Thorns That Bloom (Venusverse), page 24
Did more people join in? I don’t know. His voice becomes distant, but it still booms through my bones, penetrating all the way to the marrow. “You can’t— Get your fucking hands off me! You can’t keep me away, goddammit!”
When I blink again and glance around, I realize I’m on my knees. Someone’s holding me around the shoulders as I tremble and sway with every hysteric, shivering breath.
“Should we call the police?”
“I don’t— I don’t know. I don’t know what’s that right thing to… Fuck. I need to get him somewhere safe. I’ll take him home. Sam?”
Gasping, I look up when someone else’s hand touches me. It’s not the monster as I’ve feared, but Theo. Warm, loving, tender Theo, and his beautiful eyes. I can barely see them over my burning tears. “Shh, it’s… Can I touch you to help you up? Can you show me to your car? I’ll drive you home, okay? It’s alright. It’s alright.”
My mind’s all frizzy. I nod, only half sure what I’m even agreeing to.
I just want to get away. Away from him. From the possibility of seeing him again. From all of this.
Theo helps me stand. Wrapping his steady arm around my shoulders, he twists the other with my elbow and leads us outside. Somehow, my trembling hand finds the car key in my pocket, and I hand it to him.
I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared.
“It’s okay. He’s gone,” Theo whispers while shielding us from the pouring rain with his jacket, almost like he can read my thoughts. “This one, yeah?” he asks, and before I manage to say anything, he clicks the fob and the car unlocks.
He sits me in the passenger seat, putting the seat belt carefully over my belly.
When he goes around and gets behind the wheel, a sliver of rationality makes it past the thick fog of fear and panic in my mind. “You c-can’t…”
“Don’t worry,” he says with a soothing expression. “I know how to drive, I just don’t have a car…or a driving license. But I promise I won’t crash. I’ll be really careful, alright? And if we get stopped, I’ll just say I made you do this. You won’t get in trouble, I swear.”
The steady stream of his words lulls me into silence. Staring blankly at the dashboard and rubbing my hand over my belly, I spend the next however long it takes for us to get home motionless. My address is in the car’s navigation system, so I don’t have to worry about telling Theo where to go. I don’t even think I could manage that. I’m numb and tired, and my thoughts are like fog, slipping through my fingers.
The longer I sit there, the more exhausted I feel. Like what just happened has completely drained all the strength and will to do anything out of me. Each time I want to go back and remember, my body locks up, so I close my eyes sharply and shake my head, trying to protect myself, to build a wall.
Deep down, I know I need to panic and cry and freak out to release this nagging tension, but not now. Not yet. Not until I’m safe.
Somehow, we make it. Theo leads me up the stairs, and I open the door into my apartment.
But the moment I step in, all my inhibitions melt away in an instant. The floodgates burst wide open, and I start sobbing uncontrollably before the door’s even closed behind us.
“It’s alright. You can let it out. You’re safe, lovely. I promise,” Theo whispers, patting me on the back and cradling my shoulders. Shaking my head, I fight the desperate urge to just fall down on my knees, but Theo’s presence somehow keeps me standing. He holds me, pulls my coat off, and leads me to the living room where I collapse on the couch, once again reduced to a trembling, crying bundle of nothing but pain.
The wall I’ve built is gone, and all I see when I close my eyes now is his face.
Brandon McCarthy.
“Fuck. Oh, fuck!” I mumble, digging my fingers into my hair. “This can’t be…this can’t be happening. He found me. He found us. How did he—”
“Shhh… Sam, look at me,” Theo says. I blink away the tears pouring out of my eyes and see him kneeling on the ground between my legs, holding my hand. His face is twisted into a pained, uneasy expression.
He has no idea what’s going on. Who that man was. What he’s done.
“It’s okay now.”
“N-no, it’s not!” I bark at him. I can tell he’s doing what he can to appear collected and to soothe me, but he’s wrong. “He said he thought he was the father. He…he wants to take her away from me,” I say, my teeth chattering, while wrapping my arms around myself. “He’s one of them. He is— Theo, he’s one of the…” My mind splinters again and my vision goes all blurry so I shut my eyes tightly, leaning over.
I feel him rest his forehead against mine, almost holding me up. “I know… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I can’t stop thinking about it,” I whimper, trembling more and more, my body cold and on fire and numb, all at once. “They did things to me. Things I didn’t want.”
Theo squeezes my hand sharply, as if my words just caused him physical pain. “I know. You don’t have to talk about it. You don’t have to talk or think, let’s just… Breathe, okay? Do you want some water? What can I do to help you, Sam?”
That velvety voice of his does little to ease the storm inside me, but little is more than nothing. I know I don’t have to talk about it. And yet there’s no stopping those memories, and the only people I’ve ever told were the police and my attorney. Both instances were cold and impersonal, no matter how hard they all tried to show me that they cared, that they understood. It was always just a job to them.
I was a nobody. Just another victim providing a statement. Another client to practice on before bigger, more profitable cases. That’s it.
At the end of the day, I couldn’t even share with anyone what happened. Not that I wanted to share or to relive it, but it made the memory feel like a prison. It still is. A prison only for me, endlessly alone and tortured.
“There were five of them.” I let out a raspy mutter, moving away from Theo enough to meet his eyes. “I was… I was in heat. I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to the t-toilets. It was almost the end of m-my shift. Hardly anyone in the office. I… They… They’d been leering at me all day.”
I shiver at the memory. The five bright, young, strong alphas. Always walking together like a group of popular high school kids, chatting and judging and calculating. That’s what they’d always been. Calculating, heartless monsters. It was good for the business deals, of course, so who would complain?
“One of them, Nick, we…. We had a…thing, before,” I say, the shame making my throat go tight. I can’t believe I ever found that pig appealing. His charming face and alluring pheromones were all there was to him. And that stupid smirk of his. Constantly biting and teasing. I liked that. On some basic level, we connected.
At least that’s what I thought.
“It was just sex. When I heard he was getting serious with his partner, I ended it. He w-was annoyed by that, but never did anything. The others, they… We only worked in the same office. They never… I’ve never—”
Theo jumps in as I drift off, wondering if the way my heart pounds against my chest can hurt the baby, or me, even. It hurts. It fucking hurts. “Sam, that doesn’t matter. You didn’t want it. You didn’t consent.”
“I know.” I close my eyes again, pushing out tears.
“You don’t have to talk about it, Sam.”
I do.
But maybe Theo doesn’t want to hear. Is that what this is about? Why his voice shakes and his eyes look like they’re moments from bursting like a dam, too?
I stare right at him, and can’t tell within myself if that makes me angry or disappointed or glad.
Maybe some horrible, sadistic part of me wants me to relive this as a punishment, and wants him to see it, too. Wants him to know the raw brutality and terror of what happened—as much as he can know without being subjected to it—so that I can see the hurt reflecting back at me in his eyes. Then I’d know that if it doesn’t, if it just goes in and disappears, that he might be the same sort of monster like them and I shouldn’t trust him at all.
“They cornered me. Told me ho-how good I smelled,” I continue, barely managing to push the words out through the shakes and sniffling and tears running down my face. “How they could sense how ripe and wet I was for them.”
My chest contracts sharply with the urge to retch.
Theo stares at me, unmoving, frozen.
“Two of them were in rut. The pheromones were s-so strong. Th-the room filled with them so quickly, I… I was lightheaded. And hot. And scared. They wouldn’t let me leave. They pushed me down and held me and k-kept…” I squeeze Theo’s hand so tight I must be hurting him. “Fuck, they… I couldn’t think. The smells kept getting stronger, and they all kept going, and no matter how much I didn’t want it, I kept c-co—”
The words get away from me again. My lips quiver too much. My head fills with sounds. All those awful grunting sounds…
“Sam. Sam,” Theo says, pleading for my attention. When I blink again and find his distorted face in front of me, he looks even more worried.
“I didn’t want it,” I cry out, shaking my head.
“I know. I know! Please, Sam, listen to me, okay? Are you listening?”
I nod shakily, but I’m not sure I am. I’m not sure I can really pull myself back to reality.
“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to know that you can say no. I need you to say no if that is what you want. If you could just let me…” He pauses and sighs in frustration, averting his face briefly. “You’re so distraught. It can’t be good for you or the baby. Would you let me use my pheromones to calm you? Just to make sure you’re not going to pass out or get a panic attack. A worse one than now, I mean. I…I can do that. I can try. Only if you want me to. You’re allowed to say no. You are, okay?”
Why does he sound so panicked?
Ah… Is it because I am?
They used their pheromones on me, too. They used their raw, rut-fueled desire and need to possess and dominate to restrain and subdue me. It was too much. Too many. There was nothing I could do. My body went weak, and my mind was addled by fear and pain and the horrifying responses from my own flesh.
But this is Theo, and he’s asking me. He wants to help me.
“Protect me?” I whisper drunkenly, my thoughts spilling out of my head and onto my lips without intention.
“Yes. Y-yes, I’m just…trying to protect you, Sam. Oh, my sweet Sam, I just want you to feel better. I can’t bear seeing you like this. You d-don’t deserve this.”
I hate hearing him so tense and sad.
“Okay.”
“Are you sure? I’ll only try to calm you down a little, yeah? I’ll be careful.” His warm hand is on my cheek, and I press into it with a nod. Closing my eyes, with my teeth holding my bottom lip to stop it from quivering, I let out an exhale and rest against him again. “It’s alright, Sam. It’s going to be okay. Both of you are going to be okay.”
Theo’s voice echoes in my ears, almost like we’re in a cave. The horrific pounding of my heart and the distracting buzzing of my mind slowly give way as his scent fills me. It tickles my nose and the inside of my skin. On my tongue, it’s sweet.
The more I focus—the more I completely surrender myself to this idea of being taken care of by him—the more Theo’s pheromones permeate my being. Like this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. How everything is supposed to be.
An alpha, soothing his omega. Radiating the most earnest care, out from his very core. His very scent, what makes him him, speaking true and getting used for good.
I make some sort of sound—a moan or a groan of relief—that makes Theo almost jerk. We both open our eyes, staring at each other.
“You’re not trembling as much anymore,” he says, a hesitant, hopeful smile growing on his face. “And your breathing’s settled. Good. That’s… I wasn’t sure it was going to work. I’ve never really done that before. N-not like this.”
He’s never used his pheromones to affect an omega?
Of course he hasn’t… It’s Theo.
I blink and look down, hit with an abrupt sense of utter exhaustion. My eyes are heavy and itchy and raw. I feel the snot and tears drying all over my face, and now that my mind doesn’t sound like a nuclear reactor about to explode, I’m calm enough to notice the fluttering movements inside me.
“I think I scared her,” I mutter with my hand on my belly, nearly slurring my words.
Theo gently puts his hand over mine. “I’m sure she’s better now, too. You must be so tired, lovely. Let’s get you to bed, okay? Everything is going to be so much clearer after having a nap.”
In all the chaos, I didn't even do what I wanted to, I realize. I didn’t see his face when I told him. I couldn’t see what reflected back at me.
Though, that idea seems absurd now. When I glance at Theo, I don’t understand why I ever doubted him in the first place. Of course he was horrified. He still is. Behind that comforting, firm mask of a responsible alpha, I see his pain.
“I’m sorry…”
He frowns. “What for? St— Come on, I’ll take you to your bedroom,” he orders softly and helps me get up.
I’m a little lightheaded and shaky, but Theo manages to help me to my room. There, I shed my sweater and pants—while he hesitantly stands by, facing away from me—and then slip under the blanket.
The bed is cold. And big.
Empty. Too empty.
Theo darts his eyes over me. “Do you need water? Anything?”
Slowly, I lie down on my left side with my face pressed into the pillow and my arms held against my chest tightly. I’ll probably have to get up to pee in about an hour. And I am thirsty, but I don’t want him to leave. Not for a second.
I might be out of my mind, but I reach out my trembling hand and tap it on the mattress in front of me. Theo’s eyes widen in response.
I swallow the lump of embarrassment and uncertainty blocking my throat before speaking. “I don’t want to be alone,” I whisper.
Theo bites the inside of his lip, clearly calculating the risks of his next move.
“Are you sure, Sam?”
“I’m sure.” I feel safe with you, I say only with my eyes.
When Theo hesitantly kneels down and starts getting on the bed, I shift back to make space for him. Constantly watching me like he expects me to snap and scream for him to leave, he lowers himself so we face each other. His arm stays awkwardly suspended in the air under the blanket until I take it and let him rest it on the side of my stomach.
The way his heart hiccups is visible on his face, even in the low light and over his calming pheromones. He meets my gaze, lips parted, eyes strangely glistening, and I rest my head down again, settling without a word.
We lie there in silence, our bodies offering warmth and comfort.
His closeness eases the trembles passing through me and the wild rhythms of my pulse. Even so, no matter how tired I am, I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes and try, there’s still one more dark shadow.
“He…found me,” I whisper as low as I can, haunted by the irrational idea of him somehow hearing me otherwise. “You saw how determined he was. He…he isn’t the kind of man to give up easily. He wants the…he wants the baby. He thinks…” Tears start burning in my eyes again, so I screw them shut and press my lips into a tight line for a moment to hold it together.
Theo brushes his thumb over my belly, and it sends a shimmering warmth radiating inward.
“I-I don’t know what I’m going to do. There’s nothing else I can… He…he has money, Theo. Lawyers. Connections. What if he—”
Theo shifts his hand to copy the curve of my back. I meet his intent gaze. “He won’t. I won’t let him. He won’t do anything to you or the baby. I promise you. I don’t know how he even…how they got away with this, but I’ll make sure he goes away.”
Fear pings through me. “How…?”
He must realize what I’m implying. What his words implied. “No, nothing like that. Nothing violent or illegal. Don’t worry, okay? There’s…there’s someone I know who can help. They will. They’ll make it so he can’t ever come close to you or the baby.” Theo’s frown is one of burning determination. No matter how hopeless I feel about my situation—having already tried and failed against the brilliantly cutthroat lawyers they had at their disposal—I…believe him. Just like that.
Because he says so. Because Theo’s here to protect me.
I smile faintly, closing my eyes. Pushing my head forward, I let our foreheads touch again. “Okay,” I whisper.
After a moment of silence, when I finally start feeling sleep tug at me, Theo’s hand tenderly brushes my hair.
“I swear to you, Sam. I won’t allow it. Get some sleep now, lovely. Close your eyes and let it all go… I’m here.”
Chapter 19
Theo
I keep seeing that man’s face. His every feature remains etched forever in my mind. Those down-turned, deep-set dark eyes. Wide nose. A beauty mark to the left of it. Slightly uneven eyebrows and a meticulously groomed beard. The way he used his height and his intimidating posture to coerce and scare Sam.
Even now, rage itches inside my veins like a thousand crawling ants. Never in my life have I ever wanted to kill someone. To truly, undoubtedly, without a second thought, hurt a person so badly that they would never move again.
Because they’d deserve it. Because it would be the right thing to do.
I compare it to all the times I’ve felt overwhelming anger before. When Landon Nash tripped Gail in third grade, making her fall and break open her chin. That time I noticed a creep who’d watched Emily all night try to slip drugs into her drink at a festival. Our family trip to the seaside when I was sixteen, when some hateful group of beta-rights activists spat on my dads as they walked along the pier, holding hands and enjoying life.
Not a single of those memories comes even close to the terrifying, blinding rage I experienced yesterday, that still simmers in me today. The kind of rage I never would’ve expected myself capable of feeling, and yet there’s not a cell in my body that regrets or is ashamed of it.
