Personal Possessions, page 6
I could see out in the middle of this greenery a huge oak tree. Nothing else was on this property, just this tree. A solitary, majestic display that put the thought in my head that just maybe there was some true beauty left here in this shitty life.
“Wow, look at that Rach. All this land and nothing on it, other than that tree.”
I could see she was looking at me from the corner of my eye.
“That’s my spot.” She whispered.
I took my eyes off of the road for a moment to look at her.
“I love this land,” I saw a smile come across her face, “…tell Kevin all the time, when it comes up for sale, it’s ours.”
I pulled up in the grass and parked the car. Rachel waited for me to turn the car off before she got out, and slipped her shoes off.
“The grass feels so soft on the bottom of your feet. It’s like walkin’ on cotton.”
Not really in the mood to be taken into fairyland, I decided to take her word for it and just get this luncheon over with. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with the only person I considered true family. I loved Rachel with all my heart. Ever since I decided to contact her back when I was in California, we had had several great conversations reminiscing over old times, other than mentioning her. But, that was just it. It was as if a knife was being plunged into my heart just looking at Rachel.
Thoughts of Rachel being in the company of her kept running through my mind, she could’ve just been with her this morning, having coffee and the thought of that was killing me. Rachel got to have precious time with her, it was an everyday occurrence whether it be having coffee or shopping. All time I would have traded my soul to the devil to have with her.
Rachel walked slowly. I suppose enjoying the feel of the soft blades of green grass under her feet. Grabbing the bags, I followed her to her spot under the tree. “This is where I come to think, my sanctuary,” she softly whispered. I admired her for having a place like this. A peace filled spot, where you could feel it as soon as you set foot near the tree. I hadn’t known this feeling in so long, it made me uncomfortable.
My peace was found in a bottle, drowning myself until I couldn’t even feel my own skin. Every night my goal was to make it so memories, as sharp as shards of glass, wouldn’t find a gap to slice their way in.
She had grabbed some picnic items including a tablecloth, so I laid it out for us to sit on while she began pulling items out of the paper bags. She had some large sub sandwiches that had been made there since before I left, they were the best around, and she remembered what I liked on mine. She also grabbed some chips and sodas.
“You remembered…” was all I said as I sat down, unwrapping my sandwich.
“I haven’t seen you in close to thirteen years, cuz…the least you can do is share what used to be our favorite lunch with me.”
She sat down, placing her back against the tree. I smiled before I took a bite and savored the taste on my tongue. Shit, how I missed this!
I saw Rachel pull a ponytail off of her wrist, and pull her hair back before she took a bite of her sub. I sat quietly, still not sure what to say and if I did say something, where would that conversation lead to. I didn’t think I could take answering any questions about what happened with her best friend and me.
“So tell me… how ya been?” Rachel asked as she took a huge bite of her foot long sub. Even as she put it in her mouth, her eyes never left mine. She was digging for information, but she couldn’t fool me, Rachel never changed. What she was doing was buttering me up for the hard questions that would follow one or two easy ones.
I wasn’t in the mood to play twenty questions, if she was going to ask the questions that I had tried to avoid asking myself for thirteen years, I just wanted to get them out and done with. That way afterwards I could bury it away and not have to think about them again.
“Don’t try and bullshit, Rach. What do you wanna know?”
She stopped chewing and just stared a minute before swallowing her bite. “You married?”
I looked at her with my face contorted, and it spoke the words that I didn’t have to say.
“Ok. I know. I just know you won’t start the conversation.”
We sat there in silence for another few moments and I thought I needed to give her a break so I decided to find out about her. I took a bite out of my sandwich and plastered on a friendly.
”Ya’ll have kids?”
It was Rachel’s turn to contort her face. “Fuck no!” She answered quickly as though she ate something sour.
“I play momma enough to Ell-,” She froze.
I stopped chewing for a moment, and then began again as though my chews followed the rhythm of my heart. We sat quietly, not saying a word. All you could hear was the wind blowing the leaves of the tree around. Every once in a while, you could hear an acorn hit the dried leaves that surrounded the trunk of the tree.
Closing my eyes, I just listened. The grass in places was high, it was high enough that you could hear the wind swaying it back and forth. There was no honking of horns, no rumbling of street cars. You don’t realize how much you miss the tranquility of this until you’ve experienced the pandemonium of a big city.
“Ya know, she asks about you every time I see her,” Rachel said almost hesitantly. It was like she had to hurry and say it, no matter the consequences.
I took another bite and looked back up in the trees so that she couldn’t see my eyes, they were on fire. My insides were jolting with anger. I didn’t want to hear this fuckin’ bullshit, and there was no way in hell that I was going to be made out to be the bad guy in this situation. What the fuck was I talking about, there was no situation.
“Rach, she made her choice. That choice wasn’t me.”
Rachel closed her eyes, and bowed her head.
“Trevor, you don’t under-“
Jumping up I wasn’t letting her finish. I didn’t want to hear anything that had to deal with her or him. Fuck ‘em both. Right now, at this moment, they weren’t worthy of my thoughts, and I didn’t deserve to hear of their happiness. I could see it all over her face walking in front of me not more than thirty minutes ago.
“NO!” I yelled finally able to form a coherent thought.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rachel jerk with surprise. I closed my eyes and attempted to calm myself.
“I’m not talking about this, Rachel.” I pleaded
“Fine,” her short answer, as she shoved more sandwich in her mouth. We ate the rest of the time in silence.
I drove back to the bank fairly quickly. I had to get the hell out Dodge. I now remembered the reasons why I left. Putting the car in park, I knew Rachel was holding her tongue and it was killing her, right now she either wanted to chew my ass out viciously or punch me in the face. I took a deep breath, and looked at my watch.
“You have twenty seconds…go!”
“YouhavenoideawhatElleisgoingthroughshelovesherkidssomuchandputsupwithsomuchfromhimhegoesdayswithoutevencominghome,” She was talking ninety miles a minute. The last part of her rambling caught my attention.
“Wait… slow down, what did you just say?”
She took a deep breath and started again, “You have no idea-“I cut her off.
“No, I heard that part, I’m talking about the end.”
I think she was repeating in her head what she had previously said to me and then sadness covered her face. “Bear’s not the same guy we grew up with, Trev, he’s - different.”
I looked at her out of concern. “What the fuck does that mean, Rach?”
Turning her head towards the window she stated, “He’s changed into someone none of us know anymore. Gone for weeks at a time. When he does come home, you can feel the tension in the air between them.”
I started to tense up from the anger and uneasiness of this whole conversation. Why though? Why was I so worried about her, it wasn’t like I ever crossed her mind.
It was as if Rachel read my thoughts.
“I don’t think a day goes by that she doesn’t think of you, Trevor.”
Her face turned back around towards me and I could see the apprehension that she was feeling towards her friend, a friend that was as close as a sister. I shut my thoughts off, I couldn’t think about this. It was none of my business any more. I turned my head back to face the front, and told Rachel the truth, “I have my own life now, Rach. One that doesn’t have her in it.”
Rachel guffawed and shook her head in disagreement.
“Yeah I know, it’s pretty fuckin’ sad.”
I didn’t respond because I didn’t really give a shit about what she was inferring to. I was over this whole situation, all I wanted was to meet her here, at the bank so that she could take this check in while I was in town. I wasn’t here for a family reunion.
“I have a plane to catch, Rach. Thanks for lunch. I will call you if I’m ever in the area again.”
I didn’t even want her to know where I was. It was bad enough Tripp had to know, I’m sure it would get around town fast enough.
“You can’t even mention her name can you? You still think about-“
“I said that’s enough!” I commanded. “I’m not talking about this anymore! Now, say goodbye Trevor and get the fuck out of my car!”
Her eyes grew big. I could see her temper rolling up from her feet through her torso and up her neck, it settled in her eyes. They were shooting daggers at me.
She stayed in that position for a few minutes as though she was attempting to telepathically murder me
“Rachel. I have a plane to catch,” I said a bit softer but yet still insistent.
“You’re gonna regret turning your back on her, Trevor. Just remember that.” She said as she opened the door and got out. I watched her slam the door and raise her middle finger while she mouth, “Good-fucking-bye,” to me, after that, she turned and walked away never looking back.
I started the car and began to leave town, I made sure not to look back in the rearview mirror. There was nothing I wanted to look back at, just then my phone rang, I looked down at it. Greg. I silenced it, I couldn’t talk to him right now, he knew where I was going, and he was probably seeing what the outcome was.
I approached the interstate and turned onto the ramp that led me to downtown Atlanta. As soon as I was in a lane, I grabbed my phone and pushed the number one for quick dial. I heard Judy’s voice come over the line
“Thank you for calling the Mac-Gentry Firm. Mr. McHale’s office.”
I don’t think I would ever get tired of hearing that.
“Judy, it’s Trevor. Look, I need for you to get me a number.”
She was quiet, but I could hear her scrambling looking for a pen.
“Ok, go ahead.”
She was such a proficient secretary. Older, so I didn’t have to be concerned with her being a distraction, because that’s the last thing I needed. Me fucking my secretary and then her slapping a sexual harassment suit on the company.”
“I want you to find the best private detective here in the Atlanta area, check his references and research if he has ever worked on any high profile cases, then text me his number.”
She never asked why or what for, she just did it.
“If I don’t answer, it’s because I’m on the plane.”
She was so quiet. I could hear the pen scratching on the paper as she was writing down what I was saying.
“Do I have any messages?”
She answered right away in her Boston accent, “No sir, nothing that can’t wait until you get back in the office.”
I always followed the same routine when I got back into town. I went straight to the office, worked until early the next morning, and then went home to sleep. Got a couple hours of shut-eye, showered, and returned before the sun was up to start the next day. She knew that I would get those messages right away.
“Thank you, Judy” I said before I hung up.
I hadn’t even realized that I was approaching the airport exit. I entered the airport, and approached the rental car agency to return the car. My phone began ringing again, I looked down and saw it was Greg again. I had to answer it this time.
“I’m returning the rental now, then heading in the airport. Can I call you right back?” was my greeting.
I wasn’t in the mood to talk about the details of the trip, as a matter of fact, I wanted to forget the whole afternoon. I slip my arms in my Armani suit jacket, then grabbed my suitcase and briefcase out of the back seat.
“I take it shit happened, huh?”
I didn’t answer him. I just let the phone go silent. He had known me long enough to know what that meant.
“Ok, we still on for tonight?”
Shit, I forgot about that. I guess I could meet with him and go eat, then come back to the office. “Yeah, sure. We’re on,” I answered as I strode in to the airport. Hanging up with him and checked in and found a seat to wait for the boarding call. I heard my phone go off notifying me of a text message.
I saw that it was from Judy, it was the information I was looking for. I had one more call to make before I boarded that plane. Dialing the number, I was surprised when they picked up after the first ring.
“Hello?”
I didn’t answer. I just sat there a minute, thinking about what I was doing. This wasn’t right. I could feel it deep down in my soul. I shouldn’t be making this phone call, not with all the shit that went down today and what Rachel had said to me. I could say her name, if I really wanted to. It was a name, nothing else.
A name that had no meaning to me whatsoever anymore, that was spoke daily on another man’s tongue. The more I thought about it, the madder I became.
I couldn’t think these thoughts, I had to block them along with the feelings that occurred right along with them, and hide them down where they meant nothing to me.
“I need to see you tonight. Midnight. Your apartment, be ready for me.”
I didn’t even wait for a response before I disconnected the call.
Chapter 5
I dialed Greg’s number, and headed for the parking garage. I went straight home from the airport because I knew I had plans after I met with Greg. My head was swimming with thoughts. Thoughts of what Rachel had said to me were blaring in my mind. Hearing her voice, saying the words over and over were making it so I couldn’t think of anything else other than her face.
The way that the sun was shining hit her skin and she didn’t look a day older than the last day I had seen her thirteen years ago. Her smile was captivating. Her whole face lit up, she looked so content with what life had given her. If there was anything going on behind her front door, you weren’t able to tell by the look on her face.
“Yello,” Greg’s answer pulled me from my thoughts.
“I am in my car heading for O’Malley’s,” I responded shortly.
I wasn’t in the mood to have a conversation right then, besides, I wasn’t able to hear him anyways over what was going on in my head. I hit the end button and got in my car. Driving the two blocks to where I could wash the shitty day down my throat, and forget it ever happened.
Entering O’Malley’s, I noticed immediately it was busier than usual. As you walk in, there were seven or eight tables with chairs scattered around a small area. You could smell the cigarette smoke even before you opened the door. The lights are dim, but every other table had the standard stained glass chandelier that hung down over the table, which fed light out from beyond the seating area.
The walls were lined with red and black wallpaper, which made the place even darker. In the middle of the small area is a rectangular bar, which seats around fifteen people, stocked fairly well with the best bourbons, scotches and beers.
Over in the left corner, on one side of the bar was a pool table, which always was taken, on the other side was an electronic dart board. That was my game of choice. Many drunk, arrogant assholes lost hundreds of dollars to me playing on that very dart board.
I had to stop inside the door to let my eyes adjust to the darkness. Mikey called my name from behind the bar, so I began walking towards him. By the time I reached the stool, I saw Greg playing a game of pool with a girl that looked like she had just stepped off the bus from Mayberry. He liked the innocent type, always wanting to teach them a few things.
“Hey Mikey, give me a double bourbon, on the rocks. Please,” I ordered as I found a stool to sit on.
“Hard day, Trev?” Mikey asked as he filled my glass with ice.
“Busy, that’s all. Just flew back in from out of town.”
I apprised him of my day’s activities as I wiped my hand over my face. I looked down at my watch, seven-thirty. I hadn’t even eaten since I had lunch with Rachel, that could’ve been why I was feeling drained.
“Well, glad you’re back,” Mikey said with a smile, as he handed me my drink.
“Greg, has been here since about four. He’s just about made his St. Patty’s day tab look like a drop in the bucket compared to tonight’s,” concern lacing Mikey’s voice.
I gave Mikey a look, that wasn’t like Greg.
He knew that we would meet in the morning to discuss everything about the meeting, and what the next move would be. We had to decide how to get that business off, and making a profit. Never did he drink like it was a weekend during the workweek. I could hear him over in the corner encouraging the girl to go for the other shot, since he probably bet her some piece of her clothing would have to come off if she missed.
“Shit,” I spoke aloud to nobody in particular.
I didn’t think Mikey could hear me, but apparently he did.
“Yeah, ya bett’ah git ya boy before I half ta cut ‘em awff.” Mikey’s strong Boston accent ringing though.
I didn’t say a word, just nodding. Fuck him, he was cut off now. I wasn’t going to babysit his ass tonight, I had places to go, a person to see.
“Yo, Greg!” I yelled as I turned around in the stool to look for a table.
He wasn’t turning around, he was ignoring me.
“Hey Mikey, order me a pizza, loaded. And a water for Greg,” I requested.
