The Lost God, page 38
“A handsome hunter like you?” she started, blinking away tears. “You would do very well. You’re foreign, so that certainly brings some intrigue. I suspect my friend Sylvie would like you. She’s so beautiful, I mean, irritatingly pretty, and she’s the life of the party, but she’s super picky. I think she would like you, though. You’re very genuine. She always has men falling in love with her, but I know she would like you because you’re kind and brave, and you have an honest face.”
“Do you think she would go to a ball with me?” Teddy asked. He shivered, and his breath sputtered.
“I know she would,” Cecilia said.
“My love, I don’t think I can do anything else. What can I—” Xander’s voice broke. “How can I help?”
“Keep healing, but try pulling the pain. It will hurt you temporarily, but it will help him,” she said.
Xander looked wrecked, his eyes wide with helpless fear.
Teddy’s hand tightened around Cecilia’s. “Cece, I don’t think I’m going to get to swim in the Adiran Sea.”
She shook her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. “No, you’re going to be fine. We’ll go for a swim together. You’ll love it. We’ll have a picnic on the beach and swim all day. I’ll show you our favorite sea cave. Then we’ll take trips to all the magical places in Olney. Heartwood Valley, the Wailing Woods. We’ll go to the Fall Equinox Festival. I’ll save you a dance. Forget Xander. If you hang in there, you can have all the dances. I’ll dance with you all night. He’s not that great of a dancer anyway.”
Teddy laughed and winced. “Cece, I’m sorry. That sounds wonderful, but I won’t make it, and you know it. I wanted to tell you something, but you have to come close.”
Cecilia saw the moment the wave of pain relief hit him. His face relaxed, and the crease in his brow softened. He smiled. She leaned in close because his voice was a whisper.
“I wanted to tell you that you’re really brave. You’re brave how you fight, but you’re braver how you love—with your whole heart. I understand why he fell in love with you. Don’t lose that. Even if it hurts. Don’t let them lose it either,” Teddy whispered.
She nodded with tears in her eyes as Evan and Xander moved to take her place in front of their friend.
Even on death’s doorstep Teddy managed to smile at his friends. “Don’t look so grim. I’ll be seeing my father soon.” He let out a shuddering breath. “Ev, don’t take everything so seriously all the time. The world won’t fall apart if you aren’t there holding it together every minute. You’re like the stern older brother I never wanted.”
Evan gave him a tight smile as Teddy turned his gaze on Xander.
“Thank you for taking my pain, Xan,” Teddy rasped. “Don’t be so reckless. You’re not just a spare prince. You were always more than that, but now you’re a husband and a best friend, and our people are going to need you.”
Xander looked wrecked by the words.
Teddy took a breath in and out, and his chest didn’t rise again.
Xander sat back on his heels, his shoulders slumped in defeat, his eyes shining with unshed tears. Evan tapped his fingers on his forehead, lips, and heart in silent prayer before placing a hand on Xander’s shoulder.
An oppressive weariness settled into Cecilia’s bones. Teddy was so young, so excited to see the world. It was his first time away from Argaria. He didn’t deserve to die, especially not saving her.
For a moment, they stared in disbelief at their fallen friend. Then, Cecilia got up, drank some of her witch tea, and walked into the woods. She found a pretty spot by a bed of wildflowers. She drank more tea and used a sputtering bit of earth magic to create a grave. Then, Evan and Xander picked up Teddy’s body and gently laid him to rest.
Cecilia was on the brink of fainting from using too much power, so they all pushed the dirt back into place with their hands.
Rainer held up a flask. “To a good man who did my job when I could not. I’m grateful for his courage.” He handed the flask to Cecilia.
“To Teddy who snuck me whiskey in teacups and was good enough not to hold it against me when I knocked him out and tried to escape. I’m grateful for his relentless optimism,” she said, taking a sip and handing the flask to Evan.
He stared at it for a moment before speaking. “To Ted, who gave the best advice and never gave up on trying to make his friends laugh, no matter how stoic they were. I’m grateful for fifteen years of his friendship even if he never stopped talking.” Evan took a long gulp and passed the flask to Xander.
Xander blew out a long breath. “To Teddy, whose letters brought all the color of home to my world miles away and who always picked up where we’d left off like I’d never been gone at all. I’m grateful for his persistence.” Xander gulped down the whiskey and nodded, wrapping an arm around Cecilia to guide her back to the horses.
There was nothing else to do but keep riding on toward Olney City.
Their victory felt hollow. Teddy had been the first person other than Xander to make Cecilia feel welcome in Argaria. He never stared at her or felt afraid of her. He was curious, and he asked thoughtful questions. She kept looking to Evan and Xander, waiting for one of them to say something, but they just looked shocked by the sudden loss.
When they finally stopped for the night, it was much too quiet. Cecilia could barely focus on the grief around the gnawing of the goddess power. It was worse than it had ever been. It felt like an insatiable hunger. Like she could eat for days, and it would never be enough.
She knew Rainer felt it, but she was too tired to close the connection, and it was probably too strong for her to hide anyway.
“What is that?” Rainer finally asked.
Xander and Evan looked confused.
“I don’t know,” she mumbled.
“Liar,” Rainer huffed.
“Is this some weird connection thing?” Evan asked.
“Yes,” they said in unison.
“It’s been getting worse,” Rainer said solemnly. He studied her face as if the answer would be written there. “It feels like hunger and anxiety and something else. I don’t recognize it.”
“Maybe I’m tired and hungry and anxious.”
“You’ve barely eaten anything,” he argued.
“I’m not—”
“Hungry. I know. That’s why I’m confused. Do you want me to take some of it?” Rainer asked.
Her instinct was to say no, but she wondered if maybe it would at least take the edge off, like when he took the pain from her.
“Okay,” she sighed.
Rainer held her hand and closed his eyes. Cecilia felt the moment he pulled on the feeling because the relief was instant. The tension released from her body.
She threw her arms around him and squeezed him.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Cece, that feels awful. Are you going to be all right?” Rainer asked.
“Of course, but I need to get some sleep, or I’ll be as cranky as I was this morning,” she said.
Xander helped her set up for bed. He lay down, facing her. He brushed his fingers over her cheek.
“Xan, what can I do for you? Do you want to talk?”
Xander shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. It doesn’t quite feel real. For now I want to focus on the road ahead. Do you want to talk about what’s going on with you?”
“Not yet,” she said. “I’m sad. I really liked Teddy. I really thought we were in the clear. We’re so close to home.”
“I know, love. I did, too. I assigned him to you because I knew he had a better temperament for you than Evan. I knew you would like him. You know, it’s a great honor for a hunter to protect a royal and to die in service. In Argaria, it’s one of the highest honors,” Xander said.
She was slowly beginning to see that Xander struggled with grief, tucking it behind anger, jealousy or lust, the edges of it always in the background of whatever emotion he was willing to show.
“I would think it would be a greater honor to live.” She sighed.
Xander caressed her cheek. “Cece, Teddy knew what he was signing up for, and I am immensely grateful to him because he saved you. He wanted to meet you even before I brought you back. The last time I came back to visit six months ago, he wouldn’t stop asking questions about you. I really—” He swallowed thickly. “I really appreciate that you showed me how to help him.” His face grew serious. “You saved the rest of us today. You are too brave for your own good. I thought my heart would stop when you charged into the clearing. Please never do that again. I wasn’t trying to stop you from fighting. I just wanted you to have as much cover as possible, Cecilia. I cannot lose anyone else I love. I won’t.”
Cecilia kissed his hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I have never seen the spirits attack before, and I panicked.”
“Because you were worried about Rainer.” Jealousy swirled around her husband.
“Yes, wouldn’t you have charged in to save Evan?” she asked, staring him down.
Xander sighed. “I suppose.”
“I would have tried to give more notice, but there were so many of them. I didn’t know what would happen when they attacked. I don’t know if their touch kills. If it was just hunters, I might have done things differently.”
“Doubtful.”
“Well, hopefully, we don’t have to find out. Now, do you want to keep talking about Rainer while you’re pressed up against me? Do you want to be mad, or do you want to kiss me?” she asked.
He sighed and pulled her into a kiss. They clung to each other in the dark like the love between them could ward off trouble.
35
The raw ache of the goddess powers returned as Cecilia woke in the morning. Everything felt heavy. Even the surrounding forest seemed to sit in silent vigil of Teddy’s death. Clouds blotted out the sunshine, and birds in the canopy above seemed to sing a quiet, mournful tune.
Xander cornered Cecilia as they packed for the day’s ride.
“I know you’re not ready to talk about what’s going on with you, but I’m ready when you are,” he whispered.
He played with a curl that had escaped her braid.
“I’ll tell you everything once we’re home.” She appreciated his patience but wasn’t even sure how to begin to explain. “How are you this morning?”
“I know it’s wildly inappropriate,” Xander started, “but after yesterday, I’m feeling a little on edge. I want to give you a proper send-off before I can’t touch you for hours.”
Xander’s eyes darkened. Cecilia peeked around to see how close Evan and Rainer were. They were either too busy to notice, or pretending to be.
“What do you want?” she stammered.
“I want to put you up against that tree and kiss you senseless.”
Xander kissed her with feverish intensity. All Cecilia’s anxiety, fear, gnawing hunger melted away as his lips met hers and his hands moved over her body. He lifted her so her legs wrapped around his waist, and kissed her until her mind was blissfully empty. When he finally put her down, she was shaky and dazed. Xander’s eyes were bright with lust.
“That was more than a little inappropriate,” Cecilia mumbled.
“I wanted to make you feel good. Did I succeed?”
“It was adequate,” she quipped.
Xander’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, really? Well, I could try again.”
“Please don’t,” Evan groaned.
Xander leaned in, his lips grazing Cecilia’s ear. “Love, when we are home safe, I’m going to make you feel so exceptionally good. All of Olney will hear you screaming my name. You’re never going to say the word adequate again.”
Cecilia was speechless as Xander helped her onto her horse, gave her a pat on her butt, and sent her off.
Being solidly in Olney territory didn’t put the group at ease. Teddy’s death was fresh in their minds. Cecilia scanned the forest constantly, listening for spirits.
Rainer rode quietly beside her.
“What would have happened if the spirits had reached us yesterday?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know. Best-case scenario, they fight us, and I’m the only one who can see them. I don’t even want to think about the worst case,” she said with a shiver.
Rainer nodded. “Thank you for saving me again.”
“I like being your knight in shining armor,” Cecilia said. “I know you’re the one who’s supposed to be saving me, but I’ll let it slide.”
Rainer’s grin made her stomach dip, and it startled her how the simplest things could make her feel like she’d made no progress in escaping the unrelenting pull to him.
They rode through the warm morning at a slower, more cautious pace.
Cecilia expected to feel relieved being just a two-day ride from home, but she felt exhausted instead. The ache of the goddess powers was relentless, and by midday she needed to stop and rest.
As they were tying up the horses, Cecilia felt a swirl of energy around them. A velvety voice cut through the silence.
“Good afternoon, little goddess.”
Cecilia whipped around. Two of the most handsome men she’d ever seen were sitting on a rock not ten feet away. The taller man’s raven hair fell over his forehead. His eyes were a pale, icy blue. He had a strong jawline and a mischievous smile.
“Didn’t mean to scare you,” the tall man said.
Cecilia blew out a breath. Beside her, Xander, Rainer, and Evan had all drawn weapons.
It took her a moment to recognize the man, but an old knowing settled into her bones. Her goddess powers reared up as if begging to be claimed, and she gritted her teeth, reminding herself of what she’d lose. She brought a hand to her stomach, trying to calm the roiling nausea.
“Cecilia Reznik: the one who got away.” He laughed.
She blanched. Until hearing it from the mouth of the god of death, she wasn’t certain how close she’d come to dying two years earlier.
He arched a brow. “Oh, come on. You can’t get behind some dark humor?”
“Grimon,” she said with a tight smile.
“Very good! I wasn’t sure if you would recognize me. It’s been a while.” Grimon laughed.
“That is the god of death?” Xander mumbled. “He’s so—”
“Handsome?” Cecilia suggested.
Xander raised his eyebrows. “Really, Cece?”
She giggled at Xander’s overt jealousy. The god of death looked equally amused by the exchange. His eyes glowed with power.
“Most people expect me to be scary, but it’s much easier to lure people to the Underworld when you’re nice to look at.”
Nice was an understatement. Xander crossed his arms, looking from Cecilia to the god, and Rainer took a step toward her.
“We used to spend some time together,” Grimon said. “Remember, Lady Cece?”
“Cece,” Rainer said, his voice tight.
“I assume if he was here to kill me, I’d already be dead,” she said.
“That’s true.” Grimon laughed.
The sound sent a shiver down Cecilia’s spine, but not an unpleasant one.
“I thought you’d be happier to see me considering I was your first crush and all,” Grimon continued.
“Your first crush was the god of death?” Evan said in disbelief.
“Can you blame me?” She laughed. “I was young, and he was so handsome and nice to me.”
“I thought I was your first crush,” Rainer said absent-mindedly.
Cecilia tried not to laugh at the surprise on his face.
“If he’s Grimon, then who’s that?” Xander asked, pointing to the second man.
The other god had the same raven hair and startlingly bright hazel eyes that flickered like flames. Cecilia couldn’t meet his gaze without blushing.
“Samson,” Cecilia murmured, looking down at the ground.
When she looked into Samson’s eyes, her skin felt too hot and tight for her body. A shiver ran through her. The god of lust gave her a look that set her blood on fire, putting Xander’s heated looks to shame.
“Old Clastor, he always was a vain motherfucker.” Samson smirked. “I suppose that’s why he made her so lovely.”
Cecilia pulled her hair away from her neck, trying to cool down.
Samson winked at her. “Brainy, beautiful, and deadly. A triple threat and a very wild one.”
Cecilia’s knees felt weak.
“Tone it down a bit, brother,” Grimon said quietly. “She’s still mortal.”
“I can’t help it. She’s just my type,” Samson said, licking his lips.
“Everyone is your type,” Grimon huffed, rolling his eyes.
Samson looked back at Cecilia. His smoldering gaze made her feel naked.
“Do you mind?” Xander said.
Cecilia stifled a nervous giggle.
“Ah, the young Storm Prince has stolen your heart from your old love,” Samson said, nodding at Rainer. He walked behind Cecilia and laid a hand on her shoulder. “And yet they both still want you desperately,” he whispered in her ear. “Perhaps we have more in common than I thought, Goddess.”
Samson’s power was a gentle caress on her skin. It filled the air with the scent of vanilla and tobacco. It rushed through her and opened her up to what Xander and Rainer felt for her. The lust made her dizzy.
“Easy does it.” Samson laughed, catching her when she stumbled.
“What do you want?” Xander asked.
Samson walked around Cecilia and stared into her eyes, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away.
“Prince Savero, she has scandalous thoughts about you. She greatly appreciates your—talents. She lets you do such naughty things to her. Hmm, and yet you still long to compare his kisses to your guardian’s. Wicked, greedy little goddess. I enjoy being in your head. I think we should be friends,” Samson said, sliding a hand down her arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
“Get out,” Cecilia said, looking away. She tried to slap him, but she missed and stumbled.
Samson caught her arm. “Why is she so weak?” he asked.
“Long story,” Rainer mumbled.
