Wilde Card, page 38
Was she?
She realised, also, that with the distraction of Chloe’s information, they hadn't made a pros and cons list for Talia. She didn't want to also reduce Talia - who was such a complex character - down into such basic terms but maybe Raghida had a point about clarification. She was walking towards the canteen, hoping to find a friendly face, as she drafted her list.
Pros:
- Leader of the Rebellion.
- Tall.
- Very tall.
Cons
- Arsehole.
She was coming up blank. Despite everything they had been through together, Tia could not break Natalia down into her constituent parts. There had always been too much going on with her to explain any one trait. That was what made her such a fascinating creature: the whole of Natalia was greater than the sum of her parts. And Tia couldn't explain her away with the way she led the Rebellion any more than Tia could explain her using her height.
It was different with her, yes, that much was true. They had discovered a friendship that people didn't come across often. Half the time Tia wanted to put her fist through Talia’s face but the other half...well, she had put that on hold for now. She hadn't thought too much into it at the time but now that she was; had she placated Talia so she could figure out this triangle? Was the space she had demanded from her just a ploy to give Tia time to think?
She looked at Talia again. At the way her skin seemed almost translucent below the bare light bulb, at the map of her veins beneath the parchment of her face. Tia had once tried to trace those veins with her eyes; had followed the blue vein from the hollow of her cheek to the edge of her temple. That was where it disappeared, into the dark thicket of her hairline. Tia had always liked that when she became animated it pulsed - the lone disco light in the corner of the room. Except - of course - when it pulsed at Tia.
She found Raghida in the library, again. She wasn't alone. Tia figured out pretty quickly that the library was probably the one place that the couple could find privacy. Eliza was pink-cheeked, bright-eyed and smiling. She greeted Tia with all the energy of a long lost cousin. Then: “Should I make myself scarce?”
Raghida grimaced. “I'm sorry. We just need-”
“It's okay.” Eliza placed a soft kiss on Raghida’s open mouth, eyes lingering. They watched each other with a quiet intensity that Tia had only ever seen in her parents. “I'll see you later.”
Tia watched her leave, noticing that a few heads turned to watch too. Raghida seemed to know what she was thinking. “She doesn't know any of these people, and they don't know her, so she's comfortable to kiss me here.”
“Cute.”
Tia took a seat. She must have looked as bewildered as she felt because Raghida laughed and pulled her own chair closer. “What happened?”
“Natalia said yes, she’s going to get me into Summer’s house.”
“She’s going to get us into her house,” Raghida replied.
Tia knew her friend well enough by now that she knew there was absolutely no point in arguing against this. She sighed. “When you say us, do you mean you?”
“Tia! You can't avoid Jay forever.”
“I'm not avoiding anyone. He's busy with Super Barbie.”
That made Raghida laugh and her eyes became slits as she threw her head back. “I take it you've made a decision about your love triangle?”
“No,” Tia grumbled. “And I don't care to either. I have a million other things to do.”
“You came all the way back here just to tell me that?” Raghida quirked an eyebrow. Damn. She knows me so well. Tia shrugged, looked to the ceiling, rolled her eyes. She hated to admit weakness, in any form. She hated to give in to distractions. And yet here she was. Doing both.
“I'm just going to focus on my mission.”
It wasn't what Raghida had expected to hear. She gaped for a moment. Tia felt her chest deflate. “Yes. That's the right decision to make.”
“Are you trying to convince me...or yourself?”
“I am making the right decision.”
24 - A Rebellion Cause
Jessie wasn't home when Tia dragged herself through the door. That was fine by her - she was exhausted and her feet were burning. She fell into bed, into soft sheets and pillows and dozed off. She had no dreams in her deep sleep. She awoke several hours later to the sound of chanting. It was low, deep and distinctly female.
What the hell?
She found her mother in the living room, sitting by the sofa with her legs crossed, hands on her knees, palm up, eyes closed. She was wearing minimum layers; a vest and shorts. Tia found it odd to see the sleek muscles beneath her mother’s skin, in her thighs, her calves. She hadn't let her body slack since Tia had been born, that much was obvious. But Tia hadn't noticed the power in Jessie’s body until now - now that she knew about her past. She was surprised that she hadn't realised before that her mother was built like a lean running machine.
She stayed by the door, content to just watch. But even her lightest movement alerted her mother, ever the observant, who opened her eyes and fixed them on Tia. She'd always had the warmest gaze, but Tia hadn't felt that warmth since their argument. Her eyes burned like amber lasers, the mixture of colours around her iris paling in the dim lighting.
“Sorry,” Tia mumbled. “I just. I heard you-”
“It’s alright. You don’t need to tiptoe around me.”
“Are you sure? You’ve finished your hissy fit?” Tia couldn’t help herself, the words were out before she even knew what she was saying. It had been so tense between them for so long that she didn’t know how to say anything nice. She didn’t want to.
Jessie’s face deadpanned. “You know what?” She rose to her feet, brushed dust off her legs. “I have.”
That surprised Tia. “You have?” She found herself moving further into the room, against her will. Was this Jessie admitting to being childish? She drifted towards the sofa, becoming aware of the scent of vanilla and what she thought was jasmine, her mother’s favourite. Tia hadn’t smelled it since Andy-
“I just wanted to protect you. I wanted to make sure you grew up away from that influence.”
“You lied to me-”
“But do you see why?” Jessie sighed. She dragged her hand over her face, pinched the bridge of her nose. The calming effects of her meditation seemed to have worn off. “We need to talk.”
“Sure. Were you meditating?”
Jessie took a seat and patted the space beside her. “I was. A friend of mine at the hospital recommended it to me. I’ve been...filled with anger. A lot of it, lately.”
“Because of me?”
“Because of everything.”
A silence. Jessie was retreating into her own thoughts but Tia was practically vibrating with questions.She sat next to her mother and allowed herself to just inhale. There was so much relief and joy at being able to talk freely again. She missed Jessie, but she had allowed the feeling to manifest only now. “I’m sorry for lying.”
“We’re all guilty of that. It’s hard to tell the truth when it will hurt the people you love. But Tia, you have to understand: the Rebellion is dangerous.”
“I know-”
“No, you need to listen. It’s dangerous. When your father and I were just kids, we were given a choice and we chose to fight. But Harry - I assume you’ve met him - he had that choice taken away from him. His mother was killed, and he felt that he had to fight, for her. And the reason why we had to fight? Because when the war was over, one of our own was taken and we didn’t try hard enough to get him back. Jonathan was a lovely man, he would never have given up information willingly. They tortured it out of him, and then they came for us. That is the kind of world you’re getting yourself into.”
Tia remembered that Jonathan was Eliza’s grandfather, the one who had been kidnapped. In the Tunnels, every so often, someone would mention it and Eliza would try hard to ignore the whispers.Tia had seen her cringing into her scarf on several occasions; it seemed to be a topic that she just couldn’t avoid. And Tia remembered Marcus telling her about Harry’s mother, how he didn’t want to start a family because he was scared of putting them in danger. Admittedly, the Rebellion didn’t have the best track record. But it was more than their personal lives: it was a movement that could change the world. She couldn’t let anyone reduce it to its faults - she wouldn’t.
Jessie continued. “We left for you, and it was a decision that we never regretted. Even Adrian, after my father died, he was automatically in line to be the next Leader. He gave it up so easily to raise you, to be there for his granddaughter. We love you. So yes, I was angry to come home and find out that you had willingly put yourself back in danger.”
“I have to, mum. I have to. The things they were saying about dad...it just isn’t true!” Tia shook her head. “He would never-”
“Tia, I know.” Jessie took her hand. “He was my husband, of course I know he would never be so stupid.”
Tia’s heart pounded in her chest, roared in her ears, even seemed to pulse behind her eyeballs. “You know?”
But if Jessie knew that Andy’s death wasn’t an accident, then why hadn’t she said anything? All the weeks that had passed since his death, she could have departed with that small piece of information. All the time Tia had spent fighting for his honour, alone, pushing against a tide...and Jessie could have stood by her. She tried to dampen the anger that she felt. Whatever Jessie did, she did it for their family. Right?
“But Tia, It’s not our place to question it.”
“What does that mean? They killed my father, your husband, of course it's our place!”
Jessie was crying, the tears silent on her cheeks. “I have to keep our family safe. Please don't do this, don't bring them to us, don't hurt us.”
“It's too late, mum.” Tia wiped her mother’s tears with the sleeve of her top. “It's just too late.”
There were no words for a while. They say next to each other, Jessie sniffling and Tia thinking. She was thinking of how great it would be if she didn't have to be torn between making her mother happy and avenging her father's death. She was thinking about how amazing it would be if Jessie would fight with her. She wanted everything to be infinitely simpler than it was. She needed to feel like she was doing the right thing.
“Your father and I, our fathers were best friends,” Jessie suddenly said. “We grew up together - you'd think that if we were gonna fall in love, we would have done so by the time they came for us. But we barely liked each other...as in I thought he was an idiot and he thought I was a bitch.”
Tia turned to see the smile on her mother’s face, it was small but it was there. Her nose was red, her cheeks flushed, but her eyes...they were somewhere else. “And I was a bitch,” she laughed shortly.
Tia hedged, "And he was an idiot?"
"Yeah," Jessie smiled fondly. "He was."
There was an excitement bubbling in Tia’s chest. She was about to hear the truth of her parents’ past? No lies, no misdirects? Finally.
"So how did you fall in love?"
"When Jonathan’s capture led the government to us, we had to grow up. What had only been possibilities became realities, and when we had to do what needed to be done, I realised that I depended on Andy a lot more than I ever had. We made a really good team. I was always a better fighter than him - he was the brains.”
“You're a legend. The Council tell everyone how good you were,” Tia said.
Jessie looked bashful. “You're only as good as your teacher.”
“Why didn't you and dad tell me all of this before? Why did you hide this from me?”
“If we told you, you would have wanted to go looking for more answers. It's dangerous. Do you not see that from all my scars?”
Scars on her back, scars on her arms, scars on her legs. Some of them small, some of them very noticeable, faded, puckered, pink. Now that she knew the truth about her mother's past, they all told a story that she was eager to read. She held out her hand where she had cut her finger open on the star during the raid. Jessie’s eyes fell on the brand new scar.
“It’s already begun,” she shook her head. “Your body becomes the parchment upon which the Rebellion writes.”
“Mum, I know what I'm doing. I just - I need you. I need you to have my back. I need you to understand. And I need you to be honest with me from now on.”
“I promise to be honest with you if you promise to be honest with me.”
Tia tilted her head. Jessie looked resigned; resigned to the fact that her daughter was now a part of the Rebellion she had tried so hard to leave behind. She looked older, as if she had aged over the past week. She had missed her mother so much, and she was only just realising it. She had become so distant from Kal, from Jessie and even from Adrian. With Raghida keeping her own secrets, avoiding Jay, and Talia having business to attend to, Tia hadn’t had much time to see that the loneliness had been well buried. It felt incredibly good to sit next to her mother and just tell the truth.
“I promise.”
Jessie smiled, the kindest smile Tia had seen from her so far. She took her daughter’s hand. “Can you do one more thing for me?”
“Of course, anything.”
“Take me with you when you go back.”
Tia's eyes bulged, “Mum, what? You can’t - what about your job?”
“Relax,” Jessie laughed. “I just want to see my friends. Now that I have nothing to protect, I really just need this.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“I've been alone for a long time.”
◆◆◆
Jessie had never seen the Tunnels as they were for the Rebellion. When she had been a member, the Tunnels had only just been evacuated by the surviving population. In the 18 years since she had last been, a lot had changed; the entrance, for one. She had looked at the multiple pathways ahead with a perplexed expression on her face. When Tia laughed, she became defensive. “What? We didn’t use this entrance back then; in fact, this didn’t even exist.”
As they walked down the corridors, people watched them pass. The usual low murmur of voices had become a hubbub of whispers and pointing. Jessie had changed into dark jeans and a jumper but it hadn’t much lessened the attention she was drawing to herself. Her hair was just too bright, her eyes too interesting. Plus, everyone knew who she was. Tia felt some modicum of pride at the fact that this was her mother; a legend, a well known name.
“Gosh, it’s still hot as hell down here,” Jessie muttered.
Tia laughed. And then, as they approached the Council room, the door opened. Natalia was the first to exit, followed by Marcus and Harry. Father and son were laughing amongst themselves, Natalia sliding some papers back into a folder. Harry saw them first.
“Jessica?” He froze, his eyes becoming wide as saucers. He looked a lot healthier since the last time Tia had seen him; his skin was much creamier, the dark bags a thing of the past. His gaze was focused. And it was focused on her mother.
Jessie paused in her step. Tia was close enough that she heard the air whistle out of her mother’s throat. She supposed it was one thing to know you were going to see your friends after so many years, and another to actually see them.
“Harry.”
They remained frozen in time, and just looked at each other. It was Marcus who broke the silence. He stepped forward and swept Jessie into a big embrace. She squealed, a sound Tia had never heard come from her before. Behind Talia stood Anya, with an expression like sour lemons. That made Tia laugh and she pressed a hand to her mouth in order to hide her amusement. Talia saw it and raised an eyebrow.
“Jessie! God, it’s been far too long,” Marcus boomed. He placed her back down onto the floor and she straightened her top out.
“Marcus, you’re not going to tell me off, are you?” She smiled coyly, placing her hand on his arm.
He laughed. “That’s not my job anymore.” At her confusion, he gestured to Talia. “This is our new leader. Jessie this is-”
“Natalia Archer.” She finished the sentence for him. Talia tried not to look like a naughty child who was being told off. Jessie glanced at Tia, the look very clearly saying: you have some explaining to do. She kept it between her and Tia though. She turned back to Talia and smiled - albeit sadly. “I should have known.”
Talia inclined her head, “Jessie. If you don’t mind, can I borrow Tia please?”
“You don’t really need to ask, do you?”
She laughed, a little awkwardly. She may have been the leader of the Rebellion but Tia knew that Talia had always respected her mother as if she was her own. Talia would always ask her permission, no matter how senior her position. Tia followed her away from the Council room, pausing to look over her shoulder where she saw that Harry was still watching her mother with something akin to pain set into the lines of his face.
They didn’t stop walking until they got to the infirmary. Talia grabbed her arm before she entered. “Tia, wait.”
“You wanna talk out here? Okay, what’s up?”
“I had to call a meeting to discuss Zeta.”
She paused, her eyes narrowing. “That’s what just happened? I thought you were okay with her being here.”
“I am. But that doesn’t mean I can hide it from them. We’re harboring stolen government property-”
“Her name is Zeta.”
Talia grunted. “Zeta. She cannot stay here without the rest of the Council knowing. Put their lives at risk without even telling them?”
“They’re not at risk.”
“You know as well as I do that is a lie.”
Tia sighed and turned her eyes up to the ceiling. She supposed she couldn’t be surprised. Talia was on her side but still had an obligation to her brethren, first and foremost. Tia knew she should be counting herself lucky that she put up with half of her shit. “Okay. So, what did they say?”
