Personal Possessions, page 32
I heard her sobs get louder. I ran my hand over her back…if she needed reassurance that this was a good thing, then she would get it from me, no one else.
“I told you babe, I was anchored to you forever and always, that doesn’t mean when we fight, we go our separate ways. It means when we fight we may pull away but we’re strong; supported by each other. You’ll always be joined to me, babe. No getting away from me again. I can promise you that.”
Elle giggled and looked up at me with that sparkle that was still as bright as a star.
“We’re bendable…not breakable.”
You bet your ass we are. I thought to myself. There was nothing that we couldn’t make it through.
I pushed Elle’s hair off her face and mouthed “That’s right.”
I noticed Elle her trying to pull up to me so I bent down and kissed her mouth a sweet gentle kiss, just as quickly, she broke away. Her hand came to mine and pulled me in the direction of the parking lot, I looked at her and laughed.
“Where we goin?”
Elle giggled back
“Doncha wanna meet your kids?”
We drove to the school early afternoon. On our way, Elle called Rach and asked would pick up Harlee so that we could spend some time talking with the twins. She agreed. So here we were, parked out in the parking lot, I was going to wait out here in the car, nervously as Elle went in to get the kids.
“You ready?”
She asked me.
I cleared my throat.
“I think so.”
Elle smiled at me and grabbed my hand as I smiled back.
“It will be fine.”
Yeah, tell that to my nerves. I knew we should’ve stopped by a bar first. I chastised my mind for even thinking that shit while I was here meeting my kids.
I watched as Elle walked towards the school, I concentrated on her legs. Seeing them walk in those heels had to take some practice. I couldn’t see how women could walk in them, then my mind went to her laying across the bed, wearing nothing but those heels.
“Fuck me, Trevor…get your mind to a nice place.”
I said to myself so that I wouldn’t go back to that thought, there had to be some kind of sacrilegious law or rule about thinking of the mother of your children sprawled out on a bed, wearing nothing but a fine set of heels while you’re picking your kids up at school.
“Oh my god, stop!!”
I kept telling myself it was nerves. I took some breaths and thought about work. I remembered that I had a meeting set up with Loren tomorrow morning and I needed to make sure that Ruby faxed that paperwork over to him.
I saw them walking out. I was speechless. I could not stop looking at them. My children were absolutely beautiful. My son was tall, just like me…he had my build. His hair was his mother’s color but he was all me. My daughter was all Elle. Her face was the face of an angel, so beautiful and bright. Her eyes had that sparkle, just like her mom’s.
“JoJo, Luc, this is my friend Trevor… all of us call him TJ.”
I stuck out my hand. My eyes kept going back and forth between the two of them. I couldn’t believe these were my kids.
Luc spoke first.
“Ummm, nice to meet you, TJ.”
I couldn’t find my voice, I barely could draw breath to keep from passing out. . After Luc spoke, JoJo thought it was safe for her to speak so she said the same exact thing.
“Nice to meet you, TJ.”
I had just heard my kids say my name. That was so fucking awesome to me. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. I decided to change the entire subject.
“Well, let’s go grab a cup of coffee”
We made it to the coffee shop but decided to grab a cup and head to a park where there weren’t as many people. Elle thought it better since she wasn’t sure how they were going to react to this news.
We got to the park and found a cozy little area. I ended up having an emergency blanket in the trunk, so I took it out and laid it down on the grass. We all sat down and just looked at each other.
Finally, Elle looked at me and nodded. This meeting was about to get real.
“Before I get started, I just want to tell both of you how proud I am of you and how much I love you. Everything that I have ever done in my life has been for the benefit and well-being of all three of you. Even though, at the time it seemed like the best way to go and then down the line it really wasn’t, I’ve thought about ya’ll before myself.”
They both looked at each other and said ok.
“I’ve known TJ here since second grade. He is Auntie Rachel’s cousin and he was my first boyfriend; my only boyfriend.”
Out of nowhere JoJo chimes in “before daddy right?”
Elle brought her eyes to me and I knew she could see me holding my breath. She decided not to answer JoJo right then and continue on with the story.
“My senior year of high school something happened, ya’ll.”
They could see something wasn’t right.
“I got pregnant.”
I could see Luc start to sit up. He was starting to put this puzzle together. Elle sped up telling the last of the details because Luc was becoming anxious.
“I didn’t tell TJ that I was pregnant. He was just offered a scholarship and he needed to go. Daddy was TJ’s best friend, he knew about ya’ll. We made a deal he’d be your daddy if I never told TJ about ya’ll.”
Luc stood up and pulled his hands through his hair.
“No…No…No…No… tell me this isn’t happening”
I sat up straight, I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to his mom’s confession so I was kind of being cautious.
“Luc…”
“No momma, you mean to tell me all those times that motherfucker has been shitty to you...”
“Dylan Lucas! What have I told you about that tongue, son!”
Oh shit, was he was hot headed…just like me.
He dropped down to his knees and held his head in his hands, I could see his chest vibrating. He was quiet for a long while.
“I used to pray every night momma, every night I’d ask God to make sure I didn’t take after my daddy, I didn’t want to be that kinda man, momma.”
I never wanted to hurt someone so much in my life as I wanted to hurt Willie Jackson. He fucked my kid’s up. I remembered when I was little laying in my bed, repeating the same prayers that my son had prayed. I had to get up and walk.
I looked down at the scene in front of me. The love of my life was comforting our child. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. I sat back down on the blanket and watched as they interacted.
“Your daddy is a good man, Luc. You are your daddy’s son, you’re just like him.”
Luc looked towards me and it was killing me inside to look into my eyes.
I heard Luc sniff.
“So, you’re my dad, huh?”
I smiled a small smile, but I was beaming inside.
“Yeah Luc, I’m your dad.”
Luc leaned over and hugged me, he hugged me hard. This boy was a star football player, he had some arms on him.
“I guess that means you’re my daddy too, huh?” JoJo said.
She smiled a small smile and I could see that same small dimple that adorned my face, in the same spot that hers was on.
Suddenly, JoJo jumped in the middle of the hug as Elle followed up behind the both of them. We hugged one long hugged. I never wanted moments like this to end, there weren’t many left.
“So…what happens now?” JoJo asked
.
That was when I spoke up.
“Well, I think I’ve lost enough time with you kids, I don’t wanna lose anymore. I’ve moved back to Richland, my company’s headquarters will be here now. I want us to be a family. I wanna marry your momma, I’ve already had your birth certificates changed, so we’re heading in the right direction. Now, I grew up here in this town; there’s gonna be a lot of talk. If you have any questions concerning anything… you come talk to me about it, got it? We’re all just getting on the right track, I don’t wanna derail when we’re just building up speed, deal?”
Everyone agreed. We continued talking for a while, I got to catch up with them and they got to know about me. Then Elle had to bring them in on the big news…Bear.
I chose not to say anything about Angie for several different reasons. One, I wasn’t even sure she knew about her. Two, this was not the place…nor the time to bring this up. Three, she had enough shit to deal with when it came to the kids…just like Kip said.
“Ok ya’ll…one more thing. Bear has threatened that if I ever have contact with TJ again or try to divorce him, he will run off with ya’ll, including Harlee and take you down to the swamps in Louisiana and hide you so I can’t find you. So for now, we cannot talk about this meeting…ok? Not even to Harlee. I didn’t think it was right to make ya’ll suffer anymore, I know that he’s been wanting to meet you for a bit now and I didn’t want to lie to ya’ll anymore.
As Elle was talking, I kept hearing the bushes move behind me. I looked up in the trees that were around us and there didn’t seem to be a wind. I checked the bushes again, thinking maybe there was a squirrel…nothing. Maybe that little sucker was just too fast for me to see him. I went back to the conversation at hand.
We decided that it was time to go. I and the twins exchanged cell numbers and I told them that if they ever needed me, day or night… do not hesitate to call. I also told them that if they ever felt in danger, call 911 then call me immediately. That way if something happened to Elle, I would still know what was going on so that I could help her and protect them. I also shared that I had my lawyers working on something’s and it wasn’t going to be long that no one would have to look over their shoulders again.
I drove them back to Elle’s office so that she could pick up her car. We all hugged goodbye and promised that we would get together again real soon.
I drove home on cloud nine. I was so excited over the meeting I just had. I made a mental note that in the morning we get the divorce and the restraining order going…I wanted them done now, especially now with Angie dead…Bear was going to be in a foul mood.
I reached over and dialed Kip’s number. It rang and rang…it ended up going to voicemail. That was odd, he always answered his phone. I put my phone on the set beside me and headed home.
I stopped and grabbed something for dinner, even though I wasn’t hungry…I was still flying high from that afternoon. I finished up what paperwork I had left and grabbed my phone to try Kip once more.
It went to voicemail. I left a message telling me to at least check in. I had a feeling he got his buddy to take over watching the house and he was over at Toppers doing some hands on investigating. I turned out the light and went to sleep.
Chapter 23
Present Day
Bear
“One…two…three…four…five…one…two…three…four…five…”
The pattern never stopped in my head. It was either count over and over or else hear the voices, no matter what I did; they wouldn’t stop.
Crouched down, underneath the overpass, I flicked open the lighter and set the flame underneath the spoon. All I could do was repeat the pattern over and over as I watched the jagged piece of black rock heat up to a boil and begin to become a tar like substance that would at least quiet them down.
I was lost. Angie was dead, Bubba wasn’t putting up with her shit anymore and I was going to be next if I didn’t come up with that money. It was always about the money. Angie always made sure that after the last time, we never got that behind again, we paid Bubba back from the shit we sold from Ellie’s dad’s house, the night we…did what we did. But yet, here we were…or rather, here I was; alone, practically on the run and didn’t know what to do or where to go.
I’d know in a minute, once I came back to myself, I pulled back on the plunger and drew up the dark brown substance that was now my new best friend. I could barely keep my hands steady enough to pull hard, but eventually I filled the syringe. I grabbed the rubber tourniquet with my teeth and found the vein that never let me down. Pushing the needle into my skin, I could already hear them fading away.
“You have to kill her…get the money, it’s the only way…she doesn’t love you, who in their right mind would love a fuckup like you…”
I shook my head to make them stop, but that didn’t work anymore…they were too loud now.
“You can’t even be a man when it comes to dying…always a pussy…”
“Stop it!!!” I screamed.
I pushed the plunger forward and felt the sudden urge to close my eyes and be…nothing. I couldn’t feel…I couldn’t hear. I was now Bear, not the others.
I could now function, for a couple of hours and until I’d have to shoot up again. If I was going to think of a way to get that money, now was the time. I got up and headed down from under the bridge to walk back to my truck that I left near the park.
I mentally had to tell myself to walk. I enjoyed the high, but it made me incapable of functioning, that was one of the drawbacks of heroine. I was happy to have silence in my head for a while though.
Passing a secluded part of the square, something caught my attention. This part of the gardens was usually never used because there was nothing here to do, but I heard the sounds of laughter…familiar laughter…JoJo’s laughter. I immediately went to the bushes that surrounded the entire area of gardens. I got down on my knees and pushed the branches aside.
I thought for a minute I was hallucinating, the scene that was before me couldn’t be real. There sat Ellie with my two children and Trevor…the man that she was supposed to never see again. They all looked pretty cozy too, laughing and touching. I could feel the anger starting at that place deep down inside.
“Motherfucker!” I exclaimed silently through gritted teeth.
“She think I’m an idiot? We’ll see who the idiot is.”
My vision turned red. I knew she was seeing him, I wondered how long this was going on.
“It never stopped, but you were too stupid to realize it, what a fucking loser!”
All the voices began laughing together. I put my hands over my ears to drown them out but they just got louder.
I crept back away from the bushes and ran towards my truck; I had to get out of here.
I drove straight to the house and ran inside, they were louder than they had ever been and the drugs didn’t keep them away as long this time, it must’ve been because I lost my temper…who fuckin’ knows. I went to my quiet place so that I could begin the tedious task of counting; I had to calm down.
I hunched down in the corner and brought my knees up to my chest and closed my eyes.
“I don’t know what made you think that someone like her could love someone like you, you’re nothing to her.”
“One…two…three…four…five…one…two…three…four…five.”
“You don’t even compare to him…you never have.”
“One…two…three…four…five”
“She aint worth dying for, better her than you. She’s played you for a fool, Willie…think about it, her and him and their two kids…the ones you raised after he rode off to take what rightfully should’ve been yours…they need to pay, Willie…they need to see what it’s like to lose everything. He’ll lose his long lost love and she will lose her life and her millions and you…well you, won’t ever have to worry about anything ever again.”
“Shut up, I said.”
“We’ll go away if you do it…”
That got my attention. What would it be like to have one day of not hearing them in my head…all of them. I closed my eyes and pictured a normal life.
The vision appears to be in a home bigger than this one. I am sitting around a dinner table, my family all around me laughing and hugging, just like they were out in that park, my wife throwing her arms around me after she places a steaming dish of mashed potatoes on the table.
“Love you, honey.”
She whispers in my ear as she places a gentle kiss on my cheek, I smile as I pull her hand up to my mouth to return the sentiment. I opened my eyes to the reality that was my life.
I was a fucked up crazy junkie that heard hundreds of voices in his head.
“Sure…we’ll leave you alone.” They replied in unison. “Get the money and you can have everything you ever wanted.”
I didn’t know what normal was, but I wanted it.
“Ok then…let’s do it!”
I got up and walked out of the closet, then out of the room, then the house…I had to come up with the best plan on how to kill my wife.
I stayed the night at granny’s old house; it was nothing but a dilapidated shack that didn’t even have a front door on it now, but this place brought me peace. I never had a momma and a daddy, so this was as close to a home as I ever got. She used to tell me that my momma had her “friends” too. Granny played it off as if they were there to keep me company when no one else would be there for me. At first, I thought it was a good thing, turned out…it wasn’t…it was a fucking nightmare that I could never wake up from.
Gran tried her hardest to give us brothers as much as a loving place to grow up in as she could, but after papa died… life got ahold of Bubba and he pulled me right along with him; I was fifteen when I made my first sale.
I never expected to get this sucked into this life, but when I was in my twenties, I met Angie and I couldn’t turn away from her. I loved that woman more than anything in this world. Met her at the club…shit, she was beautiful up there on that pole. I sat down right next to the stage and couldn’t take my eyes off of her, and that’s where I stayed up until she couldn’t dance anymore. She got sucked in deep…and quick. I wasn’t her supplier at first, but eventually I did.
Bubba was the main distributor, dealers came from all over these parts to buy from him; he set the price…he made the rules. I began taken small amounts from his stash room to impress Angie, I was his brother…I didn’t think he’d mind. He caught me a couple of times and every time he’d say the same thing.
