockey became apparent. Mr. Direck had last observed the tall young Indian gentleman, full of vitality and anxious for destruction, far away in the distance on the opposing right wing. Regardless of the more formal methods of the game, this young man had resolved, without further delay and at any cost, to hit the ball hard, and he was travelling like some Asiatic typhoon with an extreme velocity across the remonstrances of Mr. Britling and the general order of his side. Mr. Direck became aware of him just before his impact. There was a sort of collision from which Mr. Direck emerged with a feeling that one side of his face was permanently flattened, but still gallantly resolved to hit the comparatively lethargic ball. He and the staggered but resolute Indian clashed sticks again. And Mr. Direck had the best of it. Years of experience couldn’t have produced a better pass to the captain. …
“Good pass!”
Apparently from one of the London visitors.
But this was some game!
The ball executed some rapid movements to and fro across the field. Our side was pressing hard. There was a violent convergence of miscellaneous backs and such-like irregulars upon the threatened goal. Mr. Britling’s dozen was rapidly losing its disciplined order. One of the side-car ladies and the gallant Indian had shifted their activities to the defensive back, and with them was a spectacled gentleman waving his stick, high above all recognised rules. Mr. Direck’s captain and both Britling boys hurried to join the fray. Mr. Britling, who seemed to Mr. Direck to be for a captain rather too demagogic, also ran back to rally his forces by loud cries. “Pass outwardly!” was the burthen of his contribution.
The struggle about the Britling goal ceased to be a game and became something between a fight and a social gathering. Mr. Britling’s goal-keeper could be heard shouting, “I can’t see the ball! Lift your feet!” The crowded conflict lurched towards the goal-posts. “My shin!” cried Mr. Manning. “No, you don’t!”
Whack, but again whack!
Whack! “Ah! would you?” Whack.
“Goal!” cried the side-car gentleman.
“Goal!” cried the Britling boys. …
Mr. Manning, as goal-keeper, went to recover the ball, but one of the Britling boys politely anticipated him.
The crowd became inactive, and then began to drift back to loosely conceived positions.
“It’s no good swarming into goal like that,” Mr. Britling, with a faint asperity in his voice, explained to his followers. “We’ve got to keep open and not crowd each other.”
Then he went confidentially to the energetic young Indian to make some restrictive explanation of his activities.
Mr. Direck strolled back towards Cecily. He was very warm and a little blown, but not, he felt, disgraced. He was winning.
“You’ll have to take your coat off,” she said.
It was a good idea.
It had occurred to several people, and the boundary-line was already dotted with hastily discarded jackets and wraps and so forth. But the lady in the motoring dust-coat was buttoning it to the chin.
“One goal love,” said the minor Britling boy.
“We haven’t begun yet, Sunny,” said Cecily.
“Sonny! That’s American,” said Mr. Direck.
“No. We call him Sunny Jim,” said Cecily. “They’re bullying off again.”
