Lipstick & Camera Clicks, page 14
“Uh, well, we’re not, you know…” I stumble over my words and mentally kick myself for it.
“I’m working on it.” River leans forward on his elbow, his eyes firmly focused on me, daring me to contradict him.
“Ah, a man who knows what he wants in the kitchen and in a woman. Seems he’s got good taste in both.” She winks at me before leaving to tend to another table.
River’s phone rings and after looking at the caller ID he lets me know it’s work and since we’re ditching he has to take it. The front entrance has large windows and through them I see River speak into his phone.
We’re taking a risk by being here. Pursuing this while I’m on a reality dating show for someone else isn’t great timing. I’m not sure the time will ever be right for us. River hasn’t mentioned the footage of Kade and I kissing and I don’t know if I’m obligated to tell him or not. We’ve never discussed our relationships, but we’re in a weird space and I don’t know the rules.
I groan and slide my hands down my face. This is River’s job. This project is the gateway to the connections he needs. Getting his writing out there for everyone to see has always been his dream. The more I think about what he’s risking, the antsier I feel.
He hangs up, heading toward the entrance, Two women attempt to enter at the same time. He smiles, holding the door open for them. One giggles while thanking him and the other flutters her lashes. I can’t blame them. I’ve been on the tail end of that smile all my life and I’ve always felt it down to my toes when he uses it on me. River isn’t the kind of guy you don’t notice.
“Production wanted an update. I told them we’re waiting to be seen.”
“Maybe we should take the food to go.” I suggest, as Anita returns with our steaming plates.
“Here ya’ll go. If you need anything else, just ask.” She hurries off to greet the women still stealing glances of River.
We both pick up our forks and dig in. He was right. They did put their foot in this. The meat is tender, juicy and packed with flavor. While the BBQ sauce has some heat to it without being overwhelming with a soothing sweetness that follows. The Texas toast is good but that’s hard to mess up. Nice and buttery, with a crispy outside and fluffy center.
“Oh, my god.” I’m practically moaning.
“Should I be jealous of your plate?”
“You know what? Yeah, you should be.” Taking another bite evokes another moan and I see heat flame in River’s eyes.
“I’m going to need you to stop making those sounds at this table.” He shakes his head; his eyes fall to my lips and I fight the urge to lick them. Not going to let River’s bedroom eyes distract me. We’ve been avoiding discussing the elephant in the room and that ends today.
“Why now?” I ask.
“Can I get a little more context?”
“You completely rejected me before and you never tried anything after. Why now?” I pick at the peeling leather of the booth and focus my eyes on my plate. I’ve spent years dancing around my feelings for him, so confronting them head on feels like I’ve stripped naked in front of him.
“I liked you first. I didn’t understand what I felt for you initially. Ryan knew before I did.”
“Ryan knew?”
“She was pissed, said I’d ruin everything. She was worried I’d mess up and you wouldn’t want to be friends with us anymore. I ignored her at first because my eight year old self still thought girls were gross and Ryan was always exaggerating things.” He gives me a crooked smile.
“Do you remember Dillan? From the seventh grade?”
Dillan was my bully in middle school. I nod my head. “Yeah, you fought him because he stole my backpack. You were suspended for a week.” I add before taking another bite of my brisket.
“That’s not why we fought. He was embarrassed when I found him with it because he was putting a note inside. We started arguing because he wouldn’t let me see It, but when I got my hands on it, the next thing I knew my fist was slamming into his face. To be fair, he did push me first.” There’s pride in his eyes. Clearly, he didn’t learn his lesson and would totally punch him again.
“What was in the note?”
“He wanted to apologize. Apparently Dillan had a crush and was never taught how to manage his emotions.”
“A crush on who?” My memories of that time are fuzzy. River raises a brow.
“Me?” I jab my finger into my chest.
“Yes, you.”
“Hah. Okay.”
“I’m serious. When I read what Dillan had written, I was so irritated. Here he was confessing his feelings, admitting he thought you were cute—as if cute even begins to describe you—after he’d been tormenting you all year. He was apologizing, and I was still pissed off. After that fight, I knew then that I misunderstood the day you came stumbling through my door.”
He straightens and fixes his eyes on me. “You asked me why now, but it’s not just now, it’s always been.”
His words push me over the edge. They wash over me, and it feels unreal. How could I have never known?
“I held back because Ryan was going through a lot at the time. She needed you. What if I pushed you away, and she lost you too? I don’t know if she would’ve made it without you.”
His hands curl into themselves, forming tight fists. Ryan felt like her sexuality broke their home. It was like walking on eggshells whenever their father walked in a room. He wouldn’t even let us shut our doors anymore, as if Ryan being queer meant she would want any girl that crossed her path. Anger flares in my chest and I understand River’s need to protect her. Ryan’s light was so dim back then.
“I figured I’d eventually get over it. But I still couldn’t shake you, so I said yes when Elizabeth Warner asked me out the summer—”
“The summer I confessed.” I whisper.
He nods. “She hated you; you know? Even though I dated her, she knew.” He shakes his head.
“I thought I’d lost my chance when Javi came along. I thought I was okay with us growing apart and finding other people, but you’ve always been the only one. You moved in with him and I knew I made a mistake.” He pauses and laughs, but there’s no actual humor in it. “My timing sucks, I know that. But I’ve done my waiting. I want you.”
A nagging feeling pinches at my chest painfully. My hands shake and my mind flashes to Kade. He’s saying everything I’ve wanted to hear, and it hurts.
“I kissed Kade.” I drop the words between us. They leave my lips light as air but fall with enough weight to crash into River like a bomb. His smile falters before sliding back into place.
“Considering the premise of the show, this was unavoidable.”
My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I want to agree, but I don’t know that it’d be the truth.
“You like him.” He’s not asking. My eyes lock with his and I can tell by the way he’s looking at me that he’s seeing what I’ve only recently accepted.
I have feelings for Kade too.
Hurt mars his face, his handsome features twist.
“I—” I’m not sure what to say.
“But you feel this too. I know you do.” His eyes are filled with determination.
I draw in a shaky breath and nod.
“Then I haven’t lost yet.”
nineteen
The ride back is awkward, to say the least. Our conversation bounces around in my head, and I worry about how I’m supposed to deal with Kade and River in the same space. When we get back to my room, Cameron and Jasmine hop off of their beds when I open the door.
“Are you okay?” Jasmine pulls me into a hug.
“Yeah, we heard you weren’t feeling well.” Cameron eyes me.
“I’m fine, just bad cramps.” The lie rolls off my tongue.
“Did he take you?” Cameron’s eyes narrow as she looks over my head toward River. “Yeah, I told him I wasn’t feeling well earlier.”
“Oh. Jose’s been gone all afternoon, so we thought he took you.” There’s an implication in Cameron’s tone, one that makes me uncomfortable.
“Well, I feel fine now.” I wave River off. “Thank you.” He nods and leaves.
“You’re telling me you spent the entire afternoon with him? Suddenly I don’t feel so good.” Jasmine fans her face.
“Elimination’s in twenty, you might want to change.” Cameron throws over her shoulder as she leaves. She’s right, Jose would kill me if I came to film in a graphic tee. Swapping my clothes for a simple black bodycon dress with rhinestone straps, I rush and add a light layer of makeup. Jasmine’s kind enough to wait for me, so we head down together. Marissa’s ready when we arrive with Kade at her side and jumps into action when she gets the signal.
“Hello ladies, how did the dates go for the lucky few today?” Marissa smiles with her usual faux excitement.
“We went candle making. It was fun. Mine smells just like Kade.” Serenity’s large round eyes expand. She stares at Kade with a level of infatuation that makes me cringe.
Marissa nods and moves on. “Hanna, how about you?”
Hanna’s pale skin turns bright red. She brushes her short curls behind her ear, only for them to pop forward again. “We went for ice cream.” Hanna’s voice is soft.
“Come on girl, give us some details. How’d it go?” Marissa prods, barely hiding her annoyance.
“It went well. Kade and I are on the same page, so it’s refreshing spending time with him.” She drops her gaze to the floor, unwilling to explain any further.
“Well then, I guess it’s time to discuss why we’re all here.” Marissa turns to Kade and slaps her hand on his shoulder. “You’ve been tasked with sending one of the lovely women before you home. I do not envy your position.” She pauses dramatically and Kade looks bored. His eyes focus on something behind us, as if he would rather be anywhere else. “So who’s it going to be?” Marissa gives his shoulder a squeeze.
Kade doesn’t even look in our direction. “Serenity.” He says it with no emotion, something’s off about him today.
Serenity pushes her way to the front of our formation. “Me? We had a great date. Why would you send me home?”
Kade breathes heavily before turning his eyes on her. “I’m not changing my mind.”
“But we have something real. You can’t tell me you don’t feel it.”
Kade’s eyes turn up to the ceiling and he mutters something under his breath before looking back down at her. “You’ll have the candle to remember me by. Our time together is up.”
Serenity’s eyes become impossibly large. “You’re saying this because you think you have to. We’ve stayed apart because they don’t want us together.” She points a shaky finger at Noah, and he gives the smallest nod, as if encouraging her to continue.
Marissa’s eyes flash toward Kade. “Did you guys know each other before this?” She asks.
“I have never met this woman; I have no idea what she’s rambling about.” His eyes dart toward Noah.
Serenity laughs in disbelief. She runs her fingers through her hair, still staring at Kade with those wide unblinking eyes. “We met two years ago. You told me you loved me.” She shakes her head and takes a step back, bumping into Nicole, who shoves her forward. This whole situation is hard to watch. Serenity is clearly confused and I’m starting to feel bad for her. I look to security and none of them are making a move to stop her.
“Are you referring to a signing event?” Kade’s brows slam together.
“Why would you say you loved me if you didn’t mean it?” Serenity’s voice is shrill, and tears run down her face leaving streaks of mascara running down her cheeks.
“I meant in the way I say to all my fans. Why would you think I was in love with you? Is this some kind of joke?” Kade looks back at Noah, accusation clear in his eyes.
“I don’t have to sit through this.” Serenity rips her mic from under her dress, throwing it to the ground before stomping back toward the rooms. Jose points to one of the assistants and they run after her.
Marissa places a hand on Kade’s shoulder, dragging his attention from Noah. “We’ll that was unexpected.”
Kade’s dark eyes are cold, his fingers clench into fists. Marissa drops her hand and looks nervously at Jose who nods and signals the cameras to focus on her, dropping Kade out of the shot.
“This isn’t the first meltdown this show has seen and it won’t be the last—"
I don’t hear the rest of what she’s saying because something flies right past me, the air from the force of the object’s movement pushes against my skin. Whatever it is, just nearly misses hitting Kade in the head and shatters as it hits the floor. We collectively turn towards the direction it came from to see Serenity. Her hair is disheveled and her chest heaves as she attempts to catch her breath. The assistant that followed her looks scared out of his mind, mouth hanging open and eyes fearfully locked in on Jose.
Serenity ignores everyone else in the room and points to Kade. “Don’t ever embarrass me like that. I’ve put up with this show because you’ve ignored my letters and this is how you treat me?” She screams.
It takes a moment for me to register that she threw a candle with the intention of hitting Kade over the head with it. It takes me one second longer to take in the fact that if I had been standing even slightly more to the right, it would have knocked me out instead.
“Are you insane? You could have hurt him or anyone else standing here.” I’m in her face before security can reach her.
“I don’t want to hear from you. Whores don’t get to say anything to me. We all know why Kade keeps you around.” She turns her anger on me.
Every rational thought goes out the window and I pull my arm back. Just as I am about to put all my weight into wiping that look off her face, I feel a hand wrap around my fist.
“Let me go.” I seethe. I’m all adrenaline at this point.
“No.” Kade hisses, as he steps in front of me.
“She could have hurt you.” Everything in me is begging to get to her, but Kade grabs my arm, holding me steady.
He turns to me, and the look on his face turns my blood cold. “That candle flew right past your head before it got anywhere near me. I’m pissed too.” He turns back toward Serenity who shrinks into the security guard’s arms when his eyes land on her. “Get her out of here now, before I lose my shit.” He takes a menacing step toward Serenity, dragging me with him.
“He said you wanted me here.” Serenity’s eyes flit in Noah’s direction.
“If you ever cross my path again, you’ll regret the day you ever met me.” His grip becomes painful, and I wince, drawing his attention.
“I think you should let her go.” River’s pushed through crowd to get to us. His eyes are locked on where Kade’s hand holds onto my mine. Something’s wrong. Kade’s never been the friendliest, but the look in his eyes is feral, like an animal being backed into a corner.
“I don’t need you telling me what to do.” Kade loosens his hold on me, “You’re supposed to vet these people, but you let someone like that get in. It almost hit Indigo; did you see how much force she put into that throw?”
River’s jaw locks and he moves toward me despite the warning in Kade’s eyes.
“Who screened her?” Kade looks past River to Noah, who’s got a disgusting smile plastered on his face. He used Serenity’s inability to discern reality against her.
“She’s what we needed.” Noah shrugs, completely unbothered.
“So, you purposefully picked an obsessed stalker? Do you know how dangerous that is? After what happened last time, how could you do something so stupid?” Kade’s fuming.
“Oh come on, don’t tell me you’re afraid of a woman? You were never in any real danger. What happened last time is exactly why I did it again. You can’t beat that type of PR.”
Kade’s muscles jump under his skin as he flexes his fingers. “Again?” Kade shakes his head. “You’re fired.”
Noah’s mouth goes slack. “You can’t do that; we have a contract.” Noah takes a step forward, but then gets a look at Kade’s face and stops.
“I’ll pay the fines; I want you gone.”
Noah scoffs, “I’m finishing this project. You’ll see which of us is right when it’s all said and done.” He stomps his way past us, careful to give Kade a wide berth.
“You still need to let her go.” River repeats himself.
“Hey, I’m fine.” I look to River, “I’m okay.” Leveling his stare, I try to convey that he can chill out. Kade isn’t hurting me, but he is who everyone should be worried about. His hand trembles and I know I need to get him out of here. “Kade, maybe we should break for the day. You can go to your room, and we can try this again when things calm down.” At first, I’m unsure if he heard me, but then he looks away from River.
“We’re done today.” He pushes through everyone that crowded behind us, pulling me with him until I’m jerked backward, causing Kade to stumble a step back.
“She can stay here.” River has captured my other arm.
Kade’s fire is still burning high, his hand is moist, and the tremor I noticed earlier is becoming more severe.
“I’ll go with him.” I announce, and River’s eyes jump to mine. There’s betrayal there and the weight of it crushes me. He drops my arm like it’s burned him and Kade takes me with him before I can say anything. I feel everyone’s eyes on us as we make our way upstairs. We pass a few doors and enter one toward the middle of the hall. He slams it shut behind us and falls to the floor reaching for his throat, his breathing strained.
“Kade what’s going on?” Rushing to kneel beside him, I brush his hair out of his eyes. He doesn’t answer but his breathing’s coming out as a wheeze now. “I’m going to get someone.” I move to stand, but his hand juts out and anchors me next to him. His eyes are dilated and sweat beads his brow.
“Are you having a panic attack?” Ryan used to have them all the time, especially once her dad left. His breathing becomes labored, taking hold of his face I press my forehead to his. “Breathe in deep.” I demonstrate, pulling air in through my nose and then letting it go through my mouth. “Just like that. You’re safe, it’s me and you.” His large hands tighten around my wrists. “Deep and slow. We’re going at your pace.” I remove one hand from his cheek and message his arm. His breathing is still shallow, but it’s starting to mellow out. “Do you have medicine?”
