Be My Saving Grace, page 8
‘I wish. Thankfully he finishes at three, but if he was working the afternoon shift, I wouldn’t put it past him to stick to his word.’
‘Jesus.’
Finn takes a seat, his movements less stiff, a sign that the joint pain is starting to subside. He gives Finn a soft smile, making quick eye contact with others in the group to make sure they are also comfortable before walking out towards the patient corridor. He holds the door open for Dr Hale who is walking towards him. Nickolas smiles at her request for Brett to leave the room before she takes a seat to begin the session. As the door closes behind Nickolas, he catches green eyes watching him leave as he passes Hayley who is on door duty.
*
Nickolas makes his way towards the infirmary, walking like a man on a mission as he ignores those that he passes. He knocks on the door and is pleased to see Lexi isn’t with a patient.
‘Nickolas, hey,’ she calls out.
‘Hey. Ah, can I ask you something about a patient’s medications?’
‘Sure.’ Lexi points to the chair Finn sat in only yesterday. Nickolas accepts, thinking over how much Finn’s behaviour has already changed since he was sitting in this chair.
‘Finn, Finn Cunningham. Bipolar disorder. Just want to know what side effects he may experience from his medication,’ asks Nickolas.
‘Is he showing any signs?’
‘It looked like joint pain when I saw him before lunch. He seemed to be cringing when he moved but I’m not sure of the medications he has been prescribed.’
Lexi turns to her computer, types a few things in and clicks the mouse a couple of times. ‘Looks like they have started him on quetiapine as his antipsychotic. Dosage isn’t as high as if they had him on lithium, but my guess is it’s because he’s been unmedicated for six months, so they want to build his tolerance back up. Ah, they have him on sertraline as his antidepressant, olanzapine for his mood stabiliser and B12 for energy.’
Nickolas has no idea what the drugs are, but he does understand their usage when it comes to treating bipolar. ‘Okay. And side effects?’
‘The list is endless. But I suppose the most common are dizziness, weakness, vomiting, joint pain, loss of appetite, and tremors. You have agitation, insomnia, or sleepiness. Would you like me to keep going?’ She turns back to Nickolas with a smile.
‘No, no. It’s okay. Just handy to know what to look out for, you know.’
‘Wanting to know so you can help is a lot more than others would do. Let me know if he shows any signs. Some will pass once his body has adjusted but if they don’t, I’ll speak to his therapist, and she may suggest adjusting the dosage or the drug itself.’
‘Yeah, okay. Oh and, did anyone bring him in to get his bandages changed today?’
‘No. Not yet.’
‘Right. I’ll bring him by after his shower.’ He stands up, making his way to the exit when Lexi calls out to him. He turns back around but doesn’t step into the room.
‘How are you doing? Sleeping okay?’
‘Better. Had another nightmare last night. Just when I think I’m moving past them they come rushing back like the plague.’ He scratches the back of his neck, feeling vulnerable being so honest with his feelings.
‘It’s to be expected. During the day your mind is busy, it doesn’t have the time to get reminded of things. But once you close your eyes, actually stop, your mind has time to go back and think over everything. Triggers, memories. Hence the saying, “mind of its own”.’
Nickolas scuffs his shoe on the floor and looks down at the invisible rock he pretends to kick.
‘I can prescribe you something if you need help sleeping. But sometimes the easiest way to calm the mind is to let go of what you’re holding onto.’
He sniffs, thumbing at his nose. ‘Thanks, Doc. I better get back out there.’
He makes his way back towards the patient corridor, heading to the break room to grab a drink. He walks past Ethan’s room, taking a peek inside to make sure everything is okay when he stops in his tracks. Nickolas generally leaves the patients to enjoy their time alone in their room, especially since Ethan’s alters are currently at bay and he isn’t a patient that participates in group therapy. But the sight of bruises around Ethan’s arm catches Nickolas’s attention. They’re almost high enough that the sleeve from the green shirt could cover them, but when Ethan stretched his arm out to pick up his book, the sleeve rose just enough for Nickolas to see them. If there is one thing Nickolas can spot, it’s a bruise trying to be hidden from those around them.
He gently knocks on the door, making sure to get Ethan’s attention before stepping into his room. ‘Hey. Just thought I’d check-in, make sure everything is going okay.’
‘Hey, ah, yeah. All’s good. Currently have everyone asleep so I have the whole room to myself.’ Ethan tries to use humour as a way to work through his condition. Acting like sharing his body with four other personalities that can take over at the drop of a hat is as normal as shaking someone’s hand.
‘Yeah, was never big on having roommates. I prefer to live on my own too, ya know.’ Nickolas takes another step closer and crouches down, not wanting to look dominating to Ethan as he asks him his next question. ‘Hey man, how’d you get that bruise on your arm?’
Ethan looks down and pulls at his left sleeve, hoping that it will cover up what Nickolas has already seen. ‘Oh, I’m not sure. Woke up after one of my alters took over and suddenly had it.’
‘You sure? I mean, I didn’t notice it on Tuesday and since then you’ve been yourself.’
‘Yeah, Yeah I’m sure.’
Nickolas stands up, not wanting to push the subject. If he has learnt anything from his experience working here, it’s that trust comes from being patient and showing that he cares.
‘Okay. Well, just know that you can talk to me if you want. If - if someone did that, then we should know, so it doesn’t happen again,’ says Nickolas.
Ethan nods in understanding, and that’s all Nickolas needs. He’ll keep an eye out when he sees Ethan around the other patients, though it would be better if Ethan talks to Nickolas before anything goes too far.
*
Nickolas unlocks the door to the employee area, making his way towards the break room for a much-needed cup of coffee while most of the patients are in group. He walks in, Dot is also in the room getting her water bottle from the fridge.
‘Great muffins today, Dot.’ Nickolas couldn’t pour the coffee quick enough, tempted to forgo the mug and tip it straight down his throat.
‘Help yourself to more. Less for me to tempt myself with.’ She smiles while patting her stomach.
‘I thought that’s the benefit of getting old. You can just let yourself go and not care how you look.’
‘Sure. If by “getting old” you mean dying at fifty-five of a heart attack. If anything, you need to watch what you eat more as you get older than when you’re younger.’
‘That’s some real Benjamin Button crap right there.’
She laughs. ‘Jessica called today. I just got off the phone with her.’
Nickolas takes a sip from his cup, keeping his eyes on Dot.
‘Wasn’t much I could share besides letting her know Finn is on his medication and slowly adjusting to it.’
He brings his cup down and looks at the black liquid. ‘I introduced him to some other patients. Hopefully, it might help him feel a little less alone.’
‘I noticed.’ Her words make Nickolas look up, a small smile on her face. ‘Just remember, he is one out of fifteen patients we have here. They all need your help – some more than others, I know. But just make sure you’re helping for the right reasons.’
‘And what might those be.’ His words have a little more venom in them than he would like to admit, especially when talking to Dot.
‘Just don’t get too attached. He needs to help himself and if he knows you’ll come to his aid whenever he cries for it, he won’t learn to stand on his own.’ She gives his bicep a gentle squeeze and then walks out of the room.
He hates to admit it but she’s right. If Finn began screaming for him to get him out of group, Nickolas would escort him out without a second thought. But he’d then sit Finn down and try and help him process why he wanted to leave and hope that, come tomorrow, he could convince Finn to try again. Maybe what Dot said was true, but Nickolas would do the same for any other one of these patients. At least that’s what he tells himself as he makes his way back out into the patient corridor.
*
Nickolas steps out of room ten after helping one of their younger patients with a breathing exercise the therapist gave her for when she begins to feel anxious. As he leaves, he keeps the door open as closing her off from everyone won’t help with her situation. He steps into the corridor, accidentally bumping into Brett.
‘Watch it. I know taking it up the arse makes it hard to walk, but can you at least try not to knock anyone over while you’re at it?’ chides Brett.
‘Sorry. I have a habit of just walking through dog shit when I see it in front of me.’ Nickolas gives a polite smile, motioning his hand in front of him, giving way for Brett to continue walking while Nickolas stands by and waits.
‘Whatever, homo. I’m done for the day.’ Brett puts his key card to the door to open up the entry to the back rooms and Nickolas can’t help but give him the finger as he walks through the door. As the common room door opens, Finn looks up from the floor, his eyebrow cocked at Nickolas standing alone in the corridor with his finger raised in the air. Nickolas quickly puts his arm down beside him, not moving as the patients make their way out and into their rooms. Finn slowly makes his way towards him.
‘Look, I know I was a bit of a dick before, but I don’t think I deserved a ‘fuck you’ behind my back,’ says Finn.
‘Ha, ha. That wasn’t aimed at you.’
‘Really? Because I don’t see anyone else in the corridor, and I’m pretty sure I’m not that drugged up.’
‘Brett just left.’
‘Ah. “Stay in your own piss” guy?’
‘Among other things.’
‘Then he deserves it.’ Finn looks down at his feet, scuffing his slippers against the floor.
The other patients are now moving close around them.
‘Thanks. For pushing me or whatever,’ says Finn.
‘Just doing my job. Did it help?’ asks Nickolas.
‘I mean, I didn’t share if that’s what you’re asking. But listening is just as good.’
Nickolas nods. ‘It’s a start.’
Darren walks by, checking Nickolas out and unfortunately, Finn catches the way Darren’s eyes roam over Nickolas’s body with hunger.
‘Guess I better let you get back to it,’ says Finn.
Finn walks into his room, closing the door behind him. Nickolas could easily walk in there to explain what just happened with Darren, but he doesn’t.
*
Nickolas, Dot and Darren start collecting everyone from their rooms just before 5 p.m., asking them to make their way towards the dining area for dinner. Nickolas knocks on Finn’s door, waiting a few seconds before entering as he does with every patient. He steps in. The room is empty. His heart beings to race as panic sets in. He suddenly calms the second a body walks out of the bathroom attached to the room. Finn is wiping his hands on his sweatpants to dry them, surprised to see Nickolas.
‘Sorry. I knocked but you mustn’t have heard me.’ He takes a deep breath to calm himself down before continuing. ‘Uh, anyway, it’s dinner time.’ He points a thumb over his shoulder to the door. He waits for Finn to exit before walking out behind him.
‘Finn!’ Cora calls out.
Cora and Alex each take one of Finn’s arms and link it with their own, chatting along with him as they head towards the common room and into the dining area. Why does he suddenly feel jealous? He shakes it off as he takes Riley’s arm to help walk him to the dining area.
Nickolas looks around, pleased to see that all the patients are settled. They’re all eating, talking amongst themselves or minding their own business. The smell of the chicken pasta bake is making Nickolas salivate. He glances at Finn a few times, noticing just over half of his food has been eaten and catches the soft smile on his face as he talks with Cora, Alex and Riley. Riley’s plate shows all the pasta eaten with a pile of cheese to the side, most likely scraped off to lessen the intake of calories in the hopes it will prevent him from wanting to make himself sick. He looks back at Finn and his face is pale, the smile gone, and before Nickolas can go over and ask if he’s okay, Finn is leaning over the side of the table, puking everything he just ate onto the dining room floor.
The room goes silent. A few patients groan in disgust, but most are just curious as to why a patient is throwing up. Nickolas acts fast, grabbing a bucket from the kitchen area and bringing it to Finn’s side. Nickolas crouches down beside him, making sure to avoid the vomit on the floor as he places the bucket in Finn’s arms, rubbing circles over his back.
‘Hey, it’s okay. Let it out. I got you.’
Darren is beside him, cleaning up the mess on the floor. Dot is asking for everyone to get back to their food while Nickolas attends to Finn. How anyone could keep eating after seeing what their food looks like coming back up, he has no idea, but he knows Finn would prefer not to have all eyes on him. Finn stops vomiting for a moment. A few tears have dried on his cheeks after the lack of oxygen getting into his lungs caused Finn’s eyes to water.
‘Come on, let’s get you to your room,’ says Nickolas.
On shaky legs, Finn stands up. Nickolas is holding him close to his side, supporting his weight while Finn holds the bucket to his chest. Dot holds the door open for him and then scurries ahead so she can unlock the common room door, giving Nickola a soft nod to let him know he can go take care of Finn while she and Darren watch the others. Finn’s room isn’t too far down the corridor and thankfully the door is still open.
Nickolas carefully sits Finn on his bed just as he hurls into the bucket. At this stage, it’s more liquid than substance, but Nickolas can hear the strain as Finn empties whatever is left in his system. Nickolas walks into the bathroom to grab some paper towel and wets it under the sink with cold water. He brings it back to Finn to dab across his forehead. Finn leans forward to put the bucket on the floor, but Nickolas stops him, taking it from his hands so he doesn’t have to exert himself. Finn looks weak; Nickolas grabs the bucket before it slips from Finn’s fingers.
Finn lays down on his side, his eyes closing from exhaustion. ‘Fuck, I hate this.’
‘I know.’
‘No, you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like.’
Finn’s voice is breaking and the sound of it is breaking Nickolas. He pulls the blankets over Finn’s body, noticing how Finn is suddenly shaking. He takes the bucket to the bathroom, empties it into the toilet and rinses it out before bringing it back to Finn’s side.
‘You know, you’d think having a job like this would involve cleaning a lot of vomit. But honestly, it’s been a while for me,’ Nickolas states.
‘Gee, thanks. I’m honoured.’
‘No better way to get to know someone than to clean their vomit.’
‘I don’t know. Wiping someone’s arse seems pretty friendly to me.’
Nickolas chuckles, thumbing his nose.
A soft smile appears on Finn’s face. He’s still pale – which is saying something since Finn is usually as pale as a vampire – but his eyes look softer than before, a sign that the vomiting may be subsiding.
‘Well, it’s still early days. Never say never,’ says Nickolas.
Finn groans, moving his face into his pillow, more from embarrassment than a sign of pain.
Nickolas reaches out, moving a strand of Finn’s matted hair off his face so he can see Finn’s eyes. ‘Try and rest. I’ll come back to see you when it’s time for a shower.’ Nickolas doesn’t remove his hand from Finn’s forehead. His fingers gently stroke Finn’s hair.
Finn looks back at him, not breaking eye contact as he softly nods. ‘Okay,’ he whispers.
Nickolas leaves, not once looking back because one look at Finn will make him want to stay beside his bed until he falls asleep. He checks the time on his watch. It’s 6.28 p.m. and showers are scheduled for 7 p.m.. He makes his way to the front desk. Bypassing Jasmine, he grabs the patient files and adds notes to Finn’s file for his therapist to look over tomorrow. Knowing it’s a side effect, she may consider swapping his medication after having such a strong reaction.
Dot catches him coming out of the employee door and sends him off to eat. He protests, saying he can wait, knowing that it’s almost 7 p.m., but she ensures him that Darren can handle the patients.
‘What about Finn?’ Nickolas asks.
‘Go eat, then you can help Finn once everyone else is back in their rooms. The poor boy could use the rest.’
He nods, the door closing behind him as he makes his way back towards the break room. He grabs his frozen meal and chucks it in the microwave, watching his food spin as the minutes count down. Nickolas scoffs the food down. He still has time before his break is over, but he uses it to make his way toward the dining area to try and help Finn.
Aiden is putting the last of the dishes away as Nickolas walks through the kitchen doors.
‘Hey, man. Dinner was good tonight,’ says Nickolas.
‘Hope so. When I saw that guy puke, I panicked that I had undercooked the chicken,’ Aiden explains.
‘Nah, it’s all good. His medication isn’t agreeing with him.’
Aiden gives Nickolas a nod.
‘I was hoping you might have something that could help settle his stomach. Maybe some plain crackers or something,’ Nickolas asks.
‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I would. Give me a second.’
Nickolas waits by the door as Aiden heads out back. He comes back into view a few minutes later and hands Nickolas a couple of packets of crackers.
