The Complete Oregon Series, page 92
“Afraid?” Luke asked, frowning.
“It seems every time we leave the ranch together, something happens,” Hendrika said. “First, we cross paths with a wild mustang, then we find a drowning foal.” Instead of looking fearful, she was smiling, though.
So much had happened in the nine weeks Luke had been away, and now she was desperately trying to catch up and make sense of what was going on with her daughters.
She watched Hendrika mount. In one of Nora’s split riding skirts, the young woman cut a fine figure in the saddle. Her transitions were still a little rough, but her touch on the reins was light. “You taught her well,” Luke said.
The compliment stained Amy’s cheeks red.
How much time did she spend with Hendrika, teaching her how to ride? Luke had thousands of questions, but no answers—and she knew she wouldn’t get answers from Amy as long as Hendrika was with them. And here I thought being a parent would get easier over the years.
Hamilton Horse Ranch
Baker Prairie, Oregon
June 25, 1868
Rika dropped her brush into the empty bucket of paint. “Done.” She stepped back to look at the newly painted line shack.
Amy wiped her hands on a rag. “Looks good. Thanks for helping me.” Splashes of reddish-brown paint dotted her shirt, and a broad stripe across her forehead made her look like an Indian on the warpath.
Rika laughed and pointed. “Lord, you’re a sight.” She lifted a corner of her apron to wipe the paint from Amy’s face, but Amy backed away.
“Oh, and you aren’t?”
Rika looked down at herself. Reddish-brown dots on her forearms and down the front of her dress made her look like one of the Hamiltons’ Appaloosas. “Oh, my. I think we should wash up before we ride back.” She glanced at the nearby Pudding River, which sluggishly meandered through the valley next to the line shack. “In fact...” She looked from the river to Amy. “I could teach you how to swim while we’re here.”
Maybe for once, she could be the one to teach while Amy learned from her instead of the other way around.
“We don’t have the time to—”
“Yes, we do. We thought painting the line shack would take all afternoon. No one will expect us back before supper.”
Amy hesitated and looked around as if searching for another reason to refuse.
“This is important,” Rika said. “You almost drowned because you can’t swim. If I hadn’t been there...” She snapped her mouth shut, not wanting to finish the sentence. Some nights, she still had nightmares about Amy being swept away by the raging river. She tilted her head and took in Amy’s pale face. “You’re not afraid, are you?”
Amy lifted her chin. “Of course not.”
“Then come on.” Rika took a step toward the river. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” She felt Amy’s gaze on her as she slipped off her skirt and petticoat. Standing on the riverbank in just her chemise and long underdrawers, she looked back at Amy, who still hadn’t undressed. “Are you shy about undressing in front of me?”
“No,” Amy said, but her tone lacked conviction.
“Come on, Amy. We’re both women.”
The words, meant to encourage, made Amy blush instead.
Heat crawled up Rika’s neck as well when she remembered that their gender no longer meant they wouldn’t look at each other with desire. Finding out about Tess and Frankie’s relationship had changed things Rika had taken for granted. “Let’s get into the water.” Mud squished between her toes as she waded in. With her back turned, she waited for Amy.
Clothing rustled; then water splashed.
Rika turned.
Amy waded into the river, drenching her thin undershirt until it clung to her body. Droplets of water gleamed on her bare collarbone and ran down her cleavage.
Rika couldn’t help staring. You’ve seen half-naked women before. This isn’t any different. But somehow, it was. She curled her toes into the muddy river bottom and forced her gaze away. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. “Push off with your feet and let yourself sink into the water.”
Amy tried and immediately started to dog-paddle, barely staying afloat.
“Oh, no, no. Not like that. Watch me.” Rika sank into the cool water and swam back and forth in front of Amy. “See? You pull your arms and legs toward your body, then kick them out, like frogs do. Here, let me help you.” She stepped next to Amy and put her hands on Amy’s hips. Even through the wet undershirt, Amy’s skin felt warm to the touch.
“Um...”
“Try again. I’m gonna hold you up,” Rika said, forcing herself to focus on the swimming lesson. “Move your arms and legs in a circle and push at the water with your hands and feet.”
Amy shifted her weight forward, into Rika’s hands, and calmed her frantic paddling. “Don’t let go,” she sputtered into the water.
“I won’t.” Rika didn’t remind her that the water was only hip-deep. She trusts me to keep her safe. The feeling humbled her and made her feel powerful at the same time. She tightened her grip around Amy’s hips. “Put your fingers together and push with your legs. Yes, yes, like that.”
After a few minutes, Amy found a rhythm with her arms and legs.
“All right, now try on your own.” With an encouraging squeeze, Rika let go and stepped back.
As soon as Rika’s hands vanished from her hips, Amy began to sink and lapsed back into her dog-paddling technique.
Rika grasped her hands and pulled her close. “I’ve got you.”
Amy’s arms instantly wrapped around her neck. Her breath washed over Rika’s bare shoulders.
Without thought, Rika slipped her arms around Amy. Their body heat seemed to warm up the water around them. She felt dizzy, as if she would be the one drowning if she let go of Amy. It took her a while to remember that the water wasn’t deep and neither of them needed the other to hold her up. “Hold...” Her voice sounded breathless, and she cleared her throat before she tried again. “Hold on to my hands. I’m gonna drag you through the water to let you practice how to move your legs.” She shivered when their bodies separated.
Their fingers entwined in a strong grip, and their gazes met. They stood like that for what could have been minutes before Rika remembered why they were there. She walked backward, pulling Amy after her. “Move your legs in circles.”
Water splashed as Amy kicked powerful legs.
“Steady. Keep your feet in the water.” After a while, Rika slowed and let her momentum propel Amy past her. She put her hands around Amy’s hips again. Again, heat seemed to vibrate between them. She cleared her throat. “All right, let’s try this again. Ready?”
Amy turned her head and peered up at Rika through copper strands that clung to her forehead in wet ringlets. “Yeah.”
This time, when Rika let go, Amy continued to move her arms and legs in circles. After swimming a few feet, she sought the river bottom with her feet and straightened. She stared down her body, then at Rika. Water dripped into her face, but it couldn’t extinguish Amy’s grin. “I did it. I can swim!”
Managing to stay afloat for a few moments didn’t exactly make her a champion swimmer, but Rika didn’t say that, not wanting to spoil Amy’s joy. She grinned back. “You sure can.”
She wasn’t sure who moved first, but within seconds, they came together in a fierce embrace.
“Thank you,” Amy whispered, then let go and stepped back.
Rika shivered. She could still feel Amy’s wet body plastered against her own. Every inch of her body felt alive with the memory of that touch. “You’re welcome.”
They waded up the riverbank and sat down next to their clothes, waiting for the sun to dry them. From time to time, Rika stole a glance at Amy out of the corner of her eye.
Once, she caught Amy looking at her too.
Their gazes veered away.
What is she thinking? Does she feel this strange…pull too?
Amy got up and struggled into her clothes. “Come on. Let’s head back home.”
A horse whinnied a greeting, and several Appaloosas in the corral behind Luke lifted their heads and answered.
Luke looked up from the three-year-old gelding she was training.
A gray mare loped down the hill toward the ranch, moving smoothly under Frankie. When the horse stopped in front of Luke, she reached out and let the mare sniff her hand. “So this is the famous Mouse. Nora told me about her.”
“Yeah. That’s her.” Frankie patted Mouse’s neck. “Your daughter worked miracles on her.”
“Want to come in for a cup of coffee? Nora’s in the garden, but I can let her know you’re here.” Being alone with Frankie still made Luke slightly uncomfortable. She never knew whether she should treat her like a pal or a lady.
Frankie swung down and landed lightly on her feet. “It’s all right. I’m actually here to see you. Mouse needs new shoes, and I don’t like the blacksmith in Baker Prairie. He’s too rough with the horses.”
Ah. She could handle this. “I can shoe her for you, no problem.”
“Oh, no, that’s not necessary. If you would just lend me your equipment, I can do the rest.”
“Let’s do it together.” Luke led her over to the ranch’s small blacksmith shop. While she worked the bellows and fired up the forge, Frankie picked up Mouse’s left front leg and cradled it between her knees. With practiced movements, she cleaned out the hoof. Then she removed the old shoe and trimmed the hoof walls before smoothing the ragged edges with a file.
“You’ve done this before,” Luke said.
“Many times.” Frankie looked up at her. “Surprised?”
Luke shrugged.
“I bet people take it for granted that you can shoe a horse,” Frankie said.
“Yeah.” No one blinked an eye when Luke shoed a horse, but she knew Frankie got different reactions. A sudden realization came to her. “You enjoy this.”
“Shoeing a horse?”
“Surprising people by being unconventional.”
“Guilty as charged.” Frankie’s grin made her look more like a mischievous boy than a middle-aged woman.
Maybe this was the biggest difference between them. Luke had never wanted to stand out. All she wanted was to fit in and be seen as just another rancher.
She heated a new horseshoe and then hammered and shaped it on the anvil until she thought it would fit Mouse’s hoof. Mouse held still under Frankie’s steady grip as Luke placed the shoe on her hoof.
“I just saw Amy and Hendrika,” Frankie said over the sizzling sound.
“Yeah, they’re painting one of our line shacks.” Luke drove the first nail into the wall of Mouse’s hoof.
“Um, no, that’s not what they were doing.”
With the second nail clamped between her lips, Luke looked up and lifted an eyebrow.
“They were standing in the middle of the river in their underwear, hugging each other,” Frankie said.
Luke nearly swallowed the nail and then spat it out. “What?”
Lines of concern appeared on Frankie’s brow. “Nora told you about...” She hesitated. “...about Amy, right?”
“Yes, but I didn’t think there was anything going on between her and Hendrika. Well, maybe a bit of an infatuation on Amy’s side.” Did Amy have deeper feelings for Phin’s bride? And did Hendrika return those feelings? She couldn’t ask Amy. Fathers didn’t ask their daughters that kind of thing. How ironic. She was trapped by the lie that had always given her so much freedom.
“Well, I don’t think anything really happened,” Frankie said. “After a second, they quickly let go of each other and Amy backed away. She’s not ready to accept that part of herself.”
Luke pounded in the nails, carefully channeling her frustration into the physical work. “Was it easy to accept for you?”
Frankie filed off the nails’ sharp edges, set down Mouse’s foot, and straightened. “Lord, no. After my father died and my brothers chased me away, telling me they hated me...” She shook her head, her gaze searching the horizon. “For a while, I didn’t care if I lived or died.”
Luke rubbed a spot above her heart. “I’m sorry. I don’t want Amy to go through that.”
“She won’t have to go through it alone.” Frankie patted her shoulder in a comradely way. “I wish I had parents like you and Nora.”
“But I can’t help Amy much since she thinks I’m a man.” Luke clamped both hands around the hammer. “How can I tell her she doesn’t have to hate a part of herself when I’m hiding that part of myself from her?”
Frankie’s friendly pat softened and became a comforting caress to her shoulder. For the first time in Luke’s life, another woman was touching her as if she was just one of her female friends. It felt strange, but she appreciated it anyway.
“You’re doing the best you can under the circumstances,” Frankie said.
Luke put her hand on Mouse’s back as if to steady herself. “But it’s not enough.” She kicked at the old horseshoe lying on the ground. “I need to do more to help Amy.”
“More? What more can you do?”
The words seemed stuck in her throat, and Luke forced them out. “We think it’s time to be honest with our girls about who I am.”
Frankie pushed back her hat and stared at her. “That’s huge, Luke. Are you sure?”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to help my daughter accept herself. What kind of parent would I be if I let Amy suffer and kept my secret for my own selfish reasons? Compared to you and Tess, who live your lives as openly as possible, I feel like a coward sometimes.”
“A coward? You?” Frankie shook her head. “If you were a coward, you would have left Nora behind in Independence when you first met her. Only you can decide what to do, but please know that Tess and I will be there to support you in any way we can.”
Luke stared into her warm brown eyes. While Frankie still confused her, she had a feeling that this woman understood her as few other people did. Maybe they could be friends. “You know, I want to say thank you, but I’m not sure if I should shake your hand or kiss it.”
“Lucky for you,” Frankie said, grinning broadly, “I have two hands, so you could do both.”
Their laughter chased away part of Luke’s tension.
In companionable silence, they finished shoeing Mouse.
Dusk settled over the ranch like a blanket. Rika let her gaze sweep over the hills in the distance, then the familiar contours of the ranch buildings until her gaze landed on the old oak next to the main house. A swing dangled from one of the thick branches, and she imagined little Amy flying higher and higher, shouting at her papa to push her faster.
But right now, the swing swayed gently back and forth. Nora sat on it, not holding on to the ropes. She leaned back against Luke, who stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her, swaying with her. Every once in a while, he bent to press a kiss to the top of her head. Their lips were moving, and Rika imagined them whispering words of love to each other.
The creaking of the door made her wrench away her gaze.
Amy stepped onto the veranda but stopped when she noticed Rika. “You waiting for Phin? He’s still in the office with Nattie.” She pointed over her shoulder.
“They’re spending a lot of time with each other,” Rika said. While Phineas collected her for a short stroll every night after supper, he spent hours with Nattie every day.
“Just discussing the breeding program. You don’t need to be jealous.”
“I’m not.” It was the truth. While she worried about her future and about Phineas keeping his promise to marry her, her heartbeat didn’t pick up at all when she thought about Phineas with another woman. Unless it’s Amy. Scowling, she pushed the thought away.
Amy nodded and leaned against the veranda post next to Rika. She smiled as she watched her parents. “They look like a courting couple, don’t they?”
“They’re still in love with each other,” Rika said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. All her life, she had thought love wasn’t real, just something naïve fools dreamed about. But there was no denying the love between Amy’s parents. It radiated off them like heat from a cast-iron stove on a cold winter night. Watching them together made her long for love too, and she knew she wouldn’t have it with Phineas.
Quit wishing for what you can’t have. You’ve never done it before, so why start now? She cursed the Hamiltons for making her think about love. It was as if she had suddenly become aware of a hole inside of her after having thought herself complete all her life.
“Sometimes I wonder what makes some people fall in love with the right person while others are never lucky enough to have that,” Amy mumbled, staring at her parents.
The misery in her expression hit Rika like a punch to the ribs, robbing her of breath. “I’m sure that one day, you’ll be one of the lucky ones too.” She wanted that for Amy more than she wished it for herself.
Amy turned her head and met Rika’s gaze.
For long moments, Rika looked into eyes that appeared like mossy forest lakes in the falling darkness.
Then Amy looked away. “I don’t think it’s possible for me.”
“Why shouldn’t it be?” Surely there was at least one man who could appreciate Amy’s gentle strength and her passion for the land and its animals?
Amy sighed. “That’s just the way it is for me.”
She sounded so sad that Rika wanted to step closer and embrace her, but she held herself back. After the effect their hug in the river had on her, she knew it was better to keep her distance.
Luke pressed a kiss to the skin of Nora’s neck and let herself be comforted by Nora’s warmth and their gentle swaying.
Humming, Nora leaned back and rested her head against Luke’s chest.
Over Nora’s head, Luke watched the two young women on the veranda. In the falling darkness, she couldn’t make out their expressions, but their bodies were pointing toward each other even while they stared off into the night.
“It seems every time we leave the ranch together, something happens,” Hendrika said. “First, we cross paths with a wild mustang, then we find a drowning foal.” Instead of looking fearful, she was smiling, though.
So much had happened in the nine weeks Luke had been away, and now she was desperately trying to catch up and make sense of what was going on with her daughters.
She watched Hendrika mount. In one of Nora’s split riding skirts, the young woman cut a fine figure in the saddle. Her transitions were still a little rough, but her touch on the reins was light. “You taught her well,” Luke said.
The compliment stained Amy’s cheeks red.
How much time did she spend with Hendrika, teaching her how to ride? Luke had thousands of questions, but no answers—and she knew she wouldn’t get answers from Amy as long as Hendrika was with them. And here I thought being a parent would get easier over the years.
Hamilton Horse Ranch
Baker Prairie, Oregon
June 25, 1868
Rika dropped her brush into the empty bucket of paint. “Done.” She stepped back to look at the newly painted line shack.
Amy wiped her hands on a rag. “Looks good. Thanks for helping me.” Splashes of reddish-brown paint dotted her shirt, and a broad stripe across her forehead made her look like an Indian on the warpath.
Rika laughed and pointed. “Lord, you’re a sight.” She lifted a corner of her apron to wipe the paint from Amy’s face, but Amy backed away.
“Oh, and you aren’t?”
Rika looked down at herself. Reddish-brown dots on her forearms and down the front of her dress made her look like one of the Hamiltons’ Appaloosas. “Oh, my. I think we should wash up before we ride back.” She glanced at the nearby Pudding River, which sluggishly meandered through the valley next to the line shack. “In fact...” She looked from the river to Amy. “I could teach you how to swim while we’re here.”
Maybe for once, she could be the one to teach while Amy learned from her instead of the other way around.
“We don’t have the time to—”
“Yes, we do. We thought painting the line shack would take all afternoon. No one will expect us back before supper.”
Amy hesitated and looked around as if searching for another reason to refuse.
“This is important,” Rika said. “You almost drowned because you can’t swim. If I hadn’t been there...” She snapped her mouth shut, not wanting to finish the sentence. Some nights, she still had nightmares about Amy being swept away by the raging river. She tilted her head and took in Amy’s pale face. “You’re not afraid, are you?”
Amy lifted her chin. “Of course not.”
“Then come on.” Rika took a step toward the river. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” She felt Amy’s gaze on her as she slipped off her skirt and petticoat. Standing on the riverbank in just her chemise and long underdrawers, she looked back at Amy, who still hadn’t undressed. “Are you shy about undressing in front of me?”
“No,” Amy said, but her tone lacked conviction.
“Come on, Amy. We’re both women.”
The words, meant to encourage, made Amy blush instead.
Heat crawled up Rika’s neck as well when she remembered that their gender no longer meant they wouldn’t look at each other with desire. Finding out about Tess and Frankie’s relationship had changed things Rika had taken for granted. “Let’s get into the water.” Mud squished between her toes as she waded in. With her back turned, she waited for Amy.
Clothing rustled; then water splashed.
Rika turned.
Amy waded into the river, drenching her thin undershirt until it clung to her body. Droplets of water gleamed on her bare collarbone and ran down her cleavage.
Rika couldn’t help staring. You’ve seen half-naked women before. This isn’t any different. But somehow, it was. She curled her toes into the muddy river bottom and forced her gaze away. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. “Push off with your feet and let yourself sink into the water.”
Amy tried and immediately started to dog-paddle, barely staying afloat.
“Oh, no, no. Not like that. Watch me.” Rika sank into the cool water and swam back and forth in front of Amy. “See? You pull your arms and legs toward your body, then kick them out, like frogs do. Here, let me help you.” She stepped next to Amy and put her hands on Amy’s hips. Even through the wet undershirt, Amy’s skin felt warm to the touch.
“Um...”
“Try again. I’m gonna hold you up,” Rika said, forcing herself to focus on the swimming lesson. “Move your arms and legs in a circle and push at the water with your hands and feet.”
Amy shifted her weight forward, into Rika’s hands, and calmed her frantic paddling. “Don’t let go,” she sputtered into the water.
“I won’t.” Rika didn’t remind her that the water was only hip-deep. She trusts me to keep her safe. The feeling humbled her and made her feel powerful at the same time. She tightened her grip around Amy’s hips. “Put your fingers together and push with your legs. Yes, yes, like that.”
After a few minutes, Amy found a rhythm with her arms and legs.
“All right, now try on your own.” With an encouraging squeeze, Rika let go and stepped back.
As soon as Rika’s hands vanished from her hips, Amy began to sink and lapsed back into her dog-paddling technique.
Rika grasped her hands and pulled her close. “I’ve got you.”
Amy’s arms instantly wrapped around her neck. Her breath washed over Rika’s bare shoulders.
Without thought, Rika slipped her arms around Amy. Their body heat seemed to warm up the water around them. She felt dizzy, as if she would be the one drowning if she let go of Amy. It took her a while to remember that the water wasn’t deep and neither of them needed the other to hold her up. “Hold...” Her voice sounded breathless, and she cleared her throat before she tried again. “Hold on to my hands. I’m gonna drag you through the water to let you practice how to move your legs.” She shivered when their bodies separated.
Their fingers entwined in a strong grip, and their gazes met. They stood like that for what could have been minutes before Rika remembered why they were there. She walked backward, pulling Amy after her. “Move your legs in circles.”
Water splashed as Amy kicked powerful legs.
“Steady. Keep your feet in the water.” After a while, Rika slowed and let her momentum propel Amy past her. She put her hands around Amy’s hips again. Again, heat seemed to vibrate between them. She cleared her throat. “All right, let’s try this again. Ready?”
Amy turned her head and peered up at Rika through copper strands that clung to her forehead in wet ringlets. “Yeah.”
This time, when Rika let go, Amy continued to move her arms and legs in circles. After swimming a few feet, she sought the river bottom with her feet and straightened. She stared down her body, then at Rika. Water dripped into her face, but it couldn’t extinguish Amy’s grin. “I did it. I can swim!”
Managing to stay afloat for a few moments didn’t exactly make her a champion swimmer, but Rika didn’t say that, not wanting to spoil Amy’s joy. She grinned back. “You sure can.”
She wasn’t sure who moved first, but within seconds, they came together in a fierce embrace.
“Thank you,” Amy whispered, then let go and stepped back.
Rika shivered. She could still feel Amy’s wet body plastered against her own. Every inch of her body felt alive with the memory of that touch. “You’re welcome.”
They waded up the riverbank and sat down next to their clothes, waiting for the sun to dry them. From time to time, Rika stole a glance at Amy out of the corner of her eye.
Once, she caught Amy looking at her too.
Their gazes veered away.
What is she thinking? Does she feel this strange…pull too?
Amy got up and struggled into her clothes. “Come on. Let’s head back home.”
A horse whinnied a greeting, and several Appaloosas in the corral behind Luke lifted their heads and answered.
Luke looked up from the three-year-old gelding she was training.
A gray mare loped down the hill toward the ranch, moving smoothly under Frankie. When the horse stopped in front of Luke, she reached out and let the mare sniff her hand. “So this is the famous Mouse. Nora told me about her.”
“Yeah. That’s her.” Frankie patted Mouse’s neck. “Your daughter worked miracles on her.”
“Want to come in for a cup of coffee? Nora’s in the garden, but I can let her know you’re here.” Being alone with Frankie still made Luke slightly uncomfortable. She never knew whether she should treat her like a pal or a lady.
Frankie swung down and landed lightly on her feet. “It’s all right. I’m actually here to see you. Mouse needs new shoes, and I don’t like the blacksmith in Baker Prairie. He’s too rough with the horses.”
Ah. She could handle this. “I can shoe her for you, no problem.”
“Oh, no, that’s not necessary. If you would just lend me your equipment, I can do the rest.”
“Let’s do it together.” Luke led her over to the ranch’s small blacksmith shop. While she worked the bellows and fired up the forge, Frankie picked up Mouse’s left front leg and cradled it between her knees. With practiced movements, she cleaned out the hoof. Then she removed the old shoe and trimmed the hoof walls before smoothing the ragged edges with a file.
“You’ve done this before,” Luke said.
“Many times.” Frankie looked up at her. “Surprised?”
Luke shrugged.
“I bet people take it for granted that you can shoe a horse,” Frankie said.
“Yeah.” No one blinked an eye when Luke shoed a horse, but she knew Frankie got different reactions. A sudden realization came to her. “You enjoy this.”
“Shoeing a horse?”
“Surprising people by being unconventional.”
“Guilty as charged.” Frankie’s grin made her look more like a mischievous boy than a middle-aged woman.
Maybe this was the biggest difference between them. Luke had never wanted to stand out. All she wanted was to fit in and be seen as just another rancher.
She heated a new horseshoe and then hammered and shaped it on the anvil until she thought it would fit Mouse’s hoof. Mouse held still under Frankie’s steady grip as Luke placed the shoe on her hoof.
“I just saw Amy and Hendrika,” Frankie said over the sizzling sound.
“Yeah, they’re painting one of our line shacks.” Luke drove the first nail into the wall of Mouse’s hoof.
“Um, no, that’s not what they were doing.”
With the second nail clamped between her lips, Luke looked up and lifted an eyebrow.
“They were standing in the middle of the river in their underwear, hugging each other,” Frankie said.
Luke nearly swallowed the nail and then spat it out. “What?”
Lines of concern appeared on Frankie’s brow. “Nora told you about...” She hesitated. “...about Amy, right?”
“Yes, but I didn’t think there was anything going on between her and Hendrika. Well, maybe a bit of an infatuation on Amy’s side.” Did Amy have deeper feelings for Phin’s bride? And did Hendrika return those feelings? She couldn’t ask Amy. Fathers didn’t ask their daughters that kind of thing. How ironic. She was trapped by the lie that had always given her so much freedom.
“Well, I don’t think anything really happened,” Frankie said. “After a second, they quickly let go of each other and Amy backed away. She’s not ready to accept that part of herself.”
Luke pounded in the nails, carefully channeling her frustration into the physical work. “Was it easy to accept for you?”
Frankie filed off the nails’ sharp edges, set down Mouse’s foot, and straightened. “Lord, no. After my father died and my brothers chased me away, telling me they hated me...” She shook her head, her gaze searching the horizon. “For a while, I didn’t care if I lived or died.”
Luke rubbed a spot above her heart. “I’m sorry. I don’t want Amy to go through that.”
“She won’t have to go through it alone.” Frankie patted her shoulder in a comradely way. “I wish I had parents like you and Nora.”
“But I can’t help Amy much since she thinks I’m a man.” Luke clamped both hands around the hammer. “How can I tell her she doesn’t have to hate a part of herself when I’m hiding that part of myself from her?”
Frankie’s friendly pat softened and became a comforting caress to her shoulder. For the first time in Luke’s life, another woman was touching her as if she was just one of her female friends. It felt strange, but she appreciated it anyway.
“You’re doing the best you can under the circumstances,” Frankie said.
Luke put her hand on Mouse’s back as if to steady herself. “But it’s not enough.” She kicked at the old horseshoe lying on the ground. “I need to do more to help Amy.”
“More? What more can you do?”
The words seemed stuck in her throat, and Luke forced them out. “We think it’s time to be honest with our girls about who I am.”
Frankie pushed back her hat and stared at her. “That’s huge, Luke. Are you sure?”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to help my daughter accept herself. What kind of parent would I be if I let Amy suffer and kept my secret for my own selfish reasons? Compared to you and Tess, who live your lives as openly as possible, I feel like a coward sometimes.”
“A coward? You?” Frankie shook her head. “If you were a coward, you would have left Nora behind in Independence when you first met her. Only you can decide what to do, but please know that Tess and I will be there to support you in any way we can.”
Luke stared into her warm brown eyes. While Frankie still confused her, she had a feeling that this woman understood her as few other people did. Maybe they could be friends. “You know, I want to say thank you, but I’m not sure if I should shake your hand or kiss it.”
“Lucky for you,” Frankie said, grinning broadly, “I have two hands, so you could do both.”
Their laughter chased away part of Luke’s tension.
In companionable silence, they finished shoeing Mouse.
Dusk settled over the ranch like a blanket. Rika let her gaze sweep over the hills in the distance, then the familiar contours of the ranch buildings until her gaze landed on the old oak next to the main house. A swing dangled from one of the thick branches, and she imagined little Amy flying higher and higher, shouting at her papa to push her faster.
But right now, the swing swayed gently back and forth. Nora sat on it, not holding on to the ropes. She leaned back against Luke, who stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her, swaying with her. Every once in a while, he bent to press a kiss to the top of her head. Their lips were moving, and Rika imagined them whispering words of love to each other.
The creaking of the door made her wrench away her gaze.
Amy stepped onto the veranda but stopped when she noticed Rika. “You waiting for Phin? He’s still in the office with Nattie.” She pointed over her shoulder.
“They’re spending a lot of time with each other,” Rika said. While Phineas collected her for a short stroll every night after supper, he spent hours with Nattie every day.
“Just discussing the breeding program. You don’t need to be jealous.”
“I’m not.” It was the truth. While she worried about her future and about Phineas keeping his promise to marry her, her heartbeat didn’t pick up at all when she thought about Phineas with another woman. Unless it’s Amy. Scowling, she pushed the thought away.
Amy nodded and leaned against the veranda post next to Rika. She smiled as she watched her parents. “They look like a courting couple, don’t they?”
“They’re still in love with each other,” Rika said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. All her life, she had thought love wasn’t real, just something naïve fools dreamed about. But there was no denying the love between Amy’s parents. It radiated off them like heat from a cast-iron stove on a cold winter night. Watching them together made her long for love too, and she knew she wouldn’t have it with Phineas.
Quit wishing for what you can’t have. You’ve never done it before, so why start now? She cursed the Hamiltons for making her think about love. It was as if she had suddenly become aware of a hole inside of her after having thought herself complete all her life.
“Sometimes I wonder what makes some people fall in love with the right person while others are never lucky enough to have that,” Amy mumbled, staring at her parents.
The misery in her expression hit Rika like a punch to the ribs, robbing her of breath. “I’m sure that one day, you’ll be one of the lucky ones too.” She wanted that for Amy more than she wished it for herself.
Amy turned her head and met Rika’s gaze.
For long moments, Rika looked into eyes that appeared like mossy forest lakes in the falling darkness.
Then Amy looked away. “I don’t think it’s possible for me.”
“Why shouldn’t it be?” Surely there was at least one man who could appreciate Amy’s gentle strength and her passion for the land and its animals?
Amy sighed. “That’s just the way it is for me.”
She sounded so sad that Rika wanted to step closer and embrace her, but she held herself back. After the effect their hug in the river had on her, she knew it was better to keep her distance.
Luke pressed a kiss to the skin of Nora’s neck and let herself be comforted by Nora’s warmth and their gentle swaying.
Humming, Nora leaned back and rested her head against Luke’s chest.
Over Nora’s head, Luke watched the two young women on the veranda. In the falling darkness, she couldn’t make out their expressions, but their bodies were pointing toward each other even while they stared off into the night.
