Lipstick & Camera Clicks, page 17
“With guns blazing.”
twenty-two
Cameron’s not speaking to me. She had Kade all to herself during the firework display, but she’s still got an attitude. Instead of sitting in awkward silence, I decide to head to the movie room. When I push open the door, I find that it’s not empty. At first, I’m not sure what I’m looking at, or rather who I’m looking at. A woman with short blond curls is straddling someone on the couch. The other person’s legs poke out between the blonds and the way they’re tangled around each other makes it clear I’ve walked into something.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” At the sound of my voice, they both jump and turn. Hanna’s on Sabrina’s lap, her hand under Sabrina’s shirt, holding her breasts. Sabrina’s cheeks fill with color.
“My bad, I’m leaving.” Ugh, I can’t stop talking. I shield my eyes with my hands and back into the wall like an idiot. Reaching behind me, I feel blindly for the door as I hear them stumbling off each other. My hand finally lands on the cold metal of the knob. I jerk the door open and slam it shut behind me.
“What the hell?” I run my hand through my braids. Hanna and Sabrina? The sound of the door being thrown open makes my head spin. Hanna wrenches me inside, kicking the door closed.
“Indie, please don’t say anything.” Her curls bounce wildly as she shakes her head.
“Where the heck is River?” Sabrina brings her knees to her chest and mumbles into her hands.
“River knew?” My voice goes up an octave.
“I can hear you guys down the hall.” River hisses and I whirl around to face him as he’s closing the door. His eyes bounce from me to Sabrina. He moves to her side, bending down to her level.
“I got called away. I didn’t think anyone would come near here. Indigo won’t say anything.”
“I can’t do this anymore. It’s Indigo now, it’ll be someone else next time.” Sabrina’s voice trembles.
“Hanna, take Sabrina to your room. I’ll meet you guys there.”
Hanna does as he says, leading Sabrina away.
“Hanna and Sabrina?” I ask River.
“Is it that surprising? They spend every second together.”
Pausing, I think back on it, and he’s right. They’re never apart. “How long has that been going on?”
He lets out a long sigh. “Pretty much since the beginning.” He angles his head toward me. “You can’t say anything.”
“Who do you think I am? I would never. But what are you doing, River? Do you play watch dog every time they want to hook up? This could be bad for you.”
“She reminds me of Ryan. She’s still figuring things out, and she has a lot going on just like…”
“Let me guess, her family isn’t cool with it?”
“Ry had our moms, you and me. Sabrina has no one. Her whole family rejected the idea that she wasn’t—”
“Straight?” I supply.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t understand. If she’s not into men, why’s she here?”
“You didn’t come here for him either.”
My stomach churns. My reasons for coming here have become murky. “You can’t do this for them.”
“She needs someone on her side right now. She’s my assignment, but she’s also a person.”
River’s always been the type to take care of others even when there isn’t much of him left. I look into his eyes and take his face between my hands. He’s still pushing himself.
“You promised to cut back, emotional labor is included in that promise.”
He sighs, leaning into my touch. “I can’t abandon her. Everyone else already has.”
“I’ll look out for Sabrina. I’m serious. Let go of the reins a little and trust me.”
“You don’t even like her.”
“I never said that.” Thought it though. He frowns because we both know I’m bullshitting. “I’m going to do it regardless of what you say, so back off.”
“Yes ma’am.” He smiles down at me.
“Have you gotten with your assistant yet?”
“An assistant will make mistakes I have to fix.”
“It’s how they learn. People are more capable than you think if you give them the room to prove it. You can’t save everyone at the expense of your own sanity.” While River being so willing to help Sabrina is one of the things I love about him, I’m starting to notice a pattern. First it was his mother, then it was Ryan, at times it’s me and now it’s Sabrina. He makes himself responsible even when he’s not.
“Are we still talking about Sabrina?” He gives me that lopsided smile. “Did you know my father tried to take me with him when he left?” His smiles has lost its sincerity. River loved his dad, wanted to be just like him until he turned on their family. He never talks about how much that hurt him.
“Letting go of control is hard for me. I like to know I have a handle on all variables and this project has been a strain on me. We may curate some of the situations here, but the reactions and responses are organic. Not knowing what's going to happen next stresses me out more than it should.”
“It sounds like you’re feeling anxious.” I touch his shoulder.
“I was always on edge when I was trying to hide my mom’s depression and I feel like I forgot how to just be.” He lays his hand over mine. Me being one of those uncontrollable variables isn’t lost on me. My indecisiveness is likely causing him more stress, and that knowledge eats at me. “One of the last things he said to me after I refused to leave was that my mother was going to ruin me.”
“You are many things, but ruined is not one of them. Having healthy relationships with your parents is overrated.” I place my hands on my hips. “We can work on your anxiety. I’ll keep an eye on Sabrina, and you can start giving these assistants something to do other than fetch coffee.”
He smiles, and the stress seems to have lifted a bit. “I’ll leave it to you then.” He bends and kisses my cheek. When did that become normal for us?
“If I find out that you’ve broken our promise and still haven’t taken advantage of your assistant, I’ll think our kiss meant nothing when we made the promise.” I chide.
His eyes light up, that same hungry look from before appears. “I wouldn’t want you to get that idea in your head. I better go find Carl.”
I pray poor Carl’s ready to earn his paycheck this week.
Elimination is tonight. When I make it to the foyer the camera crew is already set up. Drew applies powder to Marissa’s cheeks and Kade is slouched with his hands in his pockets.
“Everyone’s here.” Jose shouts as he ushers me into formation.
Marissa plasters on a camera-ready smile. “As usual, after the good we must have a bit of the bad. Today, we’ll be saying goodbye to another love connection.” She pouts, “Kade will—”
“Let’s not drag this on, yeah? No one likes their time wasted.” Kade cuts Marissa off. His eyes lock with mine. “We don’t have much time left together and I need to consider who I can truly see myself with. Nicole, that isn’t you.”
My mouth drops open, and Nicole looks from Kade to Noah.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Noah steps forward, a vein pulsing on his neck.
“It’s an elimination. I’m eliminating.”
“Choose someone else,” Noah grinds out, his hands clenched at his side.
“No.”
“You’re pissed at me? Fine. But derailing everything I’ve planned isn’t going to help you.” Noah spits the words and Kade looks right through him. He may as well be talking to a brick wall.
“I just tried to send her home. Why would she stay now?” Kade shrugs.
Noah’s nostrils flare, and Marissa takes a step back.
“You have more self-respect than that, don’t you?” Kade looks at Nicole.
Her mouth curls in disgust. “Complete waste of my time. This is not what I was promised.” She flips Kade off before stomping away with her head held high. This time, Jose looks to River and jerks his head toward Nicole’s retreating form. River nods and follows after her.
“It’s done. All your plants are gone.” Kade’s taunting smile serves to anger Noah more and his blood vessel looks like it’s about to burst.
“You don’t want me as your enemy.”
“That’s all you’ve ever been.” Kade shrugs.
“I made you.” Noah shouts.
“I never wanted to be this,” Kade hisses. Silence falls over everyone. Noah and Kade are locked in a battle of wits as they stare each other down. The cameras zoom in and my hands curl into themselves. It’s all good TV for them, another instance of Kade not behaving. That’s all everyone sees, but to me it looks like he’s pleading for Noah to hear him. To understand how trapped in this persona he has become.
Noah, however, laughs humorlessly and then points his finger at Kade. “Keep trying me.” He steps forward and security mimics his action, prepared to step in. “I’m not going to touch him.” Noah declares, straightening his tailored suit jacket.
Jose signals to Marissa and she jumps into host mode, her serene smile back in place. “Next time on The Love Meltdown, we delve into the girls past to see if they have a future here.”
Now what the hell does that mean?
twenty-three
After the last elimination, the halls feel empty. There are only six of us left, and the tension is growing. I decide on a knit sweater dress and boots today since the weather’s been getting cooler. I’ve also tied my braids into pigtails and did some quick swoops on my edges.
“Indie?” Jasmine’s voice floats through the bathroom door.
“Yeah?”
“Jose’s asking for you.”
By the time I exit the bathroom, Jasmine’s back in bed, buried under the covers. When I open the door, I find Jose standing with his usual clipboard in hand.
“Hey boo, walk with me?” He jerks his head back toward the hall. “You look cute. Where were you headed?”
“Outside, I wanted to get some air.”
“We can talk out there.” He pushes open the front door, holding it open for me.
“What’s this about?”
“Well first, how are you? I mostly wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m good.” His check ins have become more frequent lately. We stop when we find a nice patch of grass to settle into. Jose looks less than thrilled to be sitting on the ground, but he follows my lead anyway.
“That’s good.” He nods.
“Was there something else?”
“What about your relationships with the other women? How are things with Jasmine and Cameron?” He tilts his head.
“Jasmines great, we get along well. Cameron and I can’t seem to get on the same page. Why? Is she complaining?”
“No, you guys share a space so I want to help if I can with making sure it’s a comfortable environment.”
“Well, I’m not asking you to say anything to her. It’ll resolve itself.”
“Got it, I won’t meddle.” He throws his hands up in surrender. “I feel like we’ve had a disconnect, a lot of stress and pressure comes with this and the last time you felt overwhelmed, you went to River.” He lets his words hang between us.
“He just happened to be around; it wasn’t intentional.”
“Well, I went through your file to figure out what you liked and placed an order for your favorites to be stocked in the fridge. I’m here to look out for you, but River’s probably the best person to go to if you can’t find me. He’s great at what he does.” He smiles wider, and it seems genuine enough.
“Thanks for being in my corner.”
“Of course,” he nods. “And don’t let the other girls get in your head. I see the way Kade looks at you. Guy is smitten if you ask me.” He nudges my side. “Don’t stay out here too long, we’re filming soon,” he says as he gets up.
Thinking about Kade has taken away any possibility of me relaxing, so I abandon the idea and head back inside. The foyer’s empty except for Sabrina who’s lounging in one of the armchairs with a bottle of wine in one hand and an empty glass in the other. Her thick black hair is tied in a knot atop her head. I hesitate for a moment before moving to sit in the chair beside her.
Her eyes cut in my direction before she pours the red liquid into the glass. “What do you want?”
“Can I not sit here?”
She ignores me, swirling the wine in the glass and tucking the bottle to her side.
“I want you to know you have nothing to worry about on my end.” I give her what I hope is conveyed as a genuine smile.
“I would hope so, you should be focused on your own situation before you worry about mine.”
My smile drops. She’s right, but she doesn’t have to say it. Turning away from her, I let my head fall back and close my eyes as the pulsing at my temples grows in strength. I’ve been on the verge of a headache since I woke up. The love gods punishing me for being complacent probably.
I feel a light tap against my arm and open my eyes to see Sabrina offering the glass of wine to me. I accept it and take a small sip.
“You looked like you could use a drink too.” She takes a swig directly from the bottle.
“What do you think is planned for us next?” I take another sip and scrunch my mouth at the bitterness. It’s stronger than what I normally drink.
“Don’t know, don’t care.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“If I knew you were a talker, I wouldn’t have shared my wine.” She tilts the bottle back, taking another deep drink.
“Are you—I mean, if you don’t want to answer that’s fine, but are you—do you like both? Like are you attracted to Kade, and…?” I let my words trail off.
Sabrina lets out a heavy breath, “I’m as gay as they come. The idea of doing anything sexual with a man makes me want to barf.”
“Then?” I ask.
“Why am I here? To piss my family off. Super cliché, right?”
I mean yes, but I’m pretty sure she’s asking a rhetorical question. “I’m assuming they don’t approve, then.”
She snorts before taking another drink.
“How bad is it?”
“The first and only woman I dated was destroyed by my family. They completely ruined her.” Her grip tightens on the bottle.
“Ruined her?” I can’t help the skepticism that seeps into my voice.
“I wish I was being dramatic. My family comes from old money. It would make you sick to see my family’s accounts. I’m not saying that to brag, but to bring perspective. Ruining a life is nothing to them. Ending careers, black-balling someone, stopping any and every opportunity that may come their way. It’s all child’s play to my family. This is the last thing they expected me to do.” She turns toward me, her eyes are rimmed with red.
“I told them I was going away for a while, to get my head straight.” She taps just above her ear with a delicate finger. “My family doesn’t care what I do unless it could possibly embarrass them or lose them money. They won’t even think to check on me and by the time they do, filming will be over. My dad’s going to blow his top.” She breaks into a fit of laughter.
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. But you can’t deny yourself forever, can you?”
“Take it from a closeted gay. It’s no fun being locked away. Hannah deserves someone that can show her off.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes either.”
My headache resurfaces as my thoughts bounce between River and Kade. “How long have you known?” I ask.
“I started paying more attention to River after the first time he caught Hanna and me. It was easy to see after that. The way you guys look at each other is nauseating.”
“Whatever.” I whisper over my glass before taking another sip.
“I thought you were going to blow your cover at the haunted house. After River and I did all that planning.”
“You were in on that?”
“River told me which routes lead to the dark room. I tried to stop Kade from looking for you, but he insisted. River has helped me with a lot.”
For the first time, I think I see what Hanna sees in Sabrina. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the other girls emerging from their rooms.
“It’s about time to get into formation. You coming?”
“I have nowhere better to be.” Her words tangle together, and when she puts the bottle down, it sounds empty.
“Maybe we should get you some water.”
“I can handle myself.”
I don’t push her further, but keep an eye on her as we make our way to the back of the house. We step through the door leading to the backyard and one of the assistants directs us to stand in a line. Kade and Marissa stand among the flowers in front of us. The back yard is large and dips before turning into an incline the further back you go. A line of trees sits behind Marissa and Kade, while the cameras and lights are set up behind them. River stands with the camera crew and his mouth is set in a hard line.
I silently mouth, “What’s wrong?” and he gives a terse shake of his head.
“I bet you’re all wondering why you’re here tonight.” Marissa pauses dramatically.
“We’re down to the final six and it’s important for Kade to get to know you ladies. How can you plan a future with someone if you don’t know their past?” She smiles and a man steps forward from behind the trees. He has low cropped blond hair, a polo sweater, pressed khaki pants and dress shoes. He looks like your typical country club grade A douche, with his neatly coiffed hair, luxury timepiece and condescending smile.
Sabrina sucks in a breath next to me. “Chad?”
I look between them. “You know him?”
“I’m glad I finished the bottle. That’s my ex.”
Dread pools in my gut and I whip my head back toward Chad. He isn’t the only one making an appearance. One by one, men appear and each time the faces of the women go sour. For a moment, I think I’m safe. Javi wouldn’t show up here. Not after what he did and how we ended.
