The Complete Oregon Series, page 15
Footsteps made Luke lift her head. She snapped out of her gloomy thoughts.
Jacob stepped into the circle of firelight.
She lowered her carbine.
He sank down next to Luke and looked at her with an eerie smile.
Normally not one for idle conversation, Luke felt the need to break the silence. His grin made her nervous. “How’s the leg?”
“Suppose it’s gonna give me trouble for a few more days, but it could have been a lot worse.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket and offered her a small flask of whiskey.
Luke shook her head. “I’m still on guard duty.”
“Oh, come on, young man.” He gave her a friendly slap on the back. “You can make an exception this once. You have a very good reason to celebrate, after all.”
Luke shrugged. The antelope she had shot this afternoon wasn’t a big reason for celebration, but it provided a nice change in their steady diet of salt pork and beans.
Jacob took a healthy swig. “Let’s just hope it’s a boy this time, huh?”
A boy? He isn’t talking about the antelope, is he? Luke put another thick branch onto the fire and stared at Jacob. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, no false modesty now. My wife can’t keep a secret to save her life, so I know that congratulations are definitely in order.” Jacob offered her the flask again.
Luke made no move to take it. “Congratulations?” she repeated, hoping to catch up with his weird thought process. “For what?”
Jacob laughed. “Don’t tell me you don’t know that your wife is with child?”
“What? W-what do you mean…with child?”
“With child. In a family way. In a delicate condition. Pregnant,” Jacob said, his grin widening with every word.
He was definitely enjoying this a bit too much for Luke’s comfort, but by now she knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t joking. “Nora…she’s pregnant?”
Jacob nodded, still grinning.
The fire blurred before Luke’s eyes. “B-but…how?”
“The usual way, I’d imagine.” Jacob laughed heartily. “Come on, boy, take it like a man.”
Luke grimaced. I’m not a man, she wanted to shout. And this is not my child. But of course she said nothing while questions, doubts, and assumptions somersaulted through her mind. Who is the father of this child? A customer? A beau back in Independence? Someone from the wagon train? Did she cuckold me? Luke gazed toward the wagons, trying to picture Nora’s interactions with the men on the train. Nora had always been friendly toward everyone, but Luke had never noticed her behaving inappropriately toward one of the mostly married men.
Was she already pregnant when she agreed to marry me? Was that the reason she accepted my proposal so readily? Was that why she tried to get me to share her bed? Did she want to make me believe that she was expecting my child? Luke snorted at the irony of the situation. Her hat nearly sailed into the fire when she buried her fingers in her hair. What am I gonna do now? She felt trapped in a situation that she had never counted on happening. She had planned on finding a way to end her sham of a marriage, not take on even more responsibilities.
“Well? What are you waiting for? Get going.” Jacob gave her a good-natured slap on the back, pointing toward the tent that Nora was sleeping in.
With a great deal of effort, Luke held herself back from glaring at him. He couldn’t know that she wasn’t the overjoyed, proud father that he expected her to be. “I’m still on guard duty,” she mumbled.
“I’m taking the rest of your watch,” Jacob said. “You can go and be with your wife.”
Luke wanted to refuse. Being in the tent with Nora was the last thing she wanted to do, but the close-knit community of the wagon train would soon become suspicious if she kept away from the woman who was supposedly expecting her child. “All right.” She bent down and picked up her saddle, taking her time because she wasn’t in any hurry to reach the tent and the woman it housed.
She slowly raised the tent’s flap and tiptoed inside. Everything was quiet, and Luke exhaled a long breath. A sleeping Nora meant that she wouldn’t have to face the reality of this new situation just yet.
Quietly, she settled down in her bedroll, even knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.
Nora’s blankets rustled.
Luke slammed her eyes shut and pretended to be asleep.
From under lowered lids, she watched as Nora abruptly threw back her blankets and hurried past her to the flap. She had barely made it outside when Luke heard her gag and retch.
Luke pinched the bridge of her nose and stared at the flap. She wanted to pull the blanket up over her ears and ignore the pitiful sounds and what they meant, but as the minutes went by and Nora didn’t return to the tent, she sat up and listened into the darkness.
There were no more sounds. No vomiting, no retching, no footsteps.
Was Nora all right? Had she passed out? The thought made her jump up and rush out of the tent. “Nora?”
“Uh.” Nora cleared her throat. “I’m…I’m here.”
Luke’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, and she could make out Nora, who was huddled on the ground, her arms wrapped around herself. “Are you all right?” The question sounded stupid in her own ears, but the thousand other questions in her mind were much more complicated. She wasn’t ready to ask them yet.
Nora wiped her mouth. “I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep and came out here for a breath of fresh air.”
Looks like we’re evenly matched. She’s as good at lying as I am. Luke couldn’t stand the many lies that made up her life any longer. “I don’t think a breath of fresh air will cure what ails you,” she said.
With a half-suppressed groan, Nora straightened and looked up at Luke. Her face was pale in the moonlight. She stared at Luke with wide eyes.
“Is there by any chance something that you wanted to tell me?” Luke found herself holding her breath. She wanted to hear it from Nora, half hoping that Jacob was wrong.
Nora swallowed audibly. Her gaze darted away from Luke’s. “You…you know, don’t you?”
Luke closed her eyes for a second. It is true. She nodded.
“How?” Nora whispered.
Luke snorted. “That’s exactly what I want to know. How can you be with child when we both know…” She snapped her mouth shut. Nora didn’t know just how impossible the thought of her fathering a child was.
Nora hung her head. “It’s not yours,” she whispered.
“That much is obvious. Whose child is it, then?” Luke asked. An unexpected wave of jealousy swept over her.
“I…I don’t know.”
“Who…?” Luke began to ask again but then stopped herself when she realized that Nora wasn’t protecting the identity of the father—she really didn’t know it. “A customer.”
Nora raised her head for the first time and pleadingly looked into Luke’s eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone else since I agreed to marry you. I know that you probably won’t believe the word of a prostitute, but I swear to you that I haven’t—”
“I believe you,” Luke said.
Nora still looked at her warily, as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Luke took a deep breath. “When did you first learn that you were with child? Before or after you agreed to marry me?”
“I wasn’t sure for a long time. I thought I might be exhausted and queasy because of the strain of the journey.”
“Look at me.” Luke waited until Nora made eye contact. “This isn’t something that you discovered just now. You probably began to worry the moment you missed your monthly courses.” Luke knew too much about life in a brothel to believe otherwise. Children had no place in a prostitute’s life; they meant only a loss of money. “How far along are you?”
“I’m not sure, but I’d guess five months.” Nora quickly looked down again.
Luke eyed the still mostly slender woman. “Five months? That’s impossible.”
Nora bit her lip. “I assure you, it is possible. You haven’t seen me naked, and these skirts and the apron are hiding my little bulge quite well. It was the same when I was pregnant with Amy—I could hide it until I was six months along.”
She had to hide that pregnancy as well? Why? Was Amy’s father a customer too? She stopped herself. She had other problems at the moment. “You agreed to marry me and travel two thousand miles through mountains, wastelands, and flooded rivers, knowing that you’re with child? What the hell were you thinking?”
“Thinking?” Nora’s head snapped up. She met Luke’s gaze without submissiveness for the first time. “I wasn’t thinking at all—I was just trying to survive.”
“By trying to pass off a customer’s bastard as my child? Was that the reason why you were so hell-bent on going to bed with me?” Heat shot up Luke’s body as she glared at the pregnant woman.
Nora blinked. The glimmer of anger that had started in her eyes died. She hunched her shoulders. “I’m… I don’t know. I really don’t. I didn’t want to lie to you, but…”
“Then why did you? Why didn’t you tell me from the start?” Luke asked. Oh, you’re one to talk about trust and telling the truth, Luke Hamilton.
Nora wrapped her arms around her middle. “Would you have married me if you knew?”
“No,” Luke said. “But not for the reasons you’re thinking.” Not wanting to be responsible for a pregnant woman and a baby that wasn’t her own was only one of the reasons. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have risked exposing you to all the dangers along the trail.” She shuddered when she thought about all the stories about miscarriages and death in childbirth she had heard along the trail.
“I understand,” Nora said. “But it’s my decision to make, and that’s why I didn’t tell you.”
They stared at each other.
“What is going to happen now?” Nora finally asked in a small voice.
“We’re going back inside, and we’ll make you some ginger tea,” Luke answered. “That should help with the nausea.”
Nora raked her teeth over her bottom lip. “No, I mean, what’s going to happen with me, with this baby?” She gently touched her rounded stomach. “With us?” Now she pointed at Luke and herself.
Luke shook her head. “I don’t know, and I don’t want to think about it now.” She rubbed her temples, where a dull throbbing had started. “Give me some time, all right?” Without waiting for an answer, she headed back inside and started searching for some ginger root.
Courthouse Rock,
June 15th, 1851
Nora groggily lifted her head from the pillow and blinked her eyes open. The first pale light of predawn was filtering in through the canvas. She could make out Luke’s blanket-wrapped body on the other side of the tent, his back to her. His position illustrated the distance that had sprung up between them. Not that they had been overly close before, but in the five hundred and fifty miles since Independence, an easy camaraderie and mutual respect had developed between them. Nora had cherished that wary friendship because she had never thought that she would ever have that kind of relationship with a man. But now…
It had been three days since he had learned of her pregnancy, and still they hadn’t spoken about the future. His silence became more frightening with every hour that went by. She pressed both palms to her middle, hoping to calm her unborn child. She had started to feel its movements two days earlier, but the joy of the moment had been overshadowed by constant fears and worries about her uncertain future.
After passing Ash Hollow, the trail had begun a slight, but constant uphill climb, and the nights grew colder with the rising altitude. Far off on the horizon, she sometimes caught glimpses of the snow-patched Laramie Mountains. They were well past the point where Luke could just send her back to Independence—not on her own, at least. But every time they met a family or a group of disillusioned gold seekers traveling back east, fear shot through her when she saw Luke talking to them. Each time, she was afraid that he was arranging for her to go back with them, but it hadn’t happened yet.
Luke had been distanced, but not unfriendly with her. He hadn’t yelled when she didn’t have breakfast ready when he rose, because the smell of the food made her nauseated. He had calmly taken over the task of frying the bacon and sent her back to the wagon to rest.
As far as Nora knew, he hadn’t even told anyone that it wasn’t his child she was expecting. Whenever someone from the wagon train congratulated him on the baby, he pressed his lips together but accepted the congratulations with a shrug. So far, no one suspected that he was not the baby’s father. Everyone was still treating Nora with respect, but she lived in the fear that this would change very soon, and she would be on her own once again.
With a sigh, she rose to begin her chores.
When she turned to the place right next to her, where Amy always slept, she froze.
The blankets were empty. Amy was gone.
Nora stumbled to the tent’s flap but stopped when she passed Luke’s blanket.
Her daughter slept peacefully next to Luke. Her red curls peeked out from under the blanket that he must have covered her with. She had cuddled up to Luke, clutching him like an oversized doll.
Nora stared at the two of them. If Luke left them, it would break Amy’s heart. Nora had taken care to protect her own heart by hiding it away behind a protective shield, but her daughter didn’t have that kind of protection. For the first time in her life, Amy had given her trust to a man, and Nora didn’t want to see that trust trampled on. She knew exactly how much that hurt.
She watched as Amy moved in her sleep, snuggling closer into the fabric of Luke’s shirt.
A strong hand came out from under the blanket they shared and spread protectively across Amy’s small back, keeping her warm and safe.
Nora bit her lip. She had never thought that she would trust any man with the welfare of her daughter, but now she found that she did trust Luke. Despite Luke’s inexperience with children and Amy’s distrust of men, they had bonded during the last few weeks on the trail.
Everything in her life had been perfect for once, but Nora had been afraid to let herself be truly happy, afraid that something would destroy her happiness. And now it did.
With one last glance at the two sleeping forms, Nora slipped from the tent. She shivered in the cool morning air and hastily stoked the fire. When she bent down to pick up the dented kettle, she heard footsteps behind her.
“Morning,” came Luke’s sleep-roughened voice.
Nora turned and took her yawning daughter from him. “Good morning. I didn’t wake you, did I?” She was still tiptoeing around as if on eggshells around him.
“No,” Luke answered. “Let me do this.” He took the kettle from her and started toward the river.
Amy began to struggle in her arms, demanding to be put down. “Amy go too!”
Nora looked down. Dew clung to the grass and would soak Amy in seconds. “No, Amy, you stay with me. You’ll only get wet in the grass.”
Amy bent down to look at the dew too. Her lower lip quivered.
“How about you help me make your favorite breakfast?” Nora said before tears could start to fall.
Amy stopped struggling. “Apple pancakes?”
“I don’t have any apples, but pancakes, yes.” Nora was fairly sure that her stomach could handle making pancakes. She set Amy down and showed her how to stir the flour and the milk for the pancake batter.
All around them, campfires came to life as the other women started breakfast.
Nora pressed her lips together, trying to ignore the various smells of bacon, beans, bread, and onions that wafted over. Bile rose in her throat. She turned away from Amy and the pancakes for a second to take a deep breath.
When she turned back around, Amy had set the pancake batter down and was running through the grass toward the river. “Amy! Amy Hamilton! Stop and come back here right this second.”
But Amy had almost reached Luke now, who was returning with the water kettle. “Papa!” she shouted across the distance between them.
Nora froze in midstep.
The kettle almost slipped from Luke’s grip. He had stopped too and stared at Amy with an expression that almost made Nora laugh despite the grimness of her situation.
“Amy!” She hastily caught up with her daughter. “Don’t call Luke that, sweetheart.” Calling him by that title meant forcing him to adopt the role of a father when he was neither Amy’s nor the unborn baby’s. She didn’t want him to think that she had told Amy to call him “Papa.” Clearly, he wasn’t ready to accept that role in their lives.
Amy stopped hopping through the grass toward Luke. She turned and stared up at Nora with an expression of utter confusion. Her lower lip trembled—a clear sign that she was fighting to hold back tears. “Sowwy.”
Nora bit her lip. Amy didn’t even know why she was apologizing. She was afraid that she had done something wrong, but it was clear to Nora that her daughter had no idea why it would be so wrong to call Luke “Papa.” From the day of her birth, Amy had been the child of a prostitute, and she had been treated as such. Amy had often been yelled at and disapproved of by “respectable” townspeople. Even now that she was around people who treated her like any other child born in wedlock, she was oversensitive toward disapproval.
