CPC-02. Couch Potato Crisis, page 25
part #2 of Couch Potato Chronicles Series
By the time the elf reached the steps to the save point, only five minutes remained on Marnie’s timer. Had he any self-agency at that moment, he’d have done his best to kill himself—if only as a last ditch effort to escape these elves.
“Why are you doing this?” he demanded. “Is this how you repay me for my kindness?”
Fin stopped. “Kindness?” he leaned in close. “You think you’ve been—kind—to me? Kind? My friends are all dead because of you.”
“Yes!” Marnie exclaimed. “Yes, I have been kind to you and the other elves. I’ve fed you. I’ve paid a rental fee to your masters, guaranteeing you a place to live. I gave you purpose.”
Just gotta keep the boy talking until my debuff runs out.
“You humans kidnapped me. You stole me, my sister, my friends, and everyone I’d ever cared about.”
“That wasn’t me! It was other humans who took you from your home. Not me!” Marnie protested.
As though Marnie hadn’t spoken, Fin said, “Then you killed me for my experience. You wanted to gain levels without putting in any work.”
“It wasn’t me! Other humans killed you for your experience. It wasn’t me! I didn’t do it!”
The young elf’s face was blank. “Might as well have been you. All humans are the same. You killed me over and over, and when you were done, you made us work for you.”
“We gave you a life and a purpose!”
“You stole our lives from us. You stole our levels, you stole our labor, and you don’t feel the tiniest bit of remorse.”
Four minutes remained. He started to panic. “You’re just elves—little better than beasts of burden. Do you even understand the words you’re saying? A subhuman animal like you doesn’t understand pain.”
That’s what Marnie had been told when he was young. Elves couldn’t feel pain. Sure, they mimicked human emotion as a kind of animalistic survival instinct, but it was merely a weak emulation of real thought. “You aren’t a real person! You don’t know what pain and suffering is really like!”
Fin opened the cage that surrounded the save point and stepped inside.
Save point registered.
Health and mana restored. All status conditions removed.
Fin dropped Marnie on the hard metal floor of the save point. The human was no longer paralyzed, but the bonds prevented him from moving, and the collar stopped him from casting any spells.
“What are you going to do to me?” begged Marnie.
“Me?” asked Fin. “I’m not going to do anything to you, Marnie.”
Fin left the cage and latched it shut from the outside. It was designed so it couldn’t be opened from inside. Fin circled the cage to one side that contained a wheel afixed into the ground. He turned the wheel slowly, causing the machinery inside the cage to move. The machinery was old and it creaked as the parts moved, but it was still functional.
As Fin turned the wheel, a solid wall with spikes protruding pushed against him. He moved back instinctively, falling into the second chamber right next to the save point.
“Please don’t!” Marnie begged.
“But I told you, I’m not going to do anything.”
“Please, please, just let me go. I have a son.”
Fin hadn’t known that, but it didn’t change anything. He moved to the side of the cage, looking the man in the eyes. Marnie was in a standing position, though his movements were severely restrained.
“You have a son?” Fin asked.
“Yes…”
“Did your son kill elves for XP? You train them from an early age to not think of us as people, don’t you?”
Marnie swallowed. “I didn’t create this system. He’d have been at a disadvantage if we hadn’t made use of every advantage available. I only wanted what’s best for him.”
“I’m someone’s son, Marnie. Mara is someone’s daughter. How hard did you have to work to not let yourself think about that?”
Marnie scowled. “You’re livestock. No different from a farm animal. Who cares whether a horse or a chicken had a father and mother?”
“Who indeed, save the animals themselves?” said Fin.
“Then you’ll let me go?”
“No, Marnie.”
Marnie’s face grew red. “How dare you call me by name. You will refer to me as master, boy.”
“I’m not afraid of you anymore.”
“Well if you no longer fear me, then what do you fear?”
Fin paused. “I fear spending the rest of my life as a slave. To have my decisions made for me by other people who think themselves better.”
“What are you prattling on about, elf? You should fear your betters. Even if it isn’t me, some other human will tame you.”
“You’re right. It most certainly won’t be you.” He turned toward the inn. Fin’s face brightened, “Oh good, there she is.”
Mara dashed from the door of the inn, running up and hugging Fin. The explosion had badly damaged her right hand. Several needles stuck through her palm, all the way to the other side. The grenade was designed only to paralyze, not to kill. Fin handed her a healing potion, and when she drank it, her body ejected the needles and the wounds healed over the holes that had briefly remained.
“You’re okay, big brother.”
Fin whispered something in Mara’s ear, but Marnie couldn’t make it out.
“Yes, I still have it.” The dark elven child tapped her inventory panel until a silver dagger appeared in her hand.
“No, please!” cried Marnie. “You said you weren’t going to do anything to me!”
“You’re right,” said Fin. “I said that I wouldn’t do anything to you. My little sister is the one you should be worried about.”
“She’s not your sister!” screamed Marnie, whose emotions oscillated between terror and rage. “You aren’t even the same species of elf.”
“I’m not afraid of you anymore, Marnie, but my sister still is. That’s why I’m having her kill you instead of doing it myself. After this, she’ll never fear you again. Besides, she needs the experience points more.”
“No, please don’t.” His voice was weak and lacked its earlier certainty of purpose.
“You stole the levels from some other elves when you were younger, people like my sister and I. It’s only fair that we return the favor.” He handed a knife to Mara. “Do you know what to do? Just push this into his belly.”
“But…I don’t want to hurt anyone,” said Mara.
Fin kept an even expression on his face as he spoke. “If you don’t kill him, he’ll eventually escape and kill the two of us. It has to be done, and you have to be the one to do it. After this, you’ll never fear humans again.”
“I’m not sure I can, big brother…”
Fin stood behind her and put his hands over hers, adding his force to hers as she gripped the knife. “Then we’ll do this together.”
Mara looked up at him. “Are you sure it’s okay?”
Fin nodded.
Marnie said, “No, please girl. You’re my property! You belong to me! You belong…”
Fin slipped the knife into the man’s gut with Mara still holding the hilt. Marnie screamed and grabbed the wound, though the edges of the knife cut his hands as he tried to pull it out. He screamed and wailed. “Please…” He choked. The taste of blood was in his mouth. “It hurts! Make it stop!” Mara drew out the dagger and stabbed him again, this time in his heart.
The dark elven girl was low level so each painful stab dealt nominal damage, causing her to strike again and again. The world darkened, and he passed into the realm of Oblivion.
After killing Marnie, Mara grew nauseous and threw up. Fin helped her to the NPC operated inn where he got her a cup of tea to help calm her nerves.
“Feeling better?” asked Fin.
She nodded. “My stomach still hurts, but not as bad.”
“Good.” Fin nodded. “If you are up to it, I need you to check your combat log. Did you get a notification after he died?”
She nodded. “I gained 42 XP.”
“How much experience to your next level?”
She opened her menu. “The one at the bottom by the yellow bar? It says one-two-nine.”
“That’s one hundred twenty nine. In that case, you should reach level 3 by killing him three more times, assuming he doesn’t lose a level before then.”
He walked around the cage. “If we take turns, I think we can get us both to level 9 before he runs out of XP.” He shrugged. “We might even get you to level 10.”
“How do you know that?”
“Just math and some guesswork. Marnie is level 15, which means he’s gained somewhere between 15,300 and 17,100 XP. Since we’ve already killed him twice, I’d guess he has somewhere around 16,000 XP remaining instead of splitting it down the middle.
“Killing a person is different than killing a mob. When you defeat a mist monster, you gain a smaller amount of experience based on the ratio between your level and the monster’s level. When you kill a person, they lose 5% of their level progress and half those experience points are transferred to the killer while the victim loses the rest.”
“I couldn’t follow that.”
“It means that of his current 16,000 XP, if we take turns killing him, we’d gain a combined total of 8000 XP between us, or 4000 each.”
Mara nodded. When Fin started going on about math, it was best to let him keep talking until he got to the point.
“I’m still at level 2 with about 40 XP to level 3. If I gained 4000 XP, that would put me at the middle of level 9.”
Mara frowned. “Is it really okay to kill him? Won’t others come looking for him?”
Fin nodded. “That’s what he’d planned for me. All Zhakarans level up this way. Rather than fight mist monsters on their own, they steal the levels of their slaves. We’re just taking back what’s ours. There’s something else to consider. Until we reduce his level, he’ll be a constant danger to us. We can’t risk leaving him alone as long as he’s stronger than we are. Letting him go isn’t an option, either.”
Fin gritted his teeth. “This isn’t about revenge—it’s justice. I want him to feel what I felt. What every elf who’s ever died this way has felt.”
He took Mara’s hand. “Don’t worry. If others come, we’ll either capture them as well, or make a run for it.”
“If you say so. What will we do once we have his levels?”
“After that… I want to find Princess Kiwi and rescue her. At level 1, that was impossible. I’d stand a greater chance of success at level 9 than level 1.”
Mara nodded and allowed herself to smile. “I want my big sister back, too.” She pointed at Marnie’s dead body. “But what are we going to do about that?”
“We’ll have to stack his corpses in one of the empty buildings until I come up with a more permanent solution."
He used an abandoned cart to move Marnie’s body to a small, dilapidated residence several blocks away, depositing the body in an empty room. It wouldn’t take long before the place smelled. He would have to dig a pit, or invest in those body disintegration potions the NPC merchant sold.
After depositing the body, he returned to the town square that contained the save point. The cage that held the save point was old and in disrepair and he lacked the skill to do anything about it. They’d have to kill Marnie as soon as he respawned and not give him time to even attempt to escape or retaliate.
Chapter 16
Freshly Heated Chicken Noodle Soup
The Dea Latis approached the large white cloud from above. As they drew closer, a structure previously hidden in the cloud became visible. Situated at the end of a large platform, it was presumably meant to give airships a place to land.
“Mister Malarkey, be thar any way fer this ship to land on yon island?” asked Captain K’her.
“No, captain. This vessel was built for the sea. It has no landing gear. We could tie it to a post to stop it from drifting while you’re away.”
“Arr, do that, then.”
Tasha said, “My fast leveling ability will only aid the first six people who party with me. Who’s coming?”
Ari cleared his throat. “Pan and I will come. Captain K’her wants to come as well.”
Pollyanna addressed Pan. “I’ll sit this one out. Please dismiss me and resummon me later if needed.” She turned to Tasha. “Make sure to practice those exercises.”
Pan nodded and dismissed Pollyanna, who vanished into a cloud of ethereal mist.
“I’ll come, too,” said Kegan. “As much as the captain and I don’t get along, I could use the extra experience.”
Tasha counted to five using her fingers. “That’s five. Anyone else?”
Kazezu landed nearby and approached the dungeon entrance. His body was twice as wide as the doorway. It doesn’t look like I’ll be able to fit. I miss being small enough to fit through doors.
Slimon and Hermes spoke up at the same time. They faced one another in a game of rock-paper-scissors, which lasted several rounds, to determine who’d go. Slimon formed the shape of scissors at the end of his tentacle, but Hermes had chosen paper by holding out an open palm.
“Pfffpt!” Slimon victoriously declared.
“Fine,” Hermes grumbled. “You win. I’ll just stay here and guard the airship.”
Mister Malarkey said, “I’ll send several gnomes to harvest treasure chests and return with them to the ship. We’ll sell them later.”
A ladder was lowered from the Dea Latis which allowed the away party to descend to the platform. Once they’d reached the bottom, a chain was lowered. The captain locked it to one of the nearby posts.
The structure looked like it was made of white marble, and it led downward into the cloud itself. They opened a large iron doorway to an even larger room with several NPCs. A single doorway led down to the inner dungeon.
Now entering dungeon: Ice Cream Palace
Recommended levels 1–36, party of 3 to 8, 8 floors
Completion reward: choice of rare class-appropriate equipment
Duration: 12 days
Kegan shifted on his feet. “Looks like this dungeon has multiple floors and spans a wide range of levels. We’ll likely face low-level enemies on the earlier floors, but there’ll be higher-level enemies the deeper we go.”
Tasha approached the NPCs. There was an owlish innkeeper NPC, an elvish job change NPC, a human merchant NPC, a name change NPC, and several NPCs who repeated flavor text.
Of Tasha, Ari asked, “Can I suggest something?”
“Sure.”
“You should use that Job Change NPC and switch to the fighter class. Just for this dungeon dive.”
“Why? I’m trying to level up Couch Potato. Leveling up Fighter won’t help with that.”
“True, but didn’t you say you wanted to unlock the Saint class? You’ll need to be at least level 10 to do that.”
“Okay, that’s true, but my focus for now is to get strong enough to rescue Kiwi.”
Ari frowned. “Let me put it to you this way. When you’re finished here, just switch back to Couch Potato and set fighter as your subclass. You’ll get to keep the subclassed level’s stats up to half the main class’s level, so any stat points you allocate while using the fighter class, you’d get to keep. What’s important are the stat points, not the level number.”
“I’m not sure I get it.”
“How many stat points do you have in strength right now?”
Tasha pulled up her character stats page. “I have 29 points in strength. I’ve been putting most of my points into agility.”
“Just for the sake of argument, let’s say you switch to fighter and get the class level up to 17, which is half your current level.”
“Okay.”
“Now, let’s say every time you level up, you allocate stat points into strength. That would be 17 times 4, or 68 points. Add those 68 points to the 29 you already have, and what would that give you?”
“That would be 97 points,” Tasha said.
“Right, so you’d still be a level 34 Couch Potato, but your actual stat points would be massively boosted. With a strength score of 97, you’d be stronger than I am now. With a score that high, you could punch through a stone wall without injuring your hand.”
“Tasha nodded. “If it’ll get me that kind of strength in only a few days, it’s worth it for the extra stat points alone. Besides, that would make my Stat Shuffle ability even more overpowered.”
“There’s another reason to switch to Fighter.”
“Yeah?”
“The skills you unlock as a Couch Potato are unpredictable. They’re random, based on whatever kind of entertainment you consume. By contrast, the skills unlocked in the fighter class are designed to be useful to that class. There are several skills combat types get early on that I think you should unlock.”
“Which ones?”
“Level 4 lets you dull the sensation of pain, level 7 unlocks a taunt ability that draws enemy aggro, and level 10 unlocks the ability to increase your awareness of nearby enemies during combat.”
“Wait, did you just say a skill exists that dulls pain?”
Ari shrugged. “Of course. Most frontline classes have a skill like that at the early levels. Being killed hurts, and most people would rather experience less of that pain.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before now?” she asked. “Since I got here, I’ve been stabbed, strangled, punched, flattened to death by a dinosaur, partially digested—three different times—and I’ve broken every limb at least once. All that was intensely painful. Now you’re saying that I could have avoided it just by switching to Fighter?”
“In my defense, I did tell you that Couch Potato was one of the most difficult classes to play.”
Tasha sighed. “Okay, I’ll switch to the fighter class and level it up some.”
She approached the class change NPC and made the necessary change, setting Fighter as her primary class and Couch Potato as her secondary. She might as well get the benefit from Couch Potato while leveling as a fighter. Once she made the change, her toned body vanished, replaced by her Earthly body. Her excess body fat had returned, and she no longer felt like she could run for more than half a minute without running out of breath.
