Lipstick & Camera Clicks, page 13
“This was stupid of me.” My dress has bunched up at my hips. I grab the bottom and pull it down while making my way to the bathroom.
“You’re going to give me whiplash.”
I scowl at him through the mirror as I dig through the makeup bag I left on the counter. How stupid can we be? Anyone could’ve walked in.
“Hey, I didn’t start it this time. You jumped me.” He clutches his chest, feigning innocence.
“Fine. I’m sorry, won’t happen again.” I refocus on touching up my makeup.
“You think you can have your way with me and be done?” River covers his chest as if I’ve scandalized him.
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Then shouldn’t you take responsibility?”
I find a clean towel under the sink and dampen it with water. “Use this to wash up.” I turn and gesture toward the lipstick smeared against his skin, but then I notice the bulge in his pants and my eyes stretch wide.
“My eyes are up here.” He reaches and takes the towel from me.
“Put that thing away.” I attempt to move past him, but he blocks me, holding either side of the door frame.
“I’m a man. What’d you expect?”
A knock at the door makes me jump. River frowns, rubbing the towel against his neck. Pushing past him, I move to answer it, but before I can, Jose walks in.
“Hey Indigo, it’s go time. You’re late.” Jose freezes when he realizes I’m not alone. He points at River. “What are you doing here?”
“He came for me.” I hope my words don’t sound as panicked as I feel.
“And he had to come inside and shut the door to get you out?”
Shit.
“She wasn’t answering when I knocked.” River shrugs.
“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. He caught me at a bad time.”
“Are you okay babe?” Jose’s concern makes me feel guilty.
“I am, and I’m ready to go.” Taking his arm, I urge him out the door. He isn’t giving anything away. I can’t tell if he believes the crap we’re spouting.
Jose looks over his shoulder, “Next time one of my girls is having a meltdown, I expect you to hit me on the radio.”
River grunts in response, and we leave him behind. I’m relieved we weren’t questioned further. When we arrive at the foyer, Kade and a woman wearing a smock are waiting in the middle of the room. Kade stands next to two easels wearing a black hoodie and jeans with a denim jacket layered on top.
“You look beautiful.” He murmurs as we approach and guilt’s making itself at home in my heart. I can’t help feeling like what I just did was wrong.
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be working with you today.” The woman smiles. She has paint smattered across her clothes. “You have your own canvases and there’s also some wine.” She gestures to the small table between each chair. R&B music plays from a radio on the table with our paint supplies.
“I’m not exactly good at painting.” We both put on our smocks and take our seats.
“Chelsea’s great. No matter how untalented you are, she’ll get something decent out of you.” I smack his arm. Kade laughs while pouring us each a drink. “I’m not great at it either, so don’t worry.”
Chelsea places some brushes and a cup of water next to me. “We’ll go step by step, so take your time.”
Kade’s right. She’s good at explaining things, patient and gives suggestions when needed. We’re supposed to be painting a flower filled landscape with a cherry blossom tree and if you squint that’s exactly what I’ve done. We’ve been at it for nearly an hour and Kade’s content focusing on his portrait while I stress over the fact that every brush stroke seems to make mine worse.
“How’s it going over there?” Kade attempts to peek, but I block his view.
“Eyes on your work.” I point my brush at him like a weapon.
“It can’t be that bad.” He sips his wine, paint smeared across his fingers.
“I told you, I’m no good.” I dip my brush in more green paint. My grass is melting into the brown of the tree trunk and looks like poop. I feel him watching me and it puts my nerves on edge. “Are you done with yours?” I ask and pick up my glass.
“Yes.” He smiles. “If you’re that worried about it, let me help.”
I chew my lip but nod my head. He stands behind me and doesn’t say anything, so I look up and he looks horrified.
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad.” I drag my brush across the canvas, still desperately trying to fix my poop grass.
“Did you decide to paint something else instead of the cherry blossom tree?” He tilts his head sideways, as if that’ll make my painting make sense.
“What are you talking about? It’s right there.” I point my brush at the pink blob in the center and he covers his mouth, but I can still see his lips curve up.
“I must’ve had more to drink than I thought. Sorry I missed it.” He’s fighting a smile and my face warms.
“Like yours is any better.” I slide to the edge of my seat and look over at his canvas and it’s a goddamn masterpiece. “You said you weren’t good at this.” His grass is so detailed it looks like it’s billowing in the wind and the differing hues of pink on his tree make the leaves pop. Everything about it is beautiful.
“I’m not. You’re just exceptionally bad. This can be salvaged, come here.”
Kade grabs my hand and I watch him work. He cleans up my painting by fading some of the color with water and then hands me a clean brush. He takes my wrist and I feel his chest press against my back.
“You don’t have to be so heavy handed. The less paint you have on the brush, the less likely it’ll bleed.” He guides my hand across the canvas. His strokes are confident and smooth. “Take your time and consider what you want on the canvas.” He paints over some of the more obvious mistakes that have begun to dry and adds shadows and highlights that help form the shape of the tree.
“Look at that. I’d say we work well together.” My body feels warm, and I try to pull away, but he holds on tight and wraps his other arm around my waist.
“Should we exchange paintings?” He asks.
I look over my shoulder and his mouth’s inches from mine. He catches me looking and a knowing smile breaks across his face. He reaches for my painting, examining it.
“You want to keep that?” It’s definitely better thanks to Kade, but compared to his, it’s still not much to look at.
“You made it. I want to remember my time with you.”
Why does everything he says take me off guard? “Fine.”
He laughs and puts my painting down and places his fingers underneath my chin, tilting my head toward his.
“You’re shyer than I thought you’d be.” He smiles and those dimples will be the death of me.
“You’re always saying unnecessary things.” I mumble. He’s still pinching my chin between his fingers, and I find I’m not as immune to Kade’s ways as I thought. He leans in and my eyes dart toward the cameras. Pulling away from him when we’re filming wouldn’t be a good look. This is what we agreed on. Closing my eyes, I try my best not to let images of River enter my mind. He has his secrets with Sabrina. He’ll understand when I explain.
Kade meets me halfway and kissing him is like standing in the middle of a storm. His hands make their way to the small of my back, sending electricity through me. I arch into him and cup his face. My heart beats loud enough to drown out everything else. With Kade, there is no apprehension. It’s exhilarating. Like getting on a roller coaster—scary as hell, but you know when the ride stops, you’ll be just fine. It’s not until he breaks the kiss that I realize I’m in trouble. I didn’t want it to stop, and that realization is jarring. It only lasted for a moment, but we’re both heaving. My chest brushes against his. He takes my hand from his face and kisses the inside of my wrist.
There’s so much tenderness in his touch and that’s a problem, too. I take my hand from his. Kade’s wearing that arrogant smile, as if he can see right through me. That kiss didn’t feel like it was only for show. Deal or no deal, I need space. None of this is supposed to be real between us and I haven’t begun to process what’s happening between River and me.
We wrap up filming and Kade’s a natural. He acts as though the kiss is no big deal, and maybe it isn’t for him. We remove our mics, and he offers to walk me to my room, but instead of heading to the right, we head toward the opposite hall on the left.
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
We’re not filming anymore, there’s no need for the act to continue. “It’s been a long day, Kade.”
“It’ll only take a moment. I promise it’s worth it.”
We arrive at the end of the hall in front of the last door, and he drags me inside. In the room is a couch with a blanket spread across it and a small tv against the wall.
Kade waves his arms around as if to say ta da, and I look around, confused. He rolls his eyes and bends down, reaching underneath the couch. He pulls out a beat-up box and hands it to me. When I dig inside, I find a bunch of DVDs. Upon further inspection, they’re all horror films. My mouth pops open and I glance up to see him smiling down at me.
“How?” as I sit on the couch, I shuffle through them.
“The TV was already here, brought my DVD player from home and found the movies at a thrift shop.”
My heart swells, “You didn't have to.”
“I wanted to.” He shrugs and sits next to me. His thigh presses against mine and he leans over to look through the box.
“You went to the thrift store on your own?”
“I’m allowed offsite for scheduled events. No one noticed me slip away. I wore a hat and sunglasses.” He inspects a movie called Killer Ants.
“How’d you know what to get?”
“If it sounded terrible, I figured you’d love it.” He gives me a wry smile and drops the movie back in the box.
“If you let your producer know you need alone time, they’ll let you use this room. Obviously not during filming hours, but otherwise, it’s yours.” His smile falls, and he straightens in his seat. “Think of it as a reward for doing a good job.” He looks away from me and a slight flush reaches his ears.
“Thank you, Kade.” I bump his shoulder with mine.
“Did you want to watch one?” His tone is casual, but it feels like more. Everything with Kade feels like more lately. I look down at the movies in the box and all I can think about is which ones I’d want to watch with River. Watching B-horror films has always been our thing. It feels wrong to watch them with Kade.
“It’s late. The other women already hate me for taking up all your time. If they find out I’ve stolen you through the night, they will riot.”
“Who cares?” He tilts his head, genuinely baffled.
“I do. You’ve been picking me for everything. I think you should lay off a bit, make it less obvious.” His lips purse together, and I can tell he’s about to protest, so I cut him off, “Just think about it.”
He gives me a curt nod, and I feel my shoulders drop. Even though this is what I wanted, it doesn’t mean I enjoy pushing him away.
eighteen
If my current self could punch my past self in the face, I’d do it. After Javi, I thought I wouldn’t get attached easily. I could play the field and focus on my career after the show wrapped up. However, Ryan was right. I’m not built for this. Kade was never supposed to be an actual option, but I like him anyway. He’s fun to be around, considerate, and if I’m honest with myself, things are easier with Kade. I’m scared of failing with River. I care about them both and maybe that’s reason enough for me to stay away.
Kade seems to have accepted my request for space. Hanna and Serenity are the lucky ones with dates today. Gabby and I are laying on the grass out front for some fresh air.
“There’s always so much tension on elimination days. Too much bad energy inside.” She says.
“Are you nervous?” Kade and I never discuss his dates, but Gabby’s been chosen a few times, so I figured things were going well.
“No. That’s the problem.”
“What do you mean?”
“Shouldn’t I care? I don’t know if it’s still too early or if it’s me.” She sighs, “I had a lot going on at home before I came here and I’m wondering if I used this to run away instead of dealing with it.” Her voice wavers, “My mom passed a few months back and I’m not proud of some of the decisions I made after. I hurt a lot of people, and I thought getting away would be healing. Now I’m wondering If I should be home.”
My heart hurts for her. As much as my mom and I fight, I don’t know what I’d do without her. “I support whatever you decide. If you want to go home, you should. If you want to stay and dissociate from the real world a little longer then do that. I don’t know about you and Kade, but your mental health comes first.”
She rolls over and pulls me into a tight hug.
“Thanks for listening.” She breathes and I squeeze her back.
The sound of footsteps makes us pull apart. River approaches and smiles down at us. “Can I borrow Indigo?”
“Sure thing, I’ll see you tonight.” Gabby stands and leaves us. River starts toward the driveway, and I follow behind him.
“Where are we going?”
“Your offsite doctors visit was approved.” He points at my mic, gesturing for me to turn it off.
I reach under my shirt and flip the switch. “I feel fine.”
“No. You don’t, and unfortunately, this trip’s going to take all afternoon.” When we reach the bottom, River’s truck is parked and ready to go.
“What are you planning?” I ask.
River opens the passenger door. “A date.”
He offers his hand, and I take it. He helps me in the car and buckles me in.
“I could’ve done that.” Dropping my eyes, I wring my hands because I know I should stop this, but I don’t want to.
He pauses, his head hovering above mine. “I enjoy taking care of you.” He shrugs and makes his way to the driver’s seat.
“You gonna tell me where we’re going, Riv?”
“And ruin the surprise?” He starts the engine and grins, “Enjoy the adventure, Blue.” Placing his hand on the steering wheel, he hits the gas and with his free hand he wraps his fingers around my thigh. When did we reach a point where touching each other feels so natural?
“You could have given me a heads up.” I chew my lip and look out the window.
“So you could try to talk me out of it?”
“We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you.” His phone rings from the cupholder between us and his mother’s picture pops up. River silences the phone.
“How’s she doing?” I ask.
“Better. Still hasn’t forgotten your promise that we’d visit. Your mom expects you now too.”
Well, I set myself up for that. Talking with Gabby made me realize it’s about time we had a real talk anyway. “It’ll be a good trip.” I say but he doesn’t look like he agrees.
We’re not driving for long when the car rolls to a stop in the parking lot of a small restaurant.
“I was driving after work and spotted this place.” River says as he puts the truck in park.
As I peer out of the window, a sign that says Good Eats comes into view. He meets me on the passenger side, opening my door and we enter the restaurant. It’s a small diner style spot. Booths line either side of the wall, with a few small circular tables in the center. The kitchen sits at the back where you can see the cook hard at work over a grill.
As soon as we step inside, an older woman greets us. “Just you two today?” her deep brown skin wrinkles when she smiles.
“Yes ma’am.” River rests his hand on my lower back.
“Well, follow me. I’ll make sure ya’ll get the best seats in the house.” She speaks with a cute southern twang and sashays when she walks. “Here you go.” She stops at a booth and places two menus on the table. “My name is Anita and I’ll be serving y’all tonight. I’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menu.”
The restaurant is one of the humbler establishments we’ve passed in this stuffy neighborhood, but that’s part of its charm. The menu is stacked with my favorites, from smoked beef brisket to hotlinks and cornbread.
“All of this looks good.” I’m practically drooling over the menu. One of the few things I miss about living in Texas is good BBQ. California is so hit or miss, but this seems promising.
“This place is great. What is it your moms says? They put their feet in this food.”
“Foot River. They put their foot in it. Lord, please don’t embarrass me in front of these people.”
“It doesn’t even make sense. Why would feet make it taste good?” He frowns as he cans the menu.
“Remember the first time you heard my mom say she put her foot in something and you about threw up right then and there?”
“I was ready to press charges honestly, thought she was dipping her toes in my plate.” He sticks his tongue out and we both laugh at the memory.
“Did y’all figure out what you want to order?” Anita returns, placing two glasses of water on the table.
“I’m ready.” My stomach feels like it’s trying to eat itself. I look at River, eager to get the ball rolling.
“Go ahead.” He nods.
“I’ll have the brisket with toast and potato salad.”
“Good choice. Our brisket is to die for.” Anita yells my order over her shoulder and the burly man behind the kitchen counter grunts in acknowledgment.
“What about you baby? You need me to recommend something?” She asks River.
“Nah, I know what I want.” River closes his menu. “Let me get a pulled pork sandwich with mashed potatoes and corn. I’ll take an order of peach cobbler to go.”
“I guess you don’t need my help.” Anita collects our menus and relays River’s order to the cook. “You two are too cute. How long you been together?”
