The Lost God, page 9
“No sign of trouble still,” Rainer murmured, his eyes darting around the periphery.
“Will you be okay if I leave you alone?” she asked.
“Of course,” Rainer scoffed.
She didn’t want to wound his pride, but once she started the cave ritual, she wouldn’t be able to come out until it was done, even if she felt him in trouble.
She knelt at the cave mouth and waited for permission from the ancient cave spirits. When it came, she glanced back over her shoulder at Rainer. He gave her a nod, and she continued into the dark.
The ritual was second nature after doing it seventy-three times before. She walked until she found the sacred plants, cut her hand and dribbled her blood over them. Then she held out her hand, and the ancient cave spirit’s touch ghosted over her palm and her mind lit with a memory.
There was an intimacy in sharing memory. It wasn’t lost on Cecilia how much of themselves the four witches who created the Gauntlet had given to help Clastor and Cato create it.
Each memory had a different texture, a different emotional signature. After so many caves, Cecilia had learned the differences between them. Ash Rivers’s memories were curious and seeking. Raven Whitewind’s spells were full of calm, intuitive knowing and trust that could only be born out of being a seer who knows what’s coming. Petra Ryan Light’s were illuminating, mercurial, woven through by her fiery nature.
This cave had a memory from Selene Carrick, whose signature felt compassionate, vulnerable, and full of fierce courage that left Cecilia feeling like she’d looked too closely at something too personal.
She finished the memory retrieval and met Rainer outside. He cleaned the wound on her hand before she healed it, and they got back on the road again.
They rode through the afternoon without incident, cooled by the shade of the forest canopy, the smell of honeysuckle in the air, the shadows stretching long as daylight faded.
As they settled in to camp for the night, Cecilia’s body still felt incandescent. Each time she completed a cave, she felt exhilarated, not because she was closer to completing the Gauntlet but because her magic swelled with each success, bubbling through her veins with ecstatic energy so bright she struggled to sleep most nights on the road.
Even more than the magic that kept her wired, her mind kept turning over and over what Sylvie had said to her before she left. Was it really possible that she could come home a hero and demand authority over her life? Would Rainer even want to be with her if he had the option?
Cecilia lay awake, her gaze trained on the moonlight passing through the canopy of pine branches. She sat up and found Rainer watching her.
“Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“I can’t stop thinking about what happens after this,” she said, trying to close off their connection so he wouldn’t feel her anxiety.
“What do you mean?” Rainer asked. “Like, what we’ll do once we get home and we have all this magic sorted out?”
“Yes. Technically, we’ll still be bound to each other. We’ll still fight together in any battles or against any threats to Olney, but we won’t see each other nearly as much, right? We won’t have reason to.”
Rainer looked baffled. “Can’t the reason just be that we want to?”
“But when we get back, my father expects me to marry.” Cecilia looked down at the grass.
“I haven’t given it much thought. I’ve never heard you talk about this before. Is this about that hunter? Why the sudden interest in romance?” he teased.
“Because I’m staring down marriage, and it’s somehow scarier than this trip. I’m afraid of finishing the Gauntlet because of what comes next. I just wonder sometimes—” She trailed off, working her fingers through her tangled braid, the curtain of hair acting as a buffer between them.
“You’re fishing for something,” Rainer said, eyeing her suspiciously.
“I’m wondering what happens for you after our official duty is done. What’s next for Rainer McKay?” She tried to sound casual but only succeeded in sounding desperate.
“I always thought we’d still be spending all our time together like we already do. I don’t want things to change between us,” he said.
“How will that work when I get married? Are you going to move in with my husband and me? Still going to sleep in my bed every night?”
“Cece.” His tone changed, and the look in his eyes heated her blood. Something silent had shifted between them, fissures forming in the truce that had existed for so long.
“I’m just trying to understand how you picture things. You think I’m just going to be there for you whenever you want while you chase every pretty girl in court and come back to me when you’re bored?” she said bitterly.
Rainer stepped back like she had slapped him. “That’s not what I do.”
“My mistake. What do you do?”
Rainer let out a heavy sigh and turned away from her. His hands ruffled his hair and then clenched at his sides.
“This idea you have in your head is lovely, but it’s not realistic. It’s the same as the stories we tell before bed—a beautiful fairy tale, Rain.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he grumbled.
Her chin jutted out defiantly. “Well, I do.”
“Please don’t be like this right now, Cecilia.” He dropped his head back and sighed.
“Like what? Questioning the great Rainer McKay? Are you saying you have no one in mind for marriage when we return? You seemed awfully cozy with Nora before we left.”
Rainer’s face shuttered, and she knew she’d get nothing else. She wanted to pry the truth out of him, but it was no use when he was in this mood. This was business Rainer. His eyes skimmed the perimeter, searching for a threat.
She itched to press him more, but instead, she waited in the awkward silence for sleep to take her away.
Cecilia woke up splayed across Rainer’s body like he was her own personal bed. She went rigid with embarrassment.
“Rain?” she rasped, her voice still thick with sleep.
“It’s okay. I think you were cold, and I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered. Rainer rested a hand on her neck, running his thumb along her jawline. That combined with the slow movement of his other hand on her low back settled her.
Awake Cece might have kept distance between them, but Sleeping Cece was clinging to him like he was a life raft and she was lost at sea. She was a little embarrassed, but she had a strange dream—the same one she’d had for days, of darkness chasing her.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” he said, reading her through their connection. “Honestly, I was cold too, and it was nice to have you as a blanket.”
His stubble scraped against her forehead, and she knew that when she looked up at him, it would be torture. At home, Rainer was always perfectly groomed, but when they were out in the wild, his hair was messy and a bit of stubble grew in. He looked so good like that.
Cecilia felt into their connection again. Rainer was nervous but happy. She felt the warmth of contentment that they both felt lying there. Then, underneath that, she felt a powerful longing and the sharp edge of desire. She shifted down his body in surprise, feeling the physical desire in him. Her eyes went wide, and he shifted her back up, tucking her close.
“Sorry about that,” Rainer mumbled.
Humiliation rushed through their connection. It didn’t embarrass Cecilia at all. Instead of hiding it like she normally did, she left the connection open between them.
“Cece.” He said her name like it was a curse.
She sat up, straddling him. Her breath caught when she saw the look on his face, because it echoed her own feelings. She rolled her hips. The tension stretched out between them, leaving them both breathless.
“Cece,” Rainer gritted.
His hands flexed on her hips. She was too inexperienced to make sense of the chaos in her body, but she didn’t want it to stop or slow down, so she rolled her hips again, and they both groaned.
Rainer’s eyes went wide in surprise and he gasped, gripping her hips firmly, though she couldn’t tell if he was trying to stop her movement or encourage more of it. She rolled her hips again—the friction eliciting another breathless gasp and a flex of the hips from Rainer.
He shifted quickly, flipping so that she was beneath him.
“You think I want this?” he gritted through clenched teeth. “You think I want to be some itch your scratch before you settle down?”
Cecilia narrowed her eyes. “What? You don’t want to be used the way you use all those women you parade around? Or you don’t want to be used by me?”
Rainer’s eyes lit with anger. He moved to get up but suddenly froze.
Cecilia’s heart leapt into her throat when she saw an Argarian hunter with a knife at the back of his neck. A second hunter stood behind the first, sword drawn.
“Stand up, Guardian. No sudden movements, either of you,” the hunter said.
Sliding her dagger onto the ground so it was hidden under her leg, Cecilia eyed up the second hunter while the first was distracted subduing Rainer. Both wore vests with Argarian red emblems.
It would have been easy to surrender to the rising tide of panic in her body, but she’d learned long ago that she had to master her fear. Fear was poison. The more she let it in, the less clear her mind would be, the weaker her will would be. It wasn’t about ignoring it. Conquering fear meant walking beside it as a constant companion. Her life required it, but beyond that, she remembered what the seer said to her many years before. Only you can decide who fear will make you. The words grounded her in the most tumultuous moments. She refused to let fear make her a coward.
“Spicy morning for you two.” The hunter laughed. “I almost let you go just to see what would happen.”
The hunter hauled Rainer away from Cecilia and turned back to her.
“Goodness, she looks mad with lust,” the hunter said.
Cecilia flushed as she studied the two hunters, looking for weapons and weaknesses.
“What do you want?” Rainer asked. Shame slunk through their bond. She wished she could wipe it away for him.
“To kill you and bring your witch to our slayer so that he can drain her memories and steal her Gauntlet magic, of course. Maybe we’ll have some fun with your witch first,” the other hunter said. “What are your names?”
A spike of rage from Rainer shot through their connection. Cecilia ignored it and searched the hunters for any mistakes. In the past, hunters would have killed Rainer immediately. She wondered why the change in plans.
“I’m not a witch. I’m a huntress,” she said, climbing to her feet. She held the dagger behind her leg, angling her body away from them.
“Why would a huntress and a guardian be traveling together?” the first hunter scoffed.
“To serve as backup to a duo trying to complete the Gauntlet. The king is desperate to have it completed with the coming war.” She lied so smoothly, she almost believed herself.
Doubt swept over the hunters’ faces.
“You don’t believe me. I get it. Why should you? If you want to see a demonstration, I can show you. I can hit an apple on that tree down there from here. Right through the center,” she said, gesturing to her bow.
“First, a witch could do that with magic. Second, we aren’t giving you a bow. Third, why aren’t you in a hunter’s uniform?”
Cecilia rolled her eyes. “No witch can do that with magic. You probably shouldn’t give me a bow. You’re right about that. And I’m not much for uniforms. Too stuffy for me.”
“Witch, what are you playing at?” The hunter closest to Rainer had relaxed his hold on the knife.
Cecilia looked at Rainer and then at the knife. He gave her a subtle nod. She was buying them time.
“I’m not a witch. I’m a huntress, and I’m excellent with a bow. Know what else I’m good with?” She laced the words with as much innuendo as possible, and the hunter’s gaze dropped to her lips. “A blade,” Cecilia said, letting her dagger sail. It landed right on target, buried in the hunter’s chest.
Rainer punched the other hunter, disarmed him, and cut him down with his sword in seconds. He stood over the two bodies, breathing hard, before turning to Cecilia.
Cecilia took no joy in killing, but she never hesitated in defending herself or Rainer. Although it pained her to hurt others, it was such a regular part of the world they grew up in she’d become accustomed to the feeling.
Rainer dropped his sword and held her face in his hands. His green eyes were wide with concern, but she just grinned at him.
“Are you hurt?” he asked.
“Rain, stop. Everything is fine. There’s not a scratch on me.”
Rainer pulled back, looking with wild eyes for more hunters.
“We have to go. I shouldn’t have done that. I was distracted again, and you could have been hurt,” Rainer said. He gathered up his sword and started putting away their supplies on the horses.
“Rain, slow down. Everything is all right. We’re both okay.”
“Cecilia,” he huffed, exasperated. “That was a momentary lapse of judgment. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have made you believe there was more between us.”
“I felt how bad you wanted it. Now you want to say it was a lapse of judgment?”
Rainer threw his hands up. “You said yourself how this ends. We will go home, and you’ll be expected to marry someone. And I’ll—” He swallowed hard. “I’ll never do anything to risk your safety again.”
“I’m standing here in front of you without a scratch on me.”
“That’s not the point! You could have died, and it would have been my fault. It was all I could think about the whole time. It was like watching the same thing play out. I was terrified. I still am.” He brought her hand to his pounding heart as a fresh wave of fear passed through their bond. “We have to go.”
They mounted their horses and took off into the woods. She could still feel his warm hands on her skin as she fought angry tears. She should have known better, but for a moment, it seemed he was truly going to let it happen. Any chance to break through the walls he put up was lost the moment the hunters surprised him.
She should have spent the rest of the day feeling grateful that they’d escaped the Argarian hunters unharmed, but she was angry at the system that would bind two people together with a soul bond and not allow them to love each other.
8
Cecilia blinked her eyes open to a handsome face hovering over her. Fear tore through her as she shuffled back, grabbing her dagger and holding it out in front of her to ward him off. She wildly looked around for Rainer. Though she was in the same place on the forest floor where she’d fallen asleep beside Rainer, he was nowhere to be found, and the sky was still dark.
“I thought you might never wake up. You sleep like the dead,” the man said.
He was handsome, his jet-black hair falling over his forehead, shading his light gray eyes, and the scar across his right eyebrow.
“Who are you? Where is Rainer?” Cecilia asked.
The air filled with the scent of pine and leather. A tingling spread through her body. This is some sort of strange dream magic, she thought. It wasn’t anything she recognized, but there were plenty of old spells to travel through dreams that she’d never learned because she had no practical use for them.
“Easy there. I’m not here to hurt you.”
All the fear she’d felt before faded to the back of her mind and was replaced with curiosity and confusion. She fought against the artificial calm, to no avail.
“It’s creepy to watch a lady sleep,” she huffed, crossing her arms and leaning back against a tree.
“Good thing you’re not a lady then,” he said with a grin.
She laughed involuntarily. “Who are you?”
“You don’t recognize me, Cecilia?”
Cecilia frowned. “Should I?”
“Let’s just say I’m a friend.”
She rolled her eyes. “I have enough friends. Just tell me what you want.”
“I wanted to get to know you. I’ve been waiting for you,” he said.
“Get to know me? What do you want to know?”
“I like to know what makes people tick.”
“Is this a type of dream magic?” she asked.
“Of sorts.”
Cecilia rolled her eyes. “So you’re a witch. Do you ever answer questions directly?”
“Occasionally.” He smirked. “I’ve been curious about you and your motivations. Do you seek love or power?”
It startled Cecilia how the words echoed what the seer, Raven Whitewind, had said to her years before.
“Does one have to choose?” Cecilia asked.
“Always.”
“Then I chose love,” Cecilia said plainly.
The man frowned. “Well, that’s foolish. Why would a witch with so much power want such a blatant weakness?”
“You see love as weak?”
He sighed, sadness passing over his eyes. “You see it as a strength, but really it’s an exchange. It may make you feel more confident or happy, but even the powerful are ruled by what they can’t bear to lose.”
The man ran a hand through his dark hair, moonlight glancing off the scar on his eyebrow. “My turn. Why are you so frustrated with your guardian?”
His question snaked inside her, the scent of leather and pine wrenching the words from her mouth. “I’ve loved him for years. I’ve waited for him to come around, but he’s never going to.”
“Sounds a bit spoiled to me. You don’t get what you want, and so you toss him away.”
“I don’t want to, but I’ve accepted that I can’t change his mind,” Cecilia started. “I need to move on. This is ridiculous. I don’t even understand why I’m telling you this.”
Talking to the stranger was confusing. She still didn’t understand why she felt oddly at ease with him, as if she’d known him forever. He had a way of drawing complex feelings and thoughts out of her. She couldn’t seem to shut up.
