Malachi, page 30
“Alright,” I breathed, shutting off the vacuum and then unplugging it.
As if on cue, my phone sounded. With the vacuum cord in my hand, I moved toward the bed. I held my breath as I leaned over to see who was trying to reach me. Not many people had my number, but there was one person in particular I didn’t want to talk to. I was pleased to see my mother’s name on the screen.
“Hey.”
“Aeir. Glad you picked up. I tried you earlier, but I got your voicemail.”
“Not sure why. Maybe I was on the phone with Jae or Dad.”
“Could’ve been. He told me he’d talked to you this morning.”
“I didn’t think I’d be able to get him off the line.”
“He just misses you. That’s all. Since we left and came back home, he can’t stop talking about how we should buy property out that way before the baby is born so we can split our time between Channing and Berkeley.”
“I know. He told me he’d already began the search.”
“He has. I told him we should talk to you first so we’re not stepping on your toes or imposing on your life. You’re not a baby anymore.”
“It’s fine, Mom. I promise. As long as you guys aren’t overbearing, it’s fine. I’ll need all the help I can get when the time comes.”
My mother and father had visited over a month ago, helping me move into my apartment and fill it with furniture for me and the baby. We didn’t know the gender at the time, so we stuck to neutrals and whites in the nursery. It wasn’t even close to being completed, but there was progress.
“Alright. Then, I’ll start my search, too. I’m sure I’ll luck up on something before he does.”
“More than likely.”
“How are you and how is the baby?”
“I had an appointment Tuesday. Everything is fine. He’s growing and looks healthy.”
“He?” she squealed.
“It’s a boy?”
“Yes. It’s a boy,” I confirmed.
“Oh, God, Aeir. We’re having a boy. Your father is going to be ecstatic.”
“Why do you think I couldn’t get him off the phone? I told him the news and made him promise to let me tell you myself.”
“That’s why he cut our conversation short?”
“Otherwise, he would’ve given it up.”
“That man can’t hold water,” she tittered.
“He really can’t.”
“Well, I think that calls for a celebration. Let me call him back and tell him to be home by seven. We’re going out for dinner and a little music.”
“Mom, you didn’t need to find out you’re having a grandson to have a reason to get out of the house. You were probably planning to do that, anyway.”
“You’re right, but now it makes more sense.”
“Alright, honey, I guess I’ll talk to you two later. Tell Dad not to let you show him up on the dance floor.”
“Girl, your father isn’t seeing me on the dance floor.”
“Goodbye, woman. You’re not twenty. Watch your mouth.”
“Bye. I love you!”
“I love you, too.”
I ended the call, holding the phone against my chest. My parents were happy to finally have a grandchild. They thought their chances had been ripped away from them nearly three years ago.
Thinking of the baby boy growing in my belly, my mind automatically shifted to Aussie. I missed her something awful. Aside from the calls she made to me from her iPad and the few lessons I’d been able to teach her over the time we’d been separated, I heard nothing from her. Sometimes, I wondered if she missed me as much as I missed her. I felt like I was losing my mind with her so far away.
My apartment was in the city. It was a far cry from the farm she was able to run wild and free on, but I was certain she’d enjoy her time here if she came. I simply hadn’t built the courage to contact Malachi to ask permission for her to spend time at my place, or share the responsibility.
I hovered over her name on my phone, wanting badly to press the call button. However, I knew her line was connected to Malachi’s phone and both would ring if I called her iPad. That bit of knowledge kept me from calling her more often. I was left waiting on her weekly calls and they weren’t nearly enough.
I opted for the message thread between Malachi and me, contemplating asking him if we could meet somewhere public so I could get Aussie for a few weeks. The gray bubbles were plentiful and had been rolling in for two months. One after the other, he apologized for the words he’d said and insisted on forgiveness.
I love you.
It was the last text he’d sent, two days ago. Before that, he’d sent the same text almost every day, never missing more than two days at a time. Between the constant ‘I love you’ confessions were the more intricate messages that detailed his feelings, his regrets, and how he planned to go about everything differently if I gave him the chance.
I feel like I can’t breathe. My suffering was inevitable, but can you put it to rest? Can you come back? Can we talk? Can you give me a few minutes of your time? Can you give me a chance to right my wrongs? I’m sorry.
The thread went on and on. I’d read every message he’d sent, but I never responded.
Aeir. Talk to me, baby.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Happy Birthday to the most beautiful girl in the world. The mother of my children. The conqueror of my heart. My whole world. The Aeir I breathe.
Along with that message two months ago had come two Apple Cash payments of $5,000 each. I accepted them both, used them for my first and second month’s rent, deposit, and to furnish my place. The remaining balance went into our son’s savings.
I hadn’t expected to spend my birthday without Malachi. However, that was how things turned out. I wasn’t one to question God’s timing, so I let it play out without complaint. There were tears and there was heartache, but by the end of the day, I’d picked my head up and traveled the distance to pick Jae up from the airport.
She paused her assignment, calling in a favor from another traveling nurse, so she could come to my aid. She showed me each and every day how much of my soulmate she really was. I couldn’t wait until the day she needed me, so I could run to her with open arms and kiss her forehead until my lips blistered.
She was my person. And Malachi was my person. And Aussie was my person. I missed them both dearly, but life had gotten in our way and I wasn’t sure if we’d ever be a family again. The idea of co-parenting hurt my heart in a hundred different ways but I understood it was my truth, and before my son was born, I needed to fully embrace it.
My vibrating phone lit up. Aussie’s picture covered the screen. I swiped as quickly as my fingers would allow me to. Once the call was connected, her pretty face appeared.
“Mommy!”
“Aussie. Hi. I miss you so much, baby. What are you doing?”
“Can I see you?”
Fighting the tears, I nodded my head. God had heard my prayers. I wanted Aussie in my hands, in my bed, our bellies full of homemade ice cream while we watched endless cartoon episodes.
“Yes. Of course. Any time.”
“Can you tell Daddy?”
She ran a short distance with her iPad, her background exposing their location. They were having dinner on the patio at Ranking. My stomach growled at the sight of the veggie burger in Aussie’s tiny hand.
“Aussie, baby, what are you doing?”
“Can you tell Daddy I can see you? Please?”
She didn’t give me a chance to answer before she handed the iPad off to Malachi. When his handsome face approached, I ended the call. I wasn’t ready. Seeing him after so long made it all come rushing back. The things he said to me. The way he’d said them with so much conviction. I didn’t think he meant most of it, but it didn’t negate the fact that he’d let them come from his mouth. He was hurting and wanted me to hurt, too. It wasn’t fair and I wanted no parts of anyone with that mentality.
A second call came through that I almost ignored, but decided against. Malachi’s face was on the screen when it finally came through.
“Aeir, don’t hang up.
“What is it, Malachi?”
“Aussie wants to spend some time with you. I told her she’d have to call and ask.”
“Yes. She can. I’d love that.”
“Cool. Send me the address to wherever you’re at and I’ll drop her off.”
“I can’t do that, Malachi.”
With furrowed brows, he dropped the fries in his hand and looked into the camera.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not ready to. We can meet in the center of the city. It doesn’t matter where. Just tell me the time and place. I’ll be there.”
He didn’t respond immediately. He ran his hand through his hair, ending near his hairline where he began to twirl. He was under a great deal of stress. I could see it in his eyes. Or maybe it was agony. Or maybe it was grief. Or maybe it was betrayal. It could’ve been a number of things that led to his sad, aggrieved eyes that stared at me through the phone.
Worry me, I thought, refusing to let the words come from my mouth.
“I’m not any-fucking-body, Aeir. It’s me.”
“Is it?” I scoffed. “I’ve gotten so many versions of you, Malachi. I don’t have the energy to try to figure out which is the real one or the one I should be protecting myself from. So, to be safe, I’m installing barriers and setting boundaries. You can’t blame me for doing what you’ve forced me to.”
“You’re right,” he agreed with a nod, picking up a fry but letting it fall loosely before putting it in his mouth. His appetite had dwindled.
With a sarcastic chuckle, he looked off and then found his way back to the screen.
“I’m sorry, Aeir. I love you. I know I didn’t show you that during our last encounter, but I do. I feel so, so fucking empty. I’ve never been a nigga that’s afraid of nothing but I’m scared every day, thinking about never holding you in my arms again. And what’s worse is, I don’t know if it’s best to let you go or if it’s best to fight for this shit.” He choked up, swiping the tear from his eye that had slipped away. He continued looking off in the distance, unable to face the camera.
“As soon as I think I’m coming to find you and get our shit back, I just… I just think about the things I said to you. The way I treated you. I can’t help feeling like you might be better off without me. You saw a side of me I didn’t even recognize. I used to think it didn’t get any better than me but baby, I’ve been humbled.
“When you’re walking alongside an angel, it gets no better than her. It gets no better than you. You’re not the winner, I was. And I fucked over my prize. I let greed and grief and revenge turn me into a monster. I can’t—I still can’t believe myself. Even if shit never gets back right, I just wanted to tell you I apologize.”
“Apology accepted,” I choked out, unable to control the sobs coming from my body.
“Don’t cry ’bout me no more, Aeir. Wipe your pretty face, Mommas.”
“Where will you meet me?”
“I’ll let you know in a minute. We’re almost finished here.”
“Okay.”
“Have you been to the doctor?”
“Yes. I went the other day.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Can you add me to your calendar? I don’t want to miss another appointment. I know shit hectic, but you’re not doing this alone. I’m here.”
“I know. I will add you. The next appointment is next month on the twentieth at ten.”
“I’ll be there. Just send me the address.”
“We’re having a boy,” I revealed.
Pausing for a brief second, Malachi nodded his head, still unable to face the camera.
“That’s incredible, my love. That’s incredible. You’re incredible, Aeir. You’re going to be a hell of a boy mom.” He smirked.
“I should go now. You don’t have to bring Aussie with anything. I have everything she needs here. I’ll be waiting on the location.”
“Alright.”
He ended the call without another word, leaving me in shambles. Unable to pick myself up off the floor I slid down on, I leaned against it. It wasn’t until I heard small fists banging against the door that I was given the strength to pull myself up.
Aussie?
“Mommy!” she screamed from the other side of the door, letting me know it was indeed her trying to gain access.
I opened the door to find her standing with a bag from Rankings in her hand.
“Here, Mommy. Daddy got you some food.”
I accepted the bag and stepped aside so she could come inside.
“Can I watch TV, Mommy?”
“Yes. The first room is mine. You can watch TV in there. I’m right behind you.”
I let the door close behind us. Malachi’s scent tickled my nostrils. When I turned, I found him standing between the door and the frame, stopping it from closing.
“Malachi, what are you doing?”
“We’re a package deal, Aeir. There’s no Aussie without Malachi. It’s how we rock. You take one, you take both.”
“Aussie came to stay and that’s what she’s going to do. We’ll call you when she’s ready, if that’s ever. How’d you get my address?”
“Why were you crying?”
My eyes were puffy. I didn’t need a mirror to determine it. My lids were extremely tight, which was all the evidence I needed.
“Malachi. Please. Just leave.”
“I can’t do that.”
“And why not?”
“Besides the fact that I know deep down inside, you don’t want me to leave… I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it and realized I’d rather die today than live without you. Not just at any capacity, but at full capacity. So, like I said, we’re a package deal. If she’s sleeping over, then so am I.”
“Malachi.”
“Accept it or not. Your choice.”
“This is the most childis—”
“It doesn’t matter, Aeir. Whatever gets my point across. Aussie misses you. I miss you. We want to spend time with you. What’s so bad about that?”
“You and I are not there right now.”
“How can we ever get there if you don’t let me in? I’m not the only one that wants this. You want it. Aussie wants it. My son,” he said, cupping my stomach between his hands, “he wants it.”
Feeling his hands against my stomach unraveled me. He pushed us both further into the apartment, not stopping until my back was against the kitchen counter and his lips were against mine.
“Malachi,” I gasped.
He cared nothing for my protest, turning me around and stretching my hands across the counter.
“Aussieeeeeeeeee.”
His entry made me delirious. The sound of my bedroom door made us both freeze in place. He removed himself, stepping back a few inches to peer around the corner. Shame taunted me as I remained still, hoping Aussie didn’t turn the corner.
“Aussie, stay in Mommy’s room while Daddy has a talk with her, okay? Don’t come out until I tell you it’s okay. Alright?”
“Okay.”
Her little frame ran off, back into my room, slamming the door behind her. Malachi’s lips rested against my ear as he slid into me a second time, hitting rock bottom.
“Don’t ever hang up the fucking phone in my face, Aeir.”
I remained silent, trying my hardest not to moan from the pleasurable strokes he was administering.
“I said I’m sorry. I love you. I’m the only nigga that’s meant to love you. I’m not going nowhere. You’re not going nowhere. It doesn’t matter where you run to, I’m coming to find you. Ain’t no breaking up, Aeir. We’re in this for the long haul. I’m sorry I hurt you. I won’t ever do it again. I won’t ever push you away. I won’t ever raise my voice.
“I won’t ever make you regret choosing to love me. I won’t ever let my pain touch your world. I won’t ever let you go. I’ve been a mess without you. I’m ready to clean up. I’m ready to show up. I’m ready to be that nigga you need, that nigga you can’t get enough of. We only have one life, Aeir. I refuse to live mine without you by myself.”
Closing my eyes, I appreciated the images behind my lids. Malachi. Me. Aussie. The baby. The smiles that stained our cheeks and showed almost every tooth in our mouths let me know everything would be fine. We would be fine. And, the best versions of us all started in this moment.
Everything around me darkened as rumbles gathered at my midsection, a sign that my undoing was near.
“Malachiiiii.”
“Cum on this motherfucker, Aeir. It’s yours.”
He stroked me for old and he stroked me for new, relentless with his mission to excavate all the cum built over the last ten weeks. My eyes popped open, widening as the first wave rocked my core. Immediately after, there was another. My body convulsed, shaking from the impact.
“Fuck,” Malachi grunted, slowing his stroke before growing rigid at once. “Shit.”
Because we didn’t have time to spare with the little one not very far away, he pulled out of me and used a few paper towels from the roll on my counter to clean himself up. I stood straight, feeling his cum ooze slowly out of my center.
“I like this little… whatever the fuck this is. The grandma special?”
He mocked the house gown I wore. There were black polka dots all over the white fabric.
“Whatever.”
His hands circled my belly as he gazed back at me.
“How you feeling, Mommas?”
“I’ve felt better, Malachi.”
“Understood.”
He rubbed my growing stomach. At eighteen weeks, I was beyond the bulging point. Though small, my belly was round and extremely noticeable.
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. You’re very fucking pregnant.”
“I am. I’m still in disbelief. Every time I look down at my belly, I feel like my eyes are playing tricks on me. It wouldn’t be the first time. They have a tendency to show me things that aren’t really there.” I laughed.
“Let me be the one to tell you… it’s real.”
