H G Wells Omnibus, page 235
The young lady reflected on Mr. Britling’s good fortune.
“He saw India. He saw Japan. He had weeks in Egypt. And he went right across America.”
Mr. Direck had already begun on the liner to adapt himself to the hopping inconsecutiveness of English conversation. He made now what he felt was quite a good hop, and he dropped his voice to a confidential undertone. (It was probably Adam in his first conversation with Eve who discovered the pleasantness of dropping into a confidential undertone beside a pretty ear with a pretty wave of hair above it.)
“It was in India, I presume,” murmured Mr. Direck, “that Mr. Britling made the acquaintance of the coloured gentleman?”
“Coloured gentleman!” She gave a swift glance down the table as though she expected to see something purple with yellow spots. “Oh, that is one of Mr. Lawrence Carmine’s young men!” she explained even more confidentially and with an air of discussing the silver bowl of roses before him. He’s a great authority on Indian literature, he belongs to a society for making things pleasant for Indian students in London, and he has them down.”
“And Mr. Lawrence Carmine?” he pursued.
Even more intimately and confidentially she indicated Mr. Carmine, as it seemed by a motion of her eyelash.
Mr. Direck prepared to be even more sotto voce and to plumb a much profounder mystery. His eye rested on the perambulator; he leaned a little nearer to the ear. … But the strawberries interrupted him.
“Strawberries!” said the young lady, and directed his regard to his left shoulder by a movement of her head.
He found one of the boys with a high-piled plate ready to serve him.
And then Mrs. Britling resumed her conversation with him. She was so ignorant, she said, of things American that she did not even know if they had strawberries there. At any rate, here they were at the crest of the season, and in a very good year. And in the rose season too. It was one of the dearest vanities of English people to think their apples and their roses and their strawberries the best in the world.
“And their complexions,” said Mr. Direck, over the pyramid of fruit, quite manifestly intending a compliment. So that was all right. … But the girl on the left of him was speaking across the table to the German tutor, and did not hear what he had said. So that even if it wasn’t very neat it didn’t matter. …
Then he remembered that she was like that old daguerreotype of a cousin of his grandmother’s that he had fallen in love with when he was a boy. It was her smile. Of course! Of course! … And he’d sort of adored that portrait. … He felt a curious disposition to tell her as much. …
“What makes this visit even more interesting if possible to me,” he said to Mrs. Britling, “than it would otherwise be is that this Essex country is the country in which my maternal grandmother was raised, and also long way back my mother’s father’s people. My mother’s father’s people were very early New England people indeed. … Well, no. If I said Mayflower it wouldn’t be true. But it would approximate. They were Essex Hinkinsons. That’s what they were. I must be a good third of me at least Essex. My grandmother was an Essex Corner. I must confess I’ve some thought——”
“Corner?” said the young lady at his elbow sharply.
“I was telling Mrs. Britling I had some thought——”
“But about those Essex relatives of yours?”
“Well, of finding if they were still about in these parts. … Say!
I haven’t dropped a brick, have I?”
He looked from one face to another.
“She’s a Corner,” said Mrs. Britling.
“Well,” said Mr. Direck, and hesitated for a moment. It was so delightful that one couldn’t go on being just discreet. The atmosphere was free and friendly. His intonation disarmed offence. And he gave the young lady the full benefit of a quite expressive eye. “I’m very pleased to meet you, Cousin Corner. How are the old folks at home?”
§ 10
The bright interest of this cousinship helped Mr. Direck more than anything to get the better of his Robinson-anecdote crave, and when presently he found his dialogue with Mr. Britling resumed, he turned at once to this remarkable discovery of his long-lost and indeed hitherto unsuspected relative. “It’s an American sort of thing to do, I suppose,” he said apologetically, “but I almost thought of going on, on Monday, to Market Saffron, which was the locality of the Hinkinsons, and just looking about at the tombstones in the churchyard for a day or so.”
“Very probably,” said Mr. Britling, “you’d find something about them in the parish registers. Lots of our registers go back three hundred years or more. I’ll drive you over in my lil’ old car.”
“Oh! I wouldn’t put you to that trouble,” said Mr. Direck hastily.
“It’s no trouble. I like the driving. What I have had of it. And while we’re at it, we’ll come back by Harborough High Oak and look up the Corner pedigree. They’re all over that district still. And the road’s not really difficult; it’s only a bit up and down and roundabout.”
“I couldn’t think, Mr. Britling, of putting you to that much trouble.”
“It’s no trouble. I want a day off, and I’m dying to take Gladys——”
“Gladys?” said Mr. Direck with sudden hope.
“That’s my name for the lil’ car. I’m dying to take her for something like a decent run. I’ve only had her out four times altogether, and I’ve not got her up yet to forty miles. Which I’m told she ought to do easily. We’ll consider that settled.”
For the moment Mr. Direck couldn’t think of any further excuse. But it was very clear in his mind that something must happen; he wished he knew of somebody who could send a recall telegram from London, to prevent him committing himself to the casual destinies of Mr. Britling’s car again. And then another interest became uppermost in his mind.
“You’d hardly believe me,” he said, “if I told you that that Miss Corner of yours has a quite extraordinary resemblance to a miniature I’ve got away there in America of a cousin of my maternal grandmother’s. She seems a very pleasant young lady.”
But Mr. Britling supplied no further information about Miss Corner.
“It must be very interesting,” he said, “to come over here and pick up these American families of yours on the monuments and tombstones. You know, of course, that district south of Evesham where every church monument bears the stars and stripes, the arms of departed Washingtons. I doubt though if you’d still find the name about there. Nor will you find many Hinkinsons in Market Saffron. But lots of this country here has five or six hundred-year-old families still flourishing. That’s why Essex is so much more genuinely Old England than Surrey, say, or Kent. Round here you’ll find Corners and Fairlies, and then you get Capels, and then away down towards Dunmow and Braintree Maynards and Byngs. And there are oaks and hornbeams in the park about Claverings that have echoed to the howling of wolves and the clank of men in armour. All the old farms here are moated—because of the wolves. Claverings itself is Tudor, and rather fine too. And the cottages still wear thatch. …”
He reflected. “Now if you went south of London instead of northward it’s all different. You’re in a different period, a different society. You’re in London suburbs right down to the sea. You’ll find no genuine estates left, not of our deep-rooted familiar sort. You’ll find millionaires and that sort of people, sitting in the old places. Surrey is full of rich stockbrokers, company-promoters, bookies, judges, newspaper proprietors. Sort of people who fence the paths across their parks. They do something to the old places—I don’t know what they do—but instantly the countryside becomes a villadom. And little sub-estates and red-brick villas and art cottages spring up. And a kind of new, hard neatness. And pneumatic tire and automobile spirit advertisements, great glaring boards by the roadside. And all the poor people are inspected and rushed about until they forget who their grandfathers were. They become villa parasites and odd-job men, and grow basely rich and buy gramophones. This Essex and yonder Surrey are as different as Russia and Germany. But for one American who comes to look at Essex, twenty go to Godalming and Guildford and Dorking and Lewes and Canterbury. Those Surrey people are not properly English at all. They are strenuous. You have to get on or get out. They drill their gardeners, lecture very fast on agricultural efficiency, and have miniature rifle-ranges in every village. It’s a county of new notice-boards and barbed-wire fences; there’s always a policeman round the corner. They dress for dinner. They dress for everything. If a man gets up in the night to look for a burglar he puts on the correct costume—or doesn’t go. They’ve got a special scientific system for urging on their tramps. And they lock up their churches on a week-day. Half their soil is hard chalk or a rationalistic sand, only suitable for bunkers and villa foundations. And they play golf in a large, expensive, thorough way because it’s the thing to do. … Now here in Essex we’re as lax as the eighteenth century. We hunt in any old clothes. Our soil is a rich succulent clay; it becomes semifluid in winter—when we go about in waders shooting duck. All our finger-posts have been twisted round by facetious men years ago. And we pool our breeds of hens and pigs. Our roses and oaks are wonderful; that alone shows that this is the real England. If I wanted to play golf—which I don’t, being a decent Essex man—I should have to motor ten miles into Hertfordshire. And for rheumatics and longevity Surrey can’t touch us. I want you to be clear on these points, because they really will affect your impressions of this place. … This country is a part of the real England—England outside London and outside manufacturers. It’s one with Wessex and Mercia or old Yorkshire—or for the matter of that with Meath or Lothian. And it’s the essential England still. …”
§ 11
It detracted a little from Mr. Direck’s appreciation of this flow of information that it was taking them away from the rest of the company. He wanted to see more of his new-found cousin, and what the baby and the Bengali gentleman—whom manifestly one mustn’t call “coloured”—and the large-nosed lady and all the other inexplicables would get up to. Instead of which Mr. Britling was leading him off alone with an air of showing him round the premises, and talking too rapidly and variously for a question to be got in edgeways, much less any broaching of the matter that Mr. Direck had come over to settle.
There was quite a lot of rose-garden, it made the air delicious, and it was full of great tumbling bushes of roses and of neglected standards, and it had a long pergola of creepers and trailers and a great arbour, and underneath over the beds everywhere, contrary to all the rules, the blossom of a multitude of pansies and stock and little trailing plants swarmed and crowded and scrimmaged and drilled and fought great massed attacks. And then Mr. Britling talked their way round a red-walled vegetable-garden with an abundance of fruit-trees, and through a door into a terraced square that had once been a farmyard, outside the converted barn. The barn doors had been replaced by a door-pierced window of glass, and in the middle of the square space a deep tank had been made, full of rain-water, in which Mr. Britling remarked casually that “everybody” bathed when the weather was hot. Thyme and rosemary and such-like sweet-scented things grew on the terrace about the tank, and ten trimmed little trees of arbor vitae stood sentinel. Mr. Direck was tantalisingly aware that beyond some lilac-bushes were his newfound cousin and the kindred young woman in blue playing tennis with the Indian and another young man, while whenever it was necessary the large-nosed lady crossed the stage and brooded soothingly over the perambulator. And Mr. Britling, choosing a seat from which Mr. Direck just couldn’t look comfortably through the green branches at the flying glimpses of pink and blue and white and brown, continued to talk about England and America in relation to each other and everything else under the sun.
Presently through a distant gate the two small boys were momentarily visible wheeling small but serviceable bicycles, followed after a little interval by the German tutor. Then an enormous grey cat came slowly across the garden court, and sat down to listen respectfully to Mr. Britling. The afternoon sky was an intense blue, with little puff-balls of cloud lined out across it.
Occasionally, from chance remarks of Mr. Britling’s, Mr. Direck was led to infer that his first impressions as an American visitor were being related to his host, but as a matter of fact he was permitted to relate nothing; Mr. Britling did all the talking. He sat beside his guest and spirted and played ideas and reflections like a happy fountain in the sunshine.
Mr. Direck sat comfortably, and smoked with quiet appreciation the one after-lunch cigar he allowed himself. At any rate, if he himself felt rather word-bound, the fountain was nimble and entertaining. He listened in a general sort of way to the talk, it was quite impossible to follow it thoughtfully throughout all its chinks and turnings, while his eyes wandered about the garden and went ever and again to the flitting tennisplayers beyond the green. It was all very gay and comfortable and complete; it was various and delightful without being in the least opulent; that was one of the little secrets America had to learn. It didn’t look as though it had been made or bought or cost anything, it looked as though it had happened rather luckily. …
Mr. Britling’s talk became like a wide stream flowing through Mr. Direck’s mind, bearing along momentary impressions and observations, drifting memories of all the crowded English sights and sounds of the last five days, filmy imaginations about ancestral names and pretty cousins, scraps of those prepared conversational openings on Mr. Britling’s standing in America, the explanation about the lecture club, the still incompletely forgotten purport of the Robinson anecdote. …
“Nobody planned the British estate system, nobody planned the British aristocratic system, nobody planned the confounded constitution, it came about, it was like layer after layer wrapping round an agate, but you see it came about so happily in a way, it so suited the climate and the temperament of our people and our island, it was on the whole so cosy, that our people settled down into it, you can’t help settling down into it, they had already settled down by the days of Queen Anne, and Heaven knows if we shall ever really get away again. We’re like that little shell the Lingula, that is found in the oldest rocks and lives today: it fitted its easy conditions, and it has never modified since. Why should it? It excretes all its disturbing forces. Our younger sons go away and found colonial empires. Our surplus cottage children emigrate to Australia and Canada or migrate into the towns. It doesn’t alter this. …”
§ 12
Mr. Direck’s eye had come to rest upon the barn, and its expression changed slowly from lazy appreciation to a brightening intelligence. Suddenly he resolved to say something. He resolved to say it so firmly that he determined to say it even if Mr. Britling went on talking all the time.
“I suppose, Mr. Britling,” he said, “this barn here dates from the days of Queen Anne.”
“The walls of the yard here are probably earlier: probably monastic. That grey patch in the corner, for example. The barn itself is Georgian.”
“And here it is still. And this farmyard, here it is still.”
Mr. Britling was for flying off again, but Mr. Direck would not listen; he held on like a man who keeps his grip on a lasso.
“There’s one thing I would like to remark about your barn, Mr. Britling, and I might, while I am at it, say the same thing about your farmyard.”
Mr. Britling was held. “What’s that?” he asked.
“Well,” said Mr. Direck, “the point that strikes me most about all this is that that barn isn’t a barn any longer, and that this farmyard isn’t a farmyard. There isn’t any wheat or chaff or anything of that sort in the barn, and there never will be again: there’s just a pianola and a dancing floor, and if a cow came into this farmyard everybody in the place would be shooing it out again. They’d regard it as a most unnatural object.”
He had a pleasant sense of talking at last. He kept right on. He was moved to a sweeping generalisation.
“You were so good as to ask me, Mr. Britling, a little while ago, what my first impression of England was. Well, Mr. Britling, my first impression of England that seems to me to matter in the least is this: that it looks and feels more like the traditional Old England than any one could possibly have believed, and that in reality it is less like the traditional Old England than any one would ever possibly have imagined.”
He was carried on even further. He made a tremendous literary epigram. “I thought,” he said, “when I looked out of the train this morning that I had come to the England of Washington Irving. I find it is not even the England of Mrs. Humphry Ward.”
CHAPTER THE SECOND
MR. BRITLING CONTINUES HIS EXPOSITION
§ 1
Mr. Direck found little reason to revise his dictum in the subsequent experiences of the afternoon. Indeed the afternoon and the next day were steadily consistent in confirming what a very good dictum it had been. The scenery was the traditional scenery of England, and all the people seemed quicker, more irresponsible, more chaotic, than any one could have anticipated, and entirely inexplicable by any recognised code of English relationships. …
“You think that John Bull is dead and a strange generation is wearing his clothes,” said Mr. Britling. “I think you’ll find very soon it’s the old John Bull. Perhaps not Mrs. Humphry Ward’s John Bull, or Mrs. Henry Wood’s John Bull, but true essentially to Shakespeare, Fielding, Dickens, Meredith. …
“I suppose,” he added, “there are changes. There’s a new generation grown up. …”
He looked at his barn and the swimming-pool. “It’s a good point of yours about the barn,” he said. “What you say reminds me of that very jolly thing of Kipling’s about the old mill-wheel that began by grinding corn and ended by driving dynamos. …
“Only I admit that barn doesn’t exactly drive a dynamo. …
“To be frank, it’s just a pleasure barn. …
