CPC-02. Couch Potato Crisis, page 23
part #2 of Couch Potato Chronicles Series
She looked the small man in the eye. “If you can do this for me, you’ll have free reign to continue your experiments into human immortality. If it’s humans you need for experimentation, I’ll pay off as many as needed. Nothing will be forbidden. Whatever resources you need will be yours. Assistants, GP, subjects to experiment on—just name it. With this new life, I find your line of research most intriguing.”
“I am at your service. I’ll see this task done, one way or the other.”
He poured her a small glass of dwarven death whisky and they drank in silence for the next half hour, eagerly watching the top see-through window, waiting for Princess Kiwistafel to respawn so their work could continue.
She reached out with her mind, focusing on the naked elven form before her. Together the two said their name. “Kiwistafel.”
Kiwi’s eyes snapped open, her resurrection complete. Her bare feet stood on a save point in a dark room. The illumination granted by the save point was only enough to reveal the shape of the room, but not enough to illuminate details. She put her hand to a wall. It was smooth and her hand created a reflection. A mirror? There were horizontal and vertical metal bars in front of the mirror.
Without warning, there was a grinding sound, like machines at work. The bars slowly moved toward her, pushing her away, off the save point. She took another step back, but the floor wasn’t there. The bars pushed her into a trapdoor in the floor, and she slammed into another floor several meters below, scraping her leg and right arm as she landed. The trapdoor in the ceiling closed, leaving her alone again in the grey room.
It was the same room as before. There was no sign of her corpse, but this was the same room in which her captors had killed her. There was an impact mark from where she’d cast her lightning spell.
Her leg still hurt from the fall, so she cast a cheap heal over time spell, gradually healing her body and restoring her health.
For several minutes she sat in silence, trying to puzzle out what was happening and how to escape.
She watched the ventilation ducts with concern and suspicion. Several minutes later, her fears were confirmed as a high pitched hissing sound emanated from above and once again translucent green poison gas filled the room.
Did they intend to kill her again? She’d just resurrected and barely had time to come to terms with her situation, but they were already trying to kill her again. Was this going to be her existence now, just endless death and rebirth? Why? What a monstrous thing to do to someone!
The gas grew closer. She couldn’t let it come too close. Her eyes began to glow, lighting up the world in her vision. She held out her hands and spoke the words “Tuathá sûm!”. A blast of force pushed the gas back, but only for a moment. Again the gas pushed closer, more opaque than before.
Maybe the poison gas was flammable. She held out her hand and again her eyes glowed. “Fraisha ûl!”
A fireball emerged from her outstretched hands, passing through the oncoming gas and impacting the ceiling. The gas wasn’t susceptible to fire.
It was so close now. Could she use a wind spell? She had one, but doubted it would help. It would just cause the poison gas to mix with the surrounding air faster. What could she do?
She held her breath as the poison gas overtook her. Her eyes burned as the cloud touched them. For nearly a minute she held her breath but her body needed air. Before she collapsed, she cast a healing spell on herself, oxygenating her cells and giving her a few more precious seconds of life. Panicked, she drew in a desperate final breath. The poison burned her throat and, moments later, she died again, returning once more to the dark realm of Oblivion.
Chapter 14
Pollyanna
Tasha leaned against the airship’s railings, enjoying the view of the ground far below. This was so much better than flying by plane. No cramped seating, no annoying kid behind her kicking the seat—nothing but the ship, the sky, and two kilometers of air between her and the ground. She’d made extra sure she had a parachute in her inventory in case everything went south, which in Tasha’s experience, they often did.
An ovoid field of pressurized air surrounded the upper deck, which Captain K’her had provided courtesy of the Orb of Air. Malarky had explained that most gnome-built airships required the crew remain in the pressurized cabin during the voyage. One of the reasons that he’d signed on with K’her was the possibility of creating unique forms of airships, ones that operated with the benefits provided by the Orb of Air.
Though the area above deck had an appropriate level of air pressure, it was still cold due to the altitude
“D..do you think Kiwi is okay?” came a voice beside Tasha. Pan sat on the ledge; apparently she’d gotten over her fear of heights. Tasha didn’t have the guts to sit on the railing like that.
“I hope so. It’s basically my fault she’s in this situation. Everyone keeps telling me it isn’t, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”
“What if we’re n..not strong enough to take her back?”
“I worry about that too. Since I arrived in Etheria, it feels like I’ve been facing one crisis after another. We’ve barely had time to hunt mobs and gain levels.”
Pan said, “I’ve gained a few levels. I even have another f...figment. Pollyanna the Swashbuckler.”
Tasha raised an eyebrow. “Have you tried summoning her yet?”
Pan shook her head. “I’ll summon her now.”
She hopped off the ledge onto the deck. “Pollyanna, come forth!”
A purple cloud of mist formed, coalescing into the form of a beautiful human woman with hip-length blond hair done into a single braid. She wore a white and blue form-fitting bodysuit with a sheath at her side that bore a thin and long sabre. Pollyanna opened her blue eyes and looked from Tasha to Ari before settling on Pan.
She bowed slightly before Pan. “Hello master. I am Pollyanna, and I specialize in swordplay. How may I serve you? I sense no enemies nearby.”
Pan stammered. “I…I just wanted to…”
“She wanted to meet you outside of combat,” said Tasha.
“I see,” the figment said to Pan.
Pan said, “It’s n...nice to meet you.”
Pollyanna blinked. “It’s nice to meet you too, master.”
“Call me Pan.”
She hesitated before speaking. “I’ll try to remember, mast—I mean Pan.”
Tasha giggled, earning her a sharp look from Pollyanna. The swordswoman crossed her arms. “May I ask your name and the nature of your relationship with my master?”
“I’m Tasha, and Pan is my friend.”
“It’s good my master has capable friends.” She turned to Ari. “And who might you be? No wait.” Pollyanna squinted. “You’re another figment, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I’m Aralogos, the Pugilist.” He held out his hand. “I look forward to working with you.”
“Likewise.”
She addressed Pan again. “I recommend you summon me mainly when dealing with humanoid enemies. I have no magical capability, so don’t use me to deal with mobs that possess magical vulnerabilities unless the situation is truly dire. My level is 21, though I'll gain levels as you do, and can gain my own levels while in combat.”
Pan nodded. “Okay, Pollyanna.”
“We’ll have to save the rest of our introductions for later. The mist gathers,” Pollyanna said. “This will be a good opportunity to see me in combat, but if the monsters are resistant to physical attacks, don’t hesitate to switch to another figment.”
“Okay,” said Pan. “Good luck. And c...call me Pan.”
The mist formed into the shapes of boblins riding what looked like Sopwith Camels. Tasha scanned one.
Sky Boblin (Level 15)
Okay, what wise guy decided to give these guys airplanes?
ATK 35
Mag ATK 0
DEF 50
Mag DEF 20
One of the enemy’s aircraft dove at the Dea Latis. Kegan cast haste, drew his bow, and fired half a dozen explosive arrows as it flew past. The ones which connected exploded, tearing into the airplane’s hull. Despite the damage, four boblins jumped from the wings onto the deck. Ari invoked his stone fist skill and smashed one in the face, reducing it to purple mist. Slimon grabbed a boblin with a tentacle and threw it off the edge of the airship.
Kazezu launched into the air and chased one of the airplanes, engaging it in a dogfight. Hermes had equipped his machine gun and opened fire at targets of opportunity.
Two boblins approached Pan, one licking his dagger as he walked. Tasha grimaced. What was it with designers who have the bad guys lick their knives? It was downright unsanitary.
Tasha was about to engage, but Pollyanna acted first. In a single motion, she drew her sabre and lunged forward, impaling its chest. She withdrew the blade and swiped laterally, slashing its neck. It collapsed to the deck, spreading blood over the wooden panels before fading into a purple mist.
Tasha slashed at the remaining boblin, which jumped out of her way. Before it’s action counter could replenish, she advanced and stuck her gunblade into its gut, killing it.
The second biplane passed just beneath the airship. “I’ve got this one.” Pollyanna jumped over the side of the Dea Latis and landed on the airplane as it passed. Her hair and cape blew violently in the wind. Two boblins stood astride either wing, balancing one another. She thrust downward through the wing, stabbing into the head of the unsuspecting pilot from above.
She climbed into the cockpit, and pulled the stick, banking the airplane upward and turning back toward the Dea Latis. When the plane was close enough to the airship, she triple jumped onto deck. The pilotless plane carried its hapless passengers into the distant horizon.
A third biplane made a pass at the ship, firing its forward-mounted guns as it approached. Bullets ripped into the Dea Latis’ paneling, though it seemed the mobs were avoiding critical areas of the ship, such as the dirigible. Perhaps that was luck or some specific aspect of their design.
“Let me deal wit’ this one,” said the Captain. He reached one hand toward the mobs. “Steal!” The airplane’s propeller came loose and flew into K’her’s outstretched hands. With no means of propulsion, the airplane nosedived, dropping out of sight, though she didn’t see it hit the ground.
Level up!
You have reached level 34. You have 4 unassigned stat points.
Choose either a heart container or mana container.
Finally! Tasha felt like she’d been stuck at level 33 for weeks. Her level progress was taking far too long. She took a mana container and socketed two points into agility and two into intelligence. She wasn’t even close to the point where she’d feel confident going one-on-one with a more powerful enemy, such as Murderjoy or Blobby.
Tasha’s combat HUD vanished, replaced by her out of combat UI. She turned; Pollyanna was freezing and covered in ice, though she still breathed heavily. Tasha quickly removed a cup of tea from her inventory and offered it to her.
“G...good job!” said Pan.
“Thanks.” Pollyanna took the offered tea.
“That seemed pretty reckless,” said Tasha. “What if you’d missed the landing, or couldn’t get back?”
Pollyanna took a drink of her steaming beverage and said, “If I couldn’t get back on deck, that wouldn’t be a problem. My master”—she nodded at Pan—“could simply dismiss and resummon me at a later time. I am a figment, after all.”
Pollyanna pushed the hair from her eyes. Despite the intense wind, it had somehow self-arranged into perfectly styled hair. Tasha was forced to wonder whether figments ever had bad hair days.
“And as for missing the landing”—Pollyanna grinned—“that would never have happened.”
To Pan she said, “Thanks for summoning me. I hope my performance has been satisfactory.”
Pan spent the next half hour introducing Pollyanna to the rest of her party.
Captain K’her cleared his throat. “I hate t' interrupt yer family meeting, but we've found somethin' curious.”
“What?” asked Ari.
“Thar be a dungeon in ta’ clouds off ta’ port. It be two-hours off our course.”
“How can there be a dungeon in the sky?” asked Tasha.
“Same way dungeons spawn about on land. The Aire’ll do whater’ they please.”
“I think we should stop at the dungeon,” said Ari. “I know what a hurry you’re in, but dungeons are the best way to level up. If this rescue mission is to succeed, you’ll need to level up as many times as possible.”
Tasha nodded. “Ari’s right. Let’s visit this sky dungeon and level up as quickly as possible.” She turned to K’her, “That okay with you?”
The captain nodded. “That be why I mentioned it. When ye were me captive, ye told me ye possessed th' ability t' level others handsomely. I now see ye were tellin' no lie. Let me join yer party so I may partake in th' benefit o' rapid level gain.”
Tasha nodded. “That works. If we end up facing against Murderjoy again, I’ll need you to be at your best.”
The captain turned and barked orders at his gnomish crew.
Pollyanna approached Tasha. “Since it appears my master isn’t going to dismiss me, I wanted a chance to talk with you.”
“Sure.What’s up?”
“It’s about your swordsmanship skills. Or rather your notable lack thereof. Where did you learn to fight?”
“Anime mostly.”
“I see. Whatever anime is clearly hasn’t prepared you for actual combat.” The figment winced. “You couldn’t swordfight your way out of a wet paper bag. Though it is an inconvenience to me, I shall take you under my proverbial wing.”
Tasha crossed her arms. “I’m not that bad. I’ve killed lots of monsters with my gunblade skills.”
“Mist monsters are idiots. They follow predictable patterns and only attack when their action counter is full. Any fool who keeps their wits about them can take down a mist monster of equal or even greater strength. You wouldn’t last a minute against a swordswoman who knows what she’s doing.”
“Why do you care if I’m so bad?”
“Not simply bad—profoundly bad. You excel at poor swordsmanship. I’m a mite shocked you haven’t yet dismembered yourself while swinging that thing around. And to answer your question, you’re Pan’s friend which makes your welfare important to me.”
“Thanks? Look, I don’t think I need lessons. I’ve won fights against actual people before. What I need is to gain more levels and stat points, training with the sword won’t help me level up.”
Pollyanna placed her half-finished cup of tea onto a nearby barrel. She drew the rapier from a scabbard at her side. Unlike Tasha, Pollyanna didn’t keep her weapon in her inventory. It was always at her side.
“Fine, then,” she said. “Let’s spar. Demonstrate your skills with that gunblade of yours. If you can land a single scratch on me, I’ll concede you don’t need lessons.”
Tasha scanned her. “But you’re only level 21. I’m at 34. It wouldn’t be a fair fight.”
“Few real fights are ever fair. Stop wasting time and have at me.”
Tasha summoned her gunblade Namaka to her hands. It was her less powerful water-based weapon, so she wouldn’t injure Pollyanna as badly when she inevitably passed her test and scratched the swordswoman up.
Without wasting time, she slashed horizontally at Pollyanna, who simply backed out of the way, not even bothering to deflect. Tasha stepped forward with her left foot and brought the gunblade down in a diagonal strike. Pollyanna caught the blade with her own, deflecting it and causing it to strike the deck. Tasha jumped away and then launched forward only for Pollyanna to step to the side, completely avoiding Tasha’s blade.
“Surely you can do better than that.” Pollyanna picked up her teacup and took another sip. “I’ve got an agility stat of 35. Your body looks like you’ve chosen an agility build. I’m guessing you must have an agility score of at least 50. Am I wrong?”
“56,” muttered Tasha as she slashed at Pollyanna ineffectively. She’d just increased that stat moments ago. Engaging her sprint ability, she commenced running circles around Pollyanna to surprise the fencer and attack from behind. Pollyanna lowered her teacup to her abdomen and held her sword at the ready. Tasha waited until she was to Pollyanna’s right side and just behind her before rushing her. As Tasha slashed horizontally, Pollyanna dropped to the ground, allowing the blade to pass right over her. She tumbled forward and got back to her feet without spilling her tea.
Tasha lunged forward, only for Pollyanna to catch the gunblade with the hilt of her sword, twisting it and knocking the watery gunblade out of her grip. It fell to the deck, sliding to a stop.
Pollyanna stepped back, indicating the gunblade. “Go ahead and pick it up. Try whatever skill you like against me. It won’t make any difference.”
Tasha frowned and forcefully retrieved her gunblade. “So, skills aren’t off-limits, huh?” She had 18 mana, which meant she could summon 15 clones using her shadow clone skill and still have three heart containers for herself. Concentrating, she invoked the skill over and over again until her mana was completely spent and the deck was full of Tashas, each holding their own gunblade and each having a single one of her heart containers. The original had been reduced to three heart containers, but this wasn’t a fight to the death, so she wasn’t overly concerned.
“Get her!” one of the clones called out. Four of them rushed the fencer at once. The closest slashed at her vertically, but Pollyanna sidestepped it and slashed Clone-Tasha’s neck, drawing blood. The clone, having taken a full heart of damage, vanished. The original Tasha’s max heart containers were returned to 4, but only three of them were still filled. Pollyanna was no longer on the defensive.
Two Tasha-clones attacked at once. The third one had shot a ball of compressed steam from her gunblade, but the fencer easily dodged it. Next, Pollyanna slashed laterally at one Tasha-clone, before tumbling out of the way of the other and killing a fifth who’d been standing off to the side.
