Lipstick & Camera Clicks, page 4
“Can you tell us about yourself?” Mary smiles warmly, easing my nerves.
“My name’s Indigo Johnson. I’m twenty-three, born and raised in Texas before moving to California a few years ago, and I’m a makeup artist.”
“Interesting.” Mary says, but Noah lifts his wrist and checks the time on his watch. “What about your family? Are you close?” She asks while still reading the papers in front of her.
“My mom and I—” I’m interrupted by the sound of the door being thrown open. The culprit enters the room and I feel the air leave my lungs. He’s the kind of beautiful that makes you want to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming. A face that looks like it was hand carved, all sharp angles and full lips. His dark eyes are storm clouds that latch to mine as he runs his hands through his hair, pushing the curly black strands out of the way. My eyes travel down to his chest. He has light brown skin and the top of his shirt’s unbuttoned, but not in a gross flashy kind of way, just enough to pique my interest. The material covering his arms is hanging on for dear life as his muscles tense. My attention draws back up to his mouth, which has formed into a smirk as he approaches.
“You’re not supposed to be here.” Noah sighs.
“No one answered my calls. Figured I’d drop in. You don’t mind, do you?” The mystery man leans against the table and gives me a crooked smile.
“This isn’t protocol.” Mary grits out.
“Who cares? It’s the last one of the day.” Noah leans back in his chair.
“Go on beautiful.” The man says, still leaning against the table, eyes locked on my lips. I ignore how the look he’s giving me makes me feel, all tingly and self-conscious. He’s clearly overdosing on confidence, and I can’t tell if I like it or not.
“My mother and I are close, even if we don’t always agree. She raised me alone until we rented out a room at a friend’s house.”
“So you grew up poor?” Noah asks.
Irritation flares inside me as pride makes me throw my shoulders back and lift my chin. “We didn’t have a lot, but we had what we needed.”
“What about dating? Tell us about your recent relationships.” Mary sits forward.
My recent relationship is the last thing I want to discuss. My eyes flick to the man still evaluating my every move.
“I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We’d been together for over two years. He was my first real relationship.”
“I find that hard to believe.” The stranger’s eyes travel down my body. I shoot a scowl in his direction, which causes him to smile wider, and I hate the way my heart reacts to the small dimples that appear. What a creep.
“So you’re a virgin? Or you were one?” Noah leans forward, pen in hand. Is he wanting to take notes on my sexual activity? “We need to know how to package you sweetheart, the poor thing isn’t going to work. We already have a Cinderella, but we don’t have a virgin.” Noah smiles.
“I lost that a long time ago.”
“So your boyfriend wasn’t your first?” Mr. Way-Too-Full-of-Himself folds his arms over his chest. Yep, definitely don’t like him. I can’t tell if he’s judging me, but I’ll never let a man make me feel insecure about what I do with my body.
“No. He wasn’t. Thank God for that.” The man blinks at me in surprise before laughing, which annoys me more.
Mary cuts in. “We checked your socials and see that you were involved with this Javi guy. He has a large following. Do you often go after men in the public eye?”
“No, I knew Javi before he grew his following.” I’ve avoided fanning the flames and attempting to clear my name to avoid it getting any messier, but now it’s followed me here.
“Some girls are good at that, they know which ones to latch on to before a guy hits it big.” Noah interjects, a look of displeasure plays across his features. Okay, seriously, what the hell is his problem?
“If we’re being honest, I made Javi who he is today. Some men are good at that. They know which women they can suck dry until they don’t need them anymore.”
Noah’s face falls. The man who has yet to introduce himself releases a full-bodied laugh.
“Why’d you break up? The details surrounding your relationship are muddy.” Mary taps the paper in front of her which is apparently my dossier.
The heat in my chest returns. I take a calming breath and weigh my words. “People believe what they want. Anything you find online won't paint an accurate picture.”
“He also insinuates you destroyed his property. Do you normally have outbursts like that?” Mary shakes her head, her bob bouncing with the movement.
I make a mental note to kick Ryan for that later. When Javi posted pics of the damage, it confirmed the “Toxic Ex” title he’d given me. “At the risk of sounding cliché, it wasn’t me.”
“You’re playing the innocent thing up, but this is the better angle.” Noah laces his fingers together and places his hands in front of him.
This conversations officially used up what little patience I had. Javi disrespected me and his actions are still bleeding into my life now.
“I have no reason to pretend to be anything other than who I am. People are obsessed with pushing a narrative and turning it into something bigger than it was.”
Noah rolls his eyes. “You’re still getting a lot of attention online. This Javi guy has a loyal following. Do you think your current image would be good for the show?”
“You tell me? It doesn’t seem like you care if I’m a good person.” I raise a brow and Noah gives me a knowing smile.
“It doesn’t seem like the situation was that long ago. Do you feel ready to fall in love again?” Mary asks.
I roll her question around in my head. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind. Do people even find love on these shows? It doesn’t sound like they want real answers anyway.
“I’m ready for whatever comes next. If it’s love, then I’m open to it.” It won't be, but if that answer sells them, then fine.
“Well, Indigo, I think that’s all the questions we have for you. Do you have any for us?”
“I don’t. Thank you for taking the time to see me.”
Mary smiles while Noah scrolls through his phone, completely checked out. Doing my best to ignore the man still watching me, I turn to leave. I didn’t expect to get this far, and based on how things went today; I doubt I’ll be hearing back.
“Your troubles with social media and the pressure that comes with it will get worse if you do this. Why would you want to?” The man’s voice makes me halt. I look over my shoulder and his eyes are locked on mine.
“I want some control back. If people are going to talk anyway, I might as well give them a show.”
“You think you can change the narrative?” He tilts his head to the side, his curls falling with the movement.
“Who says I want to change it?”
The corners of the man’s lips hike up and he nods as if dismissing me, so I turn to leave.
I’ll be the bad guy if they want me too, but they can hate me while I collect that check.
five
It’s been a week since the casting call and I haven’t heard anything, which is fine by me. I’ve been avoiding telling River I applied, but it feels like I’m hiding things from him, so I’m making it a point to bring it up this morning.
“Are you even listening to me Indie?” Ryan huffs into the camera. My phone is propped on the counter while we have our morning video call—well, my morning, her afternoon. Ryan had to leave for Paris earlier this week.
“Your agent had to book your next flight economy since it’s a last-minute schedule change and you’re horrified to be seated with us regular folk.”
“Ugh, Indie. It’s a fourteen hour flight from Paris to Japan. I’m 5’10”. Do you understand how much pain I’m going to be in?”
“I’m sorry Ry, your problems are a little out of my tax bracket babe.”
Her laugh fills the space between us. “I can’t believe you haven’t heard anything back about the show yet.”
“I can. It didn’t go well. They were harping on my drama with Javi.” Sliding the spatula under the pancake, I move it to a plate and begin chopping some fruit. “Maybe I don’t even have to tell River.”
“You used to tell him everything, talk to him.”
“Talk to me about what?” The sound of Rivers’ voice floats into the kitchen.
“Oop, gotta go.” Ryan shouts before disconnecting the line.
“I made breakfast, thought we could catch up.”
“Are those chocolate chip?”
“Yep, go sit.” I move the skillet to the sink and add fruit on both our plates before bringing them to the table.
“Why do I feel like you’re buttering me up?” He drizzles syrup before cutting into his food.
River didn’t explicitly tell me not to apply, but he didn’t seem to like the idea. So I’ve been stalling. “Should I not cook for you next time?”
“I’m not opposed to a beautiful woman making me breakfast.” He rests his elbow on the table and props his head on the palm of his hand. He’s giving me that look that’s always made my stomach flip. River may be handsome, but I’ll never go down that road again.
The Becks entered my life when I was five. I was too young at the time to recognize that the life my mom had built for us was falling apart. Most memories of my dad have faded. He was never home. I do remember the fighting. The late nights huddled under the blankets with my palms pressed against my ears, trying to block out the noise. It was impossible, though. It would continue until late and then Mom would climb into my bed. I’d pretend to be sleeping while she cried.
This became our routine most nights until one morning she got me dressed like she normally would for school, only she didn’t stop at packing my backpack—she had her own bags too. We took a different route than usual and arrived at the biggest house I’d ever seen. A woman with pale skin and brick colored hair answered the door.
“Violet.” The woman smiled and her eyes crinkled at the edges.
“Tiffany, hey.” My mom opened her arms, and they pulled each other into a hug while I hid behind my mother’s leg. They pulled apart, and the woman bent down and smiled warmly at me.
“You must not remember me Indigo, I’m your auntie Tiffany.”
Mom explained they were best friends since high school and though they weren’t blood related, they considered themselves sisters. Tiffany ushered us into her home and a little boy, who she introduced as her son, was on the floor playing with toy cars.
“You guys were inseparable when you were babies. You’d sleep in the same crib and cry when we pulled you apart.” Tiffany laughed as she introduced me to River.
Even back then, River was a cute kid. His baby fat still clung to him, and his curls were loose spirals falling at his shoulders. Thick curly lashes framed his dark green eyes, and he was missing his front teeth.
I remember thinking that River’s name fit him perfectly. He liked moving at his own pace, and it was almost impossible not to be dragged into his current.
“We’re going to be friends.” He stood in front of me, toy car still in hand. “You’re going to be staying in my old playroom. Do you want to see it?”
My mom hadn’t broken the news that we would be staying with the Becks, and I had a full on, arms swinging, legs kicking tantrum. I remember being upset about the things we’d left behind and my old bed, which felt like a safe space for my mom and me. It felt like being separated from my things was equivalent to my little world going up in flames.
When Tiffany and my mom’s soothing words didn’t stop my crying, River took it upon himself to take my face between his chubby palms.
“I’ll give you every toy I have if you want.” He grabbed my wrist, forcing his car into my hand.
“That one’s my favorite, but you can have it. We can share my bed too. It’s a lot bigger than the one in the playroom.” He smiled at me, his tongue poking through the gap in his teeth.
“I don’t like cars.” The tears had stopped flowing. His words had piqued my curiosity and my five year old heart was fickle.
“My sister’s not home. I bet she has something we can steal.” Mischief danced in his eyes.
River was right. We were fast friends. I slept in his bed every night when we were small. It didn’t stop as we aged until Ryan said it was weird that we were in middle school and still doing it.
“Aren’t you guys getting a little old to be sleeping together?” She asked out of the blue.
“Why would it be weird?”
“Indie, I know my brother’s a dork, but he’s still a boy.” She puckers her lips, applying a pretty shade of pink.
“So?”
“So, he’s at the age where girls stop being gross. You guys can’t remain naïve forever.”
“What do you mean?” I move to sit at the edge of her bed.
“Listen Indie, you’re a cute kid, but your body will start to change. Remember the summer our moms had to take me shopping for my first bras? It’ll be your turn soon.”
Ryan’s two years older than River and me. She always felt light years ahead, so the possibility that I would turn into a girl with curves that turned the boys heads the way she did never crossed my mind. The idea that River could be one of those boys was even further off my radar until that moment. The thought of him noticing me opened a door that should’ve remained closed.
Not long after that conversation, I realized I had a crush on River Beck. I’d grown accustomed to him knowing when I needed him most and making me feel like anything I said or felt was important. This was at a time when my mom was busy with school and work, so having River helped fill that hole.
Once it was clear that I liked him, I stopped going to his room at night. It didn’t help that River lost his baby fat over the summer and while he was always cute to me, the other girls started to notice too. While River became lean and towered over me, the boobs I was promised never came, and I fell behind the other girls in that department.
Keeping things from River felt unnatural, and this crush was eating away at our friendship. I promised myself I’d tell him how I felt before high school, but our summer before the ninth grade went faster than I expected. I remember feeling sick to my stomach as I waited for him in the hall. Biting back my fear, I knocked on his door. It took him a while to answer, and I felt my courage fading. Just as I was about to leave, his door opened, the light from his room spilling out.
“Hey Blue, what’s up?”
Blue. I’m not sure when he first called me that, but I do know it always felt right. I liked that it made me feel tied to him in a special way.
“We start high school in a couple days.” I’m not sure why I chose that as my opener. Nerves, I guess.
“Uh, yeah. Are you asking or telling?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.
“Telling. What do you think of me?” He cocks his head to the side, so I barrel ahead before he can answer. “Because I think you’re my favorite person, and that we owe it to ourselves to give it a try.”
“Give what a try?” He only looked more confused, rightfully so. I was blowing it and not making much sense.
Before I could figure out how to salvage things, laughter erupted from his room. The door was pulled open by one of River’s friends. Behind them were two other boys I recognized from his basketball team.
“Dude, you’re being dense. She’s clearly coming on to you.” The boy who opened the door threw an arm over River’s shoulders.
River shook his head. “No, she doesn’t, don’t tease her.” He elbowed his friend in the ribs.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” the boy knocked River’s shoulder. “You haven’t told her about Elizabeth?”
The embarrassment feels fresh just thinking about it. I’m not sure what I looked like to River in that moment, but I could see the realization hit him and I ran because liking me in that way was clearly something he hadn’t even considered. To his credit, he did follow me. He was persistent. I ignored his knocks at my door and the multiple texts he sent asking to talk. My humiliation prevented me from facing him. Unfortunately, we still lived together, so we did eventually have “the talk”.
“You’re my best friend Indigo, you’re one of the most important people to me. I don’t see you like that, and there’s too much going on right now.” He avoided looking me in the eye and it wasn’t lost on me that he dropped the nickname.
“Besides, changing what we have… why risk that, right?” He finally made an effort to look at me and I could tell this was awful for him, too.
“I do want to tell you, because I’d rather you hear from me. I’m dating Elizabeth. You guys had a class together last year.”
“Oh. That makes sense. She’s so pretty.” It’s all I could think to say. My hands trembled, and I did my best to hide them. He frowned and started to say something, but I didn’t want to hear it, so I cut him off. “It’s okay, hormones suck. Ryan warned me. You’re not horrible looking and I’ve been stuck in the house with you all summer. It’s you now. It’ll be someone new tomorrow.”
I lied. It was River tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that. My feelings lingered for longer than I’d like to admit. My mom and I lived with the Becks for one more awkward year. Mom finally graduated with her masters and found work that paid well enough for her to purchase our own home. Through everything, River has been my constant, even after I made things awkward and even now when he should be mad at me.
“I’ve got something to tell you.” I push my plate forward and sit up straight.
“I’m listening.” He leans back in his seat, folding his arms across his chest.
“Well, you remember how Ryan brought up me applying to that show you’ll be working on?” I let me words linger but he’s not biting. “Well, I did it. I went to the casting call about a week ago. But it didn’t go well. I won’t hear back.”
He’s silent at first, and I fidget under his gaze. “You like your privacy. Why would you want this?”
