The Complete Oregon Series, page 14
“Very sure,” Nora said. She hadn’t felt quite right for some time, and cholera victims usually were in intense pain within minutes and often dead within hours.
Bernice blew out a breath. “Well, what is it, then?”
Nora had a long, internal battle with herself while they continued to travel over the high plateau. Biting her lip, she turned to see where Luke and Amy were, only to find that Luke had dropped back a bit and was no longer within earshot. He had probably done it on purpose, giving the women some privacy for whatever they might have to discuss. Nora had never encountered a man with that much sensitivity regarding the needs of women.
With a frown, Bernice followed her gaze in Luke’s direction. “I don’t want to intrude, but is everything all right between you and your husband?”
Nora knew how much courage the simple question must have required. Things between a man and his wife were generally thought to be no one’s business but the husband’s—even if Nora happened to be miserable in her marriage. She squeezed Bernice’s hand while they walked. The older woman had become the first friend she had made for herself on the train. “Everything is fine,” she said, praying that this wouldn’t change if her suspicion proved to be true. “This has nothing to do with my marriage.” She didn’t want Bernice to think that Luke was the kind of husband that Bill Larson was.
The expression of concern didn’t leave Bernice’s face. “What is it, then? There is something wrong with you, no matter what you say.”
Nora couldn’t deny that any longer even if she had tried to deny it to herself. “I’m not sure.” She didn’t want to voice her suspicion, maybe because that would lend an air of finality, of reality to it.
Bernice gave her an encouraging nod. “Tell me.”
“I’m not sure, but…” Nora looked over her shoulder, making sure that neither Luke nor any other emigrant was within earshot. “Well, I’m not sure, but maybe… There’s a possibility that I…I might be pregnant.”
“A baby!” Bernice squealed.
“Shhhh!” Nora ducked her head and waved at Bernice to lower her voice.
“A baby,” Bernice repeated more quietly. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
Nora suppressed a grimace. It might have been if the baby had been my husband’s. She had missed her monthly cycle repeatedly, had been constantly tired, and had experienced bouts of nausea and dizzy spells since before she had left Independence, but she had blamed it on the beating at the hands of a customer and then the strains of the journey. But in the last few weeks, she had also gained weight, and the poor quality of their food sure couldn’t explain that, so Nora finally had to face the fact that she was pregnant again.
“Oh, come on, girl.” Bernice hugged her, still beaming from ear to ear. “You have every reason to celebrate. Why that long face?”
Nora licked her lips. How could she explain that to the warmhearted older woman without revealing her past? She turned to glance at Luke again.
Bernice followed her gaze. “What did he say? I bet he’s—”
“I didn’t tell him.” Nora had only recently accepted the fact that she was pregnant. She had no idea how to tell Luke. Her life had just begun to go in the right direction, and she didn’t want it to change.
Bernice blinked. “What? Why not?” She gave her a disbelieving stare. “Surely you don’t believe that he wouldn’t want a second child? He clearly adores his daughter. Just think how happy he would be having a son.”
Nora pinched the bridge of her nose. It just wasn’t that easy. Nothing in my life ever seems to be. Maybe I’m just not destined for a quiet, happy life. Yes, Luke had married her, even knowing that she already had a daughter, but another child that was not his own hadn’t been part of the equation when he had proposed to her. She still wasn’t sure what made him refuse to share her bed even though he wasn’t totally indifferent toward her female charms. Her most plausible hypothesis was that he wanted to avoid binding himself to a wife and a child for the long term. If a baby was added to the mix, he would surely attempt to buck that more constant responsibility. She stared at the horizon. “It’s complicated.”
“Complicated?” Bernice raised thick brows. “What’s so complicated about being pregnant?”
“That’s hard to explain.”
“But you will tell him, right? You can’t hide this from your husband.”
Nora sighed. She knew that she couldn’t go on like this for much longer. Soon, her pregnancy would be obvious even to an unsuspecting man who didn’t have Bernice’s keen eye for female problems. She had to tell him, but she lacked the courage to do it.
She was still searching for the right words that might magically make Luke not want to run away as soon as she revealed her secret when they reached the edge of the high tableland hours later.
The wagons halted on the edge of the steep slope where the tableland dropped toward the North Platte River below.
Nora gazed down Windlass Hill. She swallowed as she took in the splintered wood and torn canvas that littered the trail down. Could they really make it safely down that steep grade?
Her gaze searched for Luke, automatically looking to him for assurance and practical advice. When he turned toward her, she pinched her cheeks to give them some color. She didn’t want him to know how queasy she once again felt.
Luke stepped next to her and lifted a protesting Amy down from his shoulders. “Are you all right?”
Nora had to fight down her rising panic. It’s a harmless question. He doesn’t suspect anything. But how much longer could she hide her pregnancy from him? At times, Luke was surprisingly observant. “I’m fine,” she said. “I just wonder how we’re ever going to make it down this hill. Bernice said it’s called Windlass Hill. Do we really need a windlass?”
“No,” Luke said with a small smile. “We’re gonna lock the wheels and slowly skid the wagons down by ropes.”
Nora watched as the men did exactly that. Captain McLoughlin set the brakes of his wagon, while Luke and Jacob Garfield chained the hind wheels to the wagon box. They tied long ropes to the first wagon, and every available man took up a position behind the wagon, tightly clutching the rope in gloved fists.
Then they urged the oxen forward.
The men holding on to the ropes were dragged down the steep hill. Luke dug in his heels. His arms trembled as he tried to resist the downward pull and slow the wagon’s descent. Sometimes, he and the other men had to lift the wheels to ease them over solid rocks. It seemed to take forever before the bumping wagon finally reached the bottom of the canyon.
The men unfastened the chains and ropes and trudged back up the hill to use them on the next wagon.
Wagon after wagon was slowly skidded down the steep slope. After watching them master the difficult journey down the hill, Nora relaxed a little.
Another wagon had almost made it safely down when one of the men slipped on the rocky, trampled ground and lost his grip on the rope.
The wagon jerked forward. The other men on the ropes were pulled down the hill.
Men yelled; women screamed, and the oxen being dragged down the hill roared. Rising dust and the wagon cover that had come loose obstructed Nora’s view. She craned her neck.
Finally, she caught a glimpse of Luke.
He took a desperate leap and raced after the wagon, refusing to give up his grip on the rope.
But then one after another of the men fell or had to let go of the rope to avoid getting dragged down the hill at a break-neck speed.
Luke fell and disappeared in a cloud of dust.
Nora froze. Helplessly clutching Amy’s hand in her own, she watched as the wagon tumbled down the hill and crashed at the bottom in a shower of splinters.
Pained moans came from somewhere within the cloud of dust.
Nora’s stomach flipped.
After a few seconds, Jacob Garfield emerged and limped down the hill. The dust settled a little, and Nora discovered another man sitting on the ground, spitting and cursing.
It wasn’t Luke.
“Mama?” Amy’s worried voice drifted up to her.
“Luke’s fine, sweetie,” Nora said, praying that she was right. “He’s just…resting a bit.” She stepped closer to the edge of the plateau, but she still couldn’t see Luke. Bile rose in her throat. Darkness threatened at the edge of her vision. A dull roar filled her ears, and she realized numbly that she was going to faint.
“Nora!” A secure grip on her elbow brought her back to reality.
Luke! Bonelessly, Nora slumped against his dust-covered form. “Oh, God, Luke!” She clutched at his back, holding on as if for dear life. His body was reassuringly solid against her own trembling form.
“What? What is it?” Luke finally managed to loosen her grip on him and stepped back to take in her expression.
Nora stared at him. “I thought you…you…” She gestured down the hill, where men and women tried to salvage what they could from the Bennetts’ destroyed wagon.
“You weren’t really worried about me, were you?” His lips curled into a disbelieving smile.
Nora wasn’t sure whether she should kiss him or slap him. He still had no idea how important his survival was for her and Amy—not for sentimental reasons, but because they needed a provider and protector. Her stomach roiled again. She abruptly turned away from him.
“Nora?” Luke bent down and looked into her face. “Are you all right? You’re kind of green.”
Nora tried to straighten, but another wave of nausea overtook her, and she lost what little she had eaten at noon. When she was finally just dry-heaving and holding her stomach, she became aware of a comforting touch at her back. She turned around, swaying a little, and looked into Luke’s worried gray eyes.
Amy pressed herself against Nora’s legs, clutching her skirt. “Are you sick, Mama?” The girl stared up at her with wide eyes.
Nora rested a soothing hand on her daughter’s head while her other hand remained on her roiling stomach. “Just a little tummy ache. It’ll soon go away.” She knew it wouldn’t, but she didn’t want to worry Amy, and she was very aware of Luke’s presence next to her.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re sick?” He wrapped his arm around her, supporting her.
Where Nora had usually recoiled from men’s touches outside the context of her work, she found herself leaning on him. “I’m not,” she said, almost wishing she were sick. “I’m fine, just an upset stomach. That’s all.”
Luke studied her.
Under his skeptical gaze, Nora began to fidget. He had seen through her considerable acting skills right from the start.
Finally, a small smile replaced his serious expression. “Maybe you should leave that strong, silent routine to us men.”
“Oh, yes, because you’re so much better at it than I,” she said, nodding down at his hands.
The taut rope had ripped through his gloves. Blisters and raw skin peeked through the rips in the material.
“Let me patch them up,” Nora said.
Luke shook his head. “There’s no time for that. It’s our turn to go down the hill. We can lick our respective wounds when we’re down there. Will you be able to make it?”
Nora straightened and squared her shoulders. She was determined to prove that she was no shrinking violet, but a hardy pioneer woman. “Of course.”
Luke’s intense gaze rested on her for another second, then he nodded. “All right. Then let’s tie everything in the wagon down.” He climbed into the wagon and fumbled with his stiff fingers.
Nora followed him. The stuffy air inside the wagon made her gag again, but she suppressed it. “Why don’t you let me finish this while you check on the oxen?”
She half-expected him to decline due to male pride, but he nodded without hesitation. “Thanks,” he said and jumped from the wagon.
Nora opened the flap to let in some fresh air and started to tie down every loose item in the wagon.
Minutes later, Luke urged the oxen forward over the edge of the plateau and down the steep hill.
Nora clutched her apron as the wagon bumped over rocks, barely held back from tumbling down the hill by the men holding the ropes.
Bernice joined her, and they started down the hill.
Nora kept an eye on Amy, who ran along with Bernice’s children. “How’s Jacob?” Nora asked. “I saw him fall when they tried to stop the Bennetts’ wagon.”
“He hurt his leg, but otherwise he’s fine. What about Luke?”
Nora watched her slender husband grip the brake handle. “His hands are badly scraped and blistered.”
“Did you tell him about…you know?” Grinning, Bernice gestured at Nora’s belly.
The mere thought of telling Luke threw Nora into a state of panic, but of course she couldn’t admit that. She looked left and right, making sure that Amy was still running around with Bernice’s youngest daughter and wouldn’t overhear their conversation. She didn’t want her to repeat anything of what was said to Luke. “No, I’m…I’m still waiting for the right moment.”
“Ah.” Bernice laughed. “You want it to be romantic, huh?”
“Something like that,” Nora said.
“I’m so happy for you and Luke.” Bernice beamed like a proud grandmother-to-be. “You’re such a nice couple.”
Nora forced a smile. She loved Amy, and she loved children, and under different circumstances, she would have been happy to find herself pregnant again. Everything would have been perfect if this was Luke’s baby. But since Luke had never shared her bed, that wasn’t possible—and Luke would know it too. They would never be the happy little family that Nora wished for.
She breathed a sigh of relief when their wagon finally reached the bottom of the valley.
They camped in Ash Hollow, a wooded canyon named for its ash trees. After their strenuous, dusty trek down Windlass Hill, the place seemed like an oasis with its cool springs, tall trees, and bushes with sweet berries. A carpet of colorful wildflowers dotted the lush grass. Nora deeply inhaled the fragrance of roses and jasmine that permeated the air.
“Well, looks like this is the romantic place you’ve been searching for.” Bernice winked at her. “Do you want some time alone with your husband? I could take Amy tonight.”
Nora grimaced. Romantic place or not, she didn’t intend to tell Luke anytime soon. She wasn’t ready to have her new life end so soon. “No, thank you. I think I’ll wait a few weeks until I tell Luke. You never know what could go wrong, and I don’t want him to worry.”
She busied herself with wandering through the meadow and picking berries with Amy. When she walked over to the clear pond in the middle of the meadow to wash Amy’s berry-smeared face, she found Luke next to the spring, trying to clean his hands.
“Good berries?” Luke asked. He smiled as Amy climbed onto his lap.
“Vewy good. Mama make a pie.”
“I’m planning on baking a gooseberry pie,” Nora said. “Don’t smear your face on Luke’s shirt, honey.” She took her protesting daughter away from him and started to clean her face. “Now you.” She turned to Luke.
Luke’s smile made his clean-shaven, normally stoic face appear years younger. “I didn’t eat any berries.”
“I’m talking about your hands. Let me clean them for you.” Nora held out her hand and waited until Luke laid his own into her palm. She stripped off the remnants of the gloves and looked down, studying his hands. They were slender, but strong, equally capable of handling a dozen oxen or shoeing a horse and rocking her daughter to sleep. Nora gently dabbed at the blisters and scrapes and then, without really thinking about it, bent down and pressed a kiss to the calloused palm.
Luke’s hand jerked in her grip. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice rough.
Nora looked up. His half-tempted, half-angry expression told her that he thought that this was another one of her attempts of seduction. It wasn’t. She hadn’t planned on kissing his hand. Even if she had wanted to, she was too scared that Luke would discover her pregnancy should she share his bed now. It had simply been a gesture of relief, sympathy, gratitude, and reluctant affection. To her astonishment, she felt herself blush under his gaze. When was the last time that had happened? “Sorry, I didn’t think. It’s just what I do when Amy hurts herself.”
He drew his hand back and flexed it. “Well, I’m healed, then. Thank you.” A quick nod and he strode away.
Ash Hollow,
June 12th, 1851
Luke stared through the darkness toward the gurgling Ash Creek. Everyone else had already bedded down for the night, except for Luke, who had volunteered for guard duty tonight. She leaned back against her saddle, deliberately staying out of the circle of firelight. This way, she would make no target for any enemy that might lurk in the darkness.
She knew from experience that Sioux often camped near Ash Hollow, and she was determined to take no risks. As a soldier, her life had been a constant alternation of boring routine and life-threatening danger. She had fought in wars and skirmishes, but she had never been afraid to die. Her only fear had been to get injured so badly that her true identity would be discovered by the army doctors or her comrades.
But now, with each mile that they got farther away from Independence, the possibility of her own death took on another meaning for her. Nora’s reactions whenever Luke’s life was in danger had been far from indifferent. Luke wasn’t naïve enough to believe that it was selfless love for the “man” she had married just six weeks ago. Nora’s concern was for her own future and for that of her daughter.
At first, Luke had seen her marriage as a business transaction between strangers, but now she realized that her life was inescapably entwined with those of the two Macauley females. At least until we reach Oregon. I’ll think of something by then. Even had she wanted to, she couldn’t spend the rest of her life with Nora. She had come to appreciate the courageous woman, who had managed to hold on to her warmth and friendliness despite her former occupation. Nora was also a lot more intelligent and cultured than the average prostitute, and that was one of the reasons why Luke was afraid to spend more time than necessary with her. Sooner or later, Nora would discover her secret. Out here on the trail, she could always sleep apart from Nora and Amy, and she could take a quick bath at some out-of-the-way corner of a creek. If they lived under the same roof, Nora would expect her to share her bed and bathe in the tub she prepared for her “husband.” There would be no hiding for very long.
