Complete Works of D.H. Lawrence (Illustrated), page 530
Her own German friends — her own German men — they were men, they were real beings. But this English officer, he was neither fish, flesh, fowl, nor good red herring, as they say. He was just a hypothetical presence. She felt that if he never came back, she would be just as if she had read a rather peculiar but false story, a tour de force which works up one’s imagination all falsely.
Nevertheless, she was uneasy. She had a lurking suspicion that there might be something else. So she kept uneasily wandering out to the landing, and listening to hear if he might be coming.
Yes — there was a sound. Yes, there was his slow step on the stairs, and the slow, straying purr of his voice. And instantly she heard his voice she was afraid again. She knew there was something there. And instantly she felt the reality of his presence, she felt the unreality of her own German men friends. The moment she heard the peculiar, slow melody of his foreign voice everything seemed to go changed in her, and Martin and Otto and Albrecht, her German friends, seemed to go pale and dim as if one could almost see through them, like unsubstantial things.
This was what she had to reckon with, this recoil from one to the other. When he was present, he seemed so terribly real. When he was absent he was completely vague, and her own men of her own race seemed so absolutely the only reality.
But he was talking. Who was he talking to? She heard the steps echo up the hollows of the stone staircase slowly, as if wearily, and voices slowly, confusedly mingle. The slow, soft trail of his voice — and then the peculiar, quick tones — yes, of a woman. And not one of the maids, because they were speaking English. She listened hard. The quick, and yet slightly hushed, slightly sad-sounding voice of a woman who talks a good deal, as if talking to herself. Hannele’s quick ears caught the sound of what she was saying: ‘Yes, I thought the Baroness a perfectly beautiful creature, perfectly lovely. But so extraordinarily like a Spaniard. Do you remember, Alec, at Malaga? I always thought they fascinated you then, with their mantillas. Perfectly lovely she would look in a mantilla. Only perhaps she is too open-hearted, too impulsive, poor thing. She lacks the Spanish reserve. Poor thing, I feel sorry for her. For them both, indeed. It must be very hard to have to do these things for a living, after you’ve been accustomed to be made much of for your own sake, and for your aristocratic title. It’s very hard for them, poor things. Baroness, Countess, it sounds just a little ridiculous, when you’re buying woollen embroideries from them. But I suppose, poor things, they can’t help it. Better drop the titles altogether, I think — ’
‘Well, they do, if people will let them. Only English and American people find it so much easier to say Baroness or Countess than Fräulein von Prielau-Carolath, or whatever it is.’
‘They could say simply Fräulein, as we do to our governesses — or as we used to, when we had German governesses,’ came the voice of her.
‘Yes, we could,’ said his voice.
‘After all, what is the good, what is the good of titles if you have to sell dolls and woollen embroideries — not so very beautiful, either.’
‘Oh, quite! Oh, quite! I think titles are perhaps a mistake, anyhow. But they’ve always had them,’ came his slow, musical voice, with its sing-song note of hopeless indifference. He sounded rather like a man talking out of his sleep.
Hannele caught sight of the tail of blue-green crane feathers veering round a turn in the stairs away below, and she beat a hasty retreat.
III
There was a little platform out on the roof, where he used sometimes to stand his telescope and observe the stars or the moon: the moon when possible. It was not a very safe platform, just a little ledge of the roof, outside the window at the end of the top corridor: or rather, the top landing, for it was only the space between the attics. Hannele had the one attic room at the back, he had the room we have seen, and a little bedroom which was really only a lumber room. Before he came, Hannele had been alone under the roof. His rooms were then lumber room and laundry room, where the clothes were dried. But he had wanted to be high up, because of his stars, and this was the place that pleased him.
Hannele heard him quite late in the night, wandering about. She heard him also on the ledge outside. She could not sleep. He disturbed her. The moon was risen, large and bright in the sky. She heard the bells from the cathedral slowly strike two: two great drops of sound in the livid night. And again, from outside on the roof, she heard him clear his throat. Then a cat howled.
She rose, wrapped herself in a dark wrap, and went down the landing to the window at the end. The sky outside was full of moonlight. He was squatted like a great cat peering up his telescope, sitting on a stool, his knees wide apart. Quite motionless he sat in that attitude, like some leaden figure on the roof. The moonlight glistened with a gleam of plumbago on the great slope of black tiles. She stood still in the window, watching. And he remained fixed and motionless at the end of the telescope.
She tapped softly on the window-pane. He looked round, like some tom-cat staring round with wide night eyes. Then he reached down his hand and pulled the window open.
‘Hello,’ he said quietly. ‘You not asleep?’
‘Aren’t you tired?’ she replied, rather resentful.
‘No, I was as wide awake as I could be. Isn’t the moon fine tonight! What? Perfectly amazing. Wouldn’t you like to come up and have a look at her?’
‘No, thank you,’ she said hastily, terrified at the thought.
He resumed his posture, peering up the telescope.
‘Perfectly amazing,’ he said, murmuring. She waited for some time, bewitched likewise by the great October moon and the sky full of resplendent white-green light. It seemed like another sort of day-time. And there he straddled on the roof like some cat! It was exactly like day in some other planet.
At length he turned round to her. His face glistened faintly, and his eyes were dilated like a cat’s at night.
‘You know I had a visitor?’ he said.
‘Yes.’
‘My wife.’
‘Your wife!’ — she looked up really astonished. She had thought it might be an acquaintance — perhaps his aunt — or even an elder sister. ‘But she’s years older than you,’ she added.
‘Eight years,’ he said. ‘I’m forty-one.’
There was a silence.
‘Yes,’ he mused. ‘She arrived suddenly, by surprise, yesterday, and found me away. She’s staying in the hotel, in the Vier Jahreszeiten.’
There was a pause.
‘Aren’t you going to stay with her?’ asked Hannele.
‘Yes, I shall probably join her tomorrow.’
There was a still longer pause.
‘Why not tonight?’ asked Hannele.
‘Oh, well — I put it off for tonight. It meant all the bother of my wife changing her room at the hotel — and it was late — and I was all mucky after travelling.’
‘But you’ll go tomorrow?’
‘Yes, I shall go tomorrow. For a week or so. After that I’m not sure what will happen.’
There was quite a long pause. He remained seated on his stool on the roof, looking with dilated, blank, black eyes at nothingness. She stood below in the open window space, pondering.
‘Do you want to go to her at the hotel?’ asked Hannele.
‘Well, I don’t, particularly. But I don’t mind, really. We’re very good friends. Why, we’ve been friends for eighteen years — we’ve been married seventeen. Oh, she’s a nice little woman. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I wish her no harm, you know. On the contrary, I wish her all the good in the world.’
He had no idea of the blank amazement in which Hannele listened to these stray remarks.
‘But — ’ she stammered. ‘But doesn’t she expect you to make love to her?’
‘Oh yes, she expects that. You bet she does: woman-like.’
‘And you?’ — the question had a dangerous ring.
‘Why, I don’t mind, really, you know, if it’s only for a short time. I’m used to her. I’ve always been fond of her, you know — and so if it gives her any pleasure — why, I like her to get what pleasure out of life she can.’
‘But you — you yourself! Don’t you feel anything?’ Hannele’s amazement was reaching the point of incredulity. She began to feel that he was making it up. It was all so different from her own point of view. To sit there so quiet and to make such statements in all good faith: no, it was impossible.
‘I don’t consider I count,’ he said naïvely.
Hannele looked aside. If that wasn’t lying, it was imbecility, or worse. She had for the moment nothing to say. She felt he was a sort of psychic phenomenon like a grasshopper or a tadpole or an ammonite. Not to be regarded from a human point of view. No, he just wasn’t normal. And she had been fascinated by him! It was only sheer, amazed curiosity that carried her on to her next question.
‘But do you never count, then?’ she asked, and there was a touch of derision, of laughter in her tone. He took no offence.
‘Well — very rarely,’ he said. ‘I count very rarely. That’s how life appears to me. One matters so very little.’
She felt quite dizzy with astonishment. And he called himself a man!
‘But if you matter so very little, what do you do anything at all for?’ she asked.
‘Oh, one has to. And then, why not? Why not do things, even if oneself hardly matters. Look at the moon. It doesn’t matter in the least to the moon whether I exist or whether I don’t. So why should it matter to me?’
After a blank pause of incredulity she said:
‘I could die with laughter. It seems to me all so ridiculous — no, I can’t believe it.’
‘Perhaps it is a point of view,’ he said.
There was a long and pregnant silence: we should not like to say pregnant with what.
‘And so I don’t mean anything to you at all?’ she said.
‘I didn’t say that,’ he replied.
‘Nothing means anything to you,’ she challenged.
‘I don’t say that.’
‘Whether it’s your wife — or me — or the moon — toute la même chose.’
‘No — no — that’s hardly the way to look at it.’
She gazed at him in such utter amazement that she felt something would really explode in her if she heard another word. Was this a man? — or what was it? It was too much for her, that was all.
‘Well, good-bye,’ she said. ‘I hope you will have a nice time at the Vier Jahreszeiten.’
So she left him still sitting on the roof.
‘I suppose,’ she said to herself, ‘that is love à l’anglaise. But it’s more than I can swallow.’
IV
‘Won’t you come and have tea with me — do! Come right along now. Don’t you find it bitterly cold? Yes — well now — come in with me and we’ll have a cup of nice, hot tea in our little sitting-room. The weather changes so suddenly, and really one needs a little reinforcement. But perhaps you don’t take tea?’
‘Oh yes. I got so used to it in England,’ said Hannele.
‘Did you now! Well now, were you long in England?’
‘Oh yes — ’
The two women had met in the Domplatz. Mrs Hepburn was looking extraordinarily like one of Hannele’s dolls, in a funny little cape of odd striped skins, and a little dark-green skirt, and a rather fuzzy sort of hat. Hannele looked almost huge beside her.
‘But now you will come in and have tea, won’t you? Oh, please do. Never mind whether it’s de rigueur or not. I always please myself what I do. I’m afraid my husband gets some shocks sometimes — but that we can’t help. I won’t have anybody laying down the law to me.’ She laughed her winsome little laugh.’ So now come along in, and we’ll see if there aren’t hot scones as well. I love a hot scone for tea in cold weather. And I hope you do. That is, if there are any. We don’t know yet.’ She tinkled her little laugh. ‘My husband may or may not be in. But that makes no difference to you and me, does it? There, it’s just striking half past four. In England, we always have tea at half past. My husband adores his tea. I don’t suppose our man is five minutes off the half past, ringing the gong for tea, not once in twelve months. My husband doesn’t mind at all if dinner is a little late. But he gets — quite — well, quite “ratty” if tea is late.’ She tinkled a laugh. ‘Though I shouldn’t say that. He is the soul of kindness and patience. I don’t think I’ve ever known him do an unkind thing — or hardly say an unkind word. But I doubt if he will be in today.’
He was in, however, standing with his feet apart and his hands in his trouser pockets in the little sitting-room upstairs in the hotel. He raised his eyebrows the smallest degree, seeing Hannele enter.
‘Ah, Countess Hannele — my wife has brought you along! Very nice, very nice! Let me take your wrap. Oh yes, certainly . . .’
‘Have you rung for tea, dear?’ asked Mrs Hepburn.
‘Er — yes. I said as soon as you came in they were to bring it.’
‘Yes — well. Won’t you ring again, dear, and say for three.’
‘Yes — certainly. Certainly.’
He rang, and stood about with his hands in his pockets waiting for tea.
‘Well now,’ said Mrs Hepburn, as she lifted the tea-pot, and her bangles tinkled, and her huge rings of brilliants twinkled, and her big ear-rings of clustered seed-pearls bobbed against her rather withered cheek,’ isn’t it charming of Countess zu — Countess zu — ’
‘Rassentlow,’ said he. ‘I believe most people say Countess Hannele. I know we always do among ourselves. We say Countess Hannele’s shop.’
‘Countess Hannele’s shop! Now, isn’t that perfectly delightful: such a romance in the very sound of it. You take cream?’
‘Thank you,’ said Hannele.
The tea passed in a cloud of chatter, while Mrs Hepburn manipulated the tea-pot, and lit the spirit-flame, and blew it out, and peeped into the steam of the tea-pot, and couldn’t see whether there was any more tea or not — and — ’At home I know — I was going to say to a teaspoonful — how much tea there is in the pot. But this tea-pot — I don’t know what it’s made of — it isn’t silver, I know that — it is so heavy in itself that it’s deceived me several times already. And my husband is a greedy man, a greedy man — he likes at least three cups — and four if he can get them, or five! Yes, dear, I’ve plenty of tea today. You shall have even five, if you don’t mind the last two weak. Do let me fill your cup, Countess Hannele. I think it’s a charming name.’
‘There’s a play called Hannele, isn’t there?’ said he.
When he had had his five cups, and his wife had got her cigarette perched in the end of a long, long, slim, white holder, and was puffing like a little Chinawoman from the distance, there was a little lull.
‘Alec, dear,’ said Mrs Hepburn. ‘You won’t forget to leave that message for me at Mrs Rackham’s. I’m so afraid it will be forgotten.’
‘No, dear, I won’t forget. Er — would you like me to go round now?’
Hannele noticed how often he said ‘er’ when he was beginning to speak to his wife. But they were such good friends, the two of them.
‘Why, if you would, dear, I should feel perfectly comfortable. But I don’t want you to hurry one bit.’
‘Oh, I may as well go now.’
And he went. Mrs Hepburn detained her guest.
‘He is so charming to me,’ said the little woman. ‘He’s really wonderful. And he always has been the same — invariably. So that if he did make a little slip — well, you know, I don’t have to take it so seriously.’
‘No,’ said Hannele, feeling as if her ears were stretching with astonishment.
‘It’s the war. It’s just the war. It’s had a terribly deteriorating effect on the men.’
‘In what way?’ said Hannele.
‘Why, morally. Really, there’s hardly one man left the same as he was before the war. Terribly degenerated.’
‘Is that so?’ said Hannele.
‘It is indeed. Why, isn’t it the same with the German men and officers?’
‘Yes, I think so,’ said Hannele.
‘And I’m sure so, from what I hear. But of course it is the women who are to blame in the first place. We poor women! We are a guilty race, I am afraid. But I never throw stones. I know what it is myself to have temptations. I have to flirt a little — and when I was younger — well, the men didn’t escape me, I assure you. And I was so often scorched. But never quite singed. My husband never minded. He knew I was really safe. Oh yes, I have always been faithful to him. But still — I have been very near the flame.’ And she laughed her winsome little laugh.
Hannele put her fingers to her ears to make sure they were not falling off.
‘Of course during the war it was terrible. I know that in a certain hospital it was quite impossible for a girl to stay on if she kept straight. The matrons and sisters just turned her out. They wouldn’t have her unless she was one of themselves. And you know what that means. Quite like the convent in Balzac’s story — you know which I mean, I’m sure.’ And the laugh tinkled gaily.
‘But then, what can you expect, when there aren’t enough men to go round! Why, I had a friend in Ireland. She and her husband had been an ideal couple, an ideal couple. Real playmates. And you can’t say more than that, can you? Well, then, he became a major during the war. And she was so looking forward, poor thing, to the perfectly lovely times they would have together when he came home. She is like me, and is lucky enough to have a little income of her own — not a great fortune — but — well — Well now, what was I going to say? Oh yes, she was looking forward to the perfectly lovely times they would have when he came home: building on her dreams, poor thing, as we unfortunate women always do. I suppose we shall never be cured of it.’ A little tinkling laugh. ‘Well now, not a bit of it. Not a bit of it.’ Mrs Hepburn lifted her heavily-jewelled little hand in a motion of protest. It was curious, her hands were pretty and white, and her neck and breast, now she wore a little tea-gown, were also smooth and white and pretty, under the medley of twinkling little chains and coloured jewels. Why should her face have played her this nasty trick of going all crumpled! However, it was so.
