If We Could Go Back, page 14
The door to my house opened, and I should’ve seen it coming. I cleared my throat and took a step back.
“Ohh, it’s freezing.” She hugged her cardigan closer to her body.
“Kieran, you haven’t met my sister yet,” I said. “Brianna, Kieran.”
Kieran smiled politely and extended a hand over the fence. “Good to meet you.”
“You too, Kieran.” Brianna shook his hand, her smile kind enough. Maybe I was overreacting when I expected her to pull out a couch and tell him to share his life story. “It’s been a year and a half of Kieran this, Kieran that from Bennett.”
“Oh yeah?” Kieran liked that little tidbit way too much.
“Everyone’s out to embarrass me,” I said with a helpless shrug.
Brianna snickered. “Am I wrong, then? Have you not spoken a lot about Kieran?”
“Sure I have.” I smiled, having no issue admitting that part. “Making friends as an adult is bloody hopeless.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Kieran chuckled. “Ben’s stuck with me now, because I’m not going through that again.”
I laughed.
“Well, aren’t you two peas in a pod,” Brianna drawled, and he and I exchanged a quick, amused look. “Anyway.” She nodded at the door. “Nate’s complaining about a headache again. Just wanted to let you know.”
“Got it. Thank you,” I replied. “I’ll be right in.”
“Everything okay?” Kieran asked.
I inclined my head. “We think he might need glasses. He gets headaches sometimes when he reads for too long.”
“Ah.” He nodded in understanding. “I won’t keep you. I gotta take Jaylin to some dance thing.”
I’d heard all about it. She’d begged Jess to start too, and he’d vehemently shaken his head and said that was for girls.
Chapter 14
I wasn’t surprised to find Maggie and Brianna in the kitchen at my get-together the following weekend.
“You’re here as guests,” I told them, pointing toward the living room. “Get out there. Everyone has drinks, and they know where to find food.” Because I’d strategically set it up on the dining room table.
This was a Bennett-friendly zone with minimum effort required. The beer was chilled in two ice-filled basins, the catered snacks were kept warm on hot plates. It was my birthday party; I didn’t want anyone walking around to see if anything needed refilling. Everything was already out there.
The children had their own table to keep them occupied, including coloring books, candy, soda, and board games. Additionally, there was a movie running in Jess’s room upstairs. I’d thought of it all.
“I was just grabbing these, I swear.” Maggie held up a bag of chips.
I shook my head. “You have a problem, hon. There’s not a single snack bowl in there that isn’t full.”
Brianna snickered into her glass of wine.
“Fine,” Maggie huffed and set down the bag. “Maybe I have this need to overdo it sometimes.”
Yes, sometimes. Quite literally. She was the best hostess when they had guests over. Then when it was only Kieran and her, it was a lot different. Or so I’d heard.
“Well, don’t look at me,” Brianna said. “I’m only here to get away from your coworkers.”
I stifled a smirk. My coworkers were just fine. It was my sister who tended to find polite strangers unsettling.
Returning to the living room where the music was louder, I did another scan to see if Kieran was back. He’d disappeared a few minutes ago. At least he wasn’t escaping people. He’d found a Red Sox fan in one of my coworkers and a barbecue fanatic in another.
I decided to check in on Ellis. His wife was busy tonight, so he’d asked if he could bring a friend who was new in town. I’d been all for it, since I didn’t know that many people in the first place. On the other hand, a dozen people—a few with young children—filled the house without making it feel crowded.
Ellis smiled when he spotted me. We hadn’t had the chance to chat tonight, but I was happy to see him more relaxed for once. A couple glasses of wine did that.
“The man of the hour,” he said. “I brought you a present…” He frowned and looked around himself. “Where did I put the bag…?”
For goodness’ sake. “I thought I said no gifts.” And since he’d seemingly forgotten his friend, I extended my hand to the other bloke. He looked…young. Early twenties. He could also be a freaking model. “Hi, I’m Bennett. You must be Casey.”
He grinned and shook my hand. “That’s right. Thank you for having me.”
“I have manners,” Ellis said with a wince. “Sorry, Casey.”
Casey chuckled. “No worries.” Then he pointed toward the hallway. “I think you left it out there.”
“Ah—I’ll be right back.”
While Ellis ducked out of the room, I grabbed a new beer and asked where Casey had moved from. I’d detected a Midwestern accent.
“Yeah, Detroit,” he said. “I like the West Coast so far, though. Less…concrete and abandoned houses.”
I nodded. “The recession hit you guys hard over there—”
“I have returned,” Ellis said, reappearing. He handed over a gift bag to me and picked up his drink again. “I hope you’ll approve.”
There were two gifts. A bottle of a fantastic whiskey, and then I pulled out something flat and heavy, wrapped in silk paper. A picture frame with… Huh, I tilted my head at the illustration. It was a mockup of an office, black and white except for a brick wall in the background.
“That’s your new office,” he explained, and my brows went up. “I’ve been thinking about expanding for a while, and with people like you and Ashley by my side, I’m ready to take the leap.”
This was incredible. I assumed that meant he was promoting Ashley, which was great. She’d come far the past year and deserved her own team.
“So, we’re moving?” I asked.
He inclined his head. “Not until next year, but yes. Renovations have begun on our new building over on Monroe.”
A smile took over my face. “This is bloody amazing, Ellis.” I eyed the picture again, and I could see myself there. Especially with the freaking view we’d have at that address. “Have you told Ash yet?”
“Not yet. I’m waiting until the performance reviews.”
“I hate those,” I laughed. “They always get me nervous.”
He quirked a wry smirk. “Bennett, you’re my best employee. You’re the last one who has anything to worry about.”
“Can we get a notary in here?” I joked.
Casey chuckled.
Ellis was plenty amused too.
“Kidding aside, thank you for this.” I held up the frame and the whiskey bottle. “I’m gonna go hide the whiskey so no one steals a single sip.”
“Good call,” Ellis laughed.
I found Kieran upstairs, to my surprise. He was with Nate, the two sitting at my son’s desk with a laptop that definitely didn’t belong in this house. Well, Kieran was squatting next to Nate’s chair, showing him something on the little computer.
“This is so cool,” Nate said in awe at something. Then he turned in his seat and threw his arms around Kieran’s shoulders. “Thank you so much!”
Kieran smiled and patted Nate’s back. “You’re welcome, kiddo.”
I stayed hidden in the doorway and didn’t open the door farther.
“So, I just click here?” Nate asked.
Kieran nodded. “If that’s the book you want.”
What on earth were they doing?
Nate reached for his calculator. “I have forty-two dollars and sixty cents left. That’s…a lot of books.”
Kieran grinned. “Fill the cart, then.”
That was it; I had to know what they were up to. I knocked on the door and opened it fully, and the two looked up at me.
“Dad! Look what Kieran gave me.” He scooted off his chair and brought over what looked like a giant calculator, only it wasn’t. “I can read books on it and store a whole library in here. It’s digital, see? He gave me a gift card so I can buy books too.”
I lifted my gaze from the electronic reader to Kieran.
“He can adjust the text size,” Kieran said. “I figured it might help with the headaches.”
“Oh.” I cleared my throat, then put a smile on my face for Nate. “That’s a lovely gift. I guess you’re busy shopping then, huh?”
“Yeah,” he giggled and returned to his seat.
I looked at Kieran again and nodded toward the hallway.
He straightened up, gave Nathan’s shoulder a squeeze, then left the room with me. I ushered him into my bedroom, closed and locked the door, and trapped him against a wall. I leaned in and kissed him firmly, slowly, deeply. I slipped my hands up his chest until I could cup his face, and he eventually recovered from the surprise assault and hugged me harder to him.
We had never discussed emotional boundaries.
We should have, because I was learning they were much more difficult not to cross than the physical ones.
“I guess it was a good gift?”
I hummed and kissed the smile off his face, tasting his tongue along my own. “Very thoughtful.”
In fact, you care more about my boys than their mother does.
“I have a gift for you too,” he murmured. “It’s nowhere near that practical, though.”
I smiled and dragged his bottom lip between my teeth. “Your cock is definitely practical.”
He chuckled huskily, out of breath. “Damn you, I’m trying to be sweet here.”
That was the problem, wasn’t it?
Resting my forehead to his, I got my heart rate under control while he dug out something from his pocket.
A key ring hung from his finger. Dark brown leather met blackened gold, the design rustic and distressed. There was an airplane, some decorative little gold rings, and a flat charm that read “We met on the way.”
“A train might’ve been too obvious,” he said quietly.
I took a breath and accepted the key ring, my mind spinning toward something I wasn’t supposed to think too much on. But it was impossible to ignore the future now. How long could this go on? If I were completely honest with myself, I knew I’d fallen for Kieran.
I didn’t know how to walk away from that.
We met on the way… Yeah, we’d certainly done that. On the way to what, though? Hardly on the way to work. A mountain of hurt seemed more and more realistic.
“How do you do this without involving feelings?” I whispered.
His gaze softened, and he leaned in for a languid kiss. “Who says I am?”
I closed my eyes and let him seduce me.
We had a few seconds before we had to go downstairs again.
A few seconds where we could pretend we weren’t in deep shit.
Life went on.
Despite my growing worries about the future, there was a newfound peace between Kieran and me as well. Or a new level of it. He wasn’t in it for the fucking or to have a physical outlet. It was more than that, much more, and it was enough for me.
For now.
He constantly made me see a future where everything could look different.
“Slow down, baby. I got it. I’ll pick them up.”
Short of breath and soaked from the rain, I got into my car and flipped the call to Bluetooth. “Are you sure?”
I’d missed my train from Seattle, so after a short day of meetings—and no Kieran because he was working from home today—I’d come back to Camassia late. Now I had to go home and change into new clothes too, and then make it to the marina where I was meeting with Lincoln Hayes.
“I’m sure,” Kieran insisted. “Mags is at church, so I’ll take the kids to McDonald’s.”
“You’re a lifesaver.” I puffed out a breath in relief and rolled out of the parking lot by the train station. “Nate’s hit a sensitive age, by the way. He wants the Happy Meal but won’t go for it because he worries he’s too old for the toy now.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Yes, so if you assume three Happy Meals, he won’t have to make the choice.”
He hummed. “I’ll take care of it. And Jess likes mustard now?”
“The more, the better,” I chuckled, hitting the interstate.
“All right, I’ll get to it. Kill at the meeting.”
“Thanks, love. Talk soon.” I smiled nervously and ended the call, only for my phone to ring two seconds later. Allison’s name lit up the display. “Hello.” At the same time, I received a text from Kieran.
“Hi, hon!” Allison was in a good mood. “Guess who’s studying her ass off for finals?”
I grinned at Kieran’s message.
Don’t fall in love with the rock star. You’re mine.
Yes. Yes, I was. I was his.
I cleared my throat, refocusing. “Well, it better be you.” I switched lanes to get to the next exit. “What’s up?”
She quieted down, which usually only meant one thing.
“You’re staying in Chicago over Easter,” I stated, and I leaned forward to glance up at the sky. The rain had stopped, and I hoped it stayed that way for a while. The restaurant in the marina was only a short walk from my house; I’d prefer not to drive there.
“I’m sorry,” Allison said softly. “I know you were hoping I’d make it home.”
No, I wasn’t. We had two boys, though. And it wasn’t a matter of “making” it home. She just prioritized differently, and this time, she’d done so a month ahead of time.
“You know what, this actually suits me perfectly,” I replied. “Then I don’t have to worry about Jess and Nathan feeling down when you leave again.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “That’s a low blow, Bennett.”
I laughed under my breath and gripped the wheel tighter. It was amazing how quickly she could fuck up my mood. “Do you realize you haven’t even asked how they’re doing in almost a week?” I didn’t get a response, and I’d reached my street anyway. “I gotta go. I have a meeting.” I ended that call too and did a poor job of parking straight.
There’s some splendid irony for you… You seem to struggle doing other things straight too.
I sighed to myself, hurried inside, ran up the stairs, and hauled out a new suit from my closet. My very late lunch was in ten minutes; I refused to be late. Thanks to Kieran picking up the boys, I would make it on time.
I was out of the house a few minutes later, and the rain hadn’t picked up again—thank fuck.
Hurrying down one picturesque street after another, I made it to the marina in record time, and I paused a few paces away from the restaurant to catch my breath. I ran a hand through my hair, made sure I had my plans with me, and then it was time.
“Minor project,” as Ellis had called it. Sure, minor. It was minor to help a famous musician make a new name for himself and help him get his brand out there in an industry that judged everything.
A cursory glance at the establishment while I waited for the hostess to arrive made me worry we’d picked a bad place. Lincoln had requested something small and private when we emailed, but this one was also bordering on intimate. It had, however, been one of his suggestions.
The industrial interior didn’t erase the fact that there were lit candles on the tables and the other lighting in the room was set very low.
Barely any customers around, which wasn’t weird given the hour. It was only three.
Could we even call that a lunch?
A man appeared with a blinding smile.
Pardon me. Host, not hostess.
“Hi there, welcome to Subella. What can I do for you, sir?”
Clever name for a place that served Italian subs, I’d give them that.
“I have a reservation under Brooks,” I said.
The door opened behind me, and my heart went thud. The teenager in me was starstruck by the appearance of my former idol. Good fucking grief. The funniest thing that hit me was that I evidently had a type. Because as I quickly took in the well-worn jeans, leather jacket, and bed head of one Lincoln Hayes, I knew I would find the same kinds of clothes in Kieran’s closet. The only thing Kieran didn’t have was a cigarette stuck behind his ear.
“Bennett?” he inquired.
Time to be cool. I subtly wiped my hand off on my thigh before extending it. “Great to meet you, Mr. Hayes.”
“Lincoln,” he corrected and shook my hand. I was never going to wash it. “You too, man.” He peered around to the host. “Our table ready?”
“Always, sir!” The host had recognized Lincoln too, though I didn’t know if it was due to his fame in the nineties or because he came here often.
We were shown to a corner table in the back, passing only six or seven guests on the way, and the host said our server would be with us soon.
“You been here before?” Lincoln asked as he sat down. “I’ve brought my family every week since we moved in. The Sicilian sub is outta this world.”
“No, never been. I guess I know what to order, then.” I appreciated his easygoing manner. I might even be able to relax soon.
The server was with us promptly, and we ordered our subs and drinks. Lincoln ordered a soda, so I went with nonalcoholic as well. It was always a good idea to let the client order first.
“So, how’s your pop?” Lincoln sat back and smirked.
Figured he’d bring that up…
“Insufferable as always,” I replied.
Lincoln chuckled. “Nah, he was sweet. He wouldn’t stop talking about you.”
“Sometimes he forgets I’m thirty and not ten.” I shook my head, only slightly amused. “I hope he didn’t get into too much detail about the music critic I wanted to be as a child.”
“It may have come up.” He grinned. “I take it that dream changed direction?”
Good, we could get back on track. “It did.” I smiled. “Working for your cousin has become a dream job. Besides, it’s not every day you get to design a brand for Lincoln Hayes. Speaking of—” I reached down and flicked open my briefcase, pulling out the folder I’d put together for him. “I have some mockups you can bring home with you and look through while you decide on your name.”
