Thorns That Bloom (Venusverse), page 5
I can't focus, can't control my breathing... Can't handle this heat in this place and around these people. People aren't safe.
Blinking sharply, I look up, darting my eyes across the three men stepping in. All of them wear dusty orange jumpsuits. The Manufacturing’s uniform. Their faces, though somewhat blurry, morph from relaxed smiles to concerned stares framed by furrowed brows as soon as they notice me.
I must look ridiculous. Sweaty, shuddering, on the floor next to the sink with my knees drawn toward my chest and clenching my sweater in my arms.
“Hey, are you alright?” One of them asks, but as I look at him, his face becomes even more incoherent. I turn my head away quickly, shaking it while my heart pounds so rapidly it hurts. Black splotches pop up at the corners of my vision.
This isn’t good for me. Or for the baby.
I tighten my grip on the wool fabric of my sweater and try to pull myself together, but it isn’t working. All that sounds inside my head, aside from the drumming of my pulse, is that I’m alone in a restroom with these three men. That I am in danger.
My own brain keeps telling me it’s going to happen again; it screams at me to do something, while my stupid, useless body refuses to listen.
They lean over me, probably with concern. One tries to touch my shoulder, but I jerk away, somehow getting on my feet, and I hurry toward one of the stalls in panic. With my hands trembling so much they barely work, I can’t manage to lock the door, so I just sit on the closed toilet seat and tremble, holding it shut with my foot.
All the chaos and overstimulation coalesce into a maddening, deafening ringing in my ears. Some faint voices pass through it here and there, together with my own hyperventilating pants. They’re all outside the stall. I see their shadows moving across the floor and hear them arguing.
They ask me something, but their words are too far to understand.
Knock. The echoing, irrationally loud boom of it rattles me to the core.
They say something again. And again.
Another knock.
Shaking my head, I lean against my knees and screw my eyes shut.
‘Leave me alone. Please, just leave me alone.’ I don’t know why those words won’t come out of my mouth. I want to scream at them from the top of my lungs for them to go away, but I only do so in my head, trapped and helpless.
The moment I register a faint scent, I freeze.
Pheromones. Alpha pheromones.
I don’t even focus on the flavor of it, only the deep, innate knowledge that at least one of them is an alpha, and suddenly, my body comes undone in a completely new way. Fear—potent, rattling fear that makes my heart stop and my teeth chatter—takes over me, and no amount of reasoning myself out of it can overcome it.
My leg slips off the door because I lose all strength. It squeaks open slightly, and I freeze. I sit there, utterly powerless. Powerless to move, to fight against my fear and the memories. Powerless to come back from the distant place far from reality, where my conscience seems to linger to protect itself.
And on top of that, my damn body… Behind the chill of my fear persists that unbearable, intrusive heat.
The door flies open somewhere in the distance.
I hear more steps, but all I focus on is the crack in the door and the moving shadows behind it. They could easily push in—kick past the only measly protection I've been able to muster—and do whatever they want. Corner me, overpower me, take control like they have before.
“What the hell’s going on here?”
“I don’t know!”
“We just got here and he was…” The voice fades into the back of my mind as I take a ragged inhale. I’m going to pass out if I don’t breathe, if I don’t do something.
“You’re not back there,” I mutter to myself, tightening my grip on the toilet seat underneath. “Y-you’re not back there. You’re fine,” I keep saying, but all it does is make me want to cry and stop existing.
I don’t want to have to continue fighting to pull myself away from the abyss.
I’m tired. So fucking tired.
“Can you not sense how scared he is?” someone says, tone intense and high-strung. He sounds closer, probably right behind the door with the others.
“Should we call an ambulance?”
Oh, no! No, please, don’t.
“He looked pretty bad.”
“He’s pregnant. How about you give him some fucking space?”
I narrow my eyes. Why does the voice sound familiar? Where have I heard it?
The discussion past the door quickly turns into arguing. The two closest voices keep barking at each other, each word sharp and loaded. The scent of pheromones…grows louder. There’s more than one now. The first I recognize as something woody, like oak. With a hint of something else. The new one is stronger. Not in an intense way, but it still terrifies me how strong the scent of spiced coconut is. It’s aromatic and sweet and—
My breath hitches when someone pushes the door open. It gently swings toward me until I’m faced with the man carefully stepping into the stall, kneeling in front of me, staring at me with tentative blue eyes.
He’s…the alpha that appeared in my office a few days ago. Has the same messy, thick, dirty blond hair. The same chiseled face. This time, he looks even more unsure. Worried, really. He looks worried.
“It’s okay. You are okay,” he whispers softly. The moment I stop focusing on his long eyelashes, I realize how close to me his pheromones have drifted, and that he’s using them to calm me down—intentionally or not—while slowly reaching his hand out.
I let out some sort of yelp and shake my head, recoiling from him.
He blinks, retreating swiftly. He puts his other hand up as if he’s trying to show me he gets it. But his scent is already all around me. I’m trapped. I’m trapped in this tiny room with all these men staring at me, and I’m going to crumble into pieces if they don’t leave me fucking alone!
Smacking my hand over my mouth, I barely stop myself from throwing up. Too much. Everything is too much.
He widens his eyes even more, looking down at my other hand clenching my stomach. As if with a snap of a finger, his pheromones ease, but there’s no erasing them from the air around us or from my mind.
“The fuck are you doing? You’re making it worse!” the other alpha says.
He turns to him with a scowl that appears on his face before he even faces away from me. Straightening his back and stepping away from the door, he measures up to the older man. “Maybe keep your voice down if you don’t want him to get even more freaked out,” he mutters through his teeth.
I see another guy poke between the two to look at me. “Hey. We should go and call someone.”
“No,” I somehow get out.
They all pause to turn to me. I’m almost as surprised as they are that some words finally came out, even if I sound shaky and pathetic.
Did I get over the threshold of losing it without even realizing it? It feels like I might manage not to slip into a full-on panic attack if they just…
“G-go. Please. Just…please, leave,” I whisper desperately, hoping they listen.
“I’m sorry,” the blond mutters, but when the other alpha snorts, he turns back to him with a frown. “Maybe if you didn’t stand over him like a pack of—”
“What the fuck? Who put you in charge of the toilet security?!” The frustration growing in his voice makes me feel like I’m losing the fragile grip on my emotions I’ve gotten. The alpha gets all up in the blond’s face. “He wasn’t in the stall when we got here. He was on the floor, trembling like a leaf, so we were tryin’ to make sure he was alright.”
“And how did that work out?” the blond retorts swiftly.
The other man tightens his fist, and my chest clenches instinctively. Thankfully, someone else comes in before the two jump at each other.
“What the hell is going on here? What is this?”
I don’t recognize the voice, but it sounds older, more measured. All four men standing in front of the stall look like dogs with their ears down and their tails between their legs the moment he shows up.
Is he a supervisor? He seems to have that effect on them.
“There’s a pregnant omega in there,” the alpha says, not even looking at me, and walks out of my field of vision, intentionally brushing his shoulder against the blond as he passes him. The younger alpha snickers but doesn’t retaliate. Instead, he watches the other two men leave with him and waits for the newcomer to come closer.
“He’s um…yeah,” he mutters, glancing at me briefly before he rubs the back of his neck and steps away.
The man who walks in immediately puts me at ease. I don’t know if it’s the balding sixty-year-old gym teacher vibe he has going on or the fact that he’s most definitely a beta. The uniform he has on, slightly different from the others, and the name tag, confirm that he is, indeed, one of the senior staff from the manufacturing floor.
“Oh, dear,” he says the moment he lays his eyes on me. Do I look that rough? “Get out of here and let me sort this, Theo.”
The blond nods and leaves, uttering a quick, “I’m sorry.”
One of the many knots inside my stomach releases when it’s only me and the man in the room. But when I look down at my hands, I realize I’m still trembling. And sweating buckets, too.
“Son, can you tell me what’s wrong? Do you want me to call someone?” the man asks, his kind, wise eyes gently glancing across my body to see if there’s something visibly wrong.
I shake my head quickly. “No, I-I need to…get back to work.” Kristoff is going to be worried about me. He’ll probably rush in here soon. And I still have so much to do after lunch that—
“Hey, hey,” he interrupts my train of thought with that fatherly, caring voice. The air is clearing, too. All I can smell are my own pheromones, which I shouldn’t be able to do. It must mean they’re pouring completely out of my control. Fuck. “Let’s make sure you’re…” he pauses briefly, looking down at my stomach that I’ve been subconsciously caressing, “...both okay, yeah? Let me get someone with a first-aid certification to have a look at you at least, hm?” he asks with an inviting smile.
What if all this stress hurts the baby? The doctors told me before that it wouldn’t, it shouldn’t, but I still can’t help but feel guilty. So damn guilty and stupid for allowing myself to go through this. They can feel my emotions. I made them experience the same panic I experienced, and that isn’t right.
“O-okay,” I whisper, nodding. Maybe it won’t be too bad to make sure this really is just an unfortunate side-effect of the pregnancy and not something serious.
“Good. I won’t let anyone else in, alright? Just stay here.”
When the man leaves and I’m alone, the weight of it all lands on my shoulders. The ridiculousness of this entire situation. The way I almost folded over something like this. As I hug myself and try to push those pesky negative feelings away, it dawns on me that…I might not be able to.
Sighing, I look down at my shoes.
I’m not being responsible. This isn’t healthy. It might be time for me to find a therapist again, no matter how much I’ve tried to avoid having to do that. Brute forcing my way through these situations, and healing, won’t do it…
I’m going to need to work on it. For real this time.
Chapter 5
Theo
Anxiously tapping my foot, I sit on that shitty, hard couch outside Gary’s office, waiting for my turn. He’s been talking to Christian there for a few minutes now. I’m sure I’ll get the same kind of lecture after our almost-scuffle at the toilets.
I sigh while staring at my shoes. What the hell even happened there? One moment, I was in the cafeteria, enjoying my food, and then I caught the faintest hint of that scent, and it was like my brain shifted into some primal gear. Next thing I knew, I was in the restroom, arguing with Christian, feeling irrationally angry and frustrated.
I’ve never felt this protective of someone before. Almost…possessive.
Just as I’m about to tap my way through the floor, the door opens. I straighten my back and stand swiftly. Christian meets my eyes right before he tiredly rolls them back and lets out an exaggerated exhale. I don’t know him that well, since he’s usually at the other end of the manufacturing area, but what I do know is that he’s a damn workaholic. To him, being pulled away from his job to listen to Gary reprimanding him is clearly not ideal.
“Hey man, I-I’m sorry,” I say quickly, before he has a chance to walk by me. Christian pauses and curls his lips slightly. He no longer looks like he wants to punch me, at least.
“Yeah, it’s whatever,” he mutters, shrugging his left shoulder. “Last time I’ll try helping some random omega,” he adds under his breath and walks off.
Frowning to myself, I watch him leave. Not exactly what I want him to take away from this…
When I turn back, Gary is standing in the doorway, beckoning me to come in with his index finger.
“Theo, Theo, Theo,” he says ominously, stepping away for me to get in.
I sit in the chair in front of his desk, feeling like a kid again, sent to the principal’s office for talking too much in class. “Is he okay?” I ask before Gary can even sit back down. He raises his uneven brows in surprise.
“Who, Sam? Oh yeah, I think so. Called an ambulance for him. They said it was just some…pregnancy-related issues,” he mutters. “He’ll be fine, I’m sure.”
I can’t stop thinking about his face. Those eyes… The eyes I now know are rich brown, with the slightest hint of dark blue, like stormy skies. He looked so scared. Terrified. His pheromones had this uncomfortable, heavy undertone to them. It made me want to protect him even more, though, looking back, I only made things worse. He didn’t want or need my protecting at all…
Gary puts his hands together. “Look…this won’t take long. You’ve never caused any trouble. You’re a good kid and a good worker. Clearly, I’m somewhat underqualified to understand what really happened there. As…ah, as far as I’m aware, whatever transpired between you and Christian was just some hormonal alpha nonsense that won’t happen again, okay?” he says, giving me his more serious glare.
I suppress a smirk over his awkwardness about the whole venus aspect and nod. “Got it, boss.” Maybe it was Sam’s pheromones in the air that made us both so tense. At least that would mean it wasn’t just me losing my head for some reason. “I’m sorry for causing a scene. I really was just trying to help him.”
He hangs his head down tiredly. “I know, I know.”
“It looked like he was in a lot of distress. I found Christian and the others basically surrounding him, and that seemed to be upsetting him. I just wanted them to go away, but then Christian started arguing with me, and—” With a controlled exhale, I rest my open hands on my knees. “I got a little carried away, I guess. Alpha…nonsense.” I say, darting my eyes to the ground.
Gary lets out an understanding snort and moves back in his chair. He clears his throat, which makes me think he’s going to let me go, but instead of ushering me away, he leans in toward me over the table with a careful expression. “I know you had good intentions, Theo. So I want to warn you to maybe…stay away for everybody’s benefit, hmm?”
My brows tug together in confusion. “What do you mean?”
He sighs and looks around, as if we’re being watched or something, before leaning on his elbows. “I shouldn’t really say,” he murmurs in a hushed tone, indicating that he definitely does want to spill whatever is on his mind, “but heard certain rumors about his transfer.”
When the ominous pause he makes is only met with my exceedingly widening eyes, he gives in and continues.
“I think there was some incident at Torken when he worked there. There have been whispers of important meetings and people getting reprimanded—high-standing alphas. Whispers of a court case, too… I’m pretty certain they’ve moved him here as a part of some settlement. And, well, there are only so many things serious enough for a company like Torken to do a thing like that. After seeing him in the state he was in earlier, I think it’s not too far-fetched to conclude what happened. You know, the bad thing that…sometimes happens with alphas and omegas. Hence the…predicament. Of course, some alphas! Not all. I didn’t mean to imply that you, or anyone here, would ever do anything like that.”
I barely pay attention to the rest of his rambling. My entire body feels like it’s being covered with sticky black tar. My heart sinks into it.
He was assaulted?
The fact that it might be true, and I’ve even thought about him in any sort of way, makes me almost physically sick. I pushed into his space and bickered with Christian in front of him and didn’t control my pheromones when—
You fucking idiot.
The pang of guilt causes the heavy sensation to grow even stronger. I was so focused on my own feelings, on this stupid notion that I couldn’t get him out of my head for some special reason, that I completely ignored any warning signs from him. Like a selfish prick.
“Theo?” Gary asks, forcing me to pay attention to him again. “Just stay clear of it, alright? The higher-ups want him to be comfortable here, and I don’t think a bunch of alphas is what that man needs right now.”
“Got it,” I blurt out firmly, giving him my best cooperative good-boy smile. Gary looks a little perturbed by my reaction, but waves his hand for me to go. I have to get back to work and no doubt explain what happened to Ben and the other nosy bastards around, but I already know that I won’t be able to think about anything else all day.
After my shift, I stop at home for a quick shower. I don’t even let Martin give me his daily info dump about what thrilling events went on at his job before I step out again, shouting that I’ll be back later.
Sometimes, my parents living only a few blocks away is a good thing. A great thing. Mostly when I’m in a pinch. Or when there are crazy thoughts rushing through my head that I can only share with someone who isn’t allowed to judge me.
