CPC-02. Couch Potato Crisis, page 7
part #2 of Couch Potato Chronicles Series
“Thank me? For what?”
The man shook his head, as if he’d forgotten something. “Let me introduce myself, first. My name is Kegan Silverwood—I’m a general in service to the city state of Adreála.” He smiled broadly. “And yes, as you’ve surmised, I’m half-human. On my father’s side, if you care to know.” Kegan bowed. “The entire nation of Adreála owes you a debt of gratitude.”
Tasha tilted her head and gave him an awkward-looking smile. “What did I do?”
“Nearly half a year ago, the Noálin Pirate Group, led by Captain K’her Noálin, attacked Adreála. He used the Orb of Air to destroy the entire city. We were all but defenseless against the firepower of his fleet. By the time reinforcements arrived from Dragonholm, the city was a firebombed wasteland of fire and ash. The Crystal Keep, a structure which had stood for over nine hundred years, was reduced to a smoldering cinder.”
“One in every five Adreálans was seized by Captain K’her and sold as slaves in the human lands of Zhakara. My wife was among his victims. We also lost Count Sigred and the countess.”
“I’m so sorry,” said Tasha.
The man’s expression softened. “Don’t be! You’re the one who defeated Captain K’her, after all. When you took his elemental orb, the entire Noálin Pirate Group disbanded. It’s only a matter of time before we locate and bring K’her Noálin to justice.”
“Don’t mention it. He was in our way, and we’d have had to take him down eventually.” She pointed to her companions. “This is Pan and Ari. They had more to do with taking down Captain K’her than I did.”
Kegan’s smile dissipated as he narrowed his eyes. “Your friends are… Zhakaran?”
Ari nodded. “Pan and I came here from Zhakara on a quest that relates to the Player. We’re Tasha’s guides.”
Tasha said, “They’ve been with me for the last five months. I can vouch for them both.”
Kegan crossed his arms and slowly nodded his head. “If the Player vouches for the two of you, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt for the time being.” He cringed as if he was in physical pain. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I’ll ever fully trust a Zhakaran.”
Ari grunted. “We have no love for Zhakara, believe me.”
Kegan seemed to remember something and turned to the king. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty. You...called me in for something. How may I serve?”
“Is Slimewillow still on your list of warp destinations?” Iolo asked. “I need you to warp these three people there right away.”
Kegan lowered his head into a slight bow. “That won’t be a problem. I have family there, so I visit frequently. If I may ask, why must they reach Slimewillow in such a hurry?”
The king’s expression was stern. “My daughter has been kidnapped.”
Kegan shook his head, and his immaculately groomed beard swayed with the motion. “What, again? Isn’t that the second time this year?”
“I’m afraid so. The second abduction happened only about an hour ago, so you might not have heard. Queen Murderjoy has kidnapped Princess Kiwistafel. She’s been taken to Ironfall, and Tasha must charter a ship.”
“I understand, Your Majesty. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. I’ll warp them to Slimewillow right away.”
“If you will, there’s one further thing I require of you, and it may take quite some time to accomplish.”
“Name it, my lord.”
“I’d like you to accompany Tasha on her journey.”
“Me?” Kegan asked. “But my people need me. Surely, there are stronger warriors to send with the Player.”
Iolo said, “That may be true, but none of my knights have access to your Warp spell. I need you to establish a foothold in Zhakara. Your mission is to find a settlement so we can teleport an army into enemy held lands.”
Kegan leaned forward as if he’d been given a prize. “You mean we’re finally going back on the offensive?”
“I’m afraid we have no choice. The tenuous peace between our two nations can no longer continue. First the attack on Adreála and now this. At this point, war is all but inevitable, and if it’s going to be war, we must seize every possible advantage. You can provide that, Kegan. I’ll send out a call to draft all warp-capable time mages, but I’m counting on you to secure a place for us to send the troops.”
Kegan grinned. “Finally. This false peace has gone on for far too long.” Kegan straightened, adding an inch to his already impressive height as he puffed out his chest. “You can count on me, Your Highness. I’ll see this done. Just give me an hour to warp to Adreála and back. I need to assign someone to take over my duties while I’m away.” He faced Tasha. “I’ll meet you at the eastern city gates.”
At that, Kegan stepped into the area of the room beneath an opening in the ceiling. He cast a spell, and twenty seconds later, a globe appeared around him which lifted into the air and out of sight.
“People come and go so quickly here,” Tasha said, but no one got the reference.
“We should g.. get ready to leave,” Pan said.
“You’re right,” Tasha replied. “Try not to worry, Your Highness. We’ll return Kiwi without fail.”
“I’m counting on it, Player,” Iolo said.
The adventurers took their leave. Each began their preparations for the long journey ahead.
Chapter 3
Dea Latis
Tasha waited for General Kegan to meet them by the Brightwind’s eastern gate. A light autumn rain had set in, so Tasha raised a magical weather shield. It was one of the first spells she’d written during their travels. She’d based it on the shield that protected Brightwind castle from attack and from the elements.
A low power effect, the shield provided absolutely no protection from deliberate attacks, but that was hardly the point of a weather shield.
Anything more powerful would have been mana-draining overkill. Using magic was always an exercise in the art of balance. Too weak, and it would be ineffective, but if it was too strong, it cost too much to use without somatic, verbal, or other add-ons.
Streaks of raindrops slid down the periphery of the invisible dome as Ari, Pan, Hermes, Denver, and Slimon took shelter under the weather dome with her. Kazezu was far too large to fit, especially with his upgraded size.
The eastern gate overlooked the bustling wharf. Ships carrying goods and passengers were always coming and going.
In addition to the larger cargo and passenger ships, a significant number of elves congregated before a hooded elven man who operated a small wooden ferry painted silver and green. Luminescent elven lettering had been engraved along the side of the craft. Tasha watched them intently, curious.
An elven man and woman entered the boat, and he pushed off to sea. The others watched as the boat skimmed the water further from shore. Tasha peered over the sea in confusion. There was no larger boat or ship to receive the passengers.
Instead, a deep fog rose from the water directly in the path of the small craft. After a short time, the fog enveloped the ship, obscuring it from view. Several minutes passed before the fog cleared, whereupon the ferry returned. Of the three people who’d entered the fog bank, only the ferryman remained. As if entirely unconcerned that he’d lost his passengers, the boatman returned to shore, then spoke with several more elves who handed him money in return for their place on the boat. Again, the ferry set out to sea, only to be swallowed by a mysteriously appearing fog.
“They’re leaving,” a male voice cut through the silence.
Tasha was so entranced by the repeating spectacle, she hadn’t heard Kegan’s approach. “Where are they going? It seemed like they just disappeared into the fog.”
“They’re leaving Etheria for the elven homeland. Elves and fairies aren’t from Etheria. None of the races are, save the Aire. Of all the races, only elves and fairies can return to their homeland, the land of Tír na nÓg. Once they leave, however, they can never return to Etheria.”
Tasha said, “Looks like quite a few want to leave.”
“Can you blame them? It used to be that only one or two elves per week would leave Etheria. Ever since the menu countdown appeared and Entropy appeared like a dark cloud in the sky, elves have been fleeing by the hundreds. People say Entropy will end the world. I can’t fault them for leaving, but I fear what will become of us here once your quest succeeds. Will there still be enough of us here to constitute a race?”
She frowned. “Will you be joining them before the world ends?”
He shook his head. “That would be quite impossible.”
“Because you’re only half-elven?”
“No, my half-elven blood would allow me to join them, but I would never do so.” Kegan looked like he’d swallowed something bitter. “Not so long as my wife suffers in Zhakaran hands and bears an iron chain around her neck. Besides, I don’t believe the world will end.” The half-elf narrowed his eyes. “You’re here to prevent that, aren’t you?”
Tasha nodded. “Once we’ve collected all six orbs, there's a possibility I can annul the contract and banish Entropy.”
“Then we’d best stop wasting time,” said Hermes. “Hurry up and warp us to Slimewillow. There should still be enough daylight to find us a boat.”
Ari asked, “So how does this warp spell work?”
Kegan sighed as if he’d answered the question many times before. “Once I start casting, make sure everyone is inside the spell outline. The journey takes about five minutes once the spell is cast.”
Tasha put her hand on Denver’s saddle to ensure her velociraptor friend would be included in the spell.
She silently nodded as Kegan began. The white outline that appeared on the ground was a tighter fit than she expected, but everyone squeezed into the circle without elbowing anyone else. Moments later, a bubble formed around the group with a flat, floor-like base. The bubble swiftly ascended into the sky.
There was no sensation of movement, just the rapid translation of position. The ground dropped away until the city gates were too tiny to see. The castle itself grew smaller until it too disappeared from view. The bubble zipped over the clouds, as the shoreline sped past.
Pan hunched over, looking like she might lose her lunch, but she somehow kept it in.
“If the movement bothers you, keep your eyes closed, or focus on something within the warp bubble,” Kegan offered. Pan squeezed her eyes tight.
At last, the bubble drew closer to the ground at the termination of its wide, continent-spanning arc. Their descent slowed as they reached the outskirts of a city, and there was a save point no more than a dozen paces away. The bubble vanished, releasing its occupants gently a few millimeters above the ground.
Pan got to her feet. “I d-don’t want to do that again, p-please.”
Kegan addressed Tasha. “I’ve got some personal business to attend to in town before we leave. Can you make the travel arrangements?”
She nodded. “We’ll meet you at the pier when you’re ready to leave. Just make whatever it is quick.”
“It’s a family matter. This won’t take long.” Kegan abruptly left the group, and within moments, he’d vanished into the city.
Hermes said, “We need a ship and crew willing to take us to Zhakara as quickly as possible. Let me see that writ of payment the king gave you.”
Tasha swipeed her hand along the surface of her HUD to open the menu, then selected “Items”. The inventory system’s upper limit of 200 items had seemed like a lot when she first encountered it, especially since certain items stacked into the same inventory slot. Alas, Tasha’s gamer instincts led her to pick up anything not nailed to the floor on the off chance she’d need it at some later point or could sell it at an item shop.
She wasn’t the most organized person at the best of times, so her inventory had, predictably, become a disordered mess. She had 173 items ranging from strange monster fluids which might be required for some quest, a wide variety of foodstuffs (all perfectly preserved by the inventory system), recovery potions of various types, hand grenades, dozens of books native to Etheria, bits of cloth (on the off chance she became a tailor for some reason), camping supplies, a bean bag chair, flowers she picked off the side of the road (in case she became an herbalist or florist), and a collection of trash-tier weapons she’d meant to dump at a weapon shop for ages but never remembered when the opportunity arose.
As a result of her careless trash hoarding, it took nearly a minute of scrolling through her vast collection of garbage before she produced the writ of payment. She handed it to an impatient looking Hermes.
“You should really organize your inventory.” He opened the writ.
“But I might need this stuff one day.” She winced—she sounded like someone on a reality TV show about folks who filled their garages with trash bags stuffed with mismatched socks.
“Then keep what you need and sell the rest.” He looked over the writ. “Great Thornin’s hairy armpit, that’s a lot of money!”
“How much?” she asked.
“Up to half a million GP simply to pay for fast passage.”
Tasha’s eyes were wide. “We could buy a new ship for that amount.”
Ari said, “We could, but I don’t know anything about sailing. Do you?”
“How hard could it be?”
“Didn’t you say the same thing about driving a train, right before you destroyed it?”
She slumped her shoulders and hid her hands in her pockets. “I…uh… guess I did.” She frowned. “Seriously, a girl crashes one passenger train and suddenly people don’t trust her behind the wheel. Okay, fine. Let’s find a ship and hire a crew, I guess.”
The dwarf handed the writ back to Tasha, who deposited it, carelessly, into her inventory where it would remain until the next time she had to dig it out.
“With this kind of money to throw around, finding a ship to take us to Zhakara should be a piece of cake,” she said.
After an hour of searching, it became clear it would hardly be a piece of cake.
“How about that one?” Pan pointed to one of the larger steamships with multiple decks.
Tasha shook her head. “That’s a cruise liner, designed for comfort rather than speed. This isn’t a vacation. We’re trying to get to Zhakara as fast as possible without the Zhakarans or the dread fiend Blobby spotting us. We should focus on smaller vessels. Like that one.”
She indicated a sloop-like vessel that couldn’t be more than one-fifteenth the length of the cruise ship Pan had pointed out. It’s single mainsail and a small steam-pipe indicated that it used both steam and wind power.
“Let’s meet the captain,” said Tasha.
An elderly dwarf with a beard braided into numerous loops, the captain of the sleek vessel had a smile that showed off a single golden tooth. Engaged in a heated conversation with a merchant when they approached, he nonetheless broke off the argument and turned to Tasha when she arrived.
“How can I be of service to ya, lassie?”
“I’d like to book passage on your ship, mister.”
“Watch it now, lass. I’m no mister. I’m a lady.” The dwarf stroked her beard.
“Ooh, Sorry.” Tasha grimaced. She looked for confirmation at Hermes, who nodded. She tried again. “I’d like to book passage on your ship… uh... ma’am.”
The dwarf harrumphed. “That’s better. Where do ye be headed?”
“We need to reach Zhakara as quickly as possible. We’re seven, including my velociraptor.”
The captain’s eyes widened. “Are you serious, lass?”
She nodded. “I’m the Player of Legend. The king needs me in Zhakara on an urgent quest.”
“You’re the Player?” she asked. “That’s absurd. Someone as important as the Player would be a dwarf, obviously. You’re a mere human. No offense.”
“Hold on,” Ari said, “She was in this morning’s Brightwind Gazette. You must have heard the news by now.”
The dwarven captain harrumphed loudly again. “Don’t tell me ya read that elf drivel. Elven news media inna worth the paper it’s printed on. It be full of misdirection and outright lies designed to manipulate the masses.”
It didn’t matter whether the dwarf believed she was the Player. “Look, I’ve got the writ of payment for passage to Zhakara.”
The dwarven captain snatched the writ from her hand and inspected it. “Hmm…looks real enough.” She handed it back. “But it doesn’t matter. I can’t take you to Zhakara.”
“Why not?”
“Two reasons, missy. Firstly, in case my ornate and glorious beard wasn’t a dead giveaway, I be a dwarf. If I sailed a ship into a Zhakaran harbor with a dwarven crew I’d either be turned away or attacked. I’m not going anywhere near human country. Those people are crazy.” The captain shrugged. “No offense.”
Simply tacking on the words “no offense” rarely guaranteed the preceding statement wasn’t offensive. Like Ari and Pan, she’d grown accustomed to unfair treatment from the other races of Etheria.
“Uh… okay, and what’s the other reason?”
“The dread fiend Blobby has been active of late. I dare not stray far from shore, lest he set his eyes upon my vessel. An encounter with the dread fiend be a death sentence. Sorry miss, I can’t help ye. I dinna think ye’ll find another captain who’ll brave the journey.”
“There’s no way to reach Zhakara by boat?”
“Certainly. I could take you to just beyond their borders, but I would need to stay within sight of the shore for the entire journey. The dread fiend is narry seen in sight of land. That journey would take at least two months.”
“We don’t have months. How long would it take if you cut us straight through the bay?”
“Given a fair wind, I could have you there in a week at the earliest. It doesn’t matter, though. Blobby is on the hunt. We wouldn’t make it halfway before he tore my ship apart. I won’t risk my ship and crew on some fool’s errand, and I wouldn’t trust the judgement of any captain who said differently.”
None of the other captains responded positively to her request either. She spoke to every ship captain on the pier, but none of them were willing to take the risk.
