A Dance of Mist and Fury, page 60
Genji paused, perplexed. “Did... Did he say what the business...?”
“He did not, my lord,” I said, thinking fast on how to persuade things. “It was not my place to ask.”
Nodding, Genji excused himself and gestured for me to lead on. Far enough away, I revealed the rouse.
“You looked trapped, my lord,” I explained. “And Lord Kwan did say to look after you when you came to court. He didn’t specify when or if I should ever stop.”
Genji chuckled, brushing back a stray hair from my face. “That was kind of you.”
“If I did disturb something, my lord, I apologize.”
He gave a single shake of his head. “You acted perfectly. I will be... taking your master’s younger brother into my tutelage. Lady Sara... she wanted an excuse to be around more.”
“I thought it looked that way,” I said, relieved that my action didn’t cause my friend any trouble. “She wants to be your wife, doesn’t she? And if you have a place in your heart for more of the family, it makes sense she’d take the opportunity.”
“Observant of you,” said Genji with an approving smile.
I chuckled. “It’s taken me up to now to get it. And I don’t want to see my friend pressured into marriage—even if it is to Lord Kwan’s sister.”
He studied me a moment, bearing a warm expression. “Kwan hasn’t been this lively in a century. And... I don’t recall last seeing him dance with the same woman. Not every night.”
“Never?”
“Or... in the same night.”
I chuckled, cupping my mouth to better muffle it. “I know he said he doesn’t usually like it, but maybe something changed his mind.”
Genji lifted a brow at me, taking the lead and continuing our walk. “There’s... there is not an attachment...? Between the two of you?”
“A friendship, my lord,” I answered. “I don’t think it goes any deeper than that.”
Silence. He contemplated something as we entered the castle. “Kwan was my student for a long time. And... a friend longer since. He was more impulsive, when... when he was young. Eager for a legacy.”
“That sounds a lot different than the Lord Kwan I know,” I said. Though, I did remind myself just how much I’d changed in the last few years. Between my mother’s death and coming up the mountain, I was different every year. Little by little.
“The things he experienced... surrounding Gumiho... it changed him.”
“What was he like before?” I asked, hesitant.
Genji gave a sheepish smile. “More like his younger brother.”
It made me smile as well. Kwang seemed the only brother Lord Kwan was fond of. The only one full of life and willing to humor.
“Hisa,” called Lord Kwan, patient and pleasant. “Lord Genji, are you in need of my attendant?”
“Not at all,” said Genji. “Simply enjoying her company.”
Polite, I left Genji’s side to follow Lord Kwan. In the silence I thought about what our host had said. We were fond of each other. How far that extended... More than friendship? I still doubted it after the menagerie of beauties making their appearances during the festival. He’d danced with at least one other woman aside from his sister, I was sure. I wasn’t his only person of attention.
What Genji implied—if Lord Kwan did feel more, he would’ve said so, wouldn’t he?
“Lord Kwan?”
He glanced to me.
Now came the hard part. “Are you in love with anyone?”
Something in his expression became cold. “Is that your question for the day?”
I felt my face slacken, taken aback. Throughout spring, I’d been more frivolous in my questions, and he indulged me. I’d thought the formality of the arrangement was gone. “Yes,” I said, shying.
He looked ahead. “No.”
My heart weighed heavy at the direct answer, and I kept silent the rest of the way.
We stopped in front of our shared room. I opened the door, as my duty to him, but he gestured for me to enter first. Since coming to Tetsuden, I didn’t understand him. Sometimes I was his friend both publicly and privately. Other times I was merely his servant, even in private.
Inside, I found a dress on his bed. Not one of mine. And my heart hurt. Did he want me to see this? To know another woman was here with him, even after he’d said he wasn’t in love? Then again, to the Juneun lords, love and sex were separate matters.
“It’s the one you were admiring the other day,” said Lord Kwan, casual and warm.
“What?” I broke from my despair, looking to him and back to the neatly lain garment. The pale teal and soft blue, styled opposite from the mature ones I brought. It was the same one I’d seen near the start of the celebrations.
“I had it altered for you.” He stood at my side, placing his hand on the opposite shoulder. “Otherwise, it might’ve been yours the following day.”
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, my voice going hoarse.
He shifted his gaze to me, a kindlier look in his eyes and that hint of a smile returning. “I wanted to do something to make you happy. After the incident with Juro, you looked so miserable. I should have prepared better for you, so it could be avoided all together. I got caught up in other matters, and I’d forgotten.”
I stared into his eyes, trying to read his expression and frustrated with myself for finding I couldn’t.
“Will you forgive my neglect?”
To that, I dropped my gaze, bringing my arms and folded hands against my chest. “A master doesn’t need the forgiveness of a servant.”
“No,” agreed Lord Kwan. “But a friend does.”
I slipped from his touch. “I don’t understand.”
His start of a smile faded, replaced with something akin to bewilderment.
“I thought I did a decent job guessing your feelings and moods. But lately they’re in so many directions, and I don’t know what you mean by any of it. I’m confused, and frustrated, and I don’t know what you want...”
He brushed his fingers against my cheek, pushing stray hairs behind my ear, and brought me into a gentle embrace. All of it slow. His arms became snug, as though trying to protect me from myself.
“Our roles here are different, and more complicated by who our host is,” said Lord Kwan, tender. “I shouldn’t have expected you know every subtlety.”
Listening, I clung to his shirt, burying my face in the soft, red fabric.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to cause you distress, Hisa. I care about you. Deeply.”
I started to slide my arms around him to return the embrace, stopping when I realized my cosmetic was rubbing off. I pushed back, a shock of horror going through me.
He blinked, looking down at my expression. “I’ve overstepped?”
“N-no. Your shirt—I’m so sorry!”
He quirked a brow, inspecting. “It’s alright.”
I opened my mouth to say more, realizing what it probably looked like to anyone else.
“Hisa,” interrupted Lord Kwan. With a stroke of his hand, the blemish was gone, reminding me again that this was a simple matter for many Juneun. “I only want for you to be happy.”
I stared at the clean, bold coloring, slowly drawn to the koi fish embroidered at each shoulder. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve been overwhelmed, and I let it get to me.”
He placed a hand atop my hair, fingers stroking through. “I would’ve been surprised if you didn’t get overwhelmed at least once. Even without a rough beginning.”
“I’m really not cut out for these sorts of things,” I said, putting on a smile to battle off frustrated tears from forming. “I’m still just a village girl.”
His free hand came to my face, thumb wiping aside a stray bead of water. “Not just,” said Lord Kwan. For a mere second, I thought he meant to say more, but he left it at that.
Chapter 65
Fox Spirits
We’d nearly reached the edge of Genji’s lands where Lord Kwan could then cast his spell to spirit us home, when one of the magpie servant boys flew up to call for Lord Kwan. There was some matter to return to regarding his brother’s apprenticeship. He’d ordered my dismount, lifting me onto Saburo and placing my sack with us.
“Saburo knows the spell,” said Lord Kwan. “He will take you back. I will arrive shortly after. Tomorrow at the latest.” Nothing more was explained as he sent us off, sharing awkward glances.
Dizziness took me before reaching the other side of the spell, as it had before. I bore it better, knowing now to expect it. However, recovery from it fast ended when we came through the inner gate.
“Where’s Lord Kwan?” demanded Lin as we dismounted.
“He stayed behind with unfinished business,” said Syaoran. “He’ll be here tomorrow.”
“We need him now,” said Lin, impatient. “It’s about the new girl, Uno.”
“What about her?” I asked, unfastening my things from the saddle.
“She’s a fox spirit spy,” said Lin.
Syaoran and I both stopped to look at her.
“Just because she’s a fox spirit, doesn’t make her a spy,” I said.
“Then why did she hide it from everyone?” snapped Lin. “Everyone knows about Syaoran being in Lord Kwan’s household. If she didn’t come to spy or work against us, she shouldn’t need to hide her identity.”
“How did you learn this?” asked Syaoran. His voice kept steadfast, though his ears flattened in submission.
“Koji got off his leash two days ago,” said Lin. “She ran and took a tumble. Her hair fell out of place and her ears showed.”
“That’s not enough to say she came here to spy,” I said, righteous anger brewing up in me.
“Hisa,” commanded Syaoran, “calm yourself.”
“But—”
“Put away your things,” continued Syaoran. “This is a matter for the master.” He took my sack from me, a cue to follow.
Reluctant, I obeyed. At my door, he looked over his shoulder at me, closing his eyes as he breathed out a sigh. I realized his meaning, that he was ending the sight spell. When he turned away to open my door, I did likewise. Whether or not Urekkato told him I had a sight spell on me, or if he only suspected, he didn’t mention.
“Uno’s not a bad person,” I plead once inside.
“I know,” said Syaoran. “I already sifted that out.”
My expression twisted.
“From the moment I saw her,” explained Syaoran, “before Lord Kwan picked her. I knew she was a fox spirit.”
“But—then, why didn’t you—?”
“Because it wouldn’t do any good,” said Syaoran, half scolding me. “How does it look if one fox deems another has no ill intent without evidence, only her word?”
I couldn’t argue that much, not after how much the nobles gossiped and what grief it brought on Lord Kwan. It’d look suspicious if Syaoran was the one to make the decision. Lin probably did all she could to show a level headedness, and not have her position challenged while not acting so hastily.
“Then let me at least stay beside her,” I said. “She’s my attendant, and my responsibility, right? So—”
“Absolutely not,” said Syaoran. “Everyone knows Kwan has a bit of favoritism, even if he won’t admit it. Regardless of whether or not it’s true, it’ll look that way. And it’ll breed resentment in the house. You have to let this run its course.”
“But she’s good!” I argued. “Can’t I do anything for her?”
He sighed, giving me an apologetic expression. “Not without evidence of her good character. Gumiho may be gone, but that doesn’t absolve every fox spirit of wrong doing if they served under her. Who’s to say Uno isn’t loyal to a different Kurai? I know it sounds convoluted. And it is. But that is the argument they are making.”
I started to understand more, feeling the sting of defeat before I could fight. “That’s not fair.”
“I know,” said Syaoran, half matching my tone.
“Can’t I at least see her?”
He stared a while, deep in thought. “Only for a short while. With someone supervising it—not me, a house guard. Whatever you want to do or say needs to be done in that time. No going back and forth. Doing that will only draw in more suspicion.”
I nodded, taking my turn to think of every possible thing I could do or bring to be of comfort. Likely, she’d be in the kennels like I was. Where Koji was. The poor girl, as if things weren’t bad enough for her. I didn’t wait for Syaoran’s approval, yanking off the covers of my bed and digging through to find a warmer dress to give. We weren’t sized the same, but I thought it would help having a change of clothes and means to clean up—to not feel like an animal.
In remembering my earliest catastrophe, I fetched a cloth for that as well.
I’d asked the cooks for extra spring peas with her supper, knowing that was her favorite. They relented when I agreed to thresh the rice. Gi became my escort when I explained things, and we pretended not to notice the side eyed glances and grumblings.
Uno stayed curled in the far corner of the kennel opposite Koji. In seeing me, her eyes flooded with tears. “Lady Hisa!”
I cringed at the title. “They said I can’t stay too long, but I tried to bring as much I could think to help.”
Gi, keeping stoic, opening her cell and allowing me in with my armful of things.
“But, my lady, that’s your bedding,” said Uno, shying.
“It can get cold in here,” I said. “And the floor is uncomfortable stone. You’ll catch a cold, or worse.” I set the things down, trying to appear dignified. Quiet, I couldn’t help look at her black, fox ears. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
She retreated into herself, and I saw the reflection of what I probably looked like four years ago. “I... I didn’t want trouble. So, I would fashion my hair over my ears. My tail is easier concealed with my dress. I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking to cause problems, I swear! I was only—”
I wrapped my arms around her. “I know. You have a kind soul. Lord Kwan will see that too.”
“Will he make me go away?” asked Uno, timid. “If I go home, disgraced like this, I’ll reveal my sister! After everything she’s done to get us away, and my brother-in-law—”
I shook my head. “I know how you feel. And even if everyone says there’s nothing I can do, I’m going to still try and fight for you.”
She stared, lashes batting away water.
“Are you ashamed to be my attendant?”
“No, my lady.”
“And I’m not ashamed to have you. You’re a good person. I’ll do everything to make Lord Kwan see that. He won’t send you away.”
“I’m afraid of him...” admitted Uno in a whimper. “He hates foxes.”
“He might seem stony and cold, at first,” I said. “But he’s kind. He tries to be just, and he takes on more responsibility than any other person is willing. I promise, he doesn’t hate you. Even after he learns you’re a fox spirit, he won’t hate you. And Syaoran agrees you’re a sincere person.”
She shifted her stance, dropping her gaze. “Will Lord Kwan listen to Master Syaoran?”
“He’s a fiercely loyal friend,” I said. “I think Lord Kwan will listen. Believe in him.”
I stayed with her as long as I could, holding her, until Gi prompted me to leave. All I could do is promise that I wouldn’t forsake her, and I meant it.
Sleep evaded me through the night, and the following morning stretched into forever, in no rush to pass by and bring Lord Kwan home.
He arrived in the late afternoon, dismissing any urgency from Lin and calling for my attending him with a red tea. As much as I wanted to ignore the request and get right to helping Uno, I knew I had a better chance if he was more rested from the journey first; and I could make the first case while attending him.
For a long time, we said nothing. He looked occupied with thoughts as he sipped at his tea, and I tried to conjure up the best way to plead on behalf of Uno.
“Hisa,” said Lord Kwan, sounding distant.
“Yes?”
“If you had someone dear in your heart, would you tell me?”
I blinked. Where did that come from? He didn’t look at me, making it harder to guess what he meant by it. “My lord?”
He turned his head enough to meet my eye. “Would you?”
I did have someone like that in my heart. I had him. But, even now, with the perfect opportunity to say it, I couldn’t. Why were those three words so easy to say to Syaoran, but not to the man I was hopelessly in love with?
“I would,” I said.
Why was I such a coward? Maybe from some deep part of me that already knew what his answer would be. Regardless of what anyone implied, he’d said himself that he wasn’t in love with anyone, and it was childish to think my confession would change that—or that it would cause him to fall in love with me over any Juneun lady.
He stared at me a moment, making me think he wanted to say something more.
“And you, Lord Kwan?” I said, if only to break the silence. “Would you tell me if you had someone special in your heart?”
His hint of a smile made its appearance. “I would.”
It should’ve made me happy. Instead, I forced on a smile. For now, I knew there was no one he was in love with, but I also dreaded the day when he would tell me there was. And I still couldn’t make myself confess my feelings, much as I wanted to.
“Lord Kwan,” I started, making myself brave. It didn’t last more than a second. “I have a favor to ask. About Uno...”
His expression went from one of friendliness to intrigue to its usual stone-self as I explained. I’d hoped he would say something, rather than study me with a cold stare. When he stood, I sucked in a small gasp, feeling that I’d ruined any good chance of correcting the situation, and that I’d been too bold in my friendship with Lord Kwan.
He walked out without a word, leaving me stunned where I sat. When I regained myself, I bolted after him, only to be caught by Syaoran along the veranda.
“Don’t,” said Syaoran. “He’s going to her now. You can’t be seen interfering.”
