The Lost God, page 46
Now grief had descended on them like a heavy fog. Despite its sudden aggressive appearance in his life, with the loss of his parents and Teddy, Xander could not seem to find the words to comfort his wife because he did not know how to comfort himself. Cece’s sadness was strange, quiet, and spun through with unspoken things.
Grief was isolating and consuming. It took everything he gave it and demanded more. Xander wished he could save her from its relentless assault, but he could do nothing but flounder beside her, his mouth crammed with words that seemed little consolation for all she’d lost. For all they’d lost.
There would be no children with Cece’s wild dark curls and bright blue eyes, not to mention how it would complicate the line of succession if Davide died in the war he was waging.
Worse, giving up their future children felt like giving up being tied to her in some permanent way. Marriage might have seemed enough back in Argaria, but that was before he watched Rainer kiss Cece in the forest.
Xander didn’t deserve her. He solidified it in the cabin in the mountains and after, but he kept trying to prove himself wrong by being the answer to all of her problems.
He tightened his arm on Cece’s waist as the newly appointed huntmaster stepped forward, holding a large torch, waiting for her to set the fire.
Cecilia
The torch crackled, a welcome reprieve from the whispers of the crowd. Cecilia felt all their eyes on her.
Just days before, she was all bluster in the king’s throne room, insisting she wouldn’t be their goddess. Now she felt the appraisal of the royal army and most of the court, wondering what to make of her mysterious newfound power.
Everything about her appearance was a little too perfect, her eyes too bright, her skin too glowing, her movements too sharp. People looked twice, trying to figure out what they were missing, their eyes recognizing magic without realizing it. She heard their whispers with her sharper hearing and sensed their fear. Still, she didn’t blame them. She’d killed nearly a thousand men with a flick of her fingers, without a drop of blood spilled, their minds erased of every process that made living possible.
She sensed something else beyond the darkness inside her. Whatever was there, she was afraid to reach out to it. Afraid she wouldn’t come back. Afraid she would lose everything she sacrificed for. Eventually, she might need it, just not yet.
Her whole life was a brutally cruel exchange she was fated to make.
The goddess reared up inside on a fresh wave of grief, but Cecilia shoved her down. No, this is mine. I don’t want to be here, but I will hate myself if I’m not.
When the grief became too heavy, the goddess took over, like a sort of possession that allowed Cecilia to fade into the background and turn down the volume of her pain. It was impossible for her to explain how the goddess felt like her and also something else. She clung to the separateness to manage her guilt.
Cecilia finally lifted her gaze to the funeral pyre. Leo Reznik was shrouded on top, but she still knew his imposing figure under the white linen. Even in death, he seemed too big to fall. She kept waiting for him to stand and climb down.
Aunt Clara let out a quiet sob beside her, and Cecilia gave her hand a comforting squeeze. It was plenty warm out, but even in her heavy wool dress, Cecilia shivered, the new power slithering through her body like a winter breeze.
Xander brushed a kiss to her temple, an affectionate gesture neither appropriate for court nor the occasion, though she found it immeasurably comforting to have him beside her with quiet understanding thanks to his own immense loss.
He bent to whisper, “I can do it if you can’t, love. Or Rainer will.”
Rainer. She could feel his gaze on her, feel his presence close behind her, but she could not bear to look at him and see her grief reflected in his eyes. It was enough to feel him tugging at it, trying to share her burden through their bond.
Both he and Xander had hovered incessantly, putting their differences aside temporarily to help her, since that day on the beach. Now, just three days later, she could feel them both trying to prove their worth. Both men made vows to her. One pledged his life and his blade. The other pledged his heart for the rest of his days.
But the problem of her heart was small compared to all she still had to lose. Davide was regrouping. Cecilia owed a favor to the very god who pulled all the strings to get her to the exact place she was now, and she did not know how to protect the people she loved.
Worse, she wasn’t sure if Cato was the biggest threat they faced, or if the people should be more terrified of her, a goddess who could wipe the minds of a battalion with a flick of her wrist.
She took the torch from the new huntmaster, the rough wood solid in her hand as she stepped forward, and the crowd seemed to take a collective breath.
Cecilia lit the pyre and watched her father burn, ash rising into the air, mixing with the sea, and a whisper passed her lips, “Remember.”
Remember why she set out to finish the Gauntlet in the first place. Remember who deserved all of her rage, all of her vengeance, all of her power. She’d paid a heavy price for her freedom, and she intended to get her money’s worth.
The Adventure Continues in November 2023 with…
A goddess afraid of her magic. A prince without a kingdom. A guardian with an immortal charge.
* * *
Cecilia is struggling to adjust to her newfound powers, reeling from the loss of her father, and terrified of the favor she owes the architect of her misery, Cato. The Trickster God will use any means necessary to get what he wants and Cecilia is worried that she’ll never be ruthless enough to beat him.
When Cato kidnaps Xander, Cecilia turns to the only beings who might be able to help: her godly half-siblings. But the gods seem more content to play games than assist her, as they send her on a series of seemingly unrelated tasks in exchange for information on the missing prince’s whereabouts and Cato's weaknesses.
As Cato slowly rips her life apart, Cecilia may have to trade her last shred of humanity to save her kingdom and the people she loves.
* * *
The exciting next chapter in The Lost God Universe features all three character POVs and arrives November 30, 2023.
* * *
Until then you can join my email list for a prequel choose your own quest style story by following this link:
https://starsagespirit.ck.page/tlgprequel
* * *
Or get access to a BONUS chapter from Rainer's point of view by taking a screenshot of your review of THE LOST GOD on Amazon or Goodreads. Send the picture of it to thelostgodbonus (@) gmail.com and you’ll get an email with Rainer's BONUS chapter.
Acknowledgments
It takes a village to raise a book baby, and THE LOST GOD is no exception. It took fifteen drafts to get here and there are so many people to thank.
Creation is joyful and terrifying, so the first thanks go to Tanya Grant, who was the first person I trusted with this story. Thank you for being a rock-solid cheerleader from day one through the very end. Bless you for reading the early drafts when I was still learning how to write a book (not that I’ve stopped learning). It is not an understatement to say that this world would never have become what it is today without you.
The best friends bring you home to yourself when you get lost, but the best writing friends do that for your story. Thank you to my writing wife, Liz Leiby, for helping me bring this story back home to itself. Your late developmental changes were critical. Thank you for the accountability and for remaining endlessly patient while listening to all of my unhinged voice memos.
So much gratitude to my love, Mike, who not only listened to me talk about these characters for two years but also proofread the book, and made the map. Thank you for talking me down when I was scared and for not batting an eye when I handed you a full-length manuscript.
An immense thank you to my many early readers. This book took quite a few big revisions and I could not have done it without the fabulous feedback of Davis, Patty, Christa, Lauren, Melissa, Michelle, Flynn, Felicia, TR, Maureen, Ashley, and Megan.
Gratitude for all the writing friends who sat beside me and kept me accountable along the way. There were so many of you who helped with your presence and encouraging words.
Thank you to my wonder editor, Lisa Gilliam, for keeping my voice in the story and making it more clear. Thanks to my brilliant cover designer, Andrew Davis, for reading my word vomit of a description of the book and pulling a vision from it that blew me away.
Every writer should have a coven of witches ready to cast magic into the world. Thank you to Amanda, Ash, Christa, Davis, Nora, Patty, Scout and Winifred for all of your wisdom and for let me vent or ask random questions for my projects about herbs or tarot cards. I especially appreciate the help with publishing knowledge (Ash), technology (Patty), storytelling (Amanda), and astrology /marketing (Davis) has carried me through this process.
Thank you to my siblings, Colin, Alex, and Mary Kate, who listened to two prologues and told me which one they liked better and who are just generally, the best. And thank you to my parents for reading to us each night when we were little.
Thank you to all the friends and extended family who have encouraged this book, not realizing how much romance it contains. Hope you enjoyed chapters 16, 17, 20, 29, 30, & 33.
Gratitude to the writers who came before me, who let me find myself in their words. Reading has guided me through the darkest of times.
My greatest hope is that this story that has lived in my head for so long find it’s way into hearts of readers, making them feel seen and understood. So my final thanks go to you, the reader, for taking a chance on this book. I am so grateful you are here in this world with me, letting me spin my story about love, memory, and connection.
About the Author
The Lost God is Sheila Masterson’s first novel. When she’s not writing fantasy romance novels, you can find Sheila practicing yoga, or curled up reading tarot or a book. She lives outside of Philadelphia with her boyfriend and way too many houseplants.
Sheila Masterson, The Lost God
