If We Could Go Back, page 10
Of course.
I didn’t see the Marshalls the next day, and it was probably a good thing. As much as spending time with Kieran was my heroin, I needed a bit of distance at times too. He was intense; he was someone to get lost in. Evidently also on a platonic level. I couldn’t even imagine the hearts he’d broken over the years. He probably didn’t even know, but people were drawn to him.
The time I had left my briefcase in his office while we were out, it hadn’t escaped my notice that women gawked blatantly.
No, today was all about family.
We drove down to Seattle to drop Allison off at the airport. Nate was quiet; Jess was upset. And he’d started asking Allison why her school was so far away, to which she had bullshit responses that pissed me off nowadays.
She could pretend she hadn’t willingly chosen a school in Chicago, knowing full well it would put hours between her and her sons.
I could pretend to understand her while I comforted Jess.
After we’d said goodbye to Allison, we drove to my sister’s for dinner. Not the best place to be when your mind was at war, but I was in no mood to cook tonight.
“This is tearing at you, little brother,” she told me. “I honestly can’t believe her.”
I sighed and peered into the living room to make sure the boys couldn’t hear. They seemed to be distracted by the movie playing, thankfully.
“I don’t need you to talk more shit about my wife, Brianna,” I replied.
“Of course, always defending her,” she muttered and checked on the rice. “Do you do it because she’s not here to defend herself? She’s literally leaving you to raise two kids on your own.”
“I don’t want to get into this now,” I said firmly. “Please respect that.”
She nodded shortly. “Fine. Let’s talk about you and Kieran—”
“Oh, for the love of—”
“No, hear me out!” she laughed. “I swear, I won’t go into research mode. I’m genuinely curious. We haven’t seen much of each other this summer, and I want to catch up. That’s all.”
I eyed her skeptically.
“I promise, Bennett.”
I sighed again, figuring it couldn’t hurt to just mention that Kieran and I got along well. I sure as hell wouldn’t go deeper than that.
Chapter 10
“Don’t talk to me,” I muttered, rubbing my temples. The humidity and the children screaming in the pool didn’t help my headache at all, and the last thing I needed was Kieran’s gloating. He so very rarely got hungover the way I did.
The bloody Irish.
Yesterday, we’d had more than a happy hour after work. We’d both had late meetings in the city, so our Wednesday together had become a night out—in a regular bar. With truckloads of people, a rock band playing live music, and no Roxy.
It’d been a mistake. From now on, I would always make my way to U District and meet up with him there.
“You know what you need?” Kieran said. “You need a camping trip with me and the kids.”
I flashed him a hard stare because that wasn’t funny at all. “I cannot tell you how much I don’t need that.”
Good fucking grief, it would snow any day now. They’d been warning us every day since Halloween last week.
“Oh, come on.” He sat forward and cracked his knuckles absently. “Jaylin’s been asking all fall.”
“And it’s fucking freezing now,” I pointed out in disbelief. I couldn’t believe he was considering this. “Normal people go camping in the summer, not when the weatherman is telling us about a snowstorm in Canada’s interior that might come our way.”
He rolled his eyes and sat back again. “You’re being ridiculous. We both have good gear.”
Hardly because of my love for nature. I enjoyed a good hike every now and then, and I even liked taking the boys camping when it was warm—okay, I liked it somewhat. But heading out now? The two of us and three kids? Christ.
Nate would probably stay with my father, come to think of it. There was no way he’d spend a night in the woods this time of year when he barely tolerated it otherwise. My eldest was quirky about camping. He could get preposterously excited to go—Jess-level excited—and then we’d hike for an hour before he changed his tune entirely.
Jess would love it, though.
I wasn’t considering it, was I?
“I didn’t know Jaylin cared for the woods that much,” I said with a frown.
Kieran gave me a flat stare. “But do you know a little boy who happens to love it? One my daughter just has to copy at every goddamn turn?”
I pressed my lips together to contain my laugh.
“Listen,” he said, “we can head out early this Saturday. Chances are they’ll find it too cold, and we’ll be home for dinner the same day. Either way, I gotta go. I can deny her a twentieth Barbie, but I can’t say no when she wants to explore nature. No matter where she got it from.”
I squinted and scratched my chin. “She has twenty Barbie dolls?”
I was suddenly extra happy to have boys.
“Nineteen,” he sighed exasperatedly. “Ben…don’t leave me hanging here. I’ll bring whiskey.”
“Don’t—” The mere memory of the number of drinks we had last night made me want to throw up. No, on the way home when I slurred about doing a dry month and Kieran had guffawed, I hadn’t been joking. I needed to drink less, regardless. “I’ll go. Fine. I’ll talk to the boys when we get home—just, no alcohol.”
He chuckled like the devil he was. “How about I ask Mags to make you those lemon bars?”
Now, I could nod. “See, you should’ve led with that. They’re wonderful.”
We’d see how wonderful they were when we froze our asses off in a tent this weekend, though.
“It might snow, son.” Dad peered out from the door and up at the overcast sky.
I shot Kieran a look over my shoulder. Not that he could hear. He was in the car with Jaylin and Jess. “Yes, and we’re still going. Like fools.”
“I’m so glad I’m staying with you, Grampa.” Nate gave me a swift hug before entering Dad’s house.
“I’ll have Ben and Jess returned to you in one piece, sir!” Kieran hollered from the car.
Dad’s face crinkled with his amusement. “He’s funny, that one.”
“He’s a bloody comedian,” I muttered under my breath. “All right—Nate, have a nice weekend. I love you.”
He smirked up at me. “Love you too. I’ll think of you when my feet are toasty warm from the fire and my stomach is full of hot chocolate and marshmallows.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’ve been on the phone with Aunt Brianna a lot lately. Her attitude is rubbing off.”
He laughed. Hell, Dad laughed too. I was getting no support here.
We said our goodbyes, and I trudged back to Kieran’s car. He’d rolled up the window after delivering his oh-so-funny message to my father, and now I was greeted by the very loud soundtrack to the latest Pixar movie. Jess and Jaylin were bouncing in the back as much as their seat belts allowed.
“Okay…I was promised lemon bars,” I said. “We’re not leaving civilization before I devour at least one.”
Kieran snickered and nodded at the glove box. “She made a dozen just for you.”
Splendid. Who wanted defined abs anyway?
We went up, up, up the mountains, to the very last parking lot for outdoorsy people who wanted to go up to Coho Pass. It was split into two lots, so you could see day hikers who’d parked and would soon return to their vehicles and go home. The lot for overnight guests was understandably empty.
Kieran and I shouldered our backpacks, and that was when I realized how geared up he was for this. Was he a hunter? Because he had a rifle attached to the side of the pack. All I had was a couple knives. And bear spray…
“I didn’t know you hunted,” I said.
“Huh? Oh, I don’t. But this isn’t Boston, son. We have bears here.”
I laughed. “That’s why I have bear spray.”
His brows rose. “I ain’t planning on getting that close.”
He had a point.
“Daddy, why can’t I have a backpack like you?” Jess asked.
I bent down to zip up his jacket properly. “Because you’ll get tired after five minutes. Maybe next year. How’s that?”
He shrugged and made a face, then forgot the whole conversation when Jaylin said she wanted to “go nowww.”
Passing a clearing with a bunch of picnic tables and nature-loving families, we began our trek on the blue trail, and Jess and Jaylin ran ahead to inspect pinecones and dead critters along the path.
“So you won’t drink anything tonight?” Kieran asked.
I side-eyed him. “No… Why, did you bring anything?”
“I want whiskey and Bailey’s with my cocoa tonight,” he replied.
Damn. That did sound lovely. But I’d promised myself.
“Daddy!” Jaylin hollered. “Can we bury it?” She was pointing at something on the ground. A bird.
“Just leave it, monkey,” Kieran answered.
She pouted.
“Come see this beetle, Jaylin!” Jess shouted up the path.
She darted off, the dead bird forgotten, and the hike continued. We stopped after an hour or so for snacks and hot cider that Maggie had packed. Since it was only the four of us, I’d brought my tent for us to share, and it had resulted in Maggie filling Kieran’s pack with enough food to feed an army.
Dark clouds loomed above us all day, but so far, no rain or snow. I was still glad we’d packed my tent, though. Not only was it big, despite being lightweight, but it was an expensive four-season affair that would hold against storm winds and heavy snowfall.
I’d bought it a few years ago when I’d thought it’d be a fun thing to take the whole family camping.
Allison had laughed and shaken her head at me.
“Jess, don’t go too far,” I called.
We’d been at it a few hours at this point, and I envied my boy’s energetic behavior. He just didn’t get tired.
Jaylin was starting to struggle, which she didn’t want to admit, and that made her a bit cranky.
“Daddy, I need a bathroom,” she complained.
Kieran furrowed his brow. “There are no bathrooms out here, baby girl. I told you about this, remember? I’ll help you, though. You wanna go now?”
“No toilet?” she squeaked. “Fuck.”
My eyes widened, and I had to suppress my laugh.
Judging by the look on Kieran’s face, she didn’t curse often. “You know that word is off-limits to you, Jaylin. You’ll be dropping a dollar from your allowance in the swear jar when we get home.”
I smiled and continued ahead to catch up with Jess.
Studying the map, I deduced we were about an hour or two from the summit when the first raindrops started falling. So we decided to stop at the next clearing we saw and set up camp. Tomorrow, the weather would have to decide our route. If it got too cold or the rain wouldn’t let up, it might be easier to reach the summit rather than head down all the way to the parking lot again. Because at Coho Pass, there was a tram we could take down.
Kieran barely looked winded, so I wasn’t going to mention that my legs were dying on me. My thighs had been protesting for at least two hours, and now my calves felt stiff and sore too. As if they were constantly on the verge of cramping.
“It’ll be fun trying to find firewood that isn’t soaked.” Kieran wiped some raindrops off his face. “But hey, at least it’s not cold enough to snow. That’s something, right?” He smirked.
I peered up at the sky, where the clouds seemed almost to sink into the treetops, and decided I would prefer snow. “If it snowed, the wood wouldn’t be wet yet.”
He chuckled. “You’re so negative today.”
I frowned to myself. There was no question about whether or not he was right; I’d been bitching all day.
That ended now, goddammit. I was spending the weekend with some of my favorite people. If Nate were here… My father and Brianna… That would be basically everyone. “Christ,” I muttered under my breath. It probably wasn’t a good sign that I forgot to include my wife.
Twenty minutes later, we found a decent spot to set up camp. Others had obviously been here before, and there was already a fire pit dug out with rocks surrounding it. The ground wasn’t awesome; we’d have to clear the tent area of twigs and branches. On the other hand, we had a fucking view.
“Look, Jess!” Jaylin hollered excitedly. She was pointing to where the trees parted and offered a fantastic view of the bay. We were high up and could see the marina in Downtown, all the way out to the Chinook Islands.
“Talk about picture-perfect,” Kieran murmured. “Yeah, yeah, I know, if the weather were better.”
“I wasn’t gonna say anything,” I laughed.
“Good.” He smiled wryly. “Let’s pitch the tent.”
“I’ll do it,” I said. “You can look for firewood.”
“You sure?”
I nodded. “I’ll help when I’m done. The guy at the store—when I bought the tent—guaranteed it wouldn’t take more than five minutes to set up. It takes ten, but close enough.”
“Ah, one of those fancy ones.” He smirked.
“Don’t add it to your shopping list,” I told him, shrugging out of my backpack. “You’re one purchase away from being a shopaholic.”
He laughed. “You sound like Mags.”
Well, if the brand-new boots fit…
Kieran often had new gadgets delivered to his house. He said it was a way of curing boredom.
After digging out the tent from my backpack, I got started with the two bendy poles—wait, wrong one, no, this went to the left… Oh right, they would form an X. It was coming back to me. Nate had been my helper this summer. If he didn’t grow up to become an engineer or something, I’d be surprised.
The dome-shaped tent was in place by the time my jacket was beginning to fail on me. It’d been advertised as rainproof, and I could officially call bullshit on that one.
We had dinner when darkness fell over Camassia. The rain had thankfully stopped, giving our fire a sparkling boost. Embers danced in the pillar of smoke. The kids were happy, munching on hot dogs and drinking lemonade.
Kieran and I had both brought our cameras, so they got some exercise too.
“Daddy, can I have more ketchup?” Jaylin held up her hot dog. She hadn’t left her father’s lap since it had started to get dark.
Kieran’s forehead creased, and he shook his head in amusement as he reached for the ketchup bottle. “You’re not supposed to lick the ketchup off the hot dog.”
“It’s yummy,” Jaylin giggled.
As if on cue, Jess, who was seated next to me, began licking the ketchup off of his own hot dog.
I grinned at the little doofus.
Deeming my third hot dog sufficiently grilled, I withdrew the stick from the fire and grabbed a bun. Unlike the kids, Kieran and I went all out with condiments. Ketchup, mustard, roasted onion, and relish.
Everything was packed in to-go bottles or mini containers, and merely hot dogs weren’t enough for Maggie. She’d made mozzarella sticks that were wrapped in foil in the fire right now, and for tomorrow, there were wrapped potato skins with bacon and cheese.
“Is there anything Maggie can’t do in the kitchen?” I asked with my mouth full.
It was simply impossible not to notice the effort she put into everything.
Kieran smiled faintly. “She’s pretty good.”
I’ll say.
“Mommy likes to make food?” Jaylin asked.
Kieran nodded and handed her a napkin. “A little. Anyway, there’s dessert too. My backpack’s gonna be empty when we go home tomorrow, so eat up.”
“This isn’t me being negative, but everything has gone too smoothly today,” I said.
Kieran grinned and threw another log on the fire. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
That was a relief.
It would be interesting to see how balance was restored. Either we got mauled by a bear in the middle of the night, or we all came down with food poisoning. Because the way things were right in this moment…way too perfect. Jess and Jaylin had fallen asleep within ten minutes after we’d inflated the air mattresses and rolled out the sleeping bags. The only thing we had to promise was not to leave them, and we’d vowed to sit right outside.
I’d caved on the Bailey’s, though… Saying no to a shot of whiskey in my hot chocolate hadn’t been difficult, but the mild and sweet burn of the Bailey’s was too much to resist. It left a trail of chocolaty warmth on its way down.
Add a couple lemon bars to that? I was in heaven.
“I’m glad you dragged me up here, Kieran,” I admitted. “It’s great for Jess too.”
He held out his tin mug and smiled a little.
I clinked my own mug to his and took a swig.
Everything that wasn’t illuminated by the fire was as dark as it could get, except for the glittering lights down the mountain. Between the trees, Downtown’s modest nightlife was in full swing. Not that we could see specifics from up here, but one part had more lights. The marina and the small boardwalk there were all restaurants and pubs.
Kieran and I sighed contentedly at the same time, and we chuckled.
“Daddy…” That was Jaylin’s sleepy voice. “No, stop it. Nana says it’s okay.”
I peered into the tent, then lifted my brows at Kieran.
He grinned. “She talks in her sleep.”
“Oh.” I smiled and glanced inside the tent again. I could barely see her, despite the dimly lit lamp we’d strung up. She was buried in her sleeping bag, with only her cute face visible, framed by a hat with fuzzy earflaps. “She might be the most adorable girl I’ve ever met.”
Kieran smirked, eyes on the ground, and wrapped his arms loosely around his knees. “Mags and I actually talked about kids the other day.”
“Really?” I straightened quickly and frowned. It felt…strange. “Are you thinking about expanding?”
