A Dance of Mist and Fury, page 46
He shrugged. “I can’t hide everything. Even if I could, the Juneun would know.”
“But, you’re also a Juneun. Aren’t you?”
“Most would see that I’m still Kurai, first and foremost. Like they do with Juro.”
“But he’s a Lord. Why would they treat him any differently?”
“It’s...” his voice trailed, and he sighed. “It’s complicated.”
That quieted me for a while. But only a while. “Where are we going?”
“There’s a pagoda up this way. Kwan used to go there to get away from the house now and again. But it’s been over a few decades. I’m not sure what to expect there, since I usually stay behind.”
“Oh...” As we went on, my elbow and foot throbbed with heat, but the rest of me felt cold. I pressed against Syaoran, soaking in his warmth.
“Hisa?”
I looked up to him, his brow furrowed.
“From now on, promise that you’ll trust me. And I promise I won’t let anyone harm you.”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I...” His ears went flat. “Since that time, when you were so ill. I don’t want to see you suffer like that again. So, I’ll protect you from magic like that.”
“I know,” I said. “We’re friends. And friends look after each other.”
He chuckled. “That’s right.”
Quiet.
When I couldn’t take it, I started again, trying to steer a conversation without revealing too much of myself. “Do many Juneun, or any other spirits make friends with humans?”
He thought on it, his horse walking at a comfortable pace. “Can’t say that I know of many. Who knows? But there’s a sadness to humans. You’re only here for a short while. So maybe we used to go out of our way to avoid friendships. Now it’s second nature to not even think about it.”
I mulled it over, and carefully selected my next words. “Genji married a human. Have there been others that did the same? Fell in love with a human?”
“Reconsidering Juro’s offer?” teased Syaoran. “Or is it me?”
I frowned at him. “Never mind.”
When the silence became too uncomfortable, I looked for any distraction.
“Did you ever find that thing you were looking for?”
He went rigid for a moment, looking at me with a start, and relaxed with a heavy sigh. “No. I think I might’ve lost it forever.”
Barking echoed, causing Syaoran to tighten the reins and bring us to a stop. His ears swiveled this way and that, searching for the source.
“Wolves?” I asked.
“I don’t think so. I haven’t smelled wolves on this mountain in quite a while.”
His stallion pawed at the ground, anxious. The undergrowth shifted. Something bolting towards us. And Syaoran readied himself for a fight.
Koji sprung out, tail wagging and happily announcing that he’d found me. He bounded around Syaoran’s horse, ignoring how its ears pinned back and tail swished.
“I hate dogs!” growled Syaoran.
I chuckled. “I didn’t put him in the kennels. He must have followed us.”
“How?” asked Syaoran, skeptical.
“I’ve been teaching him how to track and hunt. But, it’s mostly been under Lord Kwan’s instruction.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, ears wary of wherever Koji went. “I don’t think you understand how fast we were riding. And it could’ve been a lot faster if you didn’t thrash around the whole time.”
“We stopped a long while. He must’ve caught up in that time.”
Syaoran grumbled, unsatisfied with the answer.
“We can’t take him back now. You said it yourself.”
“Fine. But get him to stop making such a racket. I can’t think.”
I hushed Koji, giving a word and quick gesture to cue what I wanted him to do. He quieted to a playful growl, and quieted more when I repeated, keeping a proud look the entire way.
The pagoda wasn’t too big. Seeming like a taller, fancy cottage more than anything like what I’d seen in pictures. The doors had stuck from lack of use. Much of the paper panes needing replacement. The inside was just as wild as the forest, coated in dust and leaves, and several signs that animals had come in for shelter. Syaoran helped me down and inside, using his magic to tidy up as he went through the building.
“I’ll gather a bit of firewood and light the furnace. Hopefully nothing decided to nest in there and it’s in good enough condition. Will you be okay here?”
I nodded from my seat. “I have Koji to keep me safe.”
He opened his mouth to argue or tease, deciding against it before the first word spilled from him.
Alone, I wandered where I dared, backing off if the creak of a particular floorboard sounded too ominous. Everything was eerily still, except for Koji and myself. When I came across a storage pantry, I muttered my complaint. Some critter had broken in and made a mess of things. A cellar, however, was still locked.
“You shouldn’t wander off,” said Syaoran.
“I stayed inside,” I said. “And I wanted to learn the place if we’re going to stay here a while. But...”
“What is it?”
“I was just thinking. Why didn’t we come here when Lord Kwan’s brothers came suddenly?”
“Oh...” His brow bent, and his posture shied. “I didn’t want to look suspicious fleeing the house. And the truth is that it’s safer near those walls where guest laws apply.”
I didn’t know what a guest law was, but it sounded complicated. So, I nodded, pretending to understand. “Too bad we don’t have a key. There might be something in the cellar we could eat.”
Syaoran chuckled, flicking a finger. At his command, the lock opened.
It was cleaner in the cellar, though several spiders still called it home. The first steps were wet, though the rest of it kept fairly dry. Pickled things, past their use, were investigated. So much color lost from them that it was hard to know what they were at first glance. Cracked jars spoiled the rice and grains kept within them. But some things survived in the far back. Smaller jars of noodles and wild rice, honey and coarse salt, and a kind of legumes that I didn’t recognize.
“Is there a pot and good water?” I asked.
“There’s a seasonal spring and running stream. It’s early into autumn, so they should still be there. And there’s probably pots in the kitchen somewhere.”
“It’s a start,” I said, smiling through my pain. It felt stronger now, weighing on me since I’d calmed. “We can have rice for dinner today. And noodles tomorrow.”
Koji jumped then, putting his front paws on Syaoran and causing the Juneun to raise up his arm and scowl. “I don’t understand why you wanted this when you had a perfectly good bird for a pet before, and you let that one go.”
“Bird? You mean Tori?”
Syaoran grumbled, pushing Koji off.
“Tori was wild. And he wanted to be wild. But Koji is a dog.”
“So what?”
“Dogs aren’t wild.”
Syaoran put a palm up, preventing Koji from jumping again. “You sure about that?”
Bickering aside, he did fetch what I asked for, and helped to get the stove in order. While we waited, we went through what we could salvage to sleep on. Most of the futons were chewed through by rodents, and coated in dust. But we made do.
The pain in my elbow grew, making it hard to focus on anything else. I tried distracting myself, looking out the doors and windows often and taking in the tranquility offered.
It seemed a shame that the place had fallen to this state. A large pond, almost grand enough to be a lake, must’ve once been a beautiful thing to behold. I tried to imagine lotus flowers and lilies everywhere. Then I thought about where a windchime might be; one made of glass would make a pretty sound for a pretty scene.
“Here,” said Syaoran, handing me a cloth, cold with water. “For your elbow.”
“Thank you.” I felt stupid then. Of course Syaoran wasn’t trying to kidnap me. It was my imagination wild with stories I’d heard as a child; they were cautionary tales, mostly. Still, looking at him churned up a memory. Something Urekkato once said. “Does Lord Kwan really put so much effort to get me out of trouble?”
Syaoran chewed, looking up from his bowl. “Of course he does. You’re small, and weak.”
“You make me sound completely helpless,” I grumbled.
“It’s because you’re a human. Your trespasses can’t be dealt with like it would if it was me. I’d get one hundred strikes for yelling at Urekkato or any newly appointed prince. I don’t think you could handle five.”
Much as I wanted to argue, he was right. A cold pain stuck like needles into my other arm at the mere memory of Beom’s bamboo stick.
“It has some perks,” said Syaoran, his tone jovial. “I can be a little lazy for a few days while I hide you here.”
I blinked at him, scrunching my face.
“Don’t let him know I told you, but Kwan is really nervous about taking you to Genji’s Mokryon. So, he’s taken on more to help you and make sure you have fun. Which means I also have more work to do.”
“What’s Lord Kwan nervous about?”
“Just call him Kwan. He’s not here, and there’s no need for formality when it’s only you and me.”
I shuddered, and my jaw locked.
“You don’t call me Master Syaoran.”
My eyes went wide. Was I supposed to be addressing him that way?
He laughed. “Calm down. No one calls me that unless they’re particularly mad at me. If you start calling me it, I’m going to get uncomfortable.”
“But why is he nervous?”
“He’s taking a clumsy human to the ancestral home of his master where there’ll be four times as many guests than when he holds court. Tetsuden Castle may as well be a city during that time. There’s plenty to get nervous about. Losing you chief among them, since you like to wander off.”
“Lose me? Is his castle that enormous?”
“I haven’t been. But Yua has, and used to talk about how it’s easy to get turned around. The buildings, the gardens, they’re all grand. And the seven walls alone can make anyone lose their sense of direction. And Juro will be there.”
He went back to eating, leaving me in cosmic dread. How could there even be that many noble family members, or any single place so large?
“And you won’t be going so much as a servant as you will a personal attendant,” said Syaoran, likely reading the many questions on my face as I nibbled quietly.
Koji knocked over his own bowl, making a playful whine.
“You’ll probably share a room with him.”
“Share—I, what? Is that expected of a personal attendant?”
“Not usually. But I think he’d be upset if his household walked into someone else’s room. It’d be embarrassing to his reputation. And you are the most likely to have that accident. On the other hand, what happens if someone else stumbles into your room? It’s safer just to keep you close by. Besides, the rumors are already out there, so this wouldn’t be surprising to—”
“But those rumors are lies!”
“I know. They were spread around about me as well. That the reason Kwan stopped showing an interest in women, and I was suddenly around more. But those died off quick. The ones about Yua still circulate the gossipers.”
“People thought you were his lover? But, you’re...”
Syaoran raised a brow, mischief consuming his features. “You don’t think I could seduce a lord?”
I went rigid. “It’s just—in the village we, I mean, there’s not—”
“It’s not common,” said Syaoran, rescuing me from myself. “The Samjos are more notorious for it.”
“Notorious?”
“Well known, but not for good reason.”
There was a comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone in disgusting rumors. At the same time, I couldn’t fathom why anyone would think Yua or Syaoran would be Lord Kwan’s lovers. They were friends with him, and that was plain to see. But something closer, more intimate—I could feel my face contorting as I tried to figure out how anyone would make those conclusions.
“Don’t worry yourself over it,” said Syaoran, scooting a honey jar over to me. “People say stupid things to others when they’re jealous. Take a wick of this, it helps.”
“Why would anyone be jealous of me?” I asked, thoughtless.
“People are petty. They might’ve been jealous that he so much as wished you a good morning one time.”
“That makes no sense,” I said, dipping in a honey stick. “I say good morning to everyone every day, right Koji?”
His tail wagged slow, eyes watching me and head tilted with curiousness.
Syaoran shrugged. “That’s just how jealousy is.”
I couldn’t dismiss the notion as easily as Syaoran. No one had ever been jealous of me over anything. Why would they? What would they envy? Having lost a mother, and taking up so many chores at a young age that I didn’t have time to finish out childhood?
No one was ever jealous of me.
Except... Except for Fumei, once. She’d confessed she wished she’d had a sister like me who would brave some demand from the spirits. It was an odd thought as I sucked on the honey. For so long, I’d been the one jealous of her. And in Lord Kwan’s house, I did envy how elegant and beautiful and educated everyone around me was. I could barely hope to keep up, let alone be equal. The inverse was an alien concept to me.
Lost in thought, I repeated the motions to devour more sweet honey. My gaze fixed on nothing in the vast beyond of the door.
“I’m convinced bees are directly made from heaven. Honey will cure anything. Any time you feel hurt or sick or you want better health, just have a spoonful every morning and night.”
I chuckled. The wind rustled some of the foliage, gleaming my attention. “Yams.”
Syaoran repeated, looking out the door.
“Do you see those hear shaped leaves?”
“Yeah?”
“You can follow the stalk and find wild yams buried there.”
He grimaced. “I’m not a fan of yams.”
“Really? I like them candied with ginger.”
“Actually, that does sound pretty good.”
“All we’d need is ginger and I could make it. The cooks in Lord Kwan’s house have been helping me improve, and that’s one of the first things I devoted myself to learning. It’s simple, but it’s really good.”
Chapter 48
Atonement
We did happen to find one ginger plant that was in decent enough condition for cooking. I counted myself lucky for it. Then I remembered: luck. I could’ve kicked myself. How much had Urekkato seen through my eyes? I never should’ve agreed to the spell, even if it could help Lord Kwan.
It was only too bad I needed more than luck to speed up my recovery.
The morning after, I did feel a lot better. The pain in my elbow greatly subsided. It was as though a cool hand was gently placed there, easing it to be more tolerable. That was the same day Syaoran and Koji came back with a wild duck. And, for the first time, Syaoran gave Koji a word of praise. Syaoran’s magic had shot it down, but it was Koji bolting to retrieve it without breaking its skin or anything else.
It was that night, in my deepest slumber, I was plagued by dreams. I dreamt about Lord Kwan’s kiss, only for it to become Syaoran, and for him to be both more playful and more aggressive with it. I dreamt we were running and laughing, and that he caught me, showing me with kisses. Warm lips on my neck, my body pressed against his, feeling his toned chest and stomach, and his hand gliding against my thigh.
I woke panting. Syaoran stared into my eyes with a smirk.
“Good morning.”
Panicked, I pushed away and slapped him. Realizing immediately after that it was all a dream and I was now awake.
“What was that for‽” demanded Syaoran, launching into a sitting position and scooting away.
“I’m sorry!” I squeaked. “I was having a nightmare—and suddenly you were there! I’m sorry.”
Koji barked, excited by the sudden action and riled voices.
“Sounded like the opposite of a nightmare,” said Syaoran, rubbing his cheek. More from the shock and to make a point than from any chance I’d actually hurt him, but I still felt guilty.
During that first night, with the floors still cold, we figured something clogged the chimney, and shared all the bedding to keep warm.
“What was your nightmare about?”
My face started heating up.
“Was it about me?” teased Syaoran.
“I dreamt I was actually being kidnapped,” I said, grasping at anything to redirect. “By Lord Juro.”
“That is a nightmare,” agreed Syaoran. “Are you scared we’ll get back too early and he’ll just ride off with you?”
I avoided his eye. “Something like that.”
“I wouldn’t let that happen,” said Syaoran, on his feet and patting the top of my head. “As much as I like Juro, I don’t want to see you miserable with him. Even if you bite me again.”
“It was one time!” I shouted.
Koji barked.
“And it was when I thought you were kidnapping me.”
“I still can’t believe you did it though.”
We went on, whiling away the time. Before midday, Gi found us, having spotted Syaroan’s horse. Dismounting from his own horse and sweating, he rushed inside, calling for me. Both Syaoran and I looked up from our tea, puzzled. Likewise, he appeared bewildered by our casualness.
He explained himself, and the ghastly story that Juro saw Susa in the stables, and the accompanying story that the mare had run home riderless only moments before the discovery. A search party was formed, each genuinely believing Syaoran and I were in some sort of trouble. Gi found my sandal in his search and feared the worst, pushing himself and his horse until he came to the pagoda; it seemed a reasonable place to take shelter, assuming we’d made it here.
Syaoran laughed, teasing that the only trouble wasn’t packing things to eat and taking a nasty fall on the way over.
