Lipstick & Camera Clicks, page 15
He nods against my skin.
“Okay, I’m not going to leave you, but I do need to grab it. Can you tell me where it is?”
“Top drawer beside my bed,” He manages to reply.
I stand and make my way to the nightstand. A few orange medicine bottles roll around inside. I shuffle through them until I find what I’m looking for. Popping open the top, I tip the bottle until two pills roll into my hand.
“I need you to take these.” I kneel beside him, and he gently plucks them from my palm.
He tosses them in his mouth and screws his eyes shut. “You can leave.” He grunts as he sits back, running a hand through his hair.
I don’t say anything, instead I remain rooted beside him. The moments after the panic attacks were often when Ryan felt the most vulnerable. The thoughts that would invade her mind would sometimes trigger a second attack. So, I sit quietly, observing the in and out of his breathing.
“What do you get out of this?” His hair is damp with sweat and has fallen back over his eyes.
“What are you talking about?”
“How much do I have to give you not to sell this story?”
His words dig into my heart and the pain in them slices through me. “This isn’t a story, you’re not a story.” Leaning forward, I push his hair out of his eyes and hold until he looks at me. “This isn’t something anyone should ever hold against you.”
He laughs but the sound is twisted.
“Any and everything, can and will be used against you. People are greedy at their core.” He knocks my hand away and stands, pulling his sweatshirt over his head.
“I don’t believe that.” I mumble, turning away from his bare chest.
“You must want something.” I’m still kneeling when he stands in front of me. He places his hand under my chin. “Maybe what you want is already here?” His voice is low and rough, the sound of it wraps around my skin. He bends down on his haunches, leaning in. “I guess I found the form of payment you accept.”
Tearing my chin from his hand, I search his face. Behind that overconfident grin and his taunting words is suffering. I can see it in the way that the light doesn’t reach his eyes and in the quiet desperation of his touch. “Has someone done that to you before? Used you that way to hide your secrets?”
His smile falls and at first, I don’t recognize the emotion playing across his features. Embarrassment and shame builds a wall between us. I can feel his defenses rise as he pulls away from me.
“Get out.” He demands.
“No.”
“Now, Indigo.”
“No.” I blink and he’s in my face.
“I don’t want you here. Sitting there judging me. You may not want money, but I’m not going to feed your savior complex either.” He spits the words in my face. They feel like stab wounds against my skin, but I straighten my back and keep my eyes level with his.
“People have taken from you. Bit by bit they have pulled you apart. How much of you is left, Kade?”
He jerks away from my touch, and my hands fall to my side.
“I refuse to let them continue to take from you. Deal or no deal, you’re my friend, if I let you push me away then it’s the same as letting them have another part of you.”
The wall he built crumbles at our feet. His eyes fall to mine. The flame in them has died and he looks so exposed. I wrap my arms around him because it feels like Kade’s been holding himself together with tape and glue. Tears blur my vision. How long has he been alone? How exhausting has it been to create a new personality every time he stepped foot out of this door? He pushes away from me and his hand swipes at my tears.
“I’ve never had anyone cry for me before.” He points a crooked smile in my direction as he leans back against the foot of the bed. “I’ve had a lot of crazed fans. One in particular was very… committed. She’d show up at my events and send me threatening letters. I reported her to my team so many times.” His expression goes hard. “They didn’t take it seriously, Noah specifically told me to ignore it. He thought I should feel lucky to have women throw themselves at me.” His hands grip the carpet at his sides.
“At the time, I wasn’t sure how she found the address to the hotel I was staying at. I had a sneaking suspicion Noah had something to do with it, but it seemed too extreme, even for him.” He brings his eyes back to mine. “She held a knife to my throat and told me she was in love with me. She had it in her head that we were in a relationship. She didn’t understand why I’d been avoiding her.” He pauses, breathing deep. “Took two hours for anyone to realize I was missing before they checked my room. I could’ve left. I fought her off, but then she turned the knife on herself.” His voice is soft. When I move to his side, I rest my head against his shoulder and wrap my hand around his. “How could I live with myself if I walked away and she didn’t survive it? She was arrested, but the people around me made it seem like since I was a man, I should’ve been able to handle her. Instead of feeling relief that she was gone, I felt weak, like I shouldn’t have even reported it.” He releases a steadying breath.
“The paparazzi painted me in a sympathetic light. Noah’s right, in that the incident did help my image, but the media did exactly what the woman did. Invaded my privacy, lurking behind every corner, going through my trash, exposing any private details they could get their hands on. Some of them even turned it into a joke. She was beautiful and people couldn’t understand why I was complaining. Being in the public eye, sometimes the fact that I’m still human is forgotten. Seeing the look in Serenity's eyes reminded me of her.”
Bringing his hand to my lips, I press a kiss against his skin. “The last thing you are is weak. This world has been cruel to you and the people around you are not your friends. What Serenity did was wrong and scary. What that woman did was demented and Noah giving your stalker the address was malicious. You’ve surrounded yourself with enemies at every angle, and I hope you still have it in you to let healthy relationships grow.”
“Is that what this is?” He brings my hand to his chest, and I smile.
“This is the first of many. You’re stuck with me Kade Ikeda.”
There’s relief in his eyes.
“About the panic attacks. I was thinking maybe we could have a signal.”
“A signal?” His smile slides back into place.
“Yeah, to check in with each other. A way to say we’re okay.”
“What did you have in mind?”
I bring my fingers to my chin and wrinkle my brow. “If I scratch my nose, you tug your ear.”
“What if you genuinely have an itch?”
“Do it anyway. Who cares?” I laugh and his dimples make an appearance as his smile widens.
“Yes ma’am, your orders are my command.” He brings my hand to his lips, peering at me through his lashes. My skin tingles at his touch and I feel heat creep up my neck.
Thinking back to our last date, Kade asked if I was going to save him. I don’t know if I can, but I’ll stick beside him while I’m able.
twenty
Kade and I talked for what felt like hours. As much as he claims to like being alone, it felt like he needed the company. When he begins to yawn and joke about us sharing his bed, I know it’s time to go.
“You’re no fun.” Kade clucks his tongue while opening the door for me.
“And you’re trouble.” I shake my head.
He grabs my hand before I can leave. “Thank you Indie.” My skin tingles under his fingers. “For being a friend.” He gives my hand a squeeze before letting go.
Friend. For some reason hearing that word makes my stomach twist. I need to get my life together. My mind’s buzzing as I head downstairs, and I doubt I’ll get any sleep.
“You finally came out.”
My head snaps in the direction of River’s voice. He’s sitting on one of the couches in the foyer with his glasses on, typing away at his laptop.
“What are you doing here?” It’s well after filming hours. I look around and we’re alone.
“Noah had me keep an eye on you two. Apparently, Kade has a habit of having women over and kicking them out after.” He doesn’t look at me as he continues to work. “He wanted to be sure you wouldn’t cause a scene. Apparently, it happens a lot.”
“You know it wasn’t like that.” I move to stand in front of him.
“Do I?”
“Yes. Because you know me.” We stare at each other.
River eventually breaks eye contact and sighs. “I’m sorry. It’s not you I don’t trust.” As much as I want to assure him, it’s my fault things aren’t clear.
“Let me make it up to you.” Grabbing his arm, I drag him with me. Sleep wasn’t coming for me anyway, so I drag him toward the movie room. When we get inside, I turn on the TV and grab the box of DVDs.
“How did this stuff get here?” He asks, standing in the doorway.
I hesitate, but then decide I don’t want to hide anything else from him. “Kade.”
“You watch movies together.” He says it more to himself than to me.
“No. Kade set it up, but I haven’t been here since. You’re the only one I want to watch this stuff with.” Holding up one of the movies I grabbed at random, I smile, hoping it’s the peace offering needed to ease the tension between us.
“I can’t imagine anyone else putting up with it.” He smiles and I feel my heart lift. Having River angry with me weighs on me like nothing else. When he’s not happy, neither am I, which is why I wish I could give in, do as he asks, and give us a chance. I don’t know if I could stand to be around him if we didn’t work out. My feelings for Kade are safe. It’s one sided, and it isn’t complex.
Easy.
“Exactly.” I nod and put the movie on before plopping on the couch beside River. With a title like Ghosts in a Coffee Shop, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it’s better than I thought it’d be. It’s honestly more of a romance than a horror film. I’m about to comment on the acting when I see River’s still wrapped up in his work. His fingers fly over the keys and he looks tired. I note the bags under his eyes and the sag in his shoulders.
“Are you still overworking yourself?”
He sighs, but closes the computer. “There’s a lot of work to do. Not really avoidable.”
“You’re no good if you aren’t getting enough sleep to function.” I grab his laptop and move it to the arm of the couch, so it’s out of reach.
“This project requires a ton of editing and some of the girls are more difficult to manage than others.” He rubs his eyes with his palms and lays back against the couch.
“Who’s the most difficult?” I’ve got my guesses, but I’m curious.
“Other than you?” He questions with genuine confusion.
“Oh please, I don’t cause any problems.”
“Your shots take me the longest to review.” He shrugs.
“Why?” I ask, offended. I’m always camera ready.
“Working with the editing team to get you more shots that make sense is hard. I’m not always able to convince them it’s not weird that your dates keep making the cut for every episode, but I do what I can.” He smiles and I blink at him.
“Why would you do that?”
“You wanted to be seen. I’ll do anything to get you what you want. I’ve got final say on what gets to Jose for approval.” His eyes lock with mine. “I review everything.”
“That’s too much. You can’t keep that up.” I shake my head.
“I can.”
“I don’t want you to. You’re stretching yourself too thin.”
“Even if I wasn’t looking out for you, I’d review everything. I like to know the quality of work passing through.”
“I’ve seen Jose with assistants. Why don’t you have one?”
“I do have one.”
“Are you using them?”
He scratches his neck and looks away from me.
“River, come on. You can’t control everything.” He looks at me like he disagrees. River’s always had a problem letting go. He has to try and juggle everything and now I know that’s partly because he didn’t have a choice growing up.
“You said you felt free when you came here and that being home was suffocating. But it feels like you traded your mother for work. Do you even know how to relax?”
He looks at me, considering my words, and then lets out a breath. “Not having control makes me feel out of control. Can we drop it for now?”
River’s always been a constant in my life. He’s been a big part of keeping me sane ever since the day we met. I never considered his need to take care of everything as a coping mechanism. “You were an assistant once and someone trusted you enough to give you a chance. You’re holding someone back from achieving their dreams too. I’ll let it go if you promise to share some of the work.” I offer my pinky, and he rolls his eyes before wrapping his finger around mine. He tugs my hand towards him, pulling me closer.
“Seal it with a kiss?” One side of his mouth tilts up. Pressing our lips to our thumbs is a childish tradition we’ve kept.
“I trust you.” I shake my head.
“It means nothing if we don’t.” His smile widens. His free hand cups my face.
“We’re not kids anymore.” My voice comes out all wispy and my heart picks up speed. My mind might be on track, but my body’s veered off course. Everything in me heats, and memories of his mouth on mine invade my thoughts. He runs his thumb across my lips. My tongue flicks out involuntarily, brushing against his skin.
He leans in and I can feel the warmth radiate from his body. “Tell me to stop.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out and that’s all the answer he needs. His lips are on mine and it’s as desperate as it was the first time. River’s fingers trace along my jaw until they curl around my neck, and it sends a tremor through my body. His mere touch is enough to make me abandon every logical thought. He breaks the kiss and I feel like I’m gasping for air. His teeth bite into the skin at the base of my neck and a moan falls from my lips. His free hand trails down my stomach until it reaches my thigh and slips under my dress.
I gasp and move my hand over his. Our clothing is the only barrier between us. He chuckles into my neck and his breath tickles against my skin.
“Tell me to stop.” He repeats himself, challenging me. He places soft kisses along the crook of my neck before opening his mouth and sucking, sending tremors of pleasure through me. My hand drops from his and he continues his pursuit until he reaches my center. When his fingers graze against me, any fight I had left starts to wane. The desire I’ve held back pools between my thighs. I squeeze them together trapping his hand and he smiles against my skin. He pulls my panties to the side and there he finds the evidence that he’s won this battle. “How much longer are you going to run from me?” His finger circles my clit and I gasp, arching into him.
“I’m not running I—” My words tangle around themselves as he plunges a finger inside. I’m stuck between complete euphoria and disbelief as he explores parts of me in ways I’ve never experienced.
“What are you doing then?” He whispers into my ear before taking it into his mouth.
“Trying not to ruin what we have.” My voice is weak, and he’s relentless with his teasing. Building me up before slowing down, keeping me right where he wants me.
“We shouldn’t—”
“I’m only doing what your body tells me to do, if only your mouth was as honest.” He lets a slow smile build. At that moment, I realize I’m rocking against him. Our bodies are pressed together, and my fingers are knotted in his hair. My body reacts to his as if it has a mind of its own, eager to make contact and never let go.
Heat fills my cheeks and I try to pull away, but he slips another finger inside, curling them until he hits just the right spot knocking the air out of me. I’m seconds away from coming apart when he pulls out, and I whimper, aching for him.
“The next time he kisses you, remember how badly your body craves mine.” There’s a darkness in his eyes I’ve never seen before, and it dawns on me that he’s seen the footage of my kiss with Kade. This was some kind of twisted payback. “Goodnight, Blue.” He grabs his computer and leaves, shutting the door as I throw one of the couch pillows and just miss his head. Anger fills me as I adjust my dress and will my heart to slow down.
“Fuck.” I wiggle my thighs together and groan in frustration. How am I supposed to remain strong when he plays dirty? Shutting off the TV, I stretch and head to my room for a restless sleep. When I step inside, I’m surprised to see Cameron awake. She has her bonnet on and a book in her hands, reading in the lamplight. Her lips press into a thin line and she glances at the clock before narrowing her eyes at me.
“Walk of shame?” Her tone’s full of judgment, her nose turned up as she looks me over. I ignore her, kicking off my shoes. Technically, she’s not wrong, but I’m pretty sure she has the details mixed up.
“I see through you, you know.” She closes her book and sits up. Clearly she was waiting for me. “It’s not fair if you’re going to resort to…” Her eyes crawl over me with distaste, “Underhanded methods to get a leg up.”
I’m already frustrated for multiple reasons, and it’s been a long day. From Serenity’s attempted assault to feeling like I have emotional whiplash. My patience is thin, and I have to take a slow breath before responding. “Maybe try thinking of others instead of yourself. Kade and I were talking and then I left, nothing,” I lift my hands, doing air quotes, “underhanded happened.” I slide my dress over my shoulders and reach for my bag to find some pajamas.
“You’re one to talk about being self-centered.” She hisses, Jasmine grunts in her sleep and Cameron switches to an aggressive whisper. “You shamelessly plug yourself any chance you get. It’s obvious what you came here for.”
