The Complete Oregon Series, page 12
“Well,” Bernice said after an awkward pause, “then we’ll bring you back some nice fabric for baby clothes from the fort.”
Bernice Garfield nearly skipped across Fort Keary’s parade ground, behaving like a girl when a circus came to town and she got to see an elephant for the first time.
Nora trudged after her, still thinking about Emeline. Having a baby in the wilderness, with no doctor nearby, and then tending to a baby during the first winter in Oregon… She smoothed her hands over her apron. Not a good idea, especially if you have a husband like Bill Larson. But Emeline didn’t have a choice. She was at her husband’s mercy. Just like me.
The fort was not as impressive as she had imagined and couldn’t distract her from her glum thoughts. Instead of a walled fortification, Fort Kearny was a collection of rugged sod huts, a few adobe buildings, a store, a small post office, a blacksmith, and a crude hospital. Most soldiers were unshaven and wore patched-up uniforms, and many of them were not much more than homesick young boys.
Prices were too high for Nora and most others to buy anything, but they planned on visiting other wagon trains later and trade their excess supplies for things they needed.
“Well, at least there’s a post office,” Bernice said. “We can send off our letters and tell our families that we made it safely so far.”
Unlike most of their fellow emigrants, Nora had no family anxiously awaiting news from her, but she had already penned a letter to Tess and the other girls. She turned to Luke. While almost every other man and woman on the train had been writing letters last night, he had busied himself with carving another wooden animal for Amy. “Is there no family you want to write to?”
“No.”
“What about friends? I know that Tess would love to hear from you.” Nora didn’t understand why he tried to constantly hold himself apart from other people.
Luke sent her a dark gaze. “I don’t have time for such sentimentalities.”
Only weeks ago, Nora would have flinched back from his anger and apologized, but since leaving Independence, she had gotten glimpses of his gentle nature, and she was no longer afraid of him. Most often, his gruffness served to hide any insecurities on his part.
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and lengthened his strides to walk away from her.
“Wait!” Nora lifted her skirt a bit and hurried to keep pace with his long strides.
He slowed down but didn’t look at her.
“You can’t write, can you?” she said.
“I can write just fine.”
Nora had been born into a wealthy family and had a good education. She was very aware that he must feel like a stupid fool in comparison to her. “I know that you can sign your name,” she said, thinking back to their wedding day when he had signed the certificate, “and for most people, that’s all they ever need to be able to do.” Growing up, Nora had dreamed of becoming a teacher. Her father wouldn’t hear of it, though. He had sternly insisted that no Macauley woman had ever needed to work and that he would provide anything she needed until she married and then her husband would take over that role. Her mother had taken his side. After all, men didn’t like women who were more intelligent than they were. They didn’t marry a woman for her intelligence; they married for beauty, docility, and house-holding skills. Her father had often yelled at her whenever he caught her with a book in her hands, accusing her of daydreaming. For the last three years, her parents’ advice had proven true. The brothel’s customers paid well for beauty and submissiveness, but most didn’t care about having a well-read, intelligent conversationalist.
She didn’t know why, but something about Luke made her hope that he was different from all the other men. He hadn’t married her to have a beautiful bed partner or a skilled housewife, so maybe he would come to appreciate her other talents. Hesitantly, Nora peeked up at Luke. “If you want to, I could teach you to write and to read.”
“We’ll see,” Luke said. “I doubt that we’ll have time for that.”
Nora didn’t say anything else, not daring to pressure him.
When they reached the post office, Luke muttered something about having to see the blacksmith and hurried off.
Nora threw a glance back, making sure that Amy was following her with Hannah, and entered behind Bernice.
A long line had already formed in front of the counter. Nora looked around, trying to distract herself from her aching feet. On the whitewashed adobe wall in front of them hung a poster, and Nora began to read while they waited. The poster informed her that the Donation Land Claim Act, which had become law just last fall, granted a hundred and sixty acres of land in the Oregon Territory to every single white man who staked out his land and filed a claim. A married man could claim another hundred and sixty acres for his wife. Nora stared at the poster, forgetting about the letter in her hand. A man can claim twice the amount of land if he’s married? Nora hadn’t known about that law, as she knew very little about life in Oregon. Is that why Luke married me? To get more land for his horse farm?
Finally, it all made sense to Nora. Why else would a man marry a woman without an even passing interest in sharing her bed? He had married her for strictly practical, egoistic reasons. Nora had assumed that from the start, refusing to believe that he harbored any romantic feelings toward her, but now that she knew for sure that her gentle, kind husband had only used her like every other man, it felt like a punch to her stomach. Why did you allow yourself to think that he might be any different from the rest of ’em? You should know better.
A frightening thought occurred to her. Will he try to divorce and abandon me once he owns that extra quarter section of land? Then another thought came, and she clutched at the wall to keep her balance. He doesn’t even have to get a divorce. He can have an annulment because we never consummated the marriage. That’s why he refused to lie with me. Does he plan on just leaving me and Amy to our own devices once we’ve reached Oregon?
Every bit of excitement about sending off her letter had vanished as she worried about her future and began to frantically think of ways to prevent Luke from filing for an annulment.
Platte River,
May 26th, 1851
Luke left her mare behind and tiptoed through the grass, listening intently. The wind howled, but she was far away enough from the wagon train not to hear anything else.
After leaving Fort Kearny, they had traveled uphill along the sandy left side of the Platte. Now it was almost dark. Only campfires glowed on both sides of the river in the distance. Sweat and sand clung to Luke’s skin and made her itch. Her clothes smelled of smoke and buffalo chips, the dried dung they used to build fires in the absence of wood. Clouds of mosquitoes made her even more miserable.
When they had encamped near Twenty Islands, two dozen islands of varying size, for the night, Luke had decided to risk a quick bath in the river tonight. This might be her last chance for many miles because the treeless country ahead would provide no cover for her.
After glancing left and right to make sure she was alone, she pulled off her boots and pants and waded into the yellowish water of the Platte. She rounded a small island, hiding behind its trees and shrubbery. When she was sure that no one had followed her, she continued to undress. She slipped off her shirt and hung her clothes on the branches of a tree to prevent them from getting wet. After pausing to listen into the darkness once again, she lifted her hands to the bindings around her chest. Slowly, she unwrapped them.
Goose bumps formed on her chest. She looked down at herself and smoothed her hands over the lines that the broad strips of fabric had carved into her skin. She splashed water onto her chest and watched as drops ran down her small breasts.
Sometimes she went for days without consciously thinking about the fact that she was not a man until moments like this reminded her of what she was—and what she was not.
The last month on the road had shown her that she was not really “one of the boys.” She had kept herself at a distance from the men on the train, especially those who secretly indulged in drinking and gambling whenever the captain looked the other way. She was not a man, but she didn’t want to live the life of a woman either. She felt as if she was stuck somewhere in the middle, not really a part of either world. Nora and Amy had eased her loneliness a bit, but she still couldn’t relax around them, and she saw no chance that this would ever change. As long as she had to hide a major part of her identity, no true emotional intimacy could develop, and she didn’t plan on revealing her secret to Nora or anyone else.
Measles nickered softly.
Luke’s head jerked up. Her heart hammered. Hastily, she wrapped the bindings back around her chest and pulled them tight. When she heard footfalls come closer, she ducked behind the shrubbery. Luke had lived with horses long enough to know who had found them out here. Horses generally had little to say to humans, so Measles’s nickering probably meant that the mare hoped for some delicious treat from a person she knew.
Nora. For a woman without any experience with horses, Nora sure had a soft spot for the gentle beasts. Luke snatched her shirt from the tree and quickly slipped it on.
Water splashed, and then Nora’s voice reached her through the darkness. “Luke? Are you out there?”
Luke hesitated for a second, but she didn’t want to scare Nora by not answering. “Yes, I’m here.” She waded back through the shallow water and joined Nora on the river’s bank. Nora’s gaze seemed to burn her skin as she quickly pulled up her pants and closed the top button on her shirt.
“What were you doing out here on your own?” Nora tucked her hand into the bend of Luke’s arm as if they were out on a stroll along the river.
“That’s the question I should ask you,” Luke said with a stern tone. She didn’t like to stress her domination and make Nora feel inferior, but at times like this, being thought of as a man came in handy. It gave her the freedom to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. Nora had to answer to her husband, but not the other way around.
Nora’s warm hand wandered up her arm. “I’ve been searching for you. I missed you.”
Luke narrowed her eyes. She had seen that act often enough to know that Nora was once again falling back into her role as a prostitute. What the hell is she doing? I thought we got that over and done with. “I just needed a bath,” she said.
“It seems I found you just in time to help.” Nora’s fingers skimmed over Luke’s shoulder and reopened the first button of her shirt.
Luke tried to pull away. “I already had my bath.”
Nora didn’t listen. She leaned forward and pressed soft lips against the skin that the opened button revealed.
Heat shot up and down from that place just below Luke’s collarbones. “Nora!” she got out, partly a warning, partly a groan.
Ignoring the warning part, Nora pressed closer until Luke felt the warmth of her body against her own.
Luke’s eyes threatened to close. Her rational mind fought against her bodily instincts that were telling her to wrap her arms around Nora and pull her even closer. In a haze, she felt Nora undo another button.
The soft lips wandered lower, caressing the skin of Luke’s upper chest.
Luke swayed.
Nora’s teasing tongue created a blazing path downward.
Luke moaned, knowing that she had to stop this, but not really wanting to.
Nora scraped her fingernails lightly over Luke’s neck and traced the rim of a sensitive ear before following the path of her lips.
With a groan, Luke pulled back from the gentle touch. “Wait!” One more button and Nora would encounter the bindings and become suspicious.
“Why? It’s just you and me out here. Amy is asleep and with the Garfields.” Nora stepped forward into Luke’s space and reached for the buttons of her shirt again.
Luke sidestepped her and captured her wrists, careful not to hurt her in the process of trying to escape her seduction. “Stop it, Nora. I mean it.”
Nora bit her lip and hung her head like a rejected child. For a moment, Luke thought she would just turn around and slink away, but then Nora looked up, and a hint of defiance shone through the tears in her eyes. “Why? I’m your lawfully wedded wife, Lucas Hamilton. Tell me one good reason why we shouldn’t do this.”
No, you’re not Lucas’s wife, and I doubt that anything about this marriage is really lawful. Luke’s thoughts raced. What should she say? She couldn’t very well tell Nora the actual reasons for refusing to sleep with her. “Nora…”
“Is it because…? Did you get hurt in the war?” Nora asked.
The question caught Luke off guard. What does the war have to do with this? And how does she even know I fought in the war? Did Tess tell her? And what else did she tell her about me? Knots formed in her stomach. “How do you know that I fought in Mexico?” She eyed Nora.
Nora looked down and tugged at her skirt. “Well, when the guard shot you, you said something about ‘war hero Luke Hamilton.’ And sometimes you’re crying out and talking in your sleep.”
Luke froze. I’m talking in my sleep? That’s not good, not good at all. What if she accidentally gave away her secret while she slept? She took a deep breath and forced the panic down, concentrating on Nora’s words instead. “And you think I got hurt in the war?”
“Yes, um…” Nora gestured down Luke’s body, nodding toward the padding that Luke wore in her pants. “Did you maybe suffer an injury of certain…important body parts? Because if that’s the case, there are other ways to make love to a woman, you know? And I’m an excellent teacher if I do say so myself.” She gave Luke the rakish grin that Luke had seen hundreds of times on the faces of various prostitutes when she was growing up.
For a few seconds, Luke just stared at her. Nora was so much blunter than the officers’ wives and daughters in Fort Leavenworth. Luke wasn’t sure whether this was a good or a bad thing. At the moment, it was mainly embarrassing. “No,” she choked out. “No important body part of mine suffered any lasting injury in the war.”
“All right.” Nora nodded. She studied Luke intently. “What is it, then?”
Luke suppressed a groan. Damn. I should have told her that I had a disabling injury and left it at that. But no, that damn pseudo male pride wouldn’t allow that, huh? She didn’t know how to answer Nora’s question without revealing her true identity, so she used her husbandly dominance as a last resort. “I don’t want to. That’s all you need to know. End of discussion.”
“I think I know the reason,” Nora whispered, facing the ground.
Luke swallowed against the lump that had developed in her throat. She doubted that Nora knew the true reason, but her heart began to thump anyway, pounding in her ears until she almost missed what Nora said next.
“You want to have our marriage annulled once we reach Oregon. I saw the poster.”
“Poster?” Luke was too stunned to do much more than repeat the last word of Nora’s revelation. She shook her head to clear it. “You saw a poster that said I want to get an annulment in Oregon?”
Nora dug the tip of her boot into the muddy riverbank. “It said that as a married man, you’re entitled to twice the amount of land that you could claim as a bachelor.”
She must have read a poster about the Donation Land Claim Act and immediately assumed that it was the reason why I married her. Luke couldn’t fault Nora for thinking that. She must have figured it all out in her mind: As soon as I claimed the land in her name, I’d abandon her and the child and keep the land for myself.
So far, getting an annulment hadn’t occurred to Luke, because she hadn’t really thought about what would happen once they reached Oregon. Whenever she thought about the future, she had never pictured herself living with someone, sharing bed and table, even if that was what was traditionally expected of husband and wife. “Those hundred and sixty acres would be in your name,” Luke said. “So even if we separate, the land is yours. Maybe getting an annulment would be for the best.”
Nora’s eyes widened. “But what would happen to Amy and me? We can’t survive in a strange, wild land all on our own.”
“No. That’s not what I meant. I won’t just leave you while you still need me.” Luke stopped as she realized what she had just said. They need me.
“While we still need you?” Nora echoed. “We will always need you. The West is no place for a woman and a child living on their own.”
Luke knew that better than anyone else. If anyone suspected her true gender, she would never have the chance to build a new life for herself out west. A single woman would have to find a husband or work as a schoolteacher or a seamstress to survive, but no one would employ an unmarried woman who had a child out of wedlock. Without a husband, Nora would soon be working as a prostitute again. “If we annul the marriage, you’re free to find yourself another husband,” Luke said. “With your good looks and the number of unmarried men in Oregon, you could have another husband in a matter of days if not hours.” Someone who can really make you happy. Someone who can share your bed and give you children. Someone who doesn’t have to keep secrets from you.
Nora shook her head. “Why would I want to take another husband? I’m already married to you, and marrying another man wouldn’t improve my situation.”
Luke almost had to smile at Nora’s practical mind. Nora didn’t associate marriage with love. All she really wanted was someone who would take care of her and be kind to her daughter. From Nora’s point of view, I must be the perfect husband. She doesn’t want to take the risk of marrying another man who might be abusive. This discussion would get them nowhere. With a sigh, she took Measles’s reins. “We should get back before I get shot by our own guard again.”
