Lipstick & Camera Clicks, page 21
“Do you want to be with Kade, or do you want to be there for him? You mentioned thinking River was confused. Aren’t you the one misunderstanding your feelings?”
“When I think of River and compare it to my feelings for Kade, I know I’m not in love with him. I think it’s more like how I love you. I want him to be happy. He grew on me, Ry.”
“Indie…”
“I think I could have fallen for Kade. I wanted to try because being with him is comfortable, but being with River scares me to death because I want it so bad. There is no room left in my heart when River exists.”
Ryan gives me a sad smile. “It sounds like you aren’t confused at all, then.”
She’s right, I’ve been a coward. Standing, I brush the back of my dress off.
“Where are you going?” She asks.
“I’m done running Ry.” I unlock the door and set off with my mind made. It’s time to end this and face River.
twenty-nine
Iforgot how loud the club was after being held captive by Ryan in the restroom. Standing on my toes, I try to look over the crowd. After a bit of searching, I spot Kade back in our section talking with Jasmine. My stomach is in knots, but it’s better to rip the Band-Aid off. Unfortunately, I don’t notice Cameron in my path. We bump into each other and what’s left of her drink splashes the front of her dress.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” I pat at the wet spot with my hand, but she waves me off.
“Don’t worry about it. You want to dance with us?” Cameron bounces back and forth with her friend at her side.
“I can’t, I need to—”
“Indigo puh-lease. Let someone else have time with Kade. If you’re not hogging him, then he’s in a bad mood waiting for you to come back around. For once, he’s giving everyone else a chance. Don’t ruin it.” Cameron rolls her eyes.
She’s kind of right. Waiting a few more hours won’t hurt. I scan the room again, finding Sabrina at the bar. I’d forgotten she was alone, and I had intended to keep her company tonight.
“I’ll catch you guys later.” I tell Cameron before making my way to Sabrina.
The bar’s dark, and further away from the dance floor so it’s less packed. I take the stool next to Sabrina and lean forward on my elbows. “How’s your night going sexy?” I whisper in her ear.
She looks alarmed at first, but then recognition settles. She laughs before taking the last swig of her drink. “Like shit.”
She looks it too. Perfectly put together, but cracking underneath. Her eyes are puffy and a frown has been permanently stamped on her face.
“It’s not too late. You can still leave.” I bump her shoulder with mine.
“I don’t want to hear that from you.” She pushes her glass forward and crosses her arms over her chest.
“I know I’m the last person who should give anyone relationship advice—”
“Have you figured that out yet, by the way?” She asks, changing the subject.
“I think so.” My eyes drift to Kade, and she follows my line of sight.
“They’re both good guys.”
“I know.”
“I wouldn’t want to be you.” She cracks a smile.
“You think you’re doing any better than me?”
“You’re right. Hey,” she taps the counter with the palm of her hand. “Two more of these.” She shouts over the music, pointing at her glass and waving to get the barkeeps attention. He grunts in response before filling two glasses with whatever cocktail she was having before I came. He drops them in front of us before tending to another customer. Really shouldn’t have another, but what the hell, why not?
Sabrina picks up one glass and hands me the other. “To us figuring out our shit.”
“To us.”
Apparently, Ryan can get along with anyone. Sabrina warmed up to her way quicker than she did me. We spent the night dancing, and it was just what I needed. Kade seemed to be having unfiltered fun. I don’t know if it was the drinks, his cousin being there or him finally letting go, but how could I ruin that?
It’s close to two in the morning when we pull up to the mansion after stopping for burgers on the way back. Sabrina’s holding on to Ryan for support as we hobble out of the limo. Kade finds my hand while the other girls laugh, stumbling up the steps.
“Where are we going?” I ask as he hauls me behind him.
“I don’t want the night to end. Stay up a little longer for me?” He reaches under his shirt and flips his mic off.
I watch his back and grip his hand tighter. I’m not sure if we’ll have another night like this, so I turn my mic off and let him pull me along. We make it around the back and step into the garden where the floor’s less even and Kade sways on his feet, so I drape his arm around my shoulders for support.
“Thank you, beautiful.”
“Who invites someone on a walk when they can hardly stand?” I ask.
“I can stand just fine. Maybe getting close to you was the plan.”
Neither of us is paying attention, so when the ground begins to incline slightly, we both stumble. As we fall, Kade twists his body, so that I land on top of him.
“Crap, sorry.” I attempt to move, but he grabs my hips.
“The floor’s moving more than I expected is all.” He mumbles.
“Oh sure, yes, that’s it.” The words bounce around with my laughter.
He smiles softly and caresses my cheek.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask.
“This is how I always look at you.” He shrugs.
“Well, stop it.”
“I’ve tried.”
Rolling my eyes, I sigh and lift my chin. “I’m happy I met you.” I’m not sure how to start, but I want him to know that. More than anything, I hope we could still be friends after this.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone on my side.” He smiles up at me. “Shemar and I are close, but he was always traveling for military business until recently. My mom and dad retired to Japan and aren’t in the states often and as you know, I’m a terrible judge of character.” Even though his tone is light, his eyes are sad.
“I’ll always root for you to win. You deserve a win.”
His hand drops from my face. “I gave up on trying to do that a long time ago. So I took a step back from acting because my panic attacks made it nearly impossible. I got caught up in what I thought I had to be.” He focuses on the night sky above us. “I signed contracts I didn’t understand and tied myself to Noah and his team. At first, I tried to ruin my image, figured they couldn’t sell a damaged product.”
Hearing him describe himself as if he’s not a person with feelings breaks my heart.
“Then they used the money angle, threatening to empty my bank accounts with penalties and fines. They soon learned I didn’t care about the money. I just want to be free to act without any of their agendas tying me down. I stopped going to auditions, started bailing on jobs, went to therapy and my panic attacks got better.” A ghost of a smile breaks across his features.
“It didn’t last long. Turns out I needed the money more than I thought. I bought my parents’ home and couldn’t afford it, the route I was taking.”
“How can a contract be so one-sided?”
“People only look out for themselves.”
“That’s not true.”
The stars shine bright and reflect in his eyes.
“I’ll give the world what they want. Not me, but the manufactured version my management team has created. This show’s supposed to show a softer side of me. Not exactly working in their favor, is it?” He smirks, but it’s all smoke and mirrors.
“The world’s missing out.”
“I don’t need the world.” He twines his fingers through mine, and I feel like I’m falling and the landing is going to be excruciating.
“I’m happy to orbit your universe, but it can’t just be me. You need a solar system.” I can feel that I’m hurtling toward the floor and the painful crash is coming, so I brace myself. “Kade we–"
“How long are you going to stay on top of me?” He smiles and his eyes drift down to my chest still pressed against his.
“Oh god, my bad.” I scramble to my feet and offer him my hand. He still seems a little off balance, so I lean his weight against me. Asking him to break our deal now feels like I’d be twisting the knife already stuck in his back. I’ll leave it alone for tonight and try again tomorrow. It’s a slow trek back to the mansion, dragging Kade up the stairs was an obstacle all its own. When we finally make it inside his room, I drop him to the floor with a huff.
“That wasn’t gentle at all.” He chuckles.
“Were you even trying” I pant as I throw his blankets back. He laughs harder, which leads me to believe he wasn’t.
“Come on, time to sleep.” I tow him toward the bed. Pushing at his chest so he falls backward onto the sheets.
“Are you going to tuck me in?” He teases.
Pulling his shoes off, I roll my eyes and then reach for the blanket as he twists his body so his legs aren’t hanging over the side. I push the covers underneath his arms as tight as I can and fluff his pillow roughly, so his head bounces violently.
“Is that good?”
He laughs and wiggles his arms free.
“You better remember this in the morning.” I mumble. I kick off my heels and grab them in my hands as I start towards the door.
“I’m happy I met you too.”
I stop and look over my shoulder. Kade’s smiling at me, and he looks so exposed. Like he’s expecting me to make him regret it instead. I should tell him now. End things before they go any further, but I don’t. Not when he’s looking at me like that.
I mirror his expression the best I can. “We’ll talk tomorrow.” He nods and I leave. Every opportunity was missed tonight.
When I turn away from the door, I stop dead in my tracks because River stands in front of me.
thirty
River stands across from me, eyes cold. “Why are you coming out of his room?”
“River, it’s not—”
“Did he touch you?” His voice takes on a deadly tone.
“Stop it. Nothing happened.” Deciding it’d be better not to have this conversation outside of Kade’s room, I march to where River is standing and yank him away. He doesn’t protest and falls in step behind me. A puff of air flows through my nose, and I stomp my feet with each step. The accusation in his eyes has me running hot. “Why are you following me around, anyway?” I throw over my shoulder. He doesn’t answer. I want to face River after clearing things up with Kade, so we could have a clean slate. However, River’s patience with me seems to have run out and I don’t know if I can avoid it much longer. We make it down the stairs and I start toward my room, when River jerks me backward, causing me to fall into his chest. Before I can right myself, he’s bending his knees and throwing me over his shoulder.
“What the hell are you doing?” My head whips around, scanning the area for any witnesses, and the tension dancing along my muscles relax when I see the coast is clear. “I told you nothing happened.” His hold on me is iron tight, so I give up. We enter one of the empty rooms and he stops at the bed tossing me on top of it. “What is your problem?” Anger causes me to trip over myself before I’m able to get to my feet.
He closes the distance between us. We’re so close my nose is practically at his chest. I raise my chin and look up at him—I’m met with unfiltered anguish. Whatever strength he had left has been used up, he’s not holding back anymore.
“My problem is that I had to watch you walk out this door on his arm dressed like this.” His hand goes to my thigh, slipping underneath the skirt of my dress. He trails upward, bringing the flimsy material with him until he reaches the curve of my hips, the air’s cold against my skin. “I had to sit back, knowing he was going to have his hands on you.” His voice is thick and the pads of his fingers trail along the hem of my panties. “My problem is you not pushing him away and letting it happen.” His eyes bore into mine.
Whatever barricade I had restraining my feelings for River vanishes and all my pent-up feelings come rushing forward like water breaking through a dam. “And I had to go years thinking you didn’t want me. How many women did I watch you date? How many women did you bring home, and I had to smile in their faces?”
“I was trying to move on.” He grits out.
“So was I.”
“Is that what you’re doing now?” He looks at me like he’s bracing himself.
I channel all my anger into pushing him away. All my frustration is spilling out and I can’t stop it. “Fuck you, River. I had a plan. No attachments, no stress and nothing that could bite me in the ass later. I promised I’d never give someone that kind of power over me again.” He grabs at my wrists. I don’t know when I started crying, but the tears are flowing now, and I can’t find the off switch. “Fuck you. Because I’m so in love with you, I don’t care about the consequences.”
He wrenches me forward and his mouth is on mine. Any words I had left die on his lips. My tongue meets his greedily. His hands wrap around my braids before he tightens his hold, pulling them back so that my head tilts up.
“I had it in my head since we were kids that you were mine. I’ve been in love with you since before I was old enough to know what love was.”
His words send my heart into overdrive. He dips his head—his lips covering my rapid pulse at the base of my neck. River is a torrent of overwhelming need. His kisses send rivulets of pleasure through me and my knees grow weak. His hands go to my waist and the moment my feet leave the floor, I wrap my legs around his hips. I take his face in my hands, meeting him blow for blow. Our kisses are desperate. I feel like I can’t get enough of him.
His fingers flex as he takes a handful of my ass into each hand and I feel his desire for me grow, hot and hard. I rock against him, and he moans against my mouth, causing my own desire to pool between my thighs. He takes rushed steps toward the bed before laying me down. He stands over me, tugging his shirt over his shoulders and all the wind is knocked out of me. Everything about him is beautiful.
My legs are still wrapped around him, I use them to bring him closer before I push myself up to undo his belt. When I finally manage to get the buckle and buttons undone, my fingers tremble as I pinch the zipper between my fingers.
The metal glides over the bulge that’s grown underneath and I swipe my tongue against my lips, peering up through my lashes. River’s smile is teasing, and I flush under his gaze. He tries to guide me back on the bed, but instead I take his hand and pull him down, maneuvering us so he’s on his back.
His mouth parts as he watches me, and my lips turn up as I run my hands slowly from my chin, down my neck, along my collarbone and underneath the straps of my dress. Pulling one down, I turn my back to him and slide the other off as well.
Looking over my shoulder, I see longing in his eyes, and it only encourages me. I let the dress fall at my feet. I hear his intake of breath behind me, and goose bumps crawl up my skin from the thrill of baring myself to him.
Placing my hands on my hips, I dip my fingers underneath the waistband of my panties, pulling them down to my knees and bending all the way forward so he has a full view as I step out of them.
“Get over here.” River’s strong arm loops around me, and he presses kisses down my spine. Each one leaves a tingling sensation in its wake as I arch into them. “You’re so perfect.” He mumbles as his lips reach my lower back. I gasp in response and twist in his arms.
River Beck’s on his knees in front of me. Suddenly I feel shy, and my hand moves to cover myself.
“You can’t put a meal in front of a starving man and then take it away.” His touch is gentle as he uncovers me. “From the looks of things, you want this too.” He glides a finger down my slit, when he pulls away, it’s covered in my arousal.
“River.” His name comes out breathless, and I twitch with anticipation.
“Say my name, just like that.”
He drags his tongue along my center, tasting how much I want him. Pleasure rocks through me and my hands go to his hair to keep me grounded. He swirls his tongue around my clit, and I feel like I’m losing the ability to stand. He pushes inside of me, pumping in and out, while one of his fingers applies a rhythmic pressure.
“Oh my god” The words are a strangled mess as they fall from my mouth. He replaces his tongue with a finger from his free hand and my legs shake as he places a kiss on my inner thigh.
“I love the sounds you make.” He kisses me again as he inserts another digit and I feel myself tighten around his fingers as he pumps faster and harder. My breathing has become ragged, and I lean on his shoulders for support.
“The way your body reacts to me drives me mad.”
His fingers curl and hit just the right spot, lighting every nerve ending on fire as he hits it over and over again.
“River.” I moan as my entire body falls apart; all my nerves are on fire as he continues to work me into oblivion. My body feels completely boneless as I fall to my knees and take his face into my hands. He kisses me and I can taste my pleasure on his lips. We break apart, and I look down to see his erection standing between us. Immediately, my body aches for more.
“I want this too.” Running my hand up his length with one hand, I lean forward and place a kiss on his cheek before standing.
I guide him back toward the bed. Once he’s laying down, the full size of him has me a little intimidated. The corners of his mouth tilt up as he takes the base of his shaft into one hand.
“Scared, Blue?” He asks.
“For you maybe.”
I knock his hand away and wrap my fingers around him as the heat from his erection seeps into my skin. Leaning forward, I slide my tongue along the tip, and I hear his breathing deepen. My want overshadows any nerves still lingering and I take him into my mouth, swirling my tongue and making sure to wet every inch before I begin slow steady strokes. I’m careful to cover my teeth as I work him from top to bottom. His hands go to my braids, keeping them out of my face. His head rolls back as his breathing becomes haggard.
