CPC-02. Couch Potato Crisis, page 6
part #2 of Couch Potato Chronicles Series
King Iolo, by contrast, stood tall and addressed Tasha directly. “You’ve kept us waiting. I’ve been informed that my daughter has been taken captive by Queen Murderjoy and you played a part in it. I need you to explain. Tell me everything that happened as completely as you can. Before you begin, I should inform you that you’re under suspicion of aiding in the kidnapping of my daughter.”
Tasha frowned. “You don’t trust me?”
“Barthalamew”—he pointed at the cait sith—"will know if you’re lying. As long as you restrict your testimony to the truth, there won’t be any problems.” The monarch waited, an expectant look on his face.
Tasha took a deep breath. “Ari, Pan, and I were meeting at a pub just beyond the palace courtyard. Some time after they left, Queen Murderjoy appeared. I didn’t realize who she was at the time because she was using a disguise spell. She looked like an old woman.”
King Iolo interrupted. “Have you had contact with Murderjoy prior to this point?”
“No.” Tasha wore a confused look. “I hadn’t seen her since our confrontation at the Spiral Tower.”
The cait sith nodded. “She’s telling the truth.”
The king nodded. “Continue.”
Tasha collected her thoughts. “She revealed herself as the queen, and we exchanged words. She promised to let us borrow the Orb of Fire once we collected the rest of the Orbs. Then she told me she wanted me to bring Kiwi to her. At first I thought she wasn’t serious.”
Queen Kiwano sat up straight and interrupted her. “What convinced you? What persuaded you to kidnap my daughter? Was it blackmail? Did she offer you a position in Zhakara?” The queen arched an eyebrow. “Maybe she offered you an absurd amount of GP. You humans treasure money, and the power it brings, more than anything else—certainly more than loyalty.”
Tasha wore a hurt look. Did the queen really think Tasha had sold out her friend? “It was nothing like that. I wouldn’t—”
“Why then? We know that you led her from the castle. We know you brought her to the queen. Were you anyone else, I’d have thrown you in the dungeon without a moment’s pause.”
“Calm down,” said the king. He frowned at Tasha. “Answer her question. Why did you turn my daughter over to her most hated enemy?”
Tasha sighed. “The queen cast a ‘charm person’ spell on me.”
Queen Kiwano raised her hand to cover her mouth.
She continued. “Once she cast the spell, nothing made sense. I thought the queen was my friend. She insisted I needed to bring Kiwi to her for her own protection.”
“And that’s just what you did,” Iolo said.
Tasha looked down, but nodded. “Once I returned with Kiwi to the queen, she must have decided I was a liability, since she killed me on the spot. Once I resurrected, I came back here to tell you what happened.”
Iolo glanced at Barthalamew, who responded. “She’s telling the truth.”
Her dwarven comrad, Prince Hermes said, “I can confirm this as well. While you were talking, I was going through my combat log. Tasha’s charm person debuff was removed when Queen Murderjoy attacked her.”
The king frowned, as if considering what he’d heard. “The palace defenses should have sounded an alarm if someone with a charm debuff entered the castle. Someone may have”—legitimate confusion played on the king’s face—“disabled them?”
Tasha faced Kiwano. “I’m terribly sorry about what I did. I should have resisted her control.” Tasha stared at her feet. “I’ve betrayed my best friend.”
“Yes, you should have resisted,” the queen said between clenched teeth. “We just got her back, and now we’ve lost her again.”
The king’s eyes were soft and kind. “You couldn’t have known anything was wrong. These spells are designed to confuse you and rob you of free will. There’s a reason charm spells are illegal in every civilized nation. If someone had cast that spell on me, I fear I would have done the same thing.”
The queen looked away.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness.” Tasha looked up at the queen. “I’m sure you must hate me.”
Kiwano hesitated before responding. “ I do hate you. It isn’t fair, but I can’t forgive you for what you’ve done. I fear nothing will change that, unless...”
Tasha leaned in. “Unless?”
Kiwano said, “Unless you bring her back to me, alive and unharmed.”
Quest: The Wayward Princess
Princess Kiwistafel Questgiver has been kidnapped by Queen Murderjoy. Again. Return her to Brightwind Keep.
Conditions for success: Rescue Princess Kiwi and return her to Brightwind Keep.
Reward: 1400 XP, 30,000 GP, improved reputation with Questgiver royal family
Tasha nodded. “I promise to bring her back.” She glanced at the king, then at Prince Hermes. “I’m not sure where to start, though. I’m not even sure where Murderjoy took her.”
King Iolo said, “I’m sorry we doubted you, but I believe I have the means to ascertain where they’ve gone.” He turned to the cait sith. “Barthalamew, that will be all. Your help was appreciated. Please find Snickers the Bumble and send him in.”
The slender cat man bowed before the king and left the room. Just under a minute later, Snickers opened the door and bounded inside, his ever-present, mischievous grin at play.
“Good day to all on this fine afternoon!
Does his highness desire a service or boon?
I am at your call, you have to but ask.
I shall see it done, whatsoever the task.”
“I require information, Snickers. Where has Queen Murderjoy taken my daughter?”
Though Tasha wouldn’t have thought it possible, the jester’s smile grew wider, spreading now from one ear to the other.
“She has taken poor Kiwi oh quite far away
The queen did not tarry or harbor delay
To Ironfall they travel, a stronghold mighty
To lock her away in a dungeon”—the jester shook his head sadly—“unsightly.
“If you were to ask, O-Questgiver, sire,
I would for you the princess acquire.
You know I leap at your every command
I would quickly return, the princess in hand.”
“Please bring our daughter back!” Queen Kiwano said.
“Belay that order, Snickers!” King Questgiver shook his head. Kiwano glared at her husband.
The king continued. “I’m the only person in this room with Questgivrian blood. My orders are the only ones you are obligated to follow. You’ve given me enough information for now. That will be all.”
Snickers' smile waned ever so slightly, but he nodded and left the room.
Kiwano stood, and narrowed her eyes. “I can’t believe you’d stop him from helping her! He could have brought her back to me.” Before Iolo could respond, she stormed out of the room, slamming the thick wooden door behind her.
For nearly a minute, nobody said a word. Finally, the king said to Tasha, “Don’t worry about my wife. She’s upset, and I don’t blame her. Bring our daughter back, and everything will return to the way it was.”
Tasha tilted her head and pursed her lips. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you take Snickers up on his offer? He’s an eidolon. Surely he’d have returned with her in no time.”
The king sighed. “The temptation is there, but you don’t understand. With Snickers, it wouldn’t be that easy. He’s a trickster god. Any request I put to him would be carried out in some unexpectedly disastrous way. Believe me, you haven’t worked with the man as long as I have.”
“Couldn’t you just phrase the request really carefully?” she asked.
The king shook his head. “Don’t underestimate the intelligence of an eidolon. It’s impossible to outwit a god—believe me, we’ve tried. Attempting it again with something so important as this would be foolhardy. It’s safe enough to ask him direct questions, though he’s been known to give true but misleading answers.”
“Well… if you’re sure.”
“I’m certain.” The king wore a sour look on his face. “Let me tell you a story. This was over a thousand years ago, during my father Lakuriel Questgiver’s reign. Lady Eden was the young daughter of the duke of Sargon, a vassel kingdom of Questgivria. One day, she was kidnapped by an enemy nation. The nobleman begged my father to return his daughter to him, but my father lacked the means. Snickers the Bumble offered to return the nobleman’s daughter, and despite warnings to the contrary my father agreed.”
“I take it things didn’t go as planned.”
“Snickers returned the nobleman’s daughter, but not in the way anyone expected. He permanently transformed the girl into a dove. So transformed, she flew out the window and returned to her father’s castle on her own. We’ve never been able to turn poor Lady Eden back to normal. The Sargonese nobility have asked me many times to ask Snickers to change her back, but I’ve always refused. Asking favors from a trickster god is a double-edged sword. Granting their request could make the situation worse.
“The same is true in this situation. Had I asked him to bring my daughter back, he might have transported Brightwind Keep to Zhakara, or turned Kiwi into a bird as he did with Lady Eden, or he might have sent her forward in time so she’d arrive a thousand years after the fall of Zhakara. Whatever method Snickers had in mind would have been an amusing joke for him, but a tragedy for us.”
“Okay, I believe you. Divine powers are off-limits,” Tasha said. “So, what now? How will I get to Ironfall? That’s in Zhakara, right?”
“We,” interjected Ari. “Surely, you meant to ask, ‘How will we get to Ironfall?’ Pan and I are coming with you. We’re native to Zhakara, and you’ll need a guide.”
“Pfffpt!” Slimon insisted.
Hermes nodded. “If Slimon is coming, so am I. I can’t abandon Kiwi now, not after everything we’ve been through.”
Penryth thought-spoke, And what of your promise to the dragon race? You promised to become the new King Under the Laundry Mountain and return dragons to our rightful place as its keepers.
“Keep yer knickers on. I still plan to do that,” Hermes grumbled. “I’m not keen on being king, but somebody has to stop Dourmal. As soon as we get Kiwi back, I promise I’ll remove my father from power and return you to your home.”
I understand she’s your friend, but I’ll harbor no further delays and will hold you to your promise. The immense red dragon turned to Kaze. Youngling, I’m sending you with Hermes to aid in the completion of his task.
Kaze thought-spoke, I’ll get her back. You can count on me.
Penryth gazed at Kaze, Before you leave, I have a gift for you.
What is it? Kaze angled his head upward to meet the elder dragon’s gaze.
You delivered the Orb of Air to us. In recognition of this heroic act, the council at Dragonholm has decided to grant an extension to your name. From this moment forward, your name will be Kazezu, The Steam Dragon.
The moment the red dragon made the declaration, Kaze’s body filled with a white light that steadily increased until it was bright enough to fill the room. The luminous outline of his profile increased in size, and the light receded.
The young dragon had grown nearly two feet in height and four in length. The dragon formerly named Kaze thought spoke; his voice sounded more mature than before. Thank you, great elder. You honor me with this new name.
Kaze’s transformation had taken only moments, but he seemed a completely different dragon.
“What just happened?” asked Tasha.
Hermes leaned over to answer. “It’s a dragon thing. As they achieve great deeds, their names get longer, and they get bigger and more powerful.”
“But the big dragon’s name is Penryth. That’s not an especially long name.”
I allow myself to be called such a short name for the convenience of you bipeds. We don’t like having our names mispronounced, and few bipeds are capable of pronouncing our names correctly once they reach a certain level of majesty.
“I see,” said Tasha. “If I may ask, what is your full name?”
I will tell you, but only if you promise not to attempt to say it aloud.
Tasha nodded.
My name is Penrythmysandlagorndrixticon, The Red Dragon.
“Yeah, no worries. I’m not going to try to say all that.” She smiled at the steam dragon, “Congratulations on your new name, Kazezu.”
Thank you, Player Tasha. You look so tiny to me now. This new form will take some getting used to.
“You’re much more intimidating.”
Good! There’s no time to lose on ceremony. We must rescue the princess as quickly as possible.
“How do we reach Ironfall? Isn’t it a long distance to Zhakara? I don’t suppose you could fly us there?”
That would prove impossible. I’m yet too small to bear a fully grown biped. I could probably carry Pan on my back for a limited time, but even that small weight would prevent me from flying high enough to avoid detection. I’ll need another five or six syllables in my name before I’ll be strong enough to carry you to Ironfall.
“Couldn’t Penryth carry us?”
Penryth’s voice boomed in her mind, I thought we settled this last time we spoke. Dragons are not beasts of burden. What happened at the battle of the Spiral Tower was a one-time exception.
King Iolo said, “You’ll have to get there without the aid of dragons.”
Iolo indicated the map that occupied the center of the large wooden table. Wooden markers pinned into the map indicated standing armies. Several such markers dotted southern Questgivria, though the dark elven, orcish, and gnomish armies remained situated in their respective homelands in the north. The peace between Questgivria and Zhakara was tenuous at best, and if the war map was any indication, both superpowers had maintained military readiness.
The roads connecting Questgivria’s member nations were enchanted to prevent random encounters, which allowed the armies to move quickly from one place to another. Force mobility was one advantage Questgivria held over its adversary.
Tasha studied the map, trying to work out the best route to reach the Zhakaran capital. “Any idea how best to get there?”
Ari nodded. “There are three ways to reach the Zhakaran mainland from here. We could travel by air, land, or sea. Pan and I took the land route to reach The Temple of the Player, but the only existing land route would take us far to the east.” He drew a path with his finger which circled Ultros Bay to the southeast. “We’d need to circumnavigate the Bog of Most Likely Death and follow the land bridge south of the Spiral Tower. Once crossing the Zhakaran border, it might still take several weeks to reach Ironfall.”
Tasha put her hands on her hips. “We just got back from the Spiral Tower and it took us nearly half a year to get there. I really don’t want to make that same trip again, and I doubt we have the time, anyway. How about we travel by air? With an airship like the one Captain K’her had, we’d be there in no time.”
“Impossible,” said the king. “You’ve taken K’her’s Orb of Air, and it will serve no master but him. We can’t use its power.”
“Your only remaining option is sea travel, though that’s not without its own dangers. Piracy is rampant beyond Questgivria’s region of influence”
“I can handle pirates.” Tasha wasn’t entirely sure that was a true statement, though, since her last pirate encounter got her captured.
King Iolo said, “I suspect you can, but pirates aren’t the only danger in the bay.”
“The dread fiend Blobby,” Ari said. His face grew pale as he said the words. Tasha’s blank stare seemed to prompt him to elaborate. “A many tentacled sea monster who wields unparalleled destructive might, he moves with impossible speed, and is always on the hunt for fresh prey. He sticks to the deep waters of the bay between Questgivria and Zhakara, so most captains who brave the bay keep well within sight of land.
“Even Murderjoy fears crossing the sea where he dwells. That’s why both Questgivrian and Zhakaran armies make the long march rather than risk his wrath.”
Iolo said, “If you move swiftly and silently, you may pass unnoticed. Should you depart from the harbor city of Slimewillow, I’ll grant you a writ of payment for a ship to Zhakara.”
“I’ll venture a guess that Slimewillow lies within the Slime Federation,” Tasha said
Iola nodded. “It’s at the edge of an isle that marks the southernmost point in their territory. Setting sail from there gives you the most direct route to Zhakara.”
“Then we’ll set out right away.” She examined the map in greater detail. “But even if we travel quickly, it’ll still take over a week to reach Slimewillow.”
The king smiled. “I can have you there in five minutes. There’s a visiting dignitary at court for the past two days—he’s a high-level time mage with access to the Warp spell. He mentioned he has family in Slimewillow, so he could warp your entire party there without any issues.”
“That helps,” Tasha nodded. “We can’t afford to waste any time. We need to rescue Kiwi quickly. We have no idea what Murderjoy has planned for her.”
King Iolo conferred with one of his attendants and, after several minutes, the thick wooden doors opened to admit a tall high elven man with short red hair and blue eyes. He bowed before the king. Tasha raised her eyebrows as the man approached. Though he passed as elven on first glance, that didn’t seem to be the case.
His ears were longer than a human’s but not at long as an elf’s, and their edges were more rounded. He also stood taller than any elf she’d ever encountered. Most notably, he had a trim red beard, and Tasha had never seen an elf with facial hair.
“Are you a... half-elf?” she blurted before courtesy took hold.
The man looked from the king to the three humans. His eyes gaze stopped on Tasha. “You’re the new Player. Tasha, isn’t it? I’ve wanted to meet you to thank you personally.”
