Malachi, page 6
“Better?”
I nodded as the door crept open again.
“Dr. Joyner,” she breathed out, relief written all over her face.
“And to think, there are people who believe God isn’t real.”
The short, aged man made his way to my side.
“Not only is she awake, but she’s obviously breathing on her own with perfect vitals,” he shared, taking a look at the machines that were no longer blaring.
“Yes.”
“Unbelievable,” he grunted. “Like she was asleep and woke right up.”
“She pulled the tube out herself,” Unique explained.
“So, there’s movement.”
“Yes.”
“Memory?”
“She hasn’t said much but—”
“What is your name, sweetheart?” he asked, moving closer to the edge of the bed and removing the cover from my foot. With a pen from his pocket, he swiped across the bottom, causing my entire body to react.
“Aeir. Aeir Rothshire.”
“Impressive.”
“Impressive?”
He paused, looking up at me as if I had two horns sprouting from my head before he cleared his throat and began to speak in fuller sentences, ones I could understand.
“Almost no one wakes up from comas after the first year. Their body wastes away. Deteriorates. Your spine was shattered. There was no brain activity because you were deprived of oxygen for so long after your car accident. Every inch of your body was bruised from the impact and burns covered you from head to toe.
“Your car exploded just as medics arrived on the scene. When they brought you in, we were certain you wouldn’t make it through the night. You’ve had a total of sixteen surgeries. Medicine and science says you shouldn’t be here, but the God I serve said otherwise. Today, all this time later, there are absolutely no signs of trauma to your body or neurological system. Your spine has healed itself. Your skin has healed. Your body doesn’t tell the story of one that’s been deteriorating.
“There are tests that will need to be taken to confirm, but it’s already confirmed in His book. Seeing how much Jae loves you left me no choice but to cover you daily. God made good on His promise. I know this is scary and the next few weeks will push you beyond your limits, but I want you to know that the best is yet to come, Ms. Rothshire.
“I’m going to order some tests for the morning and get out of your hair. I’ll see you tomorrow while I’m making my rounds. Ms. Edwards, free her up a bit. She’s going to be just fine.”
He referred to the cords dangling from my upper body.
“Your cousin, Dr. Rothshire, will be happy to learn that you’re awake. He’s been keeping the faith.”
Immediately, I knew who he was referring to. Though Isir, Isaiah and I were second cousins, they’d always looked out for me and made sure I was alright. Hearing him mention Isir was no surprise.
“Thank you.”
“Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning, young lady.”
“Goodnight.”
Sniffling came from my right side, where Unique was standing. She lowered her head as she wiped her eyes with the shirt underneath her scrubs. With furrowed brows, I tried processing her tears and why they felt so personal.
“Sorry. I just… we’ve all been rooting for you. There was just something special about you when they brought you to our floor. We’ve fought hard to keep you here, keep you with us.”
“How long have I been here?” I finally asked, afraid of the answer that would come from her mouth. Dr. Joyner hinted at a year, but something told me it was much longer.
“Two years,” she told me.
“Tw-two years?”
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my chest, but as quickly as I’d lost oxygen, Jae’s presence reimbursed me.
“Oh, baby!”
With stretched arms, she rushed to my side. Our bodies collided, hers cradling mine and pulling me deeper into her embrace. She felt so familiar to me. The emptiness I felt before she walked through the door disappeared. But, there were more tears, so many tears.
Into her chest, I cried like a newborn baby. I clung to her, never wanting to let go.
“You’re awake. Oh my God, you’re awake.”
“I’m going to give you two some time alone.”
“Can you get me a new needle?” Jae huffed. “I’m going to start a new IV and give this vein a rest. It’s swollen.”
“She tried to rip all of that sh—stuff out and I don’t blame her. I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Thank you, Edwards.”
“Hiiiiiiiii,” Jae sang, pulling me away momentarily before bringing me back in.
It was then I realized how much I reeked.
“I stink,” I cried, emotions overcoming me.
“You stink,” Jae agreed, nodding her head and pulling back.
Tears fell from her dark green eyes. She was even more beautiful than I’d remembered.
Snot dripped from my nose as I asked, “Can you help me take a bath? Please?”
“Stop begging, Aeir. You’ve only been awake for two minutes.” She laughed through her tears.
She began peeling the tape from the tubes and removing them one by one. Blood sprouted from the IV in my arm, but she quickly placed a cotton ball on top of the wound and taped it down to stop the bleeding. I watched her work, using my other hand to wipe my eyes.
“I never gave up on you, Aeir. I just need you to know that, okay? I never did and I never will.”
“I know. I know.” I nodded.
“I knew you were in there, somewhere, fighting. So, I fought for you, baby girl. I fought long and I fought hard, but I never gave up.”
“Whe-where’s Mom and Dad?”
The sadness in her eyes told a million different stories. I was left to wonder which was true. Instead of making myself sick with worry, I asked again.
“Where are they? Are they okay?”
“It was your mother who I had to fight, Aeir. Her broken heart clouded her judgment and, in the end, she wanted to pull the plug. In the end, it was your father who turned over their rights and named me power of attorney.”
“Their rights?” My heart hurt. Hearing my father had stripped himself of his rights to make decisions for my well-being stung. Since I was a little girl, he’d been my rock. He and I were the closest. I loved him so much, it hurt most days.
“He never gave up on you, either. He just couldn’t stand to see you that way, couldn’t stand the silence, couldn’t stand not hearing your voice… your laughter. He didn’t want to make a decision based on his emotions and the pain in his heart, so he thought I’d be a better fit for the job.”
“Does he visit?”
“Seldomly. He’s a bit more broken each time he walks out of that door. It breaks my heart to hear his voice or see his aching body as he exits. Several times, I’ve contemplated removing him from the visitation list. Your condition has aged him rapidly.”
“Can you call him?”
I needed him, needed to hear his voice and for him to hear mine. Whatever pain he was feeling, I wanted him to suffer no longer. It all ended today. As for my mother, I had no words.
“Of course.”
She pulled her cell out of her pocket and dialed his number. The ringing commenced as Jae placed the call on speaker. After the third ring, there was an answer.
“Yeah?” he grunted, clearing his throat.
Stifled by the sound of his voice, I tried very hard to breathe.
“Jae?”
“Dad. It-it’s me.”
“Aeir? Is that you, honey?”
Nodding, I answered his question as if he could see me.
“Oh, God. It’s you. You stay put. I’m coming.”
“I don’t have anywhere I need to be right now.” I chuckled, finding relief in the bit of comedy I’d managed to fill the moment with.
“Let me get your mother. One second.”
“Dad,” I rushed out.
“Yeah?”
“Please. Just come alone.”
My request came with blurred eyes and a quivering bottom lip.
“Aeir,” he sighed.
“Please.”
“Alright, baby. Whatever you want. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be right up there. You hear?”
“Yes. I hear you, old man.”
“Good. Jae, keep an eye on her until I get there.”
“I promise,” Jae replied, smiling all the while.
She ended the call and wrapped her arms around me again.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“I was in a coma for two whole years, completely oblivious to it all, only to wake up and discover the woman who’d brought me into the world had given up on me. Jae, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.”
It was the most I’d said since I’d awoken and just that bit had me exhausted beyond explanation. Recognizing the depletion, Jae changed the subject.
“I just had my lunch delivered. I thought I’d ordered way too much but it feels like just enough now. I’m sure you could use a bite to eat.”
I nodded, knowing that any amount of words would require more energy than I had at the moment.
“Give me just a moment. I’ll be right back.”
A glimpse at the clock on the wall as she exited revealed the time. It was almost eleven o’clock at night. Jae was still on the night shift. It had taken her years to adapt, but it had become her favorite. For once, I was happy she hadn’t changed shifts and taken the 7:00 a.m.-7:00 p.m. she’d been offered four years ago.
Taking a moment to rest my eyes, I closed them in hopes that the burning would stop. In just a few minutes, I’d managed to cry nearly every tear my body had ever produced. I was exhausted, though everyone said I’d been asleep for two whole years.
I love you. A delicate voice, much similar to my own, sounded as images of dark, tattoo-covered arms appeared behind my lids.
To the motherfucking moon and back. The baritone rattled my heart.
A yearning I’d never experienced rocked my core, forcing my eyes open. I took a look around the room, making sure I was the only one still here. The feeling of those tattoo-covered arms caressing me was so surreal.
I closed my eyes again, anticipating darkness, but there they were again.
Anna, he called out.
“Okay. I’m back.” Jae’s voice startled me.
I opened my eyes to find her standing near me with a bag of food in her hands.
“We have to get you a new IV with lots of fluids in a second, but right now, let’s pig out. I’m starving and I refuse to eat another night alone.”
My silence worried her.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” I answered, rubbing the side of my head, “I think I’m getting a headache.”
“That’s normal. Your brain is working overtime after no activity. Headaches will be often and strong in magnitude over the next few months. We’ll get you something for those. Don’t sweat it.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
As she prepared the meal for us to share, I closed my eyes again. This time, the darkness I’d searched for found its way to me. I sighed in relief, simultaneously thanking God for what He’d done in my life. I didn’t remember much of anything that had happened leading up to the car accident that had led me to this point or anything during my two-year stint, but I was happy to still be alive. I owed Him my life.
All the days felt lumped together. For a full week, I remained in the hospital. By the time I was released, I’d managed to conquer a few milestones. Those included standing, walking, eating with utensils, writing, and going to the bathroom alone. According to doctors, my progress was impeccable and I’d defied science a bit more each day.
“Comfortable?” my father asked, standing a few feet away as I sat on the full-sized bed, the centerpiece of my old bedroom.
He’d built it himself and was still proud of his handiwork. It was the first time he’d ever built anything from scratch. It sparked his love for crafting and small home renovations.
“Ummm. Hmmm.”
“You mind?” He pointed toward the rocking chair near the window.
“No.”
He rested his body, groaning in the process. Jae was accurate in her observation. I didn’t remember all the worry lines and creases on my father’s face. He’d aged significantly during the time I spent in the hospital. The thought gripped at my heart’s strings. Knowing that I’d possibly stolen a few years of his life was disheartening.
“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about your mother, Aeir.”
“Dad, please.”
“I get that you’re upset with her, and you have every reason to be. But understand she meant well. Her decision to let nature run its course was simply a result of seeing you suffering each and every day. It took a toll on us all. There were mornings we couldn’t even get out of bed, knowing our daughter was laying up in a hospital twenty minutes up the road, unable to take advantage of sunrises and sunsets. Your car accident destroyed us. We thought we’d loss our only child. That killed me every day.”
No matter how hard I tried to remember, that detail of my life was misty. I couldn’t remember anything that happened the night of my accident, where it happened, or how it had happened. Jae informed me that a drunk driver had hit me head on as I traveled northbound, on the way home from work after a parent-teacher conference. I remembered none of it, not even speaking with the parents of my students who I missed dearly.
“But you never gave up.”
“Because I couldn’t.”
“But she could.”
“She didn’t. She got tired.”
“And gave up on me.”
“It’s not that simple, baby girl.”
“For me, Dad, it’s very simple.”
“I understand, Aeir. Just try to… while you’re here, just try not to make this any harder on us than it’s already been. While you were in that coma, we were suffering. Each and every day, we questioned life. Now that we have you back, we can’t let anything get in the way of all of our healing.”
Instead of a verbal response, I nodded. The energy I’d reserved didn’t belong in places the continuation of the conversation would take it.
“Alright. I’m going to get dinner started in an hour or two. Will you be joining us?”
“Not tonight, Dad. Maybe tomorrow. I need some time alone.”
“Well, holler if you need me. I’m just in the other room.”
“Thanks.”
“Of course, baby. I’m so happy you're home.”
“Me, too.”
He rose from the chair and headed out of the door. I waited until it was closed completely before falling back onto the bed. My eyes landed on the ceiling, where thoughts of my immediate future swarmed me.
Even in the comfort of my old bedroom, in a home that was most familiar to me, I was conflicted. Everything felt out of place, including me. Imposture syndrome posed a threat to my sanity.
Vibrations interrupted my train of thought, reminding me of Jae’s generosity. The shiny new iPhone on the bed housed my attention. I pulled it closer to examine the number calling. Aside from my parents, she was the only person with the number.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, babe. How are things? How are you feeling?” she began questioning.
“I don’t know, Jae. Something just feels… off.”
“Everything feels off, I’m sure. That’s to be expected. Everything is new for you, even the old things.”
“No. It’s not that. I feel off. I can’t quite explain it but I don’t feel like myself.”
“Babe, this is normal. It’ll take a minute to get back to feeling like Aeir again. And, honestly, you’re a totally new person now. A new version of yourself. You might not ever feel like the old you. Just try to find peace in the woman you’re going to become in your healing journey.”
I couldn’t find the words to properly express myself, so I let the subject go.
“I don’t think I’ll be here very long.”
“What’s the matter?” She softened.
“I don’t know, Jae. Nothing. Everything. I’m just in this state of confusion right now. I feel clueless. I wish I still had my apartment to go to.”
“Awww. It’ll all be fine.”
“And being here with my mom. I—”
“If you feel like it’s too much, my door is always open. You can use my guestroom as long as you need to.”
“I don’t want to burden you with my presence. You have a life of your own.”
“That consists of work, work, and more work. You’d practically be living alone.”
Chuckling, I agreed.
“Maybe a month or two. That’s all I need to figure this thing out and I’ll be fine.”
“Even if it takes six months or a year, I don’t care. You’re welcomed and I mean it.”
“Thanks so much.”
“Of course. Now, it’s about time for me to head out and get to work. I’ll call you in the morning to help sort this all out. Okay?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. Love ya, babes.”
“Love you, too.”
I tossed the phone to the other side of the bed, feeling a bit better. The Huffington State map I’d pinned against the ceiling was still in place.
Two months, I finalized, covering the top left portion of the map with my left hand in the air. Wherever it lands, I’ll go. I closed both eyes and twirled my right hand in the air.
Five. Four. Three. Two. One. After finishing my count, I held my pointy finger still and opened my eyes. Following its trail, I smiled once I’d reached the end. Berkeley.
The achiness in my chest returned. I swallowed hard, praying it subsided. As it did, I released a stream of oxygen and refilled my lungs with fresh air. The fear of the future clung to me, elevating my heart rate and pushing my mind into overdrive.
I sealed my lids, using controlled breathing exercises to help bring me from the ledge. Darkness scattered and was replaced with broad shoulders, a perfect set of teeth, and dimpled cheeks. With an obstructed view, I was unable to see any more of the face of the man who had taunted me for the last seven days. Visions of him resurfaced almost every time I closed my eyes.
