Collective Identity, page 9
part #4 of Commitment Series
"Daddy," Billie said, almost in a whisper, her legs nearly giving out on her with emotional release.
Art circled his arm around Billie's slim waist. "Don't you dare faint on me, Charland." He directed her to the chair beside Jimmy's desk. "Here, sit down. Are you all right?" he asked.
Billie nodded. "Where do we go from here, Jimmy? I know now that Mom and Dad changed their names, apparently around the time of my birth. The question is, why?"
"Well, you can research their social security numbers and tax records to reconstruct their activities around the time of your birth," Jimmy suggested.
"I've already determined that they were issued social security numbers under their new names when Billie was born. Now that we know their real names, we can do another search under their old numbers. Does that magic file you're looking at there have their original numbers, Jimmy?" Art said.
"Coming right up," Jimmy replied.
Within seconds, Jimmy not only found their original social security numbers, but did a search on their yearly income from nineteen fifty-six to nineteen eighty under the name of Walton, and again from nineteen eighty to their deaths under the name of Waterman. A few keystrokes later and the documents emerged from the printer beside his desk.
Billie scanned the documents carefully for several moments before she handed them to Art. She sat in the chair by Jimmy's desk with one leg crossed over the other, her left elbow propped up on the arm of the chair, her chin resting on her hand, as she waited patiently for Art to comment.
Art looked at Billie after he had finished studying the documents. "Sorry, Billie, but nothing jumps out at me," he said.
Billie nodded. "Yeah, I came to the same conclusion. There's just nothing there that would suggest a reason for the name change, and why it happens to coincide with my birth," she said. "Now what do we do? Do you have any ideas, Jimmy?"
"What did you say your birth-date was, Billie?" he asked.
"March thirtieth, nineteen eighty. Why?"
"Just a moment and hopefully I'll be able to tell you," Jimmy said as he typed her birthday into a search engine. The search result produced six hundred fifty-three sites with her date of birth somewhere in the body of the document. Billie became animated as Jimmy further refined the search by typing her name into the search results.
Billie waited anxiously, she watched the screen go blank, then return a moment later with the words Billie Jean Waterman not found in large print across the top. Her hopes were dashed as she looked at the subliminal message on the screen.
Jimmy looked at his friend apologetically. "Sorry! I was hoping it would produce something a little more positive than that!" he quipped.
"That's all right, Jimmy. I appreciate you trying anyway," Billie replied.
"Billie, just what are you trying to do here? What is your goal?" Jimmy asked.
Billie took a deep breath. "Well, I started out just wanting to generate a genealogy for my family, but this mystery surrounding my parents' name change has me perplexed. I feel like I've lost my origins, Jimmy. I need to know why. I need to know who I really am," she explained.
Jimmy looked back at his computer. "Genealogy, huh?" he said. "Let's see."
He punched more information into the search engine. Moments later, he had the results he was looking for. "Says here that your mother had a sister, Clara Rocque, died at age sixteen of tuberculosis. Her parents were French immigrants, Giselle and Jacques Rocque. No information beyond that. Your father had no siblings. His parents, George and Sarah Walton were born in this country in the early nineteen hundreds. Again, no information beyond that point. It's going to be difficult to trace any genealogy beyond the early eighteen hundreds. Accurate records were just not kept back then. Just how far back do you want to go?" he asked.
Billie massaged the infant headache that was growing in her temples. “Jimmy, Cat and I believe our ancestors knew one another in the past, so we plan to go backward until we find the link," she said.
Jimmy raised his eyebrows and whistled. "Wow. Good luck with that one. It’s difficult enough doing one genealogy, never mind two that interlink."
"I'm finding that out," Billie said as she rose to her feet. She hugged Jimmy and kissed him on the cheek to thank him for his help, walking away after seeing the bright red blush rise from the older man's neck to his face.
When Billie returned to her desk, she sat in her chair, crossed her arms on the desk, and rested her head on them. She stayed like that for several moments until the telephone startled her out of her trance.
"Billie Charland," she said into the receiver.
"Hi, love," Cat's voice spoke through the line.
Billie smiled into the phone. No matter what her mood, Cat's voice always lifted her spirits. Billie was suddenly struck by an overwhelming need to be held in Cat's arms as her beautiful wife soothed away her worries and promised to make everything all right.
"Hi, sweetheart," Billie replied. "It's so good to hear you voice. I really needed that right now."
"Billie, are you all right?" Cat asked.
"I'm a little discouraged. We've just hit another dead end with my parents. We found all kinds of information on the Waltons, but nothing that helps me to determine why they changed their name. Also, no luck with genealogical records earlier than the early nineteen hundreds. Did you have any luck with the birth records on Emma Walton?" she asked.
"I'm afraid not. No record of Emma Walton giving birth at all. I'm sorry," Cat said softly.
Billie sighed deeply. "Damn," she said. "Cat, what is happening here? All of the sudden, I don't have a past. My whole life has been a lie," she said.
"Sweetheart, your life is not a lie. We are not a lie. Our children are not lies. Please don't feel that way," Cat pleaded, a hint of tears in her voice.
"Cat, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'll be all right. Look, I've got to meet Jen at noon at the locksmith's. Maybe the contents of the safe deposit box will shed some light on this. Can you meet us there?" Billie asked.
"I'll be there. Billie, are you okay? I want so much to just hold you in my arms right now and make everything all right," Cat said.
Billie closed her eyes as her heart pounded in her chest with love for this woman. "There is no place I would rather be right now than in your arms, Cat," Billie replied.
"Do you have to go back to work this afternoon? Can you take some time off? I will arrange to have the afternoon off myself if you can," Cat offered.
"Okay. I like that idea," Billie said. "I'll see you at noon. I love you, Cat."
"I love you too, with all my heart. I'll see you in a while. Bye."
"Bye," Billie said before hanging up the phone.
* * *
"Let me make one thing clear right away," Billie said, leaning over the counter and using her best intimidating voice on the man behind it. "My friend here volunteered to have this key checked out for me. I don't appreciate you giving her a hard time. I trust her with my life. You got me? Now do us all a favor and tell me about this key," Billie said.
Jen stood beside her, arms crossed at her chest, and sporting a smug look on her face.
The man ignored Billie's attempt to intimidate him and took the key from her. "It belongs to a safe deposit box," he said.
"That much I got from my friend, here, but which bank does it belong to?" Billie asked.
The locksmith looked at the key and then back at Billie. "Give me a minute and I'll be able to tell you," he replied.
"You do that!"
The locksmith took the key into the back room as Billie turned around and rested her backside against the counter, crossing her arms and facing Cat and Jen. Billie had a stern look on her face. Seeing her distress, Cat approached her wife and brushed the bangs out of her face. "You really need to let me cut those," she said, "Do you feel okay, love?"
Billie opened her arms to Cat. "I'm fine, just frustrated about this whole mess."
Jen approached them as the locksmith came out of the back room. "I hate to break up this little love-fest, but here comes Mr. Bozo," she said.
Billie turned back toward the counter while Cat busied herself looking at a lock display in a case nearby. The locksmith gave them a knowing look.
"Okay. The safe deposit box is located in the First National Bank right here in town. Just a word of warning, you'll need to prove that you own the box before they'll let you into it," he explained.
Billie nodded her head as she accepted the key from the man. "What do I owe you?" she asked.
"Nothing. This one's on me," he replied.
Billie smiled at him. "Thanks," she said. Turning to go, she stopped before she reached the door. "How did you know which bank the key belonged to?"
"That's easy. There's a small coded number etched into one side of the key. You need a magnifying glass to make it out. All I had to do was cross reference it to a master key list to know which bank the box is in," he explained.
Billie smiled again. "Cool," she said. "Thanks again." With that, she and her entourage were gone.
As they walked back to their cars, Billie turned to Cat. "I'll need to pick up my parents' death certificate and copy of their will to prove I have rights to the safe deposit box before going to the bank."
"All right. I'll follow you home. It doesn't make sense to take two cars to the bank," Cat reasoned.
"Mind if I join you?" Jen asked.
"Not at all, Jen," Billie answered. "We'll meet you at our house in about twenty minutes."
* * *
An hour later, all three women stood in front of safe deposit box twenty-one, which had been removed from the vault and placed in a private room for them to view. Billie paced back and forth, all the while staring at the box.
"Aren't you going to open it?" Jen asked.
Cat stopped Billie in mid-pace. "Billie, honey, you need to open the box. The answers you are looking for may be in there. We're here to support you love. Please," Cat reasoned.
Billie approached the table and lifted the lid on the box. She stood there for several moments just looking at the contents. Finally, she reached in and removed an official looking document and a letter.
Billie turned the letter over and over in her hands before lifting it to her face. She inhaled deeply and recognized the scent of hand lotion that Eleanor Waterman used to treat dry skin. She closed her eyes and held the letter close to her chest. A few tears escaped her lids as an intense feeling of home-sickness, longing and remembrance filled her heart.
Cat and Jen waited patiently as Billie absorbed her Mother's memory through the letter. Finally, she unfolded the letter and held it in front of her, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand before beginning to read out loud.
Dear Daughter,
If you are reading this letter, chances are we are gone. We could not leave you alone without giving you the opportunity to know the truth. Please know that we never meant to hurt you. We desperately hope that you will understand why we did what we did. Just know that you were always the light of our lives, a light that will continue to shine in our hearts after we are gone.
Your father and I want you to know that we love you very much. The documents in this box will give you some insight into how you came to us. Please know that you came to us in love, and we loved you dearly every moment of our lives. We do not know all the details of your arrival in this world, only that we were desperate for a child. You were the answer to our prayers. Please do not hate us for loving you.
You should also know that we are not who you think we are. When you arrived in our lives, we felt it necessary to change our names to protect ourselves…and to protect you from the consequences of our actions. Our given names are Darren and Emma Walton. We did this to eliminate the paper trail that brought you to us. Please find it in your heart to understand.
Some day we will meet again. We only hope that you will forgive us and greet us with love on your day of reckoning.
We love you, honey, and we wish you love and happiness in your life. Live your life to the fullest, Billie, and don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Life is too short to waste on unhappiness and regret. We will never regret bringing you into our lives. You brought more happiness to us than you can imagine.
We will love you forever,
Mom and Dad
Billie looked up from the letter with tears in her eyes. Both Cat and Jen mirrored those tears as they fought with their own emotions.
Cat embraced Billie. "It's okay, love. I've got you," she said.
"Cat," Billie said. "Please read the document for me. I can't do it," she pleaded.
Cat nodded and reached for the envelope. She removed the document and quickly scanned the contents, taking a deep breath when she realized what they implied. She looked at Billie with tears in her eyes then read the documents more carefully.
"Cat?" Billie said softly when she looked up from the documents for the second time.
Cat looked back at Billie. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she saw the anguish in her wife's eyes.
"Billie, they adopted you," she said as she heard Billie catch her breath. "Love, this is a handwritten contract between your parents and what looks like a third party agency. I don't know how legal it is."
Billie reached out with a shaky hand and braced herself on the edge of the table. Jen helped her into a chair then sat beside her and took her hand while Cat continued.
Cat continued to read. "It says here that Darren and Emma Walton became the adoptive parents of one baby girl, born March thirtieth, nineteen eighty. The document is dated July eighth, nineteen eighty, roughly three months after you were born."
"If they weren't my real parents, then who were?" Billie asked softly.
Cat scanned the document further. "There is no mention of your birth parents, Billie, but..." Cat hesitated.
Billie looked up sharply. "But what, Cat?" she asked.
Cat continued to hesitate, knowing the information contained within this document would break Billie's heart.
"Cat, please. I need to know," Billie whispered.
"Billie, it says here Darren and Emma Walton paid a fee of ten thousand dollars for you."
Cat cringed at the affect her words were having on Billie. She detested the pain this revelation was causing, but she recognized that Billie needed the truth. Only with the truth would she be able to face the future and heal the pain.
Billie closed her eyes as tears cascaded down her face. "Ten thousand dollars," she said. "A human life, purchased for a fraction of what we paid for our home. Who would do that? Why?" Billie asked.
Cat refolded the legal document then placed it inside the envelope with the letter before putting it on the table beside the box. She quickly closed the distance between herself and Billie and wrapped her arms around her. "I'm so sorry, my love," she whispered, hoping her love and support would be enough to see Billie through the wretched heartbreak that was tearing her apart at that very moment.
Still seated, Billie wrapped her arms around Cat's waist and rested her head between Cat's breasts. Jen joined the tableau and silently offered her support.
After several long moments, Billie relaxed and sat back in her seat.
"Are you all right love?" Cat asked.
Billie nodded as she wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. "Cat, is there anything else in the box?" she asked.
Cat reached into the box and picked up a tiny bracelet with a string of small pink beads, each one containing a letter, spelling out the name of the owner. "Suzanne," she said. "Billie, your name was Suzanne."
Billie clenched Jen's hand tightly as the tears rolled down her face. Finally, unable to contain it any longer, she broke down and cried violent tears... tears that shook her to her very soul. Heart wrenching wails tore from her throat as Cat and Jen both wrapped their arms around her and cried with her.
Chapter 9
Billie curled herself into a fetal position on the bed with the blanket pulled tightly around her neck. She stared straight ahead, unblinking. The room was dark, the shades drawn.
"Billie, sweetheart," Cat said from her position by the bedroom door.
No answer.
"Billie, please talk to me," she begged.
Still, no answer and no movement from the bed. Finally, tired of the non-communication, Cat approached the bed and climbed in. She spooned herself in behind her and wrapped her arm around Billie's waist.
"Sweetheart, please talk to me," she whispered into Billie's ear.
Billie responded by covering Cat's hand with her own. Cat took that as a positive sign as she climbed over Billie and lay on the other side so that she was lying face to face with her. She brushed a long strand of hair away from Billie's cheek and tucked it behind her ear.
Billie's eyes focused on Cat. "Cat. I feel so lost, so alone. I don't know who I am or where I came from. I can’t believe my parents kept this secret from me for so many years. Years of deception and trust thrown out the window. I loved them unconditionally. How could they do that to me?” she asked.
"Sweetheart, you are not alone. Do you hear me? As long as I live and breathe, you will never be alone. The kids and I will always be here for you, love. I know your heart is broken, Billie. Believe me, I know, but maybe there's a reason for all of this. I'm sure your parents loved you."
"Then why did they keep this from me for so long? Hell, if we hadn't found that key, I'd probably never know. I would have continued to live a lie for the rest of my life," Billie raged. "Did they think I wouldn't be able to handle the fact that I'm adopted? Were they afraid I'd want to find my real parents?"
"Neither of us can answer those questions, Billie. Unfortunately, the only ones who can are gone. We can only speculate. I'm sure your parents didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sure they were just trying to protect you," Cat reasoned.
