Complete Works of Samuel Johnson, page 365
I was very early at church, and used this Prayer, I think, before service, with proper collects. I was composed during the service. I went to the table to hear the prefatory part of the office, then returned to my pew, and tried to settle some resolutions.
I resolved to form, this day, some plan for reading the Scriptures.
To rise by eight, or earlier.
To form a plan for the regulation of my daily life.
To excite in myself such a fervent desire of pleasing God, as should suppress all other passions.
I prayed through all the collects of meditation, with some extemporary prayers; recommended my friends, living and dead. When I returned to the table, I staid till most had communicated, and in the mean time tried to settle my mind; prayed against bad and troublesome thoughts; resolved to oppose sudden incursions of them; and, I think, had — thrown into my mind at the general confession. When I went first to the table, the particular series of my thoughts I cannot recollect.
When I came home I returned thanks, by accommodating the General Thanksgiving; and used this prayer again, with the collects, after receiving. I hope God has heard me.
Shall I ever receive the Sacrament with tranquillity? Surely the time will come.
Some vain thoughts stole upon me while I stood near the table; I hope I ejected them effectually, so as not to be hurt by them.
I went to prayers at seven, having fasted; read the two Morning Lessons in Greek. At night I read Clarke’s Sermon of the Humiliation of our Saviour.
FIRST SUNDAY AFTER EASTER
I HAVE been recovering from my rheumatism slowly yet sensibly; but the last week has produced little good. Uneasy nights have tempted me to lie long in the morning. But when I wake in the night, the release which still continues from the spasms in my throat, gives me great comfort.
The plan which I formed for reading the Scriptures, was to read 600 verses in the Old Testament, and 200 in the New, every week.
The Old Testament in any language, the New in Greek.
This day I began to read the Septuagint, but read only 230 verses, the nine first chapters of Genesis.
On this evening I repeated the Prayer for Easter Day, changing the future tense to the past.
ON RESOLUTIONS.
June 1, 1770.
EVERY man naturally persuades himself that he can keep his resolutions, nor is he convinced of his imbecility but by length of time and frequency of experiment. This opinion of our own constancy is so prevalent, that we always despise him who suffers his general and settled purpose to be overpowered by an occasional desire. They, therefore, whom frequent failures have made desperate, cease to form resolutions: and they who are become cunning, do not tell them. Those who do not make them are very few, but of their effect little is perceived; for scarcely any man persists in a course of life planned by choice, but as he is restrained from deviation by some external power. He who may live as he will, seldom lives long in the observation of his own rules. I never yet saw a regular family, unless it were that of Mrs. Harriot’s, nor a regular man, except Mr. — , whose exactness I know only by his own report, and Psalmanazar, whose life was, I think, uniform.
The Year 1771
EASTER DAY
March 31.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, I am now about to commemorate once more, in thy presence, the redemption of the world by our Lord and Saviour thy Son Jesus Christ. Grant, O most merciful God, that the benefit of his sufferings may be extended to me. Grant me faith, grant me repentance. Illuminate me with thy Holy Spirit, enable me to form good purposes, and to bring these purposes to good effect. Let me so dispose my time, that I may discharge the duties to which Thou shalt vouchsafe to call me; and let that degree of health, to which thy mercy has restored me, be employed to thy glory. O God, invigorate my understanding, compose my perturbations, recall my wanderings, and calm my thoughts; that having lived while Thou shalt grant me life, to do good and to praise Thee, I may, when thy call shall summon me to another state, receive mercy from Thee, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
‘In his religious record of this year we observe that he was better than usual, both in body and mind, and better satisfied with the regularity of his conduct. But he is still “trying his ways” too rigorously. He charges himself with not rising early enough; yet he mentions what was surely a sufficient excuse for this, supposing it to be a duty seriously required, as he, all his life, appears to have thought it.’ — Boswell.
It is possible that his excursions into Staffordshire and Derbyshire during the summer, and also the work of revising his Dictionary, had helped to produce a healthier tone of body and mind.
Sept. 18, 1771, 9 at night.
I AM now come to my sixty-third year. For the last year I have been slowly recovering both from the violence of ray last illness, and, I think, from the general disease of my life. My breath is less obstructed, and I am more capable of motion and exercise. My mind is less encumbered, and I am less interrupted in mental employment. Some advances I hope have been made towards regularity. I have missed church since Easter only two Sundays, both which I hope I have endeavoured to supply by attendance on divine worship in the following week. Since Easter, my evening devotions have been lengthened. But indolence and indifference has been neither conquered nor opposed. No plan of study has been pursued or formed, except that I have commonly read every week, if not on Sunday, a stated portion of the New Testament in Greek. But what is most to be considered, I have neither attempted nor formed any scheme of life by which I may do good, and please God.
One great hindrance is want of rest; my nocturnal complaints grow less troublesome towards morning; and I am tempted to repair the deficiencies of the night. I think, however, to try to rise every day by eight, and to combat indolence as I shall obtain strength. Perhaps Providence has yet some use for the remnant of my life.
ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, whose mercy is over all thy works, and who hast no pleasure in the death of a sinner, look with pity upon me, succour and preserve me; enable me to conquer evil habits, and surmount temptations. Give me grace so to use the degree of health which Thou hast restored to my mind and body, that I may perform the task Thou shalt yet appoint me. Look down, O gracious Lord, upon my remaining part of life; grant, if it please Thee, that the days, few or many, which Thou shalt yet allow me, may pass in reasonable confidence, and holy tranquillity. Withhold not thy Holy Spirit from me, but strengthen all good purposes, till they shall produce a life pleasing to Thee. And when Thou shalt call me to another state, forgive me my sins, and receive me to happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Safely brought us, etc.
Sept. 23, 1771.
ON the 18th, in the morning, before I went to bed, I used the general prayer [beginning of this year]. When I rose I came home from Mr. Thrale’s that I might be more master of my hours. I went to church in the morning, but came in to the Litany. I have gone voluntarily to church on the week day but few times in my life. I think to mend.
At night I composed and used the prayer, which I have used since in my devotions one morning. Having been somewhat disturbed, I have not yet settled in any plan, except that yesterday I began to learn some verses in the Greek Testament for a Sunday’s recital. I hope, by trust in God, to amend my life.
The Year 1772
A stronger note and more buoyant tone show the result of improved health of body and mind. Once again we have the oft repeated resolution ‘to rise in the morning,’ an undying but ill-fulfilled aspiration of his whole life. How he struggles and fails, and struggles and fails again, in his efforts to combat the sluggishness of his disposition, and the result of late hours and wakeful nights! It would be almost ludicrous were it not altogether pathetic, and touched with the childlike sincerity of Johnson’s spiritual nature. In other respects the prayer reveals increased composure of mind and calmness of purpose. So of the year Boswell records that although Johnson wrote little, ‘his mind was acute, lively, and vigorous.’
Jan. 1, 2 in the morning.
ALMIGHTY God, who hast permitted me to see the beginning of another year, enable l me so to receive thy mercy, as that it may raise in me stronger desires of pleasing Thee by purity of mind and holiness of life. Strengthen me, O Lord, in good purposes, and reasonable meditations. Look with pity upon all my disorders of mind, and infirmities of body. Grant that the residue of my life may enjoy such degrees of health as may permit me to be useful, that I may live to thy glory; and, O merciful Lord, when it shall please Thee to call me from the present state, enable me to die in confidence of thy mercy, and receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
To rise in the morning.
EASTER EVE
Though he had written to Boswell a month previously ‘my health grows better, yet I am not fully recovered,’ and indeed the traces of continued ill-health are manifest in these Easter meditations, yet on the whole the improvement was continued, and we find accordingly an increased devotion to religious duties. In the second prayer Johnson offers grateful thanks to God for his improved health.
April 18, 1772.
I AM now again preparing, by divine mercy, to commemorate the death of my gracious Redeemer, and to form, as God shall enable me, resolutions and purposes of a better life.
When I review the last year, I am able to recollect so little done, that shame and sorrow, though perhaps too weakly, come upon me; yet I have been generally free from local pain, and my strength has seemed gradually to increase.
But my sleep has generally been unquiet, and I have not been able to rise early. My mind is unsettled, and my memory confused. I have of late turned my thoughts, with a very useless earnestness, upon past incidents. I have yet got no command over my thoughts; an unpleasing incident is almost certain to hinder my rest; this is the remainder of my last illness. By sleepless or unquiet nights, and short days, made short by late rising, the time passes away uncounted and unheeded. Life so spent is useless.
I hope to cast my time into some stated method.
To let no hour pass unemployed.
To rise by degrees more early in the morning.
To keep a journal.
I have, I think, been less guilty of neglecting public worship than formerly. I have commonly on Sunday gone once to church, and if I have missed, have reproached myself.
I have exerted rather more activity of body. These dispositions I desire to improve.
I resolved, last Easter, to read within the year, the whole Bible, a very great part of which I had never looked upon. I read the Greek Testament without construing, and this day concluded the Apocalypse. I think that no part was missed.
My purpose of reading the rest of the Bible was forgotten, till I took by chance the resolutions of last Easter in my hand.
I began it the first day of Lent; and, for a time, read with some regularity. I was then disturbed or seduced, but finished the Old Testament last Thursday.
I hope to read the whole Bible once a year, as long as I live.
Yesterday I fasted, as I have always, or commonly done, since the death of Tetty. The fast was more painful than it has formerly been, which I imputed to some medicinal evacuations in the beginning of the week, and to a meal of cakes on the foregoing day. I cannot now fast as formerly.
I devoted this week to the perusal of the Bible, and have done little secular business. I am this night easier than is customary on this anniversary, but am not sensibly enlightened.
EASTER DAY
After 12 at night. THE day is now begun, on which I hope to begin a new course My hopes are from this time, To rise early.
To waste less time.
To appropriate something to charity.
EASTER
ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, who hatest nothing that Thou hast made, look down with pity upon my sinfulness and weakness. Strengthen, O Lord, my mind; deliver me from needless terrours; enable me to correct all inordinate desires, to eject all evil thoughts, to reform all sinful habits, and so to amend my life, that when at the end of my days Thou shalt call me hence, I may depart in peace, and be received into everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
9 in the morning.
GLORY be to Thee, O Lord God, for the deliverance which Thou hast granted me from diseases of mind and body. Grant, O gracious God, that I may employ the powers which Thou vouchsafest me to thy glory, and the salvation of my soul, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
The continuation of his meditations, a week after Easter, and the fulness with which he writes, are additional evidences of increased vigour. The comfort he has derived, also, from a closer study of the Bible, points to a more careful and continuous devotion to spiritual things.
April 26, 1772.
I WAS some way hindered from continuing this contemplation in the usual manner, and therefore try, at the distance of a week, to review the last Sunday.
I went to church early, having first, I think, used my prayer. When I was there, I had very little perturbation of mind. During the usual time of meditation, I considered the Christian duties under the three principles of soberness, righteousness, and godliness; and purposed to forward godliness by the annual perusal of the Bible; righteousness by settling something for charity, and soberness by early hours. I commended as usual, with preface of permission, and, I think, mentioned Bathurst. I came home, and found Paoli and Boswell waiting for me. What devotions I used after my return home, I do not distinctly remember. I went to prayers in the evening; and, I think, entered late.
I have this week endeavoured every day but one, to rise early, and have tried to be diligent; but have not performed what I required from myself. On Good Friday, I paid Peyton without requiring work.
Since Easter 1771, I have added a collect to ray evening devotion.
I have been less indulgent to corporeal inactivity. But I have done little with my mind.
It is a comfort to me, that at last, in my sixty-third year, I have attained to know, even thus hastily, confusedly, and imperfectly, what my Bible contains.
May the good God increase and sanctify my knowledge.
I have never yet read the Apocrypha. When I was a boy, I have read or heard Bel and the Dragon, Susanna, some of Tobit, perhaps all; some at least of Judith, and some of Ecclesiasticus; and I suppose, the Benedicite. I have some time looked into the Maccabees, and read a chapter containing the question, Which is the strongest? I think in Esdras.
In the afternoon of Easter Day, I read Pococke’s Commentary.
I have this last week scarcely tried to read, nor have I read anything this day.
I have had my mind weak and disturbed for some weeks past.
Having missed church in the morning, I went this evening, and afterwards sat with Southwell.
Having not used the prayer, except on the day of communion; I will offer it this night, and hope to find mercy. On this day little has been done, and this is now the last hour. In life little has been done, and life is very far advanced. Lord, have mercy upon me.
The Year 1773 NEW YEAR’S DAY
Jan. 1, mane 1h.33m (i e. 33 minutes past 1 in the morning), Jan. 1, mane 1h.33m.
ALMIGHTY God, by whose mercy my life has been yet prolonged to another year, grant that thy mercy may not be vain. Let not my years be multiplied to increase my guilt; but as age advances, let me become more pure in my thoughts, more regular in my desires, and more obedient to thy laws. Let not the cares of the world distract me, nor the evils of age overwhelm me. But continue and increase thy loving-kindness towards me; and when Thou shalt call me hence, receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
GOOD FRIDAY
Writing of this day, Boswell says:— ‘On the 9th of April, being Good Friday, I breakfasted with him on tea and cross-buns. He carried me with him to the church of St. Clement Danes, where he had his seat: and his behaviour was solemnly devout. I never shall forget the tremulous earnestness with which he pronounced the awful petition in the Litany: “In the hour of death, and at the day of judgment, good Lord deliver us.”... He told me that he had twelve or fourteen times attempted to keep a journal of his life, but never could persevere. He advised me to do it.’
April 9.
ON this day I went twice to church, and Boswell was with me. I had forborn to attend divine service for some time in the winter, having a cough which would have interrupted both my own attention and that of others; and when the cough grew less troublesome I did not regain the habit of going to church, though I did not wholly omit it I found the service not burdensome nor tedious, though I could not hear the lessons. I hope in time to take pleasure in public worship.
On this whole day I took nothing of nourishment but one cup of tea without milk; but the fast was very inconvenient. Towards night I grew fretful and impatient, unable to fix my mind, or govern my thoughts; and felt a very uneasy sensation both in my stomach and head, compounded, as it seemed, of laxity and pains.
From this uneasiness, of which when I was not asleep I was sensible all night, I was relieved in the morning by drinking tea, and eating the soft part of a penny loaf.
This I have set down for future observation.
Saturday, April 10, I dined on cakes, and found myself filled and satisfied.
Saturday, 10. Having offered my prayers to God, I will now review the last year.
Of the spring and summer, I remember that I was able in those seasons to examine and improve my Dictionary, and was seldom withheld from the work but by my own unwillingness. Of my nights I have no distinct remembrance, but believe that, as in many foregoing years, they were painful and restless.
O God, grant that I may not misspend or lose the time which Thou shalt yet allow me. For Jesus Christ’s sake, have mercy upon me.
I resolved to form, this day, some plan for reading the Scriptures.
To rise by eight, or earlier.
To form a plan for the regulation of my daily life.
To excite in myself such a fervent desire of pleasing God, as should suppress all other passions.
I prayed through all the collects of meditation, with some extemporary prayers; recommended my friends, living and dead. When I returned to the table, I staid till most had communicated, and in the mean time tried to settle my mind; prayed against bad and troublesome thoughts; resolved to oppose sudden incursions of them; and, I think, had — thrown into my mind at the general confession. When I went first to the table, the particular series of my thoughts I cannot recollect.
When I came home I returned thanks, by accommodating the General Thanksgiving; and used this prayer again, with the collects, after receiving. I hope God has heard me.
Shall I ever receive the Sacrament with tranquillity? Surely the time will come.
Some vain thoughts stole upon me while I stood near the table; I hope I ejected them effectually, so as not to be hurt by them.
I went to prayers at seven, having fasted; read the two Morning Lessons in Greek. At night I read Clarke’s Sermon of the Humiliation of our Saviour.
FIRST SUNDAY AFTER EASTER
I HAVE been recovering from my rheumatism slowly yet sensibly; but the last week has produced little good. Uneasy nights have tempted me to lie long in the morning. But when I wake in the night, the release which still continues from the spasms in my throat, gives me great comfort.
The plan which I formed for reading the Scriptures, was to read 600 verses in the Old Testament, and 200 in the New, every week.
The Old Testament in any language, the New in Greek.
This day I began to read the Septuagint, but read only 230 verses, the nine first chapters of Genesis.
On this evening I repeated the Prayer for Easter Day, changing the future tense to the past.
ON RESOLUTIONS.
June 1, 1770.
EVERY man naturally persuades himself that he can keep his resolutions, nor is he convinced of his imbecility but by length of time and frequency of experiment. This opinion of our own constancy is so prevalent, that we always despise him who suffers his general and settled purpose to be overpowered by an occasional desire. They, therefore, whom frequent failures have made desperate, cease to form resolutions: and they who are become cunning, do not tell them. Those who do not make them are very few, but of their effect little is perceived; for scarcely any man persists in a course of life planned by choice, but as he is restrained from deviation by some external power. He who may live as he will, seldom lives long in the observation of his own rules. I never yet saw a regular family, unless it were that of Mrs. Harriot’s, nor a regular man, except Mr. — , whose exactness I know only by his own report, and Psalmanazar, whose life was, I think, uniform.
The Year 1771
EASTER DAY
March 31.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, I am now about to commemorate once more, in thy presence, the redemption of the world by our Lord and Saviour thy Son Jesus Christ. Grant, O most merciful God, that the benefit of his sufferings may be extended to me. Grant me faith, grant me repentance. Illuminate me with thy Holy Spirit, enable me to form good purposes, and to bring these purposes to good effect. Let me so dispose my time, that I may discharge the duties to which Thou shalt vouchsafe to call me; and let that degree of health, to which thy mercy has restored me, be employed to thy glory. O God, invigorate my understanding, compose my perturbations, recall my wanderings, and calm my thoughts; that having lived while Thou shalt grant me life, to do good and to praise Thee, I may, when thy call shall summon me to another state, receive mercy from Thee, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
‘In his religious record of this year we observe that he was better than usual, both in body and mind, and better satisfied with the regularity of his conduct. But he is still “trying his ways” too rigorously. He charges himself with not rising early enough; yet he mentions what was surely a sufficient excuse for this, supposing it to be a duty seriously required, as he, all his life, appears to have thought it.’ — Boswell.
It is possible that his excursions into Staffordshire and Derbyshire during the summer, and also the work of revising his Dictionary, had helped to produce a healthier tone of body and mind.
Sept. 18, 1771, 9 at night.
I AM now come to my sixty-third year. For the last year I have been slowly recovering both from the violence of ray last illness, and, I think, from the general disease of my life. My breath is less obstructed, and I am more capable of motion and exercise. My mind is less encumbered, and I am less interrupted in mental employment. Some advances I hope have been made towards regularity. I have missed church since Easter only two Sundays, both which I hope I have endeavoured to supply by attendance on divine worship in the following week. Since Easter, my evening devotions have been lengthened. But indolence and indifference has been neither conquered nor opposed. No plan of study has been pursued or formed, except that I have commonly read every week, if not on Sunday, a stated portion of the New Testament in Greek. But what is most to be considered, I have neither attempted nor formed any scheme of life by which I may do good, and please God.
One great hindrance is want of rest; my nocturnal complaints grow less troublesome towards morning; and I am tempted to repair the deficiencies of the night. I think, however, to try to rise every day by eight, and to combat indolence as I shall obtain strength. Perhaps Providence has yet some use for the remnant of my life.
ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, whose mercy is over all thy works, and who hast no pleasure in the death of a sinner, look with pity upon me, succour and preserve me; enable me to conquer evil habits, and surmount temptations. Give me grace so to use the degree of health which Thou hast restored to my mind and body, that I may perform the task Thou shalt yet appoint me. Look down, O gracious Lord, upon my remaining part of life; grant, if it please Thee, that the days, few or many, which Thou shalt yet allow me, may pass in reasonable confidence, and holy tranquillity. Withhold not thy Holy Spirit from me, but strengthen all good purposes, till they shall produce a life pleasing to Thee. And when Thou shalt call me to another state, forgive me my sins, and receive me to happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Safely brought us, etc.
Sept. 23, 1771.
ON the 18th, in the morning, before I went to bed, I used the general prayer [beginning of this year]. When I rose I came home from Mr. Thrale’s that I might be more master of my hours. I went to church in the morning, but came in to the Litany. I have gone voluntarily to church on the week day but few times in my life. I think to mend.
At night I composed and used the prayer, which I have used since in my devotions one morning. Having been somewhat disturbed, I have not yet settled in any plan, except that yesterday I began to learn some verses in the Greek Testament for a Sunday’s recital. I hope, by trust in God, to amend my life.
The Year 1772
A stronger note and more buoyant tone show the result of improved health of body and mind. Once again we have the oft repeated resolution ‘to rise in the morning,’ an undying but ill-fulfilled aspiration of his whole life. How he struggles and fails, and struggles and fails again, in his efforts to combat the sluggishness of his disposition, and the result of late hours and wakeful nights! It would be almost ludicrous were it not altogether pathetic, and touched with the childlike sincerity of Johnson’s spiritual nature. In other respects the prayer reveals increased composure of mind and calmness of purpose. So of the year Boswell records that although Johnson wrote little, ‘his mind was acute, lively, and vigorous.’
Jan. 1, 2 in the morning.
ALMIGHTY God, who hast permitted me to see the beginning of another year, enable l me so to receive thy mercy, as that it may raise in me stronger desires of pleasing Thee by purity of mind and holiness of life. Strengthen me, O Lord, in good purposes, and reasonable meditations. Look with pity upon all my disorders of mind, and infirmities of body. Grant that the residue of my life may enjoy such degrees of health as may permit me to be useful, that I may live to thy glory; and, O merciful Lord, when it shall please Thee to call me from the present state, enable me to die in confidence of thy mercy, and receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
To rise in the morning.
EASTER EVE
Though he had written to Boswell a month previously ‘my health grows better, yet I am not fully recovered,’ and indeed the traces of continued ill-health are manifest in these Easter meditations, yet on the whole the improvement was continued, and we find accordingly an increased devotion to religious duties. In the second prayer Johnson offers grateful thanks to God for his improved health.
April 18, 1772.
I AM now again preparing, by divine mercy, to commemorate the death of my gracious Redeemer, and to form, as God shall enable me, resolutions and purposes of a better life.
When I review the last year, I am able to recollect so little done, that shame and sorrow, though perhaps too weakly, come upon me; yet I have been generally free from local pain, and my strength has seemed gradually to increase.
But my sleep has generally been unquiet, and I have not been able to rise early. My mind is unsettled, and my memory confused. I have of late turned my thoughts, with a very useless earnestness, upon past incidents. I have yet got no command over my thoughts; an unpleasing incident is almost certain to hinder my rest; this is the remainder of my last illness. By sleepless or unquiet nights, and short days, made short by late rising, the time passes away uncounted and unheeded. Life so spent is useless.
I hope to cast my time into some stated method.
To let no hour pass unemployed.
To rise by degrees more early in the morning.
To keep a journal.
I have, I think, been less guilty of neglecting public worship than formerly. I have commonly on Sunday gone once to church, and if I have missed, have reproached myself.
I have exerted rather more activity of body. These dispositions I desire to improve.
I resolved, last Easter, to read within the year, the whole Bible, a very great part of which I had never looked upon. I read the Greek Testament without construing, and this day concluded the Apocalypse. I think that no part was missed.
My purpose of reading the rest of the Bible was forgotten, till I took by chance the resolutions of last Easter in my hand.
I began it the first day of Lent; and, for a time, read with some regularity. I was then disturbed or seduced, but finished the Old Testament last Thursday.
I hope to read the whole Bible once a year, as long as I live.
Yesterday I fasted, as I have always, or commonly done, since the death of Tetty. The fast was more painful than it has formerly been, which I imputed to some medicinal evacuations in the beginning of the week, and to a meal of cakes on the foregoing day. I cannot now fast as formerly.
I devoted this week to the perusal of the Bible, and have done little secular business. I am this night easier than is customary on this anniversary, but am not sensibly enlightened.
EASTER DAY
After 12 at night. THE day is now begun, on which I hope to begin a new course My hopes are from this time, To rise early.
To waste less time.
To appropriate something to charity.
EASTER
ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, who hatest nothing that Thou hast made, look down with pity upon my sinfulness and weakness. Strengthen, O Lord, my mind; deliver me from needless terrours; enable me to correct all inordinate desires, to eject all evil thoughts, to reform all sinful habits, and so to amend my life, that when at the end of my days Thou shalt call me hence, I may depart in peace, and be received into everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
9 in the morning.
GLORY be to Thee, O Lord God, for the deliverance which Thou hast granted me from diseases of mind and body. Grant, O gracious God, that I may employ the powers which Thou vouchsafest me to thy glory, and the salvation of my soul, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
The continuation of his meditations, a week after Easter, and the fulness with which he writes, are additional evidences of increased vigour. The comfort he has derived, also, from a closer study of the Bible, points to a more careful and continuous devotion to spiritual things.
April 26, 1772.
I WAS some way hindered from continuing this contemplation in the usual manner, and therefore try, at the distance of a week, to review the last Sunday.
I went to church early, having first, I think, used my prayer. When I was there, I had very little perturbation of mind. During the usual time of meditation, I considered the Christian duties under the three principles of soberness, righteousness, and godliness; and purposed to forward godliness by the annual perusal of the Bible; righteousness by settling something for charity, and soberness by early hours. I commended as usual, with preface of permission, and, I think, mentioned Bathurst. I came home, and found Paoli and Boswell waiting for me. What devotions I used after my return home, I do not distinctly remember. I went to prayers in the evening; and, I think, entered late.
I have this week endeavoured every day but one, to rise early, and have tried to be diligent; but have not performed what I required from myself. On Good Friday, I paid Peyton without requiring work.
Since Easter 1771, I have added a collect to ray evening devotion.
I have been less indulgent to corporeal inactivity. But I have done little with my mind.
It is a comfort to me, that at last, in my sixty-third year, I have attained to know, even thus hastily, confusedly, and imperfectly, what my Bible contains.
May the good God increase and sanctify my knowledge.
I have never yet read the Apocrypha. When I was a boy, I have read or heard Bel and the Dragon, Susanna, some of Tobit, perhaps all; some at least of Judith, and some of Ecclesiasticus; and I suppose, the Benedicite. I have some time looked into the Maccabees, and read a chapter containing the question, Which is the strongest? I think in Esdras.
In the afternoon of Easter Day, I read Pococke’s Commentary.
I have this last week scarcely tried to read, nor have I read anything this day.
I have had my mind weak and disturbed for some weeks past.
Having missed church in the morning, I went this evening, and afterwards sat with Southwell.
Having not used the prayer, except on the day of communion; I will offer it this night, and hope to find mercy. On this day little has been done, and this is now the last hour. In life little has been done, and life is very far advanced. Lord, have mercy upon me.
The Year 1773 NEW YEAR’S DAY
Jan. 1, mane 1h.33m (i e. 33 minutes past 1 in the morning), Jan. 1, mane 1h.33m.
ALMIGHTY God, by whose mercy my life has been yet prolonged to another year, grant that thy mercy may not be vain. Let not my years be multiplied to increase my guilt; but as age advances, let me become more pure in my thoughts, more regular in my desires, and more obedient to thy laws. Let not the cares of the world distract me, nor the evils of age overwhelm me. But continue and increase thy loving-kindness towards me; and when Thou shalt call me hence, receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
GOOD FRIDAY
Writing of this day, Boswell says:— ‘On the 9th of April, being Good Friday, I breakfasted with him on tea and cross-buns. He carried me with him to the church of St. Clement Danes, where he had his seat: and his behaviour was solemnly devout. I never shall forget the tremulous earnestness with which he pronounced the awful petition in the Litany: “In the hour of death, and at the day of judgment, good Lord deliver us.”... He told me that he had twelve or fourteen times attempted to keep a journal of his life, but never could persevere. He advised me to do it.’
April 9.
ON this day I went twice to church, and Boswell was with me. I had forborn to attend divine service for some time in the winter, having a cough which would have interrupted both my own attention and that of others; and when the cough grew less troublesome I did not regain the habit of going to church, though I did not wholly omit it I found the service not burdensome nor tedious, though I could not hear the lessons. I hope in time to take pleasure in public worship.
On this whole day I took nothing of nourishment but one cup of tea without milk; but the fast was very inconvenient. Towards night I grew fretful and impatient, unable to fix my mind, or govern my thoughts; and felt a very uneasy sensation both in my stomach and head, compounded, as it seemed, of laxity and pains.
From this uneasiness, of which when I was not asleep I was sensible all night, I was relieved in the morning by drinking tea, and eating the soft part of a penny loaf.
This I have set down for future observation.
Saturday, April 10, I dined on cakes, and found myself filled and satisfied.
Saturday, 10. Having offered my prayers to God, I will now review the last year.
Of the spring and summer, I remember that I was able in those seasons to examine and improve my Dictionary, and was seldom withheld from the work but by my own unwillingness. Of my nights I have no distinct remembrance, but believe that, as in many foregoing years, they were painful and restless.
O God, grant that I may not misspend or lose the time which Thou shalt yet allow me. For Jesus Christ’s sake, have mercy upon me.
