CPC-02. Couch Potato Crisis, page 41
part #2 of Couch Potato Chronicles Series
“But, master, you deployed the human guards for the war effort. We lack the strength to stop even a small party.”
“Don’t be stupid, Deirdre. The upper levels are a labyrinthian maze. Unless they know the safe path, they’ll wander for days, assuming they don’t fall prey to pits and traps.”
“Master, one of the adventurers is a dwarf. Dwarves have a natural sense of direction and the skills to navigate underground caverns.”
“Ah. That would be a problem.”
“Should we head to the panic room now?”
“Of course not. Do you really think the queen would leave me here if I lacked the ability to defend myself? The dwarves left behind automated defenses. I’ve repurposed them to defend my lab, so even if the intruders do reach us, I’m perfectly safe. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Yes, master.”
“Now leave me. I have research to attend to. I’m so close to achieving my goal, I can’t allow myself to be distracted by trivialities such as this. Find Karinla and make sure she knows about the danger.”
“As you wish, but first it’s time for your medicine.” Deirdre handed him a health potion and he downed it in a single swallow before handing back the empty vial.
Deirdre left and he returned to his research. He was so close now. His last experiment had survived nearly an hour before going mad and clawing his eyes out. Every experiment moved him closer to his goal of achieving immortality.
“Any luck with that door?” Tasha asked.
Captain K’her Noálin rapidly moved the cursor around within the pipe dreams minigame that somehow constituted a lock-pick game mechanic. The board was much larger than usual and included an enemy cursor that randomly moved around, rotating pipes. This was clearly a high level lock.
“Just another few seconds. Don’t distract me while I’m working.”
At last, he created a line of pipes from the start of the puzzle to the end. A loud click sounded. Ari stepped forward and pushed against the door, but it didn’t budge. Hermes and Slimon joined in and through their combined efforts, they slowly opened the doors to the mines of Bag Taldur, creating a crack big enough to allow the party to squeeze through.
The interior was pitch black, save for the dim glow from Trista’s fairy body. Tasha removed her cell phone from her inventory and switched on the flashlight app, filling the chamber with light.
The group proceeded down the long natural hallway until they reached a large cavern with multiple exits.
“Where next?” asked Tasha.
Hermes paused and engaged one of his abilities. He looked around, inspecting each of the exits. He pointed at one. “There. That one.”
“How can you tell?” asked Fin.
“This is a dwarven mine, made by dwarves, and filled with dwarven magic made to deceive uninvited visitors. The builders of these mines left invisible glyphs which can only be seen by dwarves when charged with mana. This pathway has a glyph indicating a safe passage. The others are false passages—dead ends filled with traps—but I can easily tell which ways are safe.”
“It’s a good thing you came with us,” said Ari.
“Pfffpt,” agreed Slimon vehemently.
Hermes led them further through the ancient dwarven mine. Every time they reached a branch in the cave structure, Hermes led them the correct way.
After several turns, they came to a path that overlooked a large cavernous chamber.
Kazezu thought-spoke aloud. I smell something. A dragon was here recently. A big one.
“Nonsense,” said Hermes. “There are no dragons in Zhakara, present company excluded. Haven’t all of your kind been accounted for?”
All of my kind are either in Questgivria or Dragonholm, and yet, I know what I smell. A dragon was here until recently, but he’s gone now.
“Let’s keep moving,” Tasha said.
The path wound into the mountain, deeper and deeper. Tasha picked up an old wooden plank from the ground. Dwarven writing had been etched with decorative floral inscriptions on either side. She held it up to the dwarf. “What does this say?”
Hermes took the plank, read it, and returned it to the ground. “It’s an inspirational poster that reads ‘Dig Deeply. Dig Greedily.’ We must be close to passages that lead to veins of Orichalcum and Mythril. The residential and commercial districts will be right ahead. This is the most likely place to find Doctor Penfold’s lab. Follow me.”
Hermes led them to a large open cavern with hundreds of holes dug out of the walls, connected by partially collapsed scaffolding.
“There.” Ari pointed at a well-maintained wooden structure at the base of the large cavern. “That must be the lab.”
As they approached, it became clear that several of the caves leading from the central chamber were barred. Emaciated elven slaves sat at the base of the cages. Fin approached one of the cages and peered down at his tired and starving fellow elves. They were barely clothed, and some were clearly ill, teetering on the edge of death.
“Why are they like this?” asked Tasha. “Doesn’t Doctor Penfold feed his slaves?”
Captain K’her grunted. “For what reason? The doctor be a man devoid of conscience. For all the cruel things I’ve done, I be a saint when compared to Theodore Penfold.”
“But even if he lacks a conscience, shouldn’t he feed his slaves? Surely he wants them alive.”
“Those don’t be slaves, they be test subjects for his grim experiments. And it be cheaper ta allow them to starve and resurrect than to waste food on a resource that can persist without it.”
“Please, help us,” said an elven woman in a quiet voice.
Fin fiddled with the lock. “I can’t get it open. Somebody help me open this.”
Pan produced a lockpick. “I’ll help.”
Fin removed rations from his inventory and handed them to the starving elves.
The lock clicked open and Pan quickly moved to the next. Before she was able to use another lockpick, the ground shook, and a loud thud echoed through the cavern. Pan paused and looked around worriedly.
Then the ground shook again, and again, and again.
“What is it?” Ari asked. “What’s making that sound?”
Hermes pointed at a large cave mouth at the cavern’s upper level. “Something’s coming. Something big.”
Tasha pointed her cell phone’s flashlight at the opening, but it was too distant to provide any useful illumination.
Hermes snapped his fingers. “That’s what I’d forgotten about Bag Taldur!”
The figure leaned out through the opening, trying to maneuver its way through.
Tasha glared at the dwarf. “You gonna keep it to yourself? What is it?”
“The dwarves of Bag Taldur built traps to frustrate and delay the human invaders, but the greatest of their creations was a great metal golem named Bato, a magical construct programmed to defend the mines against intruders. The hill dwarves thought it destroyed when they fled to Dwarselvania, but it seems Bato still lives, and he serves a new master.”
Loose rocks fell as the shadow of a beast forced itself through the cave mouth. The enormous being leapt into the air. Tasha jumped away as the monstrocity flew through the air directly at her. She narrowly avoided being crushed, but the ground vibrated as the iron golem slammed down on its two immense feet. Dust filled the air where it landed. Every member of the party stepped away as the dust cleared and the iron golem emerged.
Composed of a large metal sphere for its belly, metallic arms and legs, the creature wore a metallic hat with a wide brim that concealed its face. Two yellow eyes shone from within. It wore a yellow chainmail loincloth, which served no discernable purpose beyond decoration.
It towered above them, filling the chamber. If six dwarves stood on one another’s shoulders, they might barely reach the top of it.
The party backed away as one, away from the metal monstrosity. It turned and gazed at each of them in turn with its unblinking, glowing yellow eyes.
“What’s it doing?” said Ari.
Tasha studied the metal creature. It seemed to be standing there, watching them intently, turning its dim yellow eyes from one to the next.
Then, it reached for an object secured to its back.
“It’s getting a weapon! It’s going to attack!”, cried Fin.
The metal beast detached the object from its back and held it just below its eye level. It was a white rod with a large sphere at the end, covered in some sort of foam. A cable fed from the back of the rod and disappeared somewhere behind the iron beast.
The golem’s simple yellow eyes blinked, and then, to the expectation of none, it started to sing a deep baritone voice.
They call me Bato,
My joints are silver steel,
If you can beat me,
You’ll earn silver points for real!
I am super strong,
I could fight on all day long,
Run run run away,
From this place you don’t belong.
In a single motion, Bato tugged on the microphone, snapping the cord and wielding it like a whip. He turned to the closest of the party, Hermes. A compartment opened in Bato’s metal stomach, and as it did so, an extending boxing glove rushed out, slamming the dwarf in the stomach and sending him hard into the cavern wall. The dwarf fell to the floor, leaving a dwarf-sized crater in the wall where he’d hit. The boxing glove disappeared into Bato’s stomach compartment, which then closed.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Tasha equipped her gunblade.
Friend Hermes, are you okay? Thought-asked Kazezu, who was flying in circles within the large cavern above.
The dwarf rose to his feet, coughing. “Aye, I can still fight. That hit took half my heart containers. Don’t let it hit you.”
Tasha’s combat HUD had already appeared with Bato’s name and its heart containers at the top of the screen. There were 60 heart containers, all full.
“Tasha, Hermes, and Slimon, take up flanking positions,” ordered Ari. “Pan, summon Pollyanna and focus on buffing the two of us.” He pointed at Pan. “Don’t draw his attention.” Ari glanced at the rest of the party. “Everyone else, attack from a distance. I’ll try to keep it focused on me.”
As Tasha ran to the right side of the creature, it turned to look at her. Its eyes glowed a brilliant yellow before a ray of heat beamed toward Tasha. It just missed her right shoulder, though the heat radiated through her armor .
Hermes tapped the quickbar in his HUD with his left hand to equip his minigun arm attachment, which materialized in a cloud of purple mist. He fired, and bullets streamed at Bato’s belly, but each shot ricocheted harmlessly off the thick metal casing. By the time Hermes stopped firing, Bato had only taken two hearts of damage.
Fin cast a spell. Square roots tied themselves around Bato’s legs, but the weak roots did nothing to impede the iron giant’s movements. Pan shot bolt after bolt but not one did anything but bounce off its iron casing. Kazezu dove past it, pelting it with jets of hot steam. Though his steam was sufficient to melt flesh, it had next to no effect on the metal construct.
Bato turned to attack Tasha, but Slimon snatched her away with a single long tentacle before the boxing glove could make contact. The glove slammed into the wall behind where Tasha had been standing, leaving a shallow crater.
“Thanks, Slimon.”
“Pfffpt.”
Bato’s extending boxing glove was his main attack, but he also swiped at anyone who came too close with his large metal arms.
“Find its weak point!” ordered Ari.
Tasha frowned. There was no guarantee that Bato had a weak point. It wasn’t a mist monster, it was a golem of dwarven design. Mist monsters had weaknesses as part of their design and were meant to serve as challenges to be overcome. Mist monsters were never undefeatable. There was no reason to believe Bato would have any such vulnerability.
“Go for the joints around the arms,” said Fin.
“No fool, they’re metal!” rebutted Hermes.
“Shoot at the glowing yellow eyes,” suggested Tasha. When in doubt, always go for the glowing parts of boss monsters. They did tend to be weak points. It was a rule.
Pan reloaded her crossbow with an explosive bolt and fired at Bato’s exposed yellow eye. This caused Bato to stagger back and cover his face with his hands. She had dealt five hearts of damage with that single attack. They’d found its weak point.
It was now down to 51 from the original 60.
“Tasha’s right, aim for the eyes,” yelled Ari.
Hermes tapped his quickbar menu, switching out his minigun arm for a rocket launcher attachment. He took aim and pulled the trigger using his free right hand. The recoil staggered him backward several steps, but he smiled when he looked up. The rocket blazed toward Bato’s head. Then, before it could reach the golem, it deflected the shot with its metallic arms. The impact still did damage, but no more than a single heart container.
“Where the hell is K’her?” said Tasha. “We could really use an orb bearer right about now.”
Ari said, “I don’t know. I didn’t see him leave.”
Bato knocked Slimon, who’d come into range. The slime knight flew through the air, landing with a squish somewhere in the darkness.. With Bato’s other hand, it blocked another of Hermes’s rockets, taking no damage.
“We’ll never beat it at this rate! None of us can hit its eyes.”
For the first time since combat started, Bato left the center area and went on the offensive. For such a large being, he crossed the cavern at a surprisingly fast speed. He punched Tasha, Pollyanna, and Ari in rapid succession, knocking all three to the ground. Spinning, he used his primary attack—the extending boxing glove—to punch Hermes, breaking the dwarf’s RPG gun arm into pieces.
“That was my favorite arm!” he cried.
Ari said, “We need to find a way to hit those eyes.”
Trista cloned herself three times. The three clones rushed at Bato while the original chanted a healing spell on Hermes. While Trista wasn’t a healer, she had a few slow heal-over-time spells in her arsenal.
“We just need to hit the robot in the eye, right? This sounds like a job for a ninja fairy.”
Hermes shook his head. “Forget it, Twinklebottom. You’re just a fairy. You don’t have the strength to damage Bato.”
Trista had focused on a precision build. Fairies were minuscule compared to larger folk like dwarves and humans. As such, they had severely reduced damage output. The only way a fairy could fight on even terms with larger folk was either by becoming a magic-user (which is what most fairies ended up doing) or by focusing on the precision stat. Fairies were small, fast, and naturally difficult to hit or avoid. As a result, they had an unparalleled capability to land precise strikes.
Instead of trying to wear an enemy down by successive and repeated hits, Trista’s attack style involved going for the eyes, the throat, or the heart. Her sword was like a razor-sharp needle, useless for causing bludgeoning damage or for penetrating thick skin, but perfect for landing critical hits on weak points. That was why she’d chosen to become a ninja, a class that specialized in silent, precise attacks.
She smiled at Hermes. “Sure I can. It’s easy-peasy. Sit back and let my heal take effect.” She winked at him. “Watch and see what a fairy can do.”
She flew toward Bato, who waved his arms erratically, trying to swat away the three fairy ninja clones buzzing around his head. She’d distracted him so completely, he now ignored the others. Hopefully, they’d have time to heal up while she took out the boss.
One of the clones darted toward his open right eye. Bato raised his arm, blocking the clone’s approach. That was enough to allow the original to close in from above. Short of completely covering his face, Bato couldn’t do anything to stop simultaneous fairy attacks from multiple vectors.
Trista struck the glowing yellow orb with her blade, driving it in half-way to the hilt.
Critical Hit! Trista Twinklebottom (Level 31) attacks Bato of the Metal Joints (Level 65) for 10 damage. Bato is partially blinded.
Rather than retrieve her sword, she dropped out of the way and equipped a second needle-like sword similar to the first. Bato tried to swat at her, but she’d already darted out of range. All Bato’s attack did was drive her blade in further, costing him another 5 heart containers.
Bato used both his hands to protect his remaining eye. He attacked with his boxing glove primary weapon, but Trista dodged it with ease.
While she and her clones kept Bato occupied, most of the others had healed up and were dishing out continuous attacks. Though each strike on its metal frame barely did damage, Bato was no longer able to counterattack. Since its arms were occupied defending against Trista and her clones, it was unable to see where the attackers were coming from. He still used his primary weapon, but it was unable to connect with any of the party, since it couldn’t see where they were at any given point.
The battle was long, and each heart container of damage was the result of constant and unyielding attacks. Eventually, his hearts dropped below 30, then 20, until finally there were only 10 heart containers left.
As a result of the constant attacks, even Bato’s metal body showed dents and impact markers. His left arm had taken so much abuse it was no longer able to attack properly.
Now that it was below 10 heart containers, its attack strategy changed. He simply closed its remaining eye and attacked wildly, only opening his eyelids for moments at a time. This reduced his combat effectiveness, while at the same time preventing Trista from effectively targeting his weak point.
Even this tactic proved ineffective. While he might get the occasional lucky strike in, the bulk of the metal man’s attacks failed to connect.
After what seemed like ages of repeated and relentless attacks, the golem’s final heart containers vanished. The beaten, dented metal husk fell to the ground.
He opened his remaining eye and focused squarely on Hermes. With his remaining right arm, he grasped the microphone and held the end to his AV port, reforming its connection. He brought it to his mouth and sang.
