The Lost God, page 10
“I’m trying to get to know you,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because I find you fascinating.”
“What are you?” she asked.
“I’m like you.”
“A memory witch?” she asked. His power felt different.
He laughed. “No. Just another lonely soul. I know what it is to be different. To feel isolated. I know what it is to feel like no one else understands.”
“No one else does. Not even Rain.” She flinched as the intimate thought was ripped out of her.
“I do,” he whispered.
“You don’t know me.”
“But I want to,” he said. “I suspect you’re the only person who I can truly relate to in the entire world.”
“That must be lonely.”
Her response seemed to surprise him because it was the first time the cocky look on his face faltered. It was only for a second, but she watched the flash of surprise and then something else before he fixed his face back into a smirk.
“You would know.”
He smiled at her, but she could see an edge of pain behind it. She nodded.
“Tell me this, Little Dove, if you’re so in love with the guardian, why did you let that hunter touch you in the queen’s garden?” he asked.
The hairs on the back of Cecilia’s neck stood on end. “How long have you been watching me?”
“Answer the question,” he insisted.
“He barely touched me, and what I feel for him has nothing to do with love.” Again, the words flew out of her mouth unbidden.
“So it was just physical attraction?”
“If you’re going to be so nosy, then I want to ask questions, too.”
His gray eyes lit up. “I suppose that’s fair.”
“How long have you been watching me?” she asked.
“Many years. I keep my eye on all the powerful witches in Olney. You’re not the only one. I’ve also been watching your friend, too, the pretty blonde one.”
“Sylvie? How?”
“Spies. Friends. Allies. My own brand of magic. Does it matter?” he said. “My turn to ask you something. Why do you love the guardian so much?”
Cecilia thought about it. It was hard to give voice to the depth of emotion. She opened her mouth but then closed it.
“It’s all wrapped together with our history and memory,” Cecilia said. “He’s always been my person. He’s kind, and he’s taken care of me my whole life. I share my dreams with him, and he never makes me feel silly, no matter how strange they are. I can always be myself with him.”
“And yet he keeps you weak and ensures that you’ll always need him,” the man said.
Cecilia recoiled. “That’s not true. He taught me how to fight. He trained me.”
“But he doesn’t let you choose for yourself. He doesn’t trust that you can protect yourself, always making you stand behind him instead of beside him.”
Cecilia stared at him. It was as if he had looked into some place in the back of her mind that she didn’t like to go. He called forth something she knew but didn’t want to look at closely.
“He plays with you. He says he wants to let you go, but as soon as you wander, he draws you back in. You received roses from your hunter, and he wouldn’t stop questioning you about it. He won’t hold on to you, but he also won’t let you go. He keeps you imprisoned, and he likes you weak, just like everyone else.”
The stranger knew too much.
Cecilia sighed. “He does not.”
“I know fear, and he’s full of it. Afraid to give in to what he feels. Afraid of failure. Afraid of the depths of his longing. He’s weak-minded. You fell in love with the first person who showed you kindness in a world that made you feel other. Haven’t you ever wanted more for yourself? Someone who would really see you?”
The words hit her like a punch in the gut, but she kept her face placid. “Well, after all that talk of me letting go too easily, you sure seem to want me to let him go.”
“I merely ask questions so that you can think about what you really want, Little Dove. So that I can understand your mind.”
Cecilia leaned away from him. “Talking to you reminds me of playing chess.”
He laughed. “It probably should.”
“What do you want from me?”
“Cecilia, I know you are used to all the relationships in your life being transactional, but I just wanted to get to know you.”
She glared at him. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Well, maybe you’re smarter than I gave you credit for.” His eyes had a mildly hypnotic quality, and she had the feeling she could get lost in them if she looked much longer.
“What do you want most right now?” he asked.
Cecilia thought back to her wish, lying under the meteor shower with Rainer. It felt too personal to share with a stranger.
“Freedom,” she said. It wasn’t a lie. It was at the core of everything she wanted.
“From what? Your broken heart? Your mission? Your home? Marriage?” he asked, looking genuinely curious.
“To make my own decisions when I want to. To have power over the course of my own life. To wander alone or with whomever I wish.”
“Interesting,” he said, considering her response. “You’re not what I expected.”
“And what did you expect?” she asked.
He grinned. “I thought you’d be taller.”
“So now you’ve got jokes?” She laughed.
“You’re just freer than I think you give yourself credit for. More spirited than I expected.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said.
“It’s meant to be one. He’s going to wake you up soon. I’ll give you one last question.”
“What should I do to get what I want?” Cecilia asked.
Laughter sparked in his eyes. “Say yes to the hunter.”
“From home?” She frowned at him as he stood, turned away, and disappeared into the dark, leaving her with more questions than answers.
And then Rainer’s voice dragged her from her dream until she blinked her eyes open into the bright morning light, finding herself next to him, exactly where she’d fallen asleep.
9
The reflection of the full moon rippled in the water’s surface as Cecilia’s feet slid along the cold stone riverbed. She was so desperate to be clean after a long day of riding in the sun that she didn’t mind the icy water or that the area was more exposed than she would have liked.
The evenings were cooler the farther north they traveled, but the days still sweltered, and the humidity never broke. She’d spent most of the day bickering with Rainer, the exhaustion of the frenetic pace finally wearing on her. He left her alone to bathe, but she knew he was nearby if she needed him.
She stopped when the water reached her waist, monitoring the nearby trail for Rainer’s return. She sucked air through her teeth, goosebumps rising on her skin as she adjusted to the cold. Unraveling her braid, she relaxed for the first time all day, enjoying the moment of solitude.
Her bathing gown tangled around her legs, the thin green fabric catching on the dagger strapped to her thigh. She hated the gown but couldn’t bear the awkwardness of Rainer wandering back early and seeing her naked. Then again, that might catch his attention.
Cecilia worked the soap into a lather and washed her hair and body. She floated on her back in the gentle current and stretched her arms up, picking out constellations she knew. She was about to get out when she felt a shift in the air. Someone was nearby.
She jammed her feet down and stood in the shallow water. Her dagger was in her hand before she saw him.
“Moon Goddess, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
On the shore, a man leaned against a boulder in the shadow of the thick pine trees along the trail. His dark hair fell over his forehead, and a slash of moonlight highlighted his cocky grin. He was tall and broad—not quite Rainer’s size, but he looked strong. She couldn’t make out the emblem on his vest or its color: Argaria red or Olney green. She didn’t know if he was a friend or an enemy but assumed that if he was disturbing a woman while she bathed, he was trouble at the very least.
Pebbles bit into Cecilia’s feet as she stepped onto shore, trying to get a closer look at the vest. The man stared back. She was grateful she hadn’t forgone the bathing gown, though she realized the fabric sticking to her skin left little to the imagination. His gaze swept over her slowly.
“It’s not polite to stare,” she said.
“Or to startle a goddess while she’s bathing,” the man said with a sly smile.
“I’m not a goddess.”
“You sure look like one worshipping the full moon. Though I suppose no mortal would be blessed with such beauty. It would make the gods jealous.”
Heat rushed to her cheeks.
His gaze sharpened on her dagger. “Of course, I don’t know if a moon goddess would carry a blade, so perhaps you are a mortal after all. What should I call you, then?”
Cecilia knew how powerful men used fear to rule over women. Only you can decide who fear will make you. Rather than show how frightened she felt, she took a step toward him.
“I think the better question is, what should I call you? Raised with no manners and startling a lady while she bathes.”
She took another step, gaze narrowing on the emblem on his vest: the hunter’s mark of a bow and arrow with crossed short swords. She couldn’t make out the color to tell if he was friend or foe.
Cecilia backed away, bending her knees to center her body in a fighting stance. If he didn’t mean her harm, he wouldn’t have startled her.
“Where’s your guardian, Goddess?” the man asked, assessing her like prey.
Her heart thundered in her ears. Where was Rainer? He should have been back already.
“Closer than you think, hunter.” She spit the words out like they were poison.
“Then why do you look so frightened?” he asked, another smile passing over his lips.
She noticed a dimple on his right cheek. Stop looking at his dimple before he kills you, Cece.
“I’m not afraid,” she huffed.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, amusement dancing in his eyes.
“Well, the feeling isn’t mutual.”
Cecilia brought her hands to the slit in the side of her gown and tugged on the fabric to deepen it so she could move easier. It split almost to her hip. The hunter looked startled.
“What?” she said.
“Are you trying to distract me?” he said, eyes tracing the slit. “Because it’s definitely working. How could I possibly fight when all I can think about are your beautiful legs?”
Heat prickled across her skin. Where is Rainer? What if this hunter already took care of him? The thought clamped down on her heart. She channeled her fear and panic into anger. Anger would help her focus. Without looking, she flung her dagger at the hunter’s chest. He stopped it between his palms.
“How did you—” she choked, shocked by his speed.
“That was not very ladylike,” he scolded.
“Maybe you just haven’t spent time with the right ladies.”
The hunter laughed. “Perhaps you’re right. All the ladies I know are a bore. All right, Goddess: if you insist, we will fight, but no weapons.”
The hunter dropped his sword and bow and tucked her dagger into the back of his waistband.
“I’ll make you a deal,” he said. “You get the dagger back, and I will let you use it on me.”
“Well, I certainly don’t need more motivation.”
It would have been wiser not to engage, but she didn’t know where Rainer was and didn’t have a horse to get away.
They glided around each other. He seemed to float with supernatural grace, keeping his distance, waiting for her to strike first.
“Come on! You said you weren’t afraid—”
Before he finished, she lunged and hit him in the right shoulder. He stumbled back, startled but smiling.
“That’s good. I suspect there is very little you fear.”
She lunged again, hitting him in the gut with a jab that sent a satisfying puff of air out of his lungs. To her frustration, he was still smiling. She swung again. He caught her wrist and twisted it behind her, pulling her back flush against the front of his body.
“Very sloppy,” he whispered in her ear.
Cecilia slammed her head into his. He stumbled back, holding a hand to his forehead.
“Better.” He laughed.
Nothing she did fazed him. The more she hit him, the more delighted he got. Hunters were known for their love of a fight, relishing the opportunity for conquest. They also had magically enhanced senses that helped them hear greater distances, smell poisons, or see in the dark.
His head snapped to the right. “Someone’s coming.”
“What? How do you know?” Cecilia asked.
He held her wrists and spun her so he was between her and the road. She saw a faint light down the trail but couldn’t see or hear anyone.
“Goddess, do you trust me?” the hunter said.
He framed her face with his hands. They were warm and rough, but his touch was surprisingly gentle.
“Of course I don’t trust you.” Cecilia snorted.
“I need you to trust me. I’m here to keep you safe, but to do that, I need to do something right now that might make you want to try to stab me again.”
She took a step back.
“Say you trust me. It doesn’t have to be forever. Just for the next few minutes, and you can’t forget it no matter what I do. Please.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I’m going to kiss you.”
She gasped.
“I know it’s far from ideal, but I would need to have your permission,” he said. “I’m not in the business of kissing beautiful strangers without their consent. We need to improvise, and it’s the easiest cover story. They may already know we’re here by scent alone if they’re hunters. We have little time. Say yes.”
He slid a hand across her cheek, tucked a stray hair behind her ear, and glanced down the road toward the light again.
Cecilia couldn’t help but wonder what trusting him might cost her. Would he stab her the moment she let her guard down?
He pulled off his leather vest and tossed it aside. Anxiety flooded her mind. Her heart pounded, not so much from fear as anticipation. She made a split-second decision to go with her gut. If he’d wanted to hurt her, he could have waited and surprised her when she got out of the water. Suddenly the words from the man in her dream the night before came back to her: Say yes to the hunter.
A peal of faint laughter split the silence from farther down the trail.
“Yes,” she breathed, barely a whisper, but he heard it.
“Thank gods,” he said.
The hunter wrapped Cecilia in his arms and backed her against the boulder, the cool of the granite contrasting with his warmth. The kiss was gentle at first, then urgent and all-consuming.
She’d been kissed before, but not like that. Everything in her body came alive, every nerve ending firing like a million fireworks across her skin. He pulled her hips flush against his. A shock went through her body.
Cradling the back of her head, he drew her deeper into the kiss. His fingers grazed the skin of her neck. She felt like she’d been tossed up to the moon and was free-falling back to earth. She kept falling deeper into the kiss, weaving her fingers through his hair to pull him closer. He moaned against her lips, though she couldn’t tell if it was desire, surprise, or part of his ruse.
What are you doing, Cece? Her mind spun wildly. It was madness kissing a complete stranger in the woods at night, and yet she’d let him do it and was enjoying it.
The hunter slid his hand down her side, his fingertips roaming to the slit in her dress before drawing her leg up. She gasped as a new riot of sensation whipped through her. She widened her legs and brought a hand to his hip, desperate to pull him closer.
Laughter trickled from the trail, much closer than before.
The hunter did his best to distract her, pressing his hips into her. She felt him hard against her. Her body went rigid. Her eyes snapped open.
The hunter pulled away, murmuring against her neck. “Apologies for being so improper. I won’t hurt you, but they might.”
He went back to kissing her neck and hit a spot that set her blood on fire. Her breaths were quick and shallow. She moaned and rolled her head back against the boulder. It felt so good she wasn’t even embarrassed. Spurred by her response, he did it again, and she rolled her hips against him.
He pulled up her other leg, so both were wrapped around his waist as he pressed his hips against her. Her heart pounded in her ears, and her entire focus narrowed to the pleasure of being touched that way, like the hunter would die of wanting if she didn’t let him have her.
“Hey! You there!” a voice called from the trail. “What are you doing?”
The hunter pulled away. Cecilia was shocked by the disappointment she felt at the loss of his frenzied kisses.
“Goddess, you have to let go,” he whispered.
She released her hold, her legs shaking as he set her on her feet. He smirked and turned to look at the men heading their way.
She could tell by the emblem on their vests that they were hunters. Their torches highlighted the mark’s bright Argarian red. They would kill her if they knew who she was.
Where was Rainer? The hunters came from his direction. He couldn’t have been nearby, because he would never have let a stranger kiss her like that.
“Good evening. Apologies for startling you,” her hunter said, his voice smooth like honey. He stepped forward, blocking her from their view. “I was just enjoying a romantic swim with my lady.”
The stout Argarian hunter smirked, trying to peek around him.
“Doesn’t seem like she’s much of a lady if she’s out here at night letting you tumble her up against a rock.” One of the men laughed.
“Perhaps not,” her hunter said. “We’d appreciate your discretion.”
