Wilde Card, page 30
“I always loved your hair.”
“Did you?” Tia started. She certainly hadn't ever told her this before.
Talia’s distant eyes were wide but Tia couldn’t read them. Talia moved away, only slightly, but Tia knew what was coming before she even opened her mouth. Her eyes came into focus with a shuttering. “Tia, we need to talk.”
Tia sighed. She knew it would happen eventually. She supposed she should have known the moment Talia had offered to untangle her hair; she never did anything for free. “What do you want to talk about?”
Talia raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Okay fine!” Tia turned around, rising to her feet to show Talia that she was going to be serious. Her gaze dipped momentarily. “I'm sorry, okay? I know it was awkward for you. I had too much to drink but I should have kept myself in control.”
Tia had seen a variety of expressions on Talia’s face but she had never seen amazement until now. Talia seemed to falter. Tia’s hair was in her face, her heart was in her mouth. She was eye level with Talia’s chin.
“Tia...it wasn't awkward for me.”
“I know! You don't have-” she cried. “Wait, what?”
Talia was watching her carefully as she repeated. “I said it wasn't awkward for me.”
Wasn't? She paused. Talia was still, hands open by her sides as if she was trying to convey a message with her body too. She didn't appear to be lying or mocking Tia, not if her face was anything to go by. Tia wanted to word her next sentence with care so there could be no misunderstanding.
“You're saying…”
“That I wanted it. Just as much as you did...I hope.”
Talia had always been honest, to the very fault. Sometimes she was so blunt that her words could be a knife to the heart. She held Tia’s gaze strongly, even now, even though Tia thought her eyes were too kind to handle right now. Tia’s heart was racing, suddenly, trying to jump ship through her throat.
She blinked. “Okay, but you're here to tell me that it was a mistake?”
Talia cocked her head to the side, a small smile adorning her lips like a grace from heaven. “Tia, no.”
She nodded vigorously, though she understood nothing and was doubting everything. “Okay, so what you're really saying is-”
Talia moved through the water effortlessly, her weight almost inconsequential. Tia was speechless as she took her face in warm hands and brought their mouths together. Tia breathed in as she did so, inhaling the scent of sweat and mud and Talia. Without the alcohol to cloud Tia’s mind, she could feel how soft her mouth was, how gentle. She relaxed into it and began to kiss Talia back as she raised a hand to cup her face, fingers fitting into the deep hollows of her cheek. She let her other hand slide into the back of Talia’s hair, sighing as the wet strands slid across her skin exactly as she had imagined they would. Talia let one hand trail down to Tia’s bare hip and pulled her body closer, so they were almost flush with each other, so Tia could feel the damp material of her underwear and the sharpness of hip bones pressing against her stomach. She parted her lips and sucked Talia’s tongue into her mouth.
Talia was all angles and muscle against her. Tia found herself touching her, feeling the pressure of Talia’s arms around her, the jagged scar on her arm, the hills of her shoulder blades. Where before Talia had been soft with her, Tia’s touch seemed to have an effect and she held her tighter; the weight of her hand on Tia’s became the weight of Talia’s hand on her thigh. Suddenly Tia was lifted up - surprised, she wrapped her legs around Talia’s waist to prevent herself from falling into the water. Talia was stronger than she had known. Tia gasped as she turned and pressed her back to the wall of the small underground cave. The water had been lukewarm but the walls were cold. Talia laughed at her reaction and she saw that her eyes were dark with lust. It was like looking at a different girl. No, not a girl: a woman.
“Taila,” Tia murmured, locking her hands behind her neck.
Whatever Tia had been about to say, Talia didn't want to hear it. She lowered her head and nipped at Tia’s bottom lip with her teeth. The sensation was heavenly. Talia was gripping her thighs and she liked the strength in her body as Talia pressed against Tia. Tia kissed her back with all the energy she had, mouths sliding against each other, skin on skin, until she was a quivering mess and Talia was breathing heavily. She pulled back, momentarily, to just look at Tia. She looked lost but Tia was dazed from the taste of her mouth and the heat of her skin, so Tia reckoned that she looked the same.
“I love your hair when it’s down,” Talia said, voice low and deep. The water had drained from it and Tia’s natural curls were springing up. She shivered as Talia’s words resonated within her. She stroked Tia’s hair away from her face and looked into her eyes. “I wish it wasn't so dark in here.”
“Why?”
The back of Talia’s knuckles grazed her cheekbone and Tia marvelled at how the simple gesture could be so at odds with the strength with which Talia held her.
“You're beautiful.” Talia said it like the answer was obvious. “I wish I could see you.”
“You've seen me a thousand times-”
“And I’m still not sick of looking at you.”
Tia laughed and buried her face in Talia’s neck. This was a side of her she'd never seen before - but she liked it. Talia shuddered at the feeling of Tia’s breath on her neck and her grip on Tia tightened. Curious, Tia dragged her tongue across the soft skin of Talia’s neck and was rewarded with the salt of sweat and a low moan from her throat. Interesting. As if Talia could sense that Tia was experimenting on her, she nipped at Tia’s shoulder with her teeth. It sent a shock through Tia that she felt in her toes.
“Talia.”
They looked into each other's eyes and she saw a heat that could threaten to overwhelm them both if they didn't stop this. Right. Now. Tia pushed against Talia’s chest and she let her slide down to her feet. The water lapped at her hips and she took a second to calm herself down, without Talia’s warmth and scent clouding her head. Tia swept her hair back and smiled, shyly.
“We should-”
“Yes.”
Talia’s voice was a cage of barely restrained desire. Tia was glad that they both felt the same attraction but they needed sleep and she had to get home before Jessie came looking for her. Whilst Tia left the pool to gather her gear, Talia took a quick minute to scrub the grime from her skin. They dressed quickly with the sound of the water rushing through the pipe in the background. She led Tia back to her room. Tia hadn't even known Talia had one.
“You said no one lives down here,” she said in an accusatory tone as she looked around. It wasn't very big compared to the canteen, for example, but it was spacious. There was a double bed against the far wall, beneath a reading lamp. To the right was a small desk overflowing with paper, to the left was another door which she assumed led to a bathroom. She had taken her shoes off at the door when she saw the delicate Oriental style rug that Talia had laid on the floor.
“They don't. But as the leader, I get this,” Talia gestured as she shut the door behind them. She, too, had taken off her boots. Damp socks in hand, she walked barefoot to a small dresser in the corner of the room. “Some things work out for the better.”
Her smile was grim and Tia knew that she really meant that, even though the room was a courtesy for the leader, for her it was a miracle. She had a space away from home, away from Matthew and the abuse. Tia wondered how long it had been since Talia had gone home. She approached the small mirror affixed to the wall above the desk and examined her reflection. She always did look younger when her hair was wet and her face flushed. Behind her, Talia held out a bundle of clothes.
“Here. They're not going to look great but it will get you home.”
Tia took the baggy shirt and the training leggings, thanking her. Talia gave her a towel too. Biting her lip, and embracing a side of herself that she hadn't known before today, she stripped right then and there, letting the gear fall to the floor. Talia didn't turn away and she didn't want her to. Talia took her time in raking hungry eyes over Tia’s figure, pausing at the curve of her chest and the fullness of her waist.
Tia handed her the towel and turned around. Talia’s body warmth was comforting against her damp skin and Tia let her eyes close as she rubbed the towel gently through her hair. Tia could have fallen asleep, standing and all. Talia moved on to the nape of her neck, her shoulders, her waist, the curve of her knee. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a light kiss against the back of her thigh.
“You look great,” Talia giggled as her clothes swamped Tia.
“I look ridiculous,” Tia rolled her eyes. She attempted to salvage the outfit by tying a knot in the waistband of the leggings so they wouldn't fall down and nearly kill her. Talia gave her a pair of warm socks and said that Tia could wear the boots home because there was no way her shoes would fit. When it was time for her to go, they hesitated in the doorway. Tia felt a disappointment that she quickly shot down. This was what she had been afraid of; an awkwardness like this.
“This is weird,” she laughed, trying to ease the sudden tension.
Talia leaned against the doorframe and cocked that famous eyebrow. “Is it?”
“Isn't it? We…” she flailed her arm, trying to summon the correct words. “We knew each other, we were best friends.”
“What's your point?” Talia was tired now - Tia could see that, the exhaustion in her face and voice. She was losing her patience.
“Why now?”
Talia blinked. “Why not?”
Tia shook her head. “No, Talia, why now?”
“We didn't really know each other. And even if we had then, we're both different people now. I mean, do you feel like the same girl you were two years ago?”
When Tia thought about it, she could see what Talia meant. So much had changed - they had been through so much in such a short time...she wasn't the same person, she never would be that person again. Even when they thought they knew each other, they had always been a secret to each other. Talia was right though because Tia had never looked at her and seen a figure worthy of respect; compassionate and honest. She had come so far. Tia shook her head, conveying to her that she understood.
Talia smiled, as much she could with what little energy she had. “That's why now.”
She reached out, against her will, and laid her hand against Talia’s cheek. Her skin was burning up, almost like she had a fever, and her face was flushed. With her colouring, it was a disturbing sight - Talia didn't usually redden like this. Tia frowned even as Talia tilted her head into her palm. “Get some sleep, Talia.”
20 - The Heart of the Fire
Jay found Tia in the library. She had been hiding not just from him but from everyone. Everything had become just a little bit overwhelming and she needed the space. Going home just wasn’t a good idea with Jessie being so upset. So she was here, hidden between bookshelves, where she fell asleep in the nook of her own arms. Through the haze of her dreams, someone called her name and a swathe of heat swept over her face. She jolted awake and was instantly aware of the kink in her neck. She hissed, folding her hand over it, all the while glaring at Jay.
“You really love libraries, huh?”
“What time is it?” she asked, bleary eyed and heavy tongued.
“Oh, sweets, it is well into the afternoon.”
“Great.” She ignored the pain in her neck to bend down and swipe up the jacket which had ended up at her feet. She really hadn’t meant to sleep. She had searched out the silence without any real plan in mind, just wanting to be alone. Going by the time now, she had slept for almost 12 hours.
Jay was leaning against a bookcase, looking as though he belonged there and they hadn't been ignoring each other for days. He didn’t sense her sarcasm - or he was ignoring it. Either way, he approached her anyway, pushing her back into the chair she was leaving. She started. “What the hell-”
“I’m not going to talk about what happened. I get it: you don’t want to discuss it. So you can stop running away from me now.”
She scoffed. “I haven’t been running away.”
“And I’m a toad. Which we all know is untrue, because I’m as handsome a devil as they come,” he chuckled. She rolled her eyes. He had placed his hands onto her shoulders and she was trying not to squirm her way away from them. Then she really would be running away. From him and the butterflies his touch had caused in her stomach.
“Look, I’m tired. I just want to go home.”
His hands slid from her shoulders and up to her neck. She didn’t have a chance to complain before he was kneading his palms into her sore neck and her nerves were pinging all over the place. She couldn’t talk. It hurt too much, and felt so nice at the same time. Jay had soft hands, firm hands, and they knew what they were doing. He was working through her knots like a magician.
“Just listen,” he murmured over her. “I know that this is a lot for you - it would be for anyone. You’ve done so well dealing with it, never asking for help, always working hard. Which is why - and I mean this in the nicest way possible - it’s time for you to remove that giant stick up your arse.”
Tia’s eyes snapped open but his grip prevented her from glaring up at him. “Excuse me?”
“There’s a party tonight, being hosted by Jax Diaz. You’re coming.”
This time Tia really couldn’t allow him to restrain her anymore. She removed his hands forcefully, standing to face him. He didn’t seem surprised - in fact, he had expected a reaction like this. He was nothing if not quick on the uptake.
“A party?” Tia echoed, incredulous. “You think I want to go to a party? In the middle of all of this?”
“No, I think you need to.”
“What I need to do is find out who killed my father. Jay, I can’t believe you would even suggest this.”
“When was the last time you had any kind of fun?”
“Last night!” She tried not to react to the flashback of Talia’s hands on her body. She knew for a fact that neither he nor Talia would appreciate that information. “The raid was fun!”
Jay folded his arms. “Fun that didn’t involve knives, Tia. Fun that normal people have.”
There, she hesitated. She was tempted to remind him that she wasn't normal and neither was he. But the truth was that Tia couldn’t remember the last time because it had been a long, long time ago. Even before Andy’s death, she had always focused on her studies. She didn't attend parties where she could do coursework, and she didn't ever do anything that could compromise her reputation. She knew of Jax Diaz, of course, had heard of his infamous parties. He was only young but he was known for his eccentricity and his lack of interest in his own wealth. Ophelia herself had gone to a few of them and had always come back with a raging hangover or a new boyfriend, or both. They were the kind of parties that ended with police raids and lines of ambulances. Infamous wasn’t even the word for it.
Tia had never shown much interest in that kind of life, and neither had Kal. She had no idea what it felt like to throw caution to the wind. She had a chance to now and she was still denying it. Would she ever grow out of choosing the safe option? Maybe growing out of it wasn't even the right term...maybe she just needed to stop choosing the safe option. She had played it safe her whole life and look what had happened anyway.
“You wanna know what I think?” Jay reached out and pushed a stray strand of sweaty hair away from her cheek. She looked away. “I think if you keep pushing yourself like this, with no time for yourself, you’re going to break.”
“That’s how you get results. You push,” Tia snapped.
He laughed. “I know all about that. Because I’m going to push for you to come with us tonight. I won’t leave you alone until you agree. And we both know I can be extremely annoying when I want to be.”
“When you want to be?” she cocked an eyebrow, unable to resist.
He laughed again, and his eyes flashed in the dim lighting, like a cat’s. He had won, and he knew it. A heavy feeling settled in her stomach, as if forbidding her from having fun. She shouldn't...but how could she not with Jay making that puppy dog look?
“Is Raghida coming?”
“The whole gang. We leave at 9, don’t be late or you’ll miss all the fun.”
She watched him leave without any more fuss. As soon as she was alone again, she collapsed onto the chair. Oh God. What had she gotten herself into? How could she even consider this when she had so much to do? And her reaction to his touch? After last night with Talia?
She dropped her head onto the table.
◆◆◆
The party was held in an abandoned warehouse right in the centre of Bermondsey. Tia was somewhat amazed at how terrifying it looked; broken windows, crumbling roof, graffiti covered walls and darkened doorways. It looked...entirely unsanitary. She said so and was rewarded with laughter. Eliza was the only one who seemed to agree and Tia - not for the first time tonight - was grateful that the redhead had decided to come along. Around them more people were arriving. Tia took a moment to note that they were all different ages, all seemingly from different walks of life.
Broken glass and stones crunched underfoot as they made their way to the side of the building. The surrounding area was quiet, a crumbling collection of decrepit warehouses, each in a considerably worse state than the previous. Jax obviously had an eye for setting. He’d chosen the one building with a skull and bones spray painted over the door - or maybe he had added that touch himself. As they were let in by a boy who couldn’t have been more than 15 years old, Tia was aware of Jay’s hand on her hip, as if she needed protecting. She shrugged it off, trying to resist the urge to break his fingers.
They were bombarded by the loud strains of techno as they were led down a long, dark corridor by bright UV arrows. They read ‘this way to paradise’ in a thick, blocky rainbow, flowing consistently along the walls. The floor was uneven beneath her feet, dipping in ways that could break an ankle, and Tia stumbled a few times trying to regain her balance. Beside her, Raghida was swearing under her breath, cursing Jax for being so theatrical. She had better balance but nearly fell into the wall several times.
