Collective Identity, page 22
part #4 of Commitment Series
Chapter 23
The cookout was a huge success. Cat kept a close eye on Billie and noted that she was making a conscious effort to relax and enjoy herself, being as playful as ever with the children, and even sneaking up on Doc to spray him with the garden hose. It felt so good to see her at ease. All of this made Cat glad that she had withheld the information about Jimmy's phone call.
Later that evening, Billie called Jen and Fred and made arrangements for the four of them to go out to dinner. They hired a sitter for the five children, then set out to enjoy an evening of dining and dancing. The two couples completely enjoyed themselves, despite the odd looks Cat and Billie received when they hit the dance floor. When they returned home, all five children were sleeping in wild array on sleeping bags all over the floor of Cat and Billie's family room. Instead of waking them, Cat insisted that Stevie and Karissa be allowed to spend the night, giving Jen and Fred a much deserved night alone. Billie shooed their friends out the door to take the sitter home and strict instructions not to collect their children before noon the next day.
All in all, it had been a nice day.
It was a pity the same could not be said of the following day.
* * *
Billie rose early as usual. She donned her running gear and headed out for her five mile run through the park. When she returned nearly an hour later, she stripped off her clothes and jumped into the shower to wash away the sweat from her morning exercise. She briskly toweled herself dry and slipped on a sports bra, button up sleeveless shirt, which she tied in the front with the shirt tails, and a pair of cut-off denim shorts, her mid-section from navel to diaphragm exposed.
She padded through the house in her bare feet to the kitchen where she put on a pot of coffee to brew, then walked around picking up the few odds and ends the kids had left hanging around from the night before… an empty soda can… a paper towel… a piece of paper with some scribbling on it. Billie carried these items to the wastebasket and threw them in. As she watched them fall into the bin, she suddenly noticed the name 'Jimmy' on the paper she had just thrown away. Her heart rose to her throat as the leaned down and retrieved the paper from the bin. She carried the paper to the table where she sat down and started to read.
Jimmy called. He found the address for the adoptive parents:
Laurel McGuire, born June fourteenth, nineteen fifty-nine, Lancaster, South Carolina
Adopted by Howard and Julia McGuire
Current Address: One sixty-three Pine Street, Hazelton, Pennsylvania
Adoption Agency: Children's Home Society
Adoption Agent: Sylvia Tanner
Billie looked up from the note to see Cat standing in the kitchen doorway. Cat's eyes were wide with anticipation, guilt clearly written on her face.
Billie narrowed her eyes and fought back anger. "When did this call come in, Cat?" she asked as calmly as possible.
"Friday night during dinner," Cat replied. She raised her chin defensively.
Billie rose to her feet and turned her back on Cat. She walked over to the kitchen door and looked out the window. "Friday night during dinner," she repeated. She turned around sharply. "And here it is, Sunday morning. When did you plan to tell me about this, Cat?" she demanded angrily.
"Sometime today," Cat replied truthfully.
Billie stood there, totally outraged. She walked toward Cat and stopped just inches from her. She leaned over so that their faces were a mere hair’s breadth away. "What gave you the right to withhold this from me? I've lost an entire day of searching because of you," she said in low angry tones.
Cat was pissed. "What gives me the right? What gives me the right?!" she yelled, walking into Billie and forcing the taller woman back a couple of steps. "I'll tell you what gives me the right! Watching you work yourself into a frenzy and scaring the shit out of the kids by falling into a seizure because of it! That's what gives me the right, Billie!"
Billie's eyes widened at the revelation. She looked down at the note in her hand. "This prompted the seizure?"
Cat nodded her head.
Billie sank back down into the kitchen chair she had vacated earlier. She propped her right elbow up on the table and leaned her forehead into her palm. "Damn!" she exclaimed.
"Billie, this is becoming too much for you. You either need to give up this quest, or let someone help you with it," Cat said angrily.
Billie's jaw clenched and unclenched repeatedly. "I can't give up, Cat," she said firmly.
"Well, I can't stand by and watch you make yourself sick over it. The kids were terrified Friday night. I'm sorry I withheld the information from you, but you were in no condition to deal with it at the time. Now, you can be angry with me if you want, but given the choice, I'd do it again!"
Billie sat silently for a long moment, contemplating the tabletop while Cat stood by nervously awaiting her reply. Finally, she sighed deeply and said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Cat. You were only doing what you thought was best for me."
Cat walked up behind Billie and wrapped her arms around her neck. "I forgive you, love. Now, will you please let me help you?" she asked.
"Help me how, Cat?" Billie asked, still rubbing her temple.
"You've been trying to do this all alone. The last time I looked, we were a team. Let me help. Let me make the phone calls. Let me ease some of the stress. Please," she said.
Billie nodded her head. "Have I told you lately how much I love you, Cat?" she asked.
"Every time you look at me, love. Every time you look at me," Cat said.
* * *
"Hello?" came the soft female voice from the other end of the line.
"Hello, my name is Cat Charland. I am looking for Howard or Julia McGuire. Am I speaking with Mrs. McGuire?" Cat asked.
"Yes, but before you start, I'm not interested in buying anything..." the fragile sounding woman began.
"No! No, I'm not a saleswoman, Mrs. McGuire. Please don't hang up," Cat pleaded. "I'm calling...well, I'm actually looking for Laurel McGuire. Do you know where I can..."
CLICK, came the sound from the other end, cutting Cat off in midstream.
Cat looked at the receiver like it was an alien creature that suddenly appeared in her hand. "Huh," she said, dialing the number again. For a second time, the frail voice answered the phone.
"Mrs. McGuire, please don't hang up. I have reason to believe that Laurel is the mother of someone very close to me. Please, give me just a few minutes of your time," Cat begged.
"Please hurry," the voice said. "He'll be back soon, and I'll have to hang up again."
It became immediately obvious to Cat that the woman on the other end of the line was afraid for her own safety, not disturbed by the phone call. "Mrs. McGuire. I need to know where Laurel is. Do you know?" Cat asked.
"You say she is someone's mother?" the woman asked.
"Yes, someone very dear to my heart," Cat exclaimed, looking up into smiling blue eyes. "She is ill right now and unable to make this call herself. So I'm stretching the truth here just a little bit, Cat thought, as she shrugged her shoulders to Billie. "Will you help me?" Cat asked.
"She hasn't lived here for over thirty years," the woman said. "Threw her out of the house, he did. Told her never to come back, he said. Got herself in trouble! Got into drugs. Bad seed, he said," the older woman rambled into the phone.
"Please, Mrs. McGuire, tell me, where is she?" Cat urged, getting the distinct feeling that she was losing this woman.
"Don't tell him I know. Don't tell him I've been staying in touch with her. Hell to pay if he finds out," the woman said.
"Julia, I won't tell. I promise," Cat replied. "Where is she, Julia?" Cat pushed again. She looked at Billie, who sat there clenching her fists at the obvious abuse that was going on in that household.
"Bay City, fifteen Birch Court, Bay City, Michigan. Got married, she did. Many years ago," the disoriented woman said.
"I need a married name, Julia. Please, give me her married name," Cat said, feeling a sense of urgency.
Suddenly, Cat heard the gruff sound of a man's voice in the background. "Who are you talking to, bitch?" said the voice.
In a moment of lucidity, Julia said into the phone, "I'm sorry Mrs. Stafford, but I'm not interested in buying any magazines. Please don't call here again."
Cat looked over at Billie as she held the dead receiver to her chest.
"Did you get the name, Cat?” she asked, hope filling her eyes.
Cat hung up the phone and reached for the pad of paper and pencil in front of her. She held it so Billie couldn't see what she was writing. Laurel Stafford, fifteen Birch Court, Bay City, Michigan. She handed the pad to Billie and smiled. "Which do you prefer, an aisle or a window seat?"
Billie grabbed Cat's face in her hands and kissed her hard and long, smacking loudly when she released her. "Cat, my love, kick me now for not letting you help earlier. I've been a fool! Thank you, sweetheart."
Cat just smiled. "I'll put it on your bill," she said.
Billie raised her eyebrows. "Bill?" she asked.
"Oh yes, and I'm very expensive," Cat said seriously.
Billie reached into her pockets and pulled the linings out, indicating her penniless status. She looked at Cat sheepishly. "Can I take it out in trade?" she asked, a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"Well, it just so happens, Ms. Charland, that I don't accept checks, money orders or credit cards, so that pretty much limits your options, wouldn't you say?" Cat said as she circled around a seated Billie, trailing her fingertips across broad shoulders and finally seating herself in the chair at Billie's left.
Billie turned her face toward Cat. "Trade?" she asked.
"Do you mind if I inspect the merchandise first?" Cat asked.
"No, go ahead," Billie replied as Cat once again stood and circled around her, poking and prodding, squeezing and pinching. Finally Cat looked into her mouth.
"What am I, livestock?" Billie asked with mock indignity.
"Hey, if I'm going to use you for stud service, I want to know what I'm getting," Cat explained.
"Stud service?" Billie questioned sarcastically.
Cat took one more look her subject before saying, "You'll do. Trade it is. Upstairs, two minutes. Be there!" she said, getting up and leaving the kitchen.
Billie sat at the table and looked once more at the name and address on the pad of paper.
"I'll see you soon, Mom," she said before grinning broadly and following her wife upstairs.
* * *
An hour later, Billie was flat on her back, out cold and worn out from paying off her debt to Cat. Cat smiled as she brushed the dark bangs off her wife's forehead then kissed the spot vacated by the hair.
Poor baby, Cat thought. She's still weak from the seizures. She placed one final kiss on her forehead then whispered in Billie's ear, "If you push yourself too hard again, you won't have to worry about seizures, because I'll kill you myself. Sleep well, my love."
She rose from the bed and pulled a T-shirt over her head and glanced at the nightstand clock. Good, time to make a phone call before Jen and Fred bring the kids home from the movies.
Padding down the stairs to the kitchen, Cat reached for the phone and dialed the number for SpireCliffe Acres, Charleston, South Carolina.
"Yeah?" The greeting from the other end of the line was terse.
"Grandma Jo!" Cat said cheerfully. "You know Grams doesn't like you to answer the phone that way," she scolded.
"Yeah, well, Al needs to loosen up a bit," Jo said. "What's up?"
"Some good news, Grams. Could you ask Grams to pick up the extension so I can tell both of you?" she asked.
"I would, Cat, but Alex is not here. She's gone into town with Maggie to visit the craft fair. Damned craft fairs. Last year, Alex dragged me to four of them. Little does she know, I paid Maggie to go with her this time," Jo said, chuckling under her voice, very proud of herself. "So, you can either call back later, or give me the message and I'll ask her to call you," Jo suggested.
"No, I'll tell you," Cat said. "Grandma Jo, we found Grams’ daughter,” she said.
“Jumping Jesus! Really?” Jo exclaimed. “Who? Where?” she asked.
“Well, Billie’s coworker found the adoptive parents, and the child’s name, Laurel McGuire. I called the mother and had a very strange conversation with her during which I obtained Laurel’s married name and address,” Cat explained.
“What do you mean by strange conversation?” Jo asked.
“I got the strong impression that Laurel’s mother was the victim of domestic abuse. All during the conversation, she was terrified that her husband would catch her talking about Laurel. Apparently, he threw Laurel out of the house more than thirty years ago and has forbidden any contact with her since. I can just imagine the treatment Laurel must have received at the hands of that moron,” Cat said.
“So, what’s next?” Jo asked.
“We now have a married name and address for her, so I guess we either call her or drop in on her unannounced," Cat explained. “In any case, Billie and I want to do this alone before we expose Grams to any major rejection scene.”
Cat was greeted by silence at the other end of the line.
"Grams?" Cat said.
"I'm here. I'm just worried about Al, Cat. What if this reunion thing doesn't go well? What if Laurel is angry about being given up? I swear, if she hurts Al, I'll...," Jo sputtered.
"I know. I've been thinking the same thing about Billie. If Laurel really is her mother, I’m worried about how she’ll feel facing the woman who gave her away," Cat said.
"Well, it doesn't really matter how you and I feel about this. Al and Billie have to do what's right for them, and it's our job to stand by them, even if we don't agree with what they're doing," Jo said.
Cat sighed into the phone. "You know something, Grandma Jo?" Cat said, "Sometimes it's no fun being the sidekick."
Chapter 24
The flight into Flint Michigan was relatively uneventful. After securing a rental car, Billie and Cat drove the one-hour distance between Flint and Bay City in moderate silence. Cat periodically glanced at Billie, concerned about the woman's solitude.
"Sweetheart, are you all right?" Cat asked from her position behind the steering wheel.
Billie nodded without looking at Cat.
“You’ve been so quiet. Wanna talk about it?”
Billie looked down at the hands clasped in her lap. “What if she isn’t my mother, Cat? What, if after everything we’ve been through over the past several weeks, this woman turns out not to be my mother?” she asked.
Cat reached for Billie’s hand.
Billie placed her hand in Cat's and closed her fingers, gently squeezing as she cast a shy smile in Cat's direction.
“If she turns out not to be your mother then we’ll keep looking. You are not alone in this Billie. I will be with you every step of the way,” Cat said.
* * *
Billie stared out the window, her thoughts focused on the pending meeting with Laurel McGuire. On one hand, she would have preferred to take this trip alone, since she couldn't guarantee what her reaction would be to the woman who could possibly be her mother. On the other hand, having Cat with her was comforting. She really depended on her for strength and support, more than even Cat realized. Billie wondered for the millionth time what she would ever do if this beautiful woman weren’t in her life.
Billie squeezed Cat’s hand one more time. “Thank you for coming with me, Cat,” she said softly.
“There’s no way I’d let you go by yourself,” Cat replied. “You’re stuck with me!” she added.
“I could think of worse things to be stuck to, love,” Billie joked.
“Welcome to Bay City,” Cat said as she read the sign by the side of the road. We’re here love. Do you want to find her first, or check into the hotel?" she asked.
Billie looked at her watch. "It's still early Cat. Let's settle in and then start our search, okay?" she asked, reaching up to rub her temple.
"Headache?" Cat asked.
"Yeah, a small one," Billie replied. "Maybe I can catch an hour or two of sleep before we look for Laurel," she suggested.
Cat nodded as she pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. "That's a very good idea. I could use a nap myself," she said.
While Billie checked them in, Cat went to the information counter and asked for directions to Birch Court. By the time Billie was finished, she had directions in hand, and followed her wife to the elevator.
They had a breathtaking view of Lake Huron. Billie dropped the suitcase on the floor by the door and stood in front of the window. Cat came up beside her, wrapped her arm around her waist, and leaned her head against Billie's upper arm. For long moments, they stood there looking out over the bay, neither speaking, but communicating volumes through their silence.
Finally, the silence became too painful to endure.
"Talk to me Billie. I can feel the tension in your heart. Please let me in," Cat pleaded.
Billie took Cat into her arms. "I'm afraid, Cat. I'm scared out of my mind to meet this woman,” she explain
Cat led her to the bed where they sat side by side. She reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Billie’s ear, then placed a gentle kiss on the Billie's cheek. “Talk to me sweetheart. Why are you afraid of her?” she asked.
“I’m not afraid of her Cat. I’m afraid of what I’ve been feeling about her,” Billie tried to explain.
“What do you mean?” Cat questioned, a frown deepening the lines in her forehead.
“Cat, would you say I was a vengeful, hateful person?” Billie asked seriously.
Cat was taken aback by the question. “Billie, why would you ask a question like that? You are one of the most loving people I know. Baby, talk to me,” she replied.
