Remembering Ellie, page 19
It seemed an age until the door opened again and Phil came out alone, walking purposefully back to her, his shoulders more relaxed and some of the tension now gone from his body.
‘What happened? Are you okay?’ Ellie met him at the door and looked him over for signs of any injury, pulling him into the safety of their home, desperate to know what had transpired.
‘Don’t fret. I didn’t touch the bastard. Come on through to the garden and I’ll tell you all about it.’
‘Well, what did he say?’ Ellie’s mouth was open as they sat again on the garden bench.
‘Denied it at first, naturally, but then Angie was there, so he would, wouldn’t he? Strangely though, it was Angie who told him he was lying; I think she’s had her suspicions. I told him not to come within a mile of you ever again or I would personally make him regret it, and then I’d go to the police.’
‘Oh, Phil, how awful.’
‘He did admit it all then but the bloody idiot still tried to blame you which didn’t go down well with Angie. She called him a coward for hiding behind a woman with amnesia and then actually offered me an apology on his behalf – poor woman! I doubt they’ll manage to patch this up.’ Phil smiled at Ellie as she laced her fingers through his, wondering with a sense of relief if this nightmare was finally coming to an end.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
A noise from inside the house distracted the couple. Grace was returning with Sam, and Ellie, still trembling from the horrendous events of the past hour, tried to compose herself as she followed Phil inside from the garden. Sam giggled, delighted to see his parents again, but his grandmother’s face was a picture of consternation.
‘Have you seen what’s going on over the road?’ Grace nodded in the direction of number 40. ‘Just look, that woman’s throwing clothes out of the bedroom window and yelling like a banshee. Not exactly the sort of behaviour you’d expect from round here.’
Sure enough, when they looked out of the window, they saw Angie Pearson angrily tossing her husband’s belongings from the bedroom window, not caring who witnessed the scene – while Dave scrambled to gather them up, bundling them carelessly into his car. Grace was right. It wasn’t the usual kind of behaviour for the estate, but Dave certainly deserved the humiliation and Phil at least couldn’t resist a smile. Grace tutted loudly and moved Sam away from the window, as if the scene would scar him for life.
‘We’ve had a lovely time feeding the ducks, haven’t we, Sam?’ She attempted to change the subject. ‘But I must get back now… is everything okay with you?’ Grace suddenly became aware of the difference in Ellie and Phil’s demeanour and was puzzled as to what might have happened. She’d guessed her daughter was up to something when she asked her to look after Sam on a Saturday, it was unusual when they were both at home.
‘Everything’s fine, Mum. Actually, I won’t be coming home tonight. I’m staying here with Phil.’ Her words prompted a wide grin to cross her husband’s face. Grace smiled too and nodded her approval before leaving them alone with their son.
Later that evening, when all was quiet again across the road and Sam was tucked up in bed, Phil and Ellie talked, really talked, as they sat holding hands on the sofa, enjoying their new-found closeness. They promised to tell each other everything in the future, no more secrets or attempts to protect the other; if they were going to make their relationship work, they needed to be on the same page. Ellie’s continued memory loss was acknowledged as an unknown; perhaps the events of those lost years would remain unknown to her, but together they would cope and make new memories to treasure, to keep forever.
Ellie felt quite light-headed when they climbed the stairs to go to bed – from the wine or the events of the day, it was impossible to know. Finding a satin nightdress in one of her drawers, she slipped it on while her husband was in the bathroom. Was this how she’d felt the very first time they made love? Ellie had no way of telling, but was now nervous and a little shy. It seemed strange and unfair that this man knew her body intimately, yet she could remember nothing of his. Would she disappoint him? She hoped not.
As Ellie slid between the sheets, it felt strangely bizarre, yet exciting, and when Phil climbed in beside her, she turned to accept his kisses willingly, daring to touch his face and stroke the stubble on his chin. It was a face she’d grown to love. She weaved her fingers through his hair and as her husband buried his head into her soft neck, Ellie felt his tears on her skin, tears of joy and relief as he caressed her body and they became lost in rediscovering each other.
As Phil slept on in the dim light of early morning, Ellie gazed at her husband, smiling to herself and feeling like the luckiest woman on earth. How close she’d come to losing all this briefly crossed her mind; the very thought was painful and not one she wished to dwell on. But they were together now and even though she’d lost ten years’ worth of memories, at that moment, she didn’t care.
When Phil woke, he smiled lazily at Ellie and in the peaceful stillness of the early morning, they made love again, slowly and gently, enjoying the comfort they’d been denied for so long. Inevitably, happy sounds from Sam’s nursery reached their ears and they slipped out of bed to fetch their son and enjoy the day ahead, Sunday, a family day to fill with nothing but good things.
Breakfast was the one meal Ellie had yet to make in her kitchen since the accident, and it became a long, lazy breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast. Pottering about the house in her nightclothes was another new experience and one she relished, now knowing without a doubt this was her home, the one place on earth she wanted to be, where she belonged. It pleased her to see how happy Phil was. For the first time in weeks, he appeared relaxed and hopeful for the future. Later they would go to Grace and Derek’s to pick up Ellie’s things. There would be no more dividing her time between the two houses. Neither she nor Phil was naïve enough to think life would be a bed of roses simply because they were together again. They accepted there were still obstacles to overcome but working together doubled their strength; they would face the future together.
Chapter Forty
On Monday morning, the glow of the weekend’s events still lingered in Ellie’s mind, feeling like a warm hug bringing comfort and the peace she had longed for of late. The new-found closeness to Phil, the relief of knowing Dave was nothing more than a troublemaker out for revenge, and once again living in her own home would certainly keep her smile in place for a long time.
The afternoon brought another appointment at the hospital to see Mr Samms, and Ellie rather relished the thought of telling him how much better she was, confident the doctor would be delighted for her. In anticipation of the appointment, she and Phil discussed the options over breakfast.
‘You’ve never actually told me what Mr Samms offered by way of treatment, Ellie?’
‘No, I didn’t, did I? Sorry, love, but I was so confused and wanted to go it alone then.’ Ellie smiled sadly, regretting the pain caused by her previous stubbornness.
‘It doesn’t matter. I’d just like to know what the options are.’
‘Mr Samms said they could try hypnosis or something called EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It involves integrating the two hemispheres of the brain and sounds rather complicated, and I’d need to have several sessions.’ She screwed her nose up at the thought.
‘And how do you feel? Do you want to try either of them?’
‘Quite honestly, no. I’m just getting my head around being your wife again and loving it!’ Phil winked at Ellie and she laughed. ‘The thought of someone messing with my head is even more unappealing now than it was at the beginning of all this. I think I still favour waiting, giving it more time. How about you?’
‘Honestly, Ellie, whatever you decide is okay with me. You’ve been affected by the memory loss the most, but yes, I’d be happy to go along with leaving things to nature. We’ve got all the time in the world, haven’t we?’
‘We have, and it’s no longer so important for me to remember, I don’t need the last ten years now I have a future with you.’
Life was different since Ellie learned she could trust Phil implicitly – and more importantly she could trust herself. Her moral compass was no longer in doubt.
Phil kissed Ellie and Sam goodbye and left for work. Upstairs, the little boy played happily on the floor of the bedroom as his mother sorted out some of the items they’d brought from her parents’ home the previous day. It was mainly clothing with a few cosmetics which wouldn’t take long for her to organise in the lovely spacious room she shared with her husband.
Inevitably, a trace of that surreal feeling of living someone else’s life hovered over her as Ellie looked through wardrobes and drawers which were filled with clothing she didn’t recognise. As she worked, Ellie thought about her conversation with Phil and decided to refuse any offers of treatment from Mr Samms. Presently, things were ticking over so well, and she didn’t want to risk tipping the balance again.
Her task took longer than expected as Ellie discovered items she couldn’t remember buying or wearing, although they were clearly hers. Unable to resist trying some of them on, Ellie loved how they fitted – her clothes of today were of much better quality than those from her teenage years. With no other opinion available, Sam was asked what he thought of his mummy in various outfits, and his response was always positive, his huge smile and clapping hands reducing them both to laughter.
After lunch, Grace arrived to babysit while Ellie drove herself to the hospital. Becoming increasingly confident of driving in traffic, she chuckled, wondering if her father was right about ‘muscle memory’ taking over in such situations.
Mr Samms’ office was filled with the bulk of his presence as Ellie sat opposite him, ready to answer his questions, this time in a much more positive way than before.
‘How are you?’ The doctor’s face held genuine concern.
‘Actually very well, thank you, although there’s still no recollection of my missing ten years.’ She smiled as he nodded thoughtfully.
‘Do I detect that you’re coping with this better than the last time we spoke?’ he asked.
‘You do, and yes, I am!’ Ellie grinned. ‘I’m living with Phil and Sam again, and things are going well. Clearly, amnesia is still causing problems. I can’t even think about going back to work as I have no idea how to do my job, but I’ve started driving again, a skill which came back relatively easily and certainly helps with the practical side of life.’
‘That’s great news, Ellie, and it’s good to see you so much more relaxed. Now you’re feeling more like yourself, do you think it could be time to try some kind of treatment, EMDR perhaps, or hypnosis?’
Ellie didn’t hesitate with her answer. ‘Thank you, but I still don’t think either option’s right for me. When I first went home from the hospital to my parents’ house, my mother made a suggestion which didn’t work out then, but which I’d like to try now.’ Ellie watched Mr Samms’ puzzled expression with amusement, and explained. ‘Mum suggested I forget about having amnesia and start to live from today onwards, embarking on a new life and not obsessing about the old.’
Mr Samms slapped both his hands down on his desk and roared with laughter, making her jump. ‘Ha! That’s a good one, very novel! I must say it’s not something I’ve ever heard before, and I’m pretty certain it’s not in any of the textbooks on amnesia either. But I love it! So, are you saying that even though your memory hasn’t returned, you don’t want to consider any treatment?’
‘That’s about it. When Mum made this suggestion, I tried it but things started to happen, making it impossible. However, now I think I’m ready to try her crazy idea; I’m living back at home and picking up the threads of my life – and I’m happy. I’m learning how to be Ellie again. It’s not as if I’ve given up hope of remembering everything but it’s somehow not as important as it was – no longer such a major issue. Maybe at a later date I might try some kind of treatment, but not yet. Is that all right with you?’
‘Absolutely. I’d only want to pursue treatment if it was in your best interests and you were committed to doing so. If, as you say, you’re happy with life as it is, then great! It’s what we all want for you, Ellie. And please tell your mother I’d be interested in hearing about any other innovative ideas she may have; perhaps she could write a paper on her theory?’ Mr Samms laughed. ‘Seriously, though, I’m delighted things are looking up for you but I’d like to keep you on the books for a while longer. Shall we make your next appointment for six months, although if you need to see me before then just ring my secretary, okay?’
Ellie left the hospital with a much lighter heart than on previous visits. She called into the local supermarket to pick up a bottle of wine for later and a huge bouquet of flowers for her mother. Flowers could never repay Grace for all she and Derek had done but it was a simple token to say thank you. She also wanted to email Rosie to update her friend on what was happening in her life. Ellie could imagine the look of delight on Rosie’s face on learning she was back at home with Phil again, and it was primarily thanks to her.
When she arrived home, Grace and Sam were still out at the park, so Ellie took out her laptop and wrote to her friend.
Hi Rosie,
Sorry it’s taken so long to email but keep on reading and you’ll see how manic things have been here, yet thankfully everything’s so much better than when I arrived home from visiting you. We had such a fabulous week. Even a massive thank you seems inadequate to express how much I enjoyed and needed to be with you all.
I think you guessed there was something more than the amnesia troubling me and you were right, there was something far deeper, darker even… but thankfully it’s gone! It’s no longer an issue and I’m so happy I could sing and dance. It doesn’t feel right to go into the details in an email but I promise to tell you all about it when we next meet, which I hope won’t be too far into the future.
The best news is that I’m back living with Phil and Sam in our home – and yes, it does feel like home now too!
I can hardly describe the relief at being here and the hope we have for the future which is well and truly alive and kicking. Okay, so it’s only been a couple of nights so far, wonderful nights in so many ways, but again – no details – Tom might be reading!
Of course, we accept that there’s still a long way to go, whether my memory returns or not, but it’s so much less daunting facing future uncertainties with Phil instead of on my own. I envied you and Tom your closeness when I was with you and despaired of ever having that again for myself, yet here I am, happy as a kid at Christmas!
Thanks again, Rosie, for all you’ve done for me, I’ll write again soon.
Love to you, Tom and the boys,
Ellie xx
Almost as soon as Ellie hit the send button, a chirpy ding announced an incoming email. Clicking on the inbox, she gazed at the sender address, debating for a moment or two whether to open it. The sender was Fran.
Hi Ellie,
Well, I’ve just had a stinker of an email from sweet little Rosie, my, how the worm’s turned. She had the audacity to warn me off seeing you again – what a bloody cheek – as if I’d listen to anything she said! If I’d known you two were still in touch maybe I’d have been a bit more circumspect with my little games.
You always did have it all didn’t you, and yet you never appreciated it. Great parents, a hunky, faithful husband who adores you – anyone else would value it but not you, taking it all for granted and still moaning as usual. Why shouldn’t I have a little slice of your perfect life? You can’t blame me for trying, can you?
So, you win again, you and your goody-goody husband, unless of course you haven’t told him about your little extra-marital activities? Maybe Phil will be pleased to hear from me after all, and when he knows your little secrets, he might even need some comfort from a real woman, eh?
I suppose this is the end of a beautiful friendship, for the second time, Ellie. Who knows if we’ll meet again, I rather hope not, a sentiment which I’m sure you’ll share.
So goodbye, give my love to Phil.
Fran
Ellie was stunned; Fran truly was shameless, why on earth had she never realised it before? Her first instinct was to hit the delete button but on reflection she thought it might be prudent to let Phil read it first. Ellie wouldn’t put it past Fran to try to cause more trouble. Rosie was right about her; she appeared to take pleasure in ruining other people’s happiness. Keeping the email as new, Ellie would gladly delete it once her husband had seen it, after which she would also delete Fran from her life and not even dignify the email with a response. Her one-time friend didn’t deserve it.
Chapter Forty-One
Grace and Sam arrived home at the same time as the afternoon post, which brought two letters for Ellie; after thanking her mother for babysitting and hugging her son, she put the kettle on and sat down to open them.
‘This one’s from the CPS, Mum.’ Her frown suggested she’d rather not have received this letter. Her mother took over making the tea, more interested than her daughter to learn what was inside. ‘A date’s been set for the sentencing of Trevor Simpson. That must be the name of the man who knocked me off my bike.’ Ellie turned quite pale; the accident was something she’d prefer not to think about, the one event she didn’t want to remember now her life was once more looking rosy.
