Lipstick & Camera Clicks, page 5
“The exposure could jumpstart everything. I want to get my own studio and find my own place.”
“Being on reality TV isn’t easy and the way they manipulate the women…” He shakes his head, “You don’t even know how you’re being portrayed until it’s too late.”
“I can handle myself, River.”
“Are you doing this because of Javi?”
The threats from Javi’s followers have died down a lot. Blocking him on everything helped and thinking of him doesn’t hurt like it used to. It’s been weeks and I’ve worked hard to move past it. “This has everything to do with me and what I want to do. I’m over the Javi situation.”
“Are you? It hasn’t even been a month and now you’re trying to date another guy on national television.”
An uncomfortable silence falls between us and my hands ball into fists. His words bite regardless of his intentions. My world became a lot smaller while I was with Javi, but I’m still me. Was it that easy to ruin his idea of me?
“You said you weren’t angry with me.”
His eyes soften and he sighs, “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You did.” I stab my eggs with my fork. “I genuinely think this could be good for me, but that’s only if it happens. There’s always the possibility they’ll pass on me.”
His eyes bore into mine. “I want to make sure you thought it through.”
“I have.” Straightening my spine, I attempt to look more confident than I feel inside.
“Then there’s nothing left to say.” Something about the way he says it sounds sad.
Great. That went well.
six
After work, I stopped at the bank to pull out cash. It’s been over a month since I moved in with River and Ryan, and while they haven’t asked, I figured it was time I contribute. Every time I send money to River’s account, he bounces it back. According to him, my focus should be getting back on my feet, but the least I can do is pay my share of the rent. I’ve beat him home so I can hide the cash somewhere he’ll find it later.
Even though the study is my old room, it feels unfamiliar. Movie posters cover the walls, from famous documentaries to action films. The pull-out couch is pushed against a corner underneath a window and a desk with a computer sits against the wall next to a closet. It’s pristine. River’s always been a neat freak. I’ve taken over Ryan’s room while she’s out of town, and I’m grateful she’s as messy as me. The clock in the corner of the computer screen reads 7 p.m. River starts work before the sun’s up and doesn’t come back until after it sets. I’m not sure how he functions with the hours he puts in.
I open one of the desk drawers and peer inside. It’s empty except for a few books. I pull the cash from my back pocket and hide it underneath the books and close the drawer.
“How many times am I going to catch you in rooms you’re not supposed to be in?”
Spinning on my heel, I find River leaning against the doorframe. He’s in a pair of gray joggers and a plain white tee. He’s wearing his glasses today, and he pushes them further up the bridge of his nose before narrowing his gaze.
“Oh, am I not allowed in here?” I ask, leaning my hip against the desk.
He pushes off the door frame, dropping his bag to the floor. “You’re always welcome. You just look like you’re up to no good.” He stops in front of me and places his hands on the desk, trapping me between his arms.
“Don’t come so close.” Breaking eye contact, I glance at the door.
“Why? We’re just talking.”
I don’t have to look at him to know he’s smiling.
“We can do that on opposite sides of the room.” I mumble and fiddle with the hair tie around my wrist.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He whispers and his breath tickles my ear, sending a tingle down my spine. Handsome men are the worst, especially when they know it. He laughs and I push past him, making my escape.
“I came to see if you wanted to grab food, but never mind.” The lie rolls off my tongue. When I make it to the living room, I grab my purse. The leftovers in the fridge will have to wait. Before I can leave, River breezes past me, he opens the door and dangles his keys in my face.
“I’ll drive.” He stands to the side, letting me pass. As I do, he grabs my wrist. “How are you going to do the show if you can’t handle my teasing?” He smirks and stalks off toward the parking garage.
Hell, if I know, I hadn’t thought that far.
We took River’s truck to pick up burgers and a large order of fries to share. We park in front of the restaurant, and I pop the lid off my milkshake to dip my fries inside. The salty, sweet combo will forever be superior. River wrinkles his nose at me as he unwraps his food.
“Don’t knock it til’ you try it.” Dipping more fries, I reach over and wave them between us.
“If you don’t take them, they’ll drip on your leather seats.” His car is as clean as his room, no clutter and freshly detailed.
“I don’t want your soggy fries.” He reaches for the AC and cuts the air down.
“Fine, have the napkins ready, then.” The vanilla ice cream comes precariously close to falling when he caves and wraps his hand around mine, biting into the fries.
“Good?” I ask and he coughs, grimacing as if it’s the worst thing in the world. “Oh please, it’s not that bad.”
“Remind me not to take any new food suggestions from you.” He says and his cell lights up from the phone stand attached to the dash. He reaches over and taps the screen, answering the call.
His mother comes into view. Her red hair’s a mess of curls, and she runs her hands through them. Her eyes are usually a bright green like Ryan’s, but today they’re dull and framed by dark circles. Tiffany has always had severe depression and spiraled for a while after the divorce. My mom stops by most weekends, especially once we all left Texas, and I try to call when I can.
“Hey, everything alright?” River straightens in his seat.
“I’m fine. I just wanted to check in.” She pauses and turns her smile my way. “Hey Indie, how are you?”
“I’m good Tiff. Miss you, though.” Leaning forward, I try to squeeze beside River, so she has a better view of the both of us.
“If you miss me so much, book a flight and drag that one with you. He acts like he’s too busy for me.” She jerks her head in River’s direction.
I’ve avoided visiting, but she looks so hopeful I can’t say no. “I’ll make sure to bring him home.”
Her eyes light up, and her smile widens.
“My son’s going to work himself into an early grave. Please watch over him, he thinks taking a day off’s a crime.” She tucks her fiery locks behind her ears.
“I’m wrapping up a project and jumping right into the next one. It’s not the right time to travel.” River shakes his head and Tiffany’s smile falters, but she slides it back into place. I’m not sure what's gotten into him. He usually bends over backward for his mom. He’s tense and keeps looking out the window as if he’s ready for the conversation to end.
Shoving River with my shoulder, I smile, hoping to ease the tension between them. “That doesn’t mean we can’t make time. We’ll look at our schedules and figure it out.” She nods at my words but looks at River, who doesn’t reassure her.
“I’ll stop interrupting your date, then.” Tiffany’s as bad as my mom.
“It’s not a date.” River doesn’t hesitate to correct her, and his tone is harsh. Didn’t know the idea repulsed him so much. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does. Our moms joking about this is nothing new.
Tiffany doesn’t seem ruffled by it though; she shakes her head mumbling “Wishful thinking” before disconnecting the call.
“What’s going on with you? We can do a weekend trip. Two days won't kill you.”
He sighs and leans forward, wrapping his arms around the steering wheel. His burger sits forgotten on the console between us. “Why haven’t you gone back to visit your mom?” He gives me a knowing look.
Okay. He’s got me there, but his mom dotes on him and thinks he walks on water.
“Our situations are different.” Twisting in my seat, I bring my legs to my chest and face him.
“They are. They always have been.” He breathes and looks away from me.
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’ve always been able to depend on your mom. She’s always worked hard even when she didn’t have much to work with. For a long time, I feel like I’ve had to play the parent.”
River’s mom has always been fragile. Her depression is so severe that it’s difficult to manage without meds and regular therapy. Her good days are great, but the bad ones come tenfold.
“But your mom-”
“I know.” He cuts me off and falls back in his seat, finally looking at me.
“Moving here gave me a freedom I thought I’d never have. When my father left and she…” His fingers curl into fists. “Ryan was struggling, and I think to this day she feels like our parents’ marriage failing is her fault. So, when I saw my mom breaking apart in front of me, I knew I couldn’t let Ryan see that. She’d think she was the one causing her pain.” His jaw tightens at whatever memory flashes behind his eyes. It’s no surprise Ryan thinks it’s her fault. Her father told her it was when he found out she was bisexual.
“I was a kid tying my mom’s hair back as she threw up every night from crying, holding her down to force the meds down her throat and begging her to shower. I picked out her clothes most mornings and learned to help her with her hair so that she’d look okay. So, Ryan wouldn’t think our mom was broken by what our father did.”
“I didn’t know it’d gotten that bad.” How could I have lived in the same house and had a completely different experience?
“Ryan needed you. I wouldn’t have been able to give her what you did when she was struggling.”
“You needed me too.” I give his hand a squeeze.
“I turned out alright.” He shrugs and pulls away. “My mom’s better at managing now, I wouldn’t have left otherwise. She was the one that planted the idea in Ryan’s head about moving to California because she knew I wouldn’t leave on my own.” He reaches for his phone and taps the screen, checking the time. “I love my mom more than anything, but the idea of going back feels suffocating.” He pushes the key in the ignition and the engine comes to life.
“Is that why you bury yourself in work? So you have an excuse not to go?”
“Maybe in the beginning, but I want to be independent. My mother raised us with our father’s money. He still pays for her home and expenses. He paid for our schooling, and I always felt gross about accepting it. I want to stand on my own.”
River’s always been a bit of a workaholic, so I never questioned it. He never really partied or had close friends after high school. He’s dated plenty of women, but they all leave after realizing he has no time to give them.
“Working hard is great, but you have to live a little too. Otherwise, what's the point?” I settle back into my seat, snapping my seatbelt into place while cleaning up my cold fries and melted milkshake.
“Work’s enjoyable for me.” He shrugs and looks over his shoulder before pulling out of the parking space.
“Do you hear yourself? Even robots need to recharge, you know. There’s no way your job could be that fun.”
We’re interrupted by my phone ringing. I peer at the screen before answering, and it’s an unsaved number.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Indigo Johnson? This is Mary. We met at the casting call a while ago. Is now a good time for you?”
I turn to River and mouth, “It’s them.”
He mouths back, “Who?” But I wave him off.
“Yes, it’s a good time for me.”
“Ms. Johnson, I apologize it took so long to get back to you, but we had a hard time deciding. In the end, we appreciated your honesty and think that you would bring something special to the show. Are you still interested?”
I genuinely didn’t think I’d get picked. My eyes flick to River, “Yes, I am.”
“Great, I’ll be emailing over more paperwork. Please have it back to me by the end of the week. We have a quick turnaround time and plan to start filming in two weeks. You were part of the last round of girls we met with, so I apologize if it feels last minute. We’ll send a car for you on the first day of filming. All other details will be in the email.”
“Thank you. I’ll get that paperwork over to you as soon as possible.”
“Of course, Good luck Indigo.”
The line goes silent, and I look at River. “I guess I’ll get to see just how fun your job is.”
seven
“What about this?” I hold up a classic floor length black dress.
Ryan inspects it from whatever hotel she’s staying in, her face way too close to the camera. “I like it. It’s simple though, so make sure you pack accessories.”
Gently, I fold and place the dress in my suitcase. Ryan’s letting me raid her closet for things to wear on the show. “I don’t think I can fit anything else in my bag. This has to be enough.” Outside of clothes, trying to condense my makeup collection has been a battle all on its own.
“Trust me. It’s never enough.” She falls backward in her bed.
“This will be our last call for a while. You going to miss me?” I slide a bonnet over my fresh box braids.
“I don’t even want to talk about it. You’ll be gone and River’s going to be scheming to get you kicked off early.”
“I’ll manage that on my own. I’m going for a good time, not a long time.”
“You say that, but this man might woo you.”
“Falling in love, especially on reality TV, is the last thing I plan to do.”
“Stop saying that. You’re way too soft to mean it.” Ryan scrunches her nose.
“I’m serious Ry, I’ve got way too much planned to worry about being in a relationship.” Jumping across my suitcase, I use my body weight to flatten it before zipping it closed.
She’s silent, so I look up. “What?” I ask as I drag my bag from the bed.
“I’m just saying, I think you can focus on yourself without closing off completely. I’m all for you chasing the bag and reaching your goals, but don’t let one rotten apple make you think you have to go it alone.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “How many dates have you been on this week? And who’s that behind you?”
She turns to look at the lump underneath the blankets she thought I wouldn’t notice.
“I’ll let love in when you do.” I add. Ryan’s the most unserious person I know when it comes to dating. She never gets attached, and it’s never the same person twice.
“Geez, say it louder why don’t you.” She eyes the sleeping body, but it doesn’t stir, so she relaxes. “You’re not built for this life, Indie. You wouldn’t make it in my shoes.”
“You’re right. That’s why I’m avoiding it all together.”
She looks like she wants to argue further but decides against it. “Yeah, well, I know it’s close to bedtime there, but it’s breakfast time here, and I’m starving. You got this and remember, you’re a bad bitch and no one can take that from you.” She blows a kiss and disconnects the call.
My phone alerts me to a text and Javi’s name pops up on the screen. I swipe the message away before sliding my phone into my back pocket. I’m not sure what's changed, but he has been asking if we can talk. Must be trouble in paradise with Abbie, further confirmation that men can be so trash.
Gathering the dirty clothes hamper into my arms, I head to the laundry room. I’ve been cleaning all day since I leave tomorrow, and I want to leave things the way I found them. When I make it to the laundry room, I drop the basket in my arms and pull out my phone. River and I have fallen into a routine. We work similar hours, so the time before bed’s spent watching random B horror films and eating dinner. Tonight is pizza. Chicken and bacon on my side, pepperoni on his. Pulling up the local pizza shops app, I make sure our order is in route. The app show’s an ETA of thirty minutes from now.
Once I’ve got the machines loaded, I hear the front door open, signaling River’s return. “The food’s almost here. I hope you’re fine with pizza.” I shout as I make my way to the living room where he’s dropping his bag on the island counter.
He yawns into his hands and gives me one of those lazy smiles. “Let me change and I’ll meet you back out here.”
“If you’re too tired, we can cancel.” I place my hands on my hips and inspect his face. He looks tired.
“I’m fine. I want to watch the movie.” He attempts to head to his room and I side step, blocking his path.
“I don’t want you to force yourself.”
He rolls his eyes and lifts his shirt over his shoulders. “You going to let me get to my room so I can change, or should I do it here?”
“Grow up.” I turn away from him, and he laughs as he passes me. My phone pings alerting me that the pizza’s been dropped off earlier than expected. I’ll forever be grateful for no contact delivery. I head to the door and grab the goods. Once I return to the living room, I turn on the TV and set the food up on the coffee table. River plops down on the couch beside me with two cans of soda.
“What are we watching?” Grabbing a slice, I eye the bag in his hand. He hands me a DVD case, Sea slugs: They may move slow but you’ll die fast, is written on the cover.
“Oh, this is going to be good.”
“I saw it and knew it’d be right up your alley.” River suffers through cheesy horror flicks because I enjoy them.
“This is perfect for our last night.”
“I can’t believe you’re going through with it.” He places my drink Infront of me.
“I don’t know why it bothers you so much. I’m kind of excited to see you in your element.” When I take a bite of my pizza, I’m rewarded with the cheesiest of cheese pulls.
“Will it be me you’re focusing on?” River turns to me, cocking his head to the side. I’m now regretting the delicious bite I took because that cheese pull is now dangling from my lips. I, in a very not cute way might I add, push the cheese in my mouth and chew like a starved beast around the steaming bite so I can respond. I hate that nothing I do is ever smooth.
