Wilde Card, page 55
“This isn't the time for you to develop a hero complex, Kalvin.”
“I don't want to be the hero. I just want to do something that means something. Do you know how hard it was to see that? On the news? Do you know how hard it is to know what they did to Zeta? To know all of this shit and not do anything about it?”
Tia shook her head. She did know. “You helped us enough. You went to the bloc for us, you gave us a way in.”
“And that's why I'm here. I want to help more. Doing the right thing gave me more purpose than I ever imagined. My father wanted me to be good, so I was good. He wanted me to play rugby, so I played rugby. He told me to take care of my mum, so I did. But I was so busy trying to be a man that he would be proud of, I never bothered to think about who I wanted to be proud of.” Kal drew himself straight and looked down at Tia. “I'm coming with you.”
She was lost for words, although she wouldn't have been able to describe the emotion swelling in her chest anyway. She thought it might be pride, but it could just as easily have been acid reflux. She wanted Kal to be safe; he was the one good thing in her life that wasn't a part of the Rebellion, that wasn't constantly throwing himself into danger. She wanted him to be safe. But she couldn't protect him when he didn't want it, and she couldn't deny him this.
“If you get hurt, I'll kill you myself,” she grumbled as they joined the others. She couldn't help the feeling that she was letting her brother follow her into a war zone. Irresponsible, was what it felt like.
Kal chuckled. “Says the girl with the bandaged shoulder.” He then murmured, low so that only she could hear it. “I bet Talia gave you shit for that one.”
She raised an eyebrow. It was an odd comment for him to make. “Urm, and why's that?”
“Because she's in love with you, stupid.”
If she'd been any closer, she would have punched him. “What the hell? Is she just going around telling everyone?” She glared at the back of Talia’s head.
“Come on bro, we don't talk like that. No, it's just really obvious.”
She turned to him, holding a hand out. “Kal. Do me a favour, okay? Let's save the relationship chit chat for later...if we survive this.”
She thought that would have sobered him up but his thick lips pulled upwards into a devilish smile. “Relationship? Who said anything about a relationship?”
She glared at him and hurried away to the front where Talia was discussing strategics with Zeta. Upon seeing Tia, she barely suppressed a smile. She'd obviously heard everything with her super bat ears. Tia tried not to cringe but the constant invasion of her privacy was starting to irritate her. Talia turned to Kal and - shocking both Tia and Kal - extended a fist. “I'm glad to have you with us.”
“Urm, yeah. Thanks,” Kal laughed.
They ended up in the room where all the disguises were kept. Tia went with Talia to morph into Summer and Jay took Kal to find gear big enough to fit him.
“it's not that you're wide. It's that you're tall too…” she heard Jay explaining cheekily.
For this mission, Tia hadn't planned to disguise much. Summer already had an appointment and her position was respected enough that there wouldn't be scrutiny. But now her shoulder was bandaged up, she couldn't be too careful. So Talia searched for a wig close enough to Summer’s hair whilst Tia changed into an outfit that he had snagged. The pencil skirt sat a little too short and the blouse a little too small but she wasn't expecting anyone to look closely.
“Talia,” she called.
She turned and paused. An odd expression flickered across her face. In the past two days, she seemed to have lost all control over it. Usually, Tia was used to her symbolic deadpan expression, carefully controlled and designed to give nothing away unless she wanted to. This was something new. Tia was sure she didn't mean to look so pained as her eyes scoured her whole body...but she did. Tia was going to ask her if she was okay - she really had, alarmingly, become a pale shade of pink - but Talia turned away.
“No, Talia - I need you to help me with this,” she huffed.
Reluctantly, Talia came over to help her do up the blouse which had a zip running along the spine from neckline to hem. Talia’s hands were warm against her back, warm enough to cause a slow shiver to roll through her. She felt it, Tia knew, because Talia’s fingers stilled against the nape of her neck.
“Tia, what are we doing?” Talia’s voice was a low murmur, almost a whisper. Her breath fanned across Tia’s skin, raising goosebumps. She wanted to pull away, if only so that she didn't fall into her. She had done well to ignore Talia so far, to avoid thinking about her in any context except the one that mattered. But she was so close to Tia right now and she was remembering how it felt to be in her arms, to bury her face into Talia’s neck and just breathe her in. They had spent barely any time together before Tia’s stupid decisions had caused this rift. She hadn't even had the chance to wake up next to her before it all came crashing down.
“Talia, don't.”
Talia didn't move, didn't let her hands drop, didn't show any sign of hearing Tia. So Tia turned into her, using her weight to push Talia away. She let it happen and just stood there, arms loose by her side, heart busted wide open. Tia felt wretched.
“Talia, we cannot do this right now.”
“I'm not-”
“What is with you people wanting to talk about your feelings all the damn time?”
Tia said it a bit too loudly and saw Raghida turn her head. They would have an audience soon if they weren't careful. Talia took her by the arm and pulled her further into the shelves. Tia was still glaring up at her when she laid her pianist fingers on Tia’s hips.
“We're about to infiltrate a heavily guarded bloc, impersonate an important member of society, and destroy the government’s whole supply of mutated eggs.” Talia shrugged and it was almost shy. “I don't know what's going to happen - and I'm not expecting the worst - but I don't want to possibly die knowing that we could have fixed this.”
Tia realised that she was trembling. From the top of her head to the bottom of her feet, she was trembling. And it could have been hunger, or fatigue, or just out of straight up agony...but it wasn't. It was because of the honesty - the sincerity - in Talia’s words. She was doing it, one last time; laying her heart bare for Tia, even after everything. Her hands were burning through the material at Tia’s waist, her eyes through Tia’s composure. She shouldn't have cared - she had a mission to carry out - but she did. She cared that Talia still wanted her enough to tell her again. There was something niggling at the edges of Tia’s brain. Could she do it? Could she tell Talia that she obviously still felt the same? But what about -
Talia tightened her grip. “Don't worry; I already know. We've been here before, we've done this already. I just needed you to know that I’m not holding what happened against you.”
Tia stiffened and suddenly slapped her arms away. “I wasn't going to say that I love you, you conceited twit.”
Talia gaped.
“It's all very well you forgiving me for what I did, but what about what you did? Maybe I haven't forgiven you for that!”
Realisation dawned. “Summer.”
“Yes, Summer.”
“I was hurt and I was angry. Tia, please.”
“You practically had sex with her. Right in front of me.”
Talia balked. “I'm-”
“Disgusting,” Tia interrupted her. But Tia’s face softened and she closed some of the space between them. Even two feet away, she could feel how nervous Talia was. It was always a shock to the system to see her less than her confident and arrogant self. “But you're right. I don't want to possibly die knowing that we could have fixed this.”
The hope that blossomed within Talia was so bright that Tia couldn't help herself. She punched her in the stomach, hard as she could, ignoring the pain it caused to her own body. Talia roared, bent double, gasping for air. “What the fuck?”
“Don't ever do shit like that again. Next time, I won't be so kind.”
Talia joined them later, as Tia was admiring the way Kal’s gear fit him, a wry smile twisting her features. Tia had no doubt that she had learned her lesson. She wanted to be close with Talia again, wanted to put all the nonsense behind them - but that didn't mean she was going to take blatant disrespect. Not from Talia or anybody. Plus, Tia liked the way Talia looked at her; as if she was the only one in the room. Talia didn't hide who she was, not if she trusted you.
It felt nice to be trusted by her.
◆◆◆
Tia approached the guards with a friendly smile. She made sure to tone it down - not too bright but not too meek - so they would have nothing to second guess. Summer hadn’t visited the bloc before so no one knew what she was supposed to look like except for Tia and Talia. Still, her dark hair was cropped in a similar manner and her eyes darkened with contacts. She took small steps, ladylike steps, towards the gate. Talia had tried to force her into heels but she’d thrown one at Talia’s head, threatening to take it off with her hands if Talia gave them to her again.
“How am I supposed to run?” she had yelled.
The closest guard to her turned his body to form a blockade of sorts. She was staring into the material of his chest armour, trying not to inhale the stench of his sweat. Beside him, his friend turned to attention as well, adding another chest to the wall. Tia flicked her eyes upwards, not seeing much beneath their helmets but trying in vain anyway to make eye contact. “I have an appointment.”
She tried to channel Summer; the higher pitched, authoritative tone of a woman used to getting what she wanted. The first guard glanced down at his watch, revealing a strip of dark skin between his glove and his sleeve. “What department, what time?”
Tia waved her hand in the air. “The BAIC, at 6pm.”
“Bit late for an appointment, isn’t it?” the second guard asked and Tia realised it was a woman.
“They offer evenings for those who work late,” Tia smiled thinly, in the way she imagined Summer would when confronted by someone beneath her.
The first guard scoffed but didn’t comment further. He leaned back into their booth and picked up the phone. A few minutes later - after confirmation of Summer’s name - Tia was waltzing through the gates, her heart in her mouth. She glanced over her shoulder to see Kal swiping his ID through the turnstiles, raising a hand, exchanging pleasantries with the same guards who had looked her up and down with indifference. Well, it had always been easy for him. There was just something so gentle about him that was hard to resist - she would know.
She was unhurried as she mounted the steps, passing several more armed guards and through the revolving doors. At this time, the foyer was much quieter than it usually was. Only one guard manned the booth and he looked half asleep, his feet up on the desk. When he saw Tia, he jolted into a sitting position, boots slamming onto the floor. “Are you okay, miss?”
“I have an appointment with BAIC. Summer Davidson.”
He wasn’t wearing a helmet and his fair hair was plastered to his head with sweat. Squinty eyes peered back at her. “Hold on.” She watched him flick through a digital organiser, searching for today’s date. His hands were thick and dusted with freckles. He glanced up at her, back down at the organiser. “Your name again?”
“Summer. Davidson.”
There was a quiet buzzing noise and the gate in front of her swung open. He didn’t even look back up at her as she passed through. Before she was fully through, he decided to add: “Third floor. Someone will take you down to the right department.”
Tia couldn’t believe how easy this was. She carried on, knowing her way already but pretending to search for the elevators. He must have seen her ‘confusion’ but didn’t bother to help; his feet were already back up on the desk. Five minutes later, she was inside the right lift and on her way to the third floor. The civilian lifts were a lot different to the staff ones and she cruised upwards in luxury, with plush carpet beneath her feet and soft muzak in her ears. She was greeted by more carpet, more muzak, as she plodded towards a small receptionist’s desk. The receptionist behind it was seven shades of charm, all teeth and smiles, as she took Summer’s name and gestured towards the seating area.
Two other women sat to her right, bored and surprisingly young. One of them was hugging a handbag to her chest, the other one was rocking slowly back and forth in her chair. The scene was slightly alarming but Tia smiled politely and settled back into her chair. She would wait for her doctor. She would look curious but not too curious, excited but not too alert. Summer would be looking forward to this experience but she wouldn’t want to give that away too much, not in front of these people.
A doctor came to get her twenty minutes later. It wasn’t the Asian lady that Kal had described but it was another young woman, too young to be doing something like this. Tia smiled up at her as she introduced herself as Dr Morales, clipboard under her arm and wide grin in place. “Come with me, please.”
Tia wasn’t sure why she was being seen to first when these two women waiting were clearly before her but she didn’t complain. Less complications that way. Dr Morales was walking fast, her little legs powering down the corridor, her ponytail swinging behind her. Tia barely had to speed up to keep pace, and she bombarded her escort with the kind of questions that Summer would think of. She asked about the facilities, the numbers, the upfront costs, the staff, the equipment. To her credit, Morales answered all gently, professionally, and promptly. Her white coat was too big for her shoulders and made her seem like a child playing dress up - but she evidently knew what she was talking about.
“I hope you found your way here alright,” Dr Morales said as the lift doors closed them in.
“It was a little tricky but I made good time.”
“Oh, right?” she rolled her eyes. “Those guards?”
Tia found herself genuinely laughing. She reeled it in because Summer would never. Clearing her throat, she then frowned. “They're just doing their job.”
Morales gave Tia a curious sideways look. “Indeed.”
The rest of the journey was done in silence. Tia preferred this so that she could focus on the task at hand. Pretending to be Summer was not as easy as she had thought it would be. It was difficult only because Tia hated the woman, and she hated walking in her expensive shoes. Trying to adopt her inflection brought to mind the way she had whispered Talia’s name as Tia crawled to freedom beneath them. It brought to mind the moment when Tia realised that Summer was in love with her. It brought to mind snapshots of Summer’s scantily clad body, curled around Talia like she wasn’t half her age.
Tia’s hands formed fists. She shoved them behind her back. Really? She asked herself. Now was not the time. Never, really, would it ever be the time to reminisce about Summer Davidson in her bra, skirt rolled up to her hips, whilst Talia drooled all over her.
She was more than thankful when Morales led her out of the lift and down an eerily quiet corridor. At the end of the corridor was a thick door which required a key card. Once buzzed through, Tia recognised it immediately. It was the same long walkway from which they had recused Zeta, the same place where Quentin had said his goodbyes. Except, now, it was brightly lit and welcoming. The door they had entered through was to the right of the bottom of the curving staircase - she realised it was the civilian entrance. The other doors, the ones that had been open when she was last here, were all firmly closed. A hospital bed was tucked into the corner of one wall, cleaning supplies leaning against another corner.
Morales headed towards the second door from the staircase and Tia followed. The stench of disinfectant was strong in her nose, strong enough to make her eyes water. Either they were trying to hide something or their staff were very liberal with the product. She coughed politely, as Summer would do.
“Apologies for the smell, Ms Davidson. Necessary evils,” Morales smiled apologetically.
Tia tried not to comment. If Jay had been present, he would have definitely made a joke. She allowed the doctor to show her into a blinding white room containing a bed and a chair. To the right was a small closet. To the left was a sink, a small stretch of counter and a kettle. Behind the bed was another door, no doubt leading to the bathroom.
“There are some gowns in the bathroom. You can get changed and make yourself comfortable. Now, I presume you’ve been taking the medication?”
Tia blinked innocently. “Naturally.”
Morales chuckled. “I just have to ask. You’d be surprised how many women come in here and then tell me they forgot to take their FSH.”
“You don’t check?”
The doctor paused. “Well, you’ve been through the process now. You know we don’t. We simply don’t have the time.”
“Yes, but I assumed that was because I didn’t have time for the check ups, not because you didn't have the time.”
“We encourage all patients to have check ups with their own GPs,” Morales looked away. “We simply supply the pre-IVF medication.”
Tia tried to pretend as though that was all very efficient of them, and very smart. She didn’t comment further, not even to tell Morales that she thought this whole system was disgusting. Instead, she disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the doctor shifting awkwardly in the next room. Alone, she sat on the lid of the toilet and kicked off her shoes, letting the cold of the floor seep into her feet. Anchoring her.
The clinic had sent many things, of course, to prepare Summer for this step. She had all sorts of vitamins and stimulants delivered - Talia had intercepted all. All correspondence from the Bloc was redirected to Tia who replied accordingly. It was what kept Talia away for so many days on end, was the reason why she was practically inseparable from the woman. No one suspected a thing and - as Morales said - the Bloc simply didn’t have the time to check. They assumed that Summer wanted the procedure enough to follow their instructions. They were not to know that Tia was flushing their drugs down the drain and signing letters with Summer’s dramatic signature.
