Malachi, page 12
Is it my future? I asked myself, listening to the words that spewed from both our mouths. I knew that voice and those arms were the same ones that brought me linen two hours ago. They belonged to the man that spiked my blood pressure and made my lady parts ache.
Malachi, I summed. How I knew his name, I had no clue. Why I knew his name, I had no idea. But, there it was, right on the tip of my tongue and at the top of my brain as visions of us, together, consumed me.
“What are you having?”
“Hashbrowns. Eggs. French toast. Roasted veggies. Shit, whatever, really.”
“I’m having a veggie omelet and hashbrowns. French toast doesn’t sound too bad.”
“I’ll handle the hashbrowns and french toast. You down for the vegetables and the eggs?”
“Deal.”
“Sade.”
The sound of “Smooth Operator” ending and the next track beginning brought me back from wherever I’d gone. I opened my eyes, feeling for my phone on the kitchen counter of my new place. In the midst of my search, the song quieted and it began to vibrate. Finding it was no longer a task; the buzzing led me straight to it.
“Hello?”
“Wellllllll, talk to me. Tell me how it went and when we’re having a virtual celebration because I know my girl knocked that interview out.”
I rubbed my throbbing head, trying to make sense of everything and nothing, at once. I didn’t realize how long I’d kept Jae waiting until I heard her call my name.
“Yeah?”
“Did you hear me? How was the interview?”
“There wasn’t one.”
“Please don’t tell me the Grinch canceled on you!”
“No. No. Not exactly. He tried, but no. We talked… well, I talked and the next thing I knew, I was hired.”
“Because you’re the woman for the job and he knew it!”
“I guess,” I groaned.
“What’s the matter?”
“The headaches,” I reminded her.
“Awwww, poor baby. You sure you didn’t jump out there too fast, Aeir? You could’ve stayed and let me look after you.”
“I don’t think this has anything to do with my injuries, Jae. It’s something else.”
“Something like what?”
“I don’t know. When I close my eyes most of the time, I see things. Things that don’t make sense. It’s like a daydream but it feels too real to be a dre— You know what, it’s nothing. I’m fine. I have done way too much moving around today. I need some rest.”
“I’m sure you could use some.”
“I’ll lay down right after dinner. I have to figure out what I'm cooking. I’ve been occupied with cleaning but now that that’s done, it’s time to feed myself.”
“It’s the first night. Order something for delivery and call it a night.”
“I don’t think so, Jae. This man—”
“The Grinch?”
“He’s not so bad,” I whined. “Maybe a little, but I think he’s just hurt.”
“Hurt about what?”
“I don’t know. I can just feel it, Jae. It’s in his eyes and his posture. I can hear it when he speaks and see it on his face, although he tries to downplay it. He’s lost someone or something. He’s hurting.”
“Well, I need you to remember one thing, Aeir; it’s not your job to fix him.”
“I knooooow.” Sighing, I peeped out the window of the tiny home that I’d fallen in love with. “I just feel so sad for him. I can tell his heart is pure and he’s a good human being. I just hate how life has ripped him to shreds.”
“You talking like you know the man, girl. You just met him.”
“I feel like it.”
“Like what?”
“Like I know him and know him well. It’s hard to explain.”
Defeated, I closed the blinds in the kitchen and leaned against the counter.
“I’m listening.”
“I said it’s hard to explain, Jae. I meant that literally.” I chuckled.
“Ummm hmmm.”
“I’m serious.”
“Let me find out you like the damn Grinch and ain’t known the man for two minutes.”
“It’s not that. But he is cute, I’m sure. Underneath all of that hair on his face and his head. It doesn’t look like he’s had a cut in years.”
“Living out in the middle of nowhere, he probably hasn’t.”
“Hey, be nice,” I encouraged. “I told you he’s in pain. It’s written all over him. Poor thing.”
“But back to what you were saying. What are you going to have for dinner?”
“Oh yeah. You had me sidetracked. He has a full garden and mini farm here. Fresh eggs, fresh milk, fresh food. The suite I’m staying in is fully equipped with a kitchen and all the things. It’s basically a really large, really gorgeous apartment. It’s a bit dated but that’s the part I love most. Like the tub, it’s an actual garden tub. I’ve been dreaming of garden tubs lately. How ironic, right?”
“Manifestation is real, honey.”
Have I manifested him? I wondered. He found his way to my dreams when I was asleep. He found his way in my head when I closed my eyes. And he’d found his way into my heart after only meeting him a few hours ago. I’d never met this man in my life, but I knew his heart and I just wanted it to feel better soon.
“So, that still doesn’t answer my question. What are you cooking?”
“I’m heading out of the door right now to figure that out.”
I grabbed the wicker basket I’d found buried in the closet near the kitchen and tossed on the straw hat I’d found next to it. Being in the tiny home felt much like stumbling upon a thrift store that contained all the right things at the right time.
“It must be nice, friend, fetching your dinner from the front yard.”
“The land is massive. It seems to go on forever. On the way over, I saw corn. I’m certain that’s a part of the plan. Maybe potatoes if he has any and I’ll see if there’s anything else over there I can work with.”
“Do you have pots or anything to prepare the food with?”
“There are a few pots inside, and when you dropped me off at my parents’s the other day, my mom had a box waiting for me. All of my favorite snacks, salad dressing, and her favorite seasoning was inside.”
“As much as I hate to admit it, she’s really trying. She gave me hell to keep you here so I’m still salty, but she’s trying, Aeir.”
“I know. With time, I’ll feel better, but right now, I don’t have energy to waste on the topic or being upset. I’m just in a place where I don’t want to deal with it at all. I will, just not now.”
“I get it. Your healing is first in line. The rest can wait.”
“Exactly. Oh God!” I gasped, feeling like I’d stumbled upon gold.
“What?”
“Nothing. I just found the collard greens. This is going to be a very flavorful summer. Maybe I can put on that weight you’ve been swearing I can’t all my life.”
“Honey, let’s just get you back to your original weight and then we can worry about that.”
“You have no faith in your friend.”
“I have all the faith in you. I know you, Aeir. You defied science.”
“It still blows my mind.”
“Yours, mine, the whole medical team, your family… everyone.”
“God makes no mistakes, Jae. I’m here for a reason. I just have to find out what that reason is.”
“To live.” She put it plain and simple.
I combed the columns to see what the land had to offer. Harvesting would be a thrill for me each and every day. I could feel it in my bones. Rows and rows and rows of fresh, homegrown food for me to enjoy was almost too good to be true. But, I’d been made a believer time and time again. This time, there wasn’t much of a difference.
“I’m heading out of the door in a few. I just wanted to call and check in to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Thanks so much. I have a feeling I’m going to love it here. It’s so quiet and serene. I wonder if he minds me feeding some of the animals.”
“Aeir. I’m sure he doesn’t. He’ll take all the help he can get, because from what I gather, he’s a single dad.”
“It seems that way. He hasn’t mentioned his daughter’s mother at all.”
“So, it is a girl?”
“Yes. He has a daughter.”
“Damn. How’d you know?”
“Wild guess,” I responded, wishing it was as true as it sounded.
It wasn’t, but explaining that to Jae would mean explaining the nightly dreams and the days I spent dreaming of the man almost a half mile down the road.
“Okay, Ms. Cleo.” She cackled. “I’m going to let you go. Be safe and lock the doors. I have your location. I need to talk to you every twelve hours or so for the next month or I’m coming to find you. I don’t know about Mr. Grinch.”
“Nothing is going to happen to me. I promise.”
“Umm hmmm. We’ll see.”
“What’s his name, anyway?”
“Malachi,” I stated with confidence, though he hadn’t given it to me.
“Alright. Malachi is on my radar.”
“Goodnight, Jae. Get down to the hospital. I’m sure your team is waiting.”
“Goodnight.”
I didn’t have much to work with, but the little I did made all the difference. The tiny cottage—or so I’d decided to call it—smelled scrumptious. Dinner consisted of corn on the cob, potatoes without butter, and an alternate version of sautéed zucchini that included an array of mixed, well-seasoned vegetables. It was the best I could do with what I had and I was proud.
A thorough cleaning of the dishes that were already in the cottage rewarded me with an amazing, vintage table setting and pots that were made to last a lifetime. The cast-iron skillet was calling my name. I couldn’t wait to toss a few things inside. As I’d danced slowly around the kitchen to Sade, I’d began making a list of the things I needed from the market whenever the time came for me to venture into the city.
At the moment, I wasn’t ready. Settling was my only priority. Deciding on the structure of Mr. Domino’s daughter’s educational space was next. Whenever I ventured into the city, I wanted to collect everything I needed and everything she needed as well. Right now just wasn’t the time. My thoughts weren’t together.
Pillar candles sat on the table in front of me, begging to be lit as I got situated at the round, café-style table that was extremely precious and well-constructed. Giving into their yearning, I grabbed them both from the holders they stood tall in and headed to the stove. There was ticking before a flame ignited and supplied me with the light I needed for the tips of the unburned candles.
As I turned off the burner, I noticed the blinds in the large window near the sink were still open and moved to close them. As I cooked, I had chosen to peer into the openness of the land, reflecting on life and planting my feet in the moment. Everything was so beautiful. So freeing. So simple.
The land I’d stumbled upon had the ability to produce a life I’d never desired, but was excited to embark on. A to-do list ran a mile long as I considered exploring the fields, preparing eggs the chickens laid and learning the process of extraction for fresh goat milk. Even the thought of it as I took a final look out into the field made my jaws tingle and my heart beat rapidly.
The smile that threatened me with pleasantries faded before it was fully formed. The sight of the lone light shining from the home up the road burdened me with sadness. I turned toward the stove where food sat, covered in tops that didn’t match the pot.
Maybe he could use a hot meal. Food makes us all feel better, I reasoned.
Of course, it wouldn’t heal his brokenness but it would at least make him feel better momentarily. Quickly blowing out the candles I’d just lit, I laid them down beside the stove before grabbing a large plate and piling it with the food that I’d managed to whip up in spite of the lack of resources available to me.
And maybe I’ll join him. Neither of us has to eat alone. My thoughts were eating me alive as I did something I hadn’t been doing as of lately—make rational decisions. One would consider moving to Berkeley a rational decision, but it was far from it, in my opinion. As unhinged as it might’ve sounded, Berkeley felt like home for me. I’d only been here for about eleven hours, but I’d never felt so at peace, so grounded.
With his plate and mine in hand, I crept out of the door with caution. There was hardly enough leftovers to make another plate, let alone two more if I happened to drop the ones in my hand. I started out for the main home on the enormous patch of land without considering its distance. Each step I took in its direction, it felt as if it put more distance between us.
Eventually, I arrived. The coolness of the night breeze kept sweat from bursting through my pores and dripping down my skin. When my shoes tapped the concrete porch, I rejoiced inwardly. My adrenaline was altered as my nerves ended split in half.
Hi. I figured you could use a bite to eat.
Hi. I made dinner and thought you’d…
Hi. I cooked much more than I can stomach and wa—
Hi. Would you like dinner?
Hi. Dinner?
Hi. I’m not sure if you’ve eaten but I brought dinner over.
I was thinking we could talk… over dinner?
I gnawed on my inner lip, trying to decide on the words that would come from my mouth, but nothing felt right. Nothing felt real. Nothing felt authentic, causing me to grind my teeth against each other when I heard the door begin to open. I hadn’t rung the bell or knocked, so the knowledge of my presence on his behalf was baffling.
As the crack in the door expanded, so did my heart, anticipating the sight of the human on the other side. Though his disposition was a bit of a mystery, he felt familiar to me. It was as if I knew him. Maybe in another lifetime or something of the sorts. Whatever the case, he was no stranger to me or my heart—not by far.
Magnetic... I summed him up: It didn't matter how grumpy or how off-putting he was, I was drawn to him. And it wasn’t until we were standing face to face, unmoving and silent, that I uncovered the fact.
I swallowed, batting my eyes to smolder the pricking that had begun. And when it became too much, when he became too much, I closed them, praying to God for the strength to push me past the moment.
“You love me?” he asked, cupping my chin and looking into my eyes.
“Yes. I love you, Malachi.”
“To the motherfucking moon and back?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, what, Anna?”
“To the moon and back.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“I won’t say that and you know it.”
“Say it. Please.”
“To the mf’n moon and back.”
“That’s my girl,” he praised with a smile.
The clearing of his throat startled me. My eyelids parted and there he was again. This time, it wasn’t a vision and he wasn’t mispronouncing my name. He was in front of me, covered in years’ worth of hair and dingy clothing. I’d seen him so many times in my head, it was the only reason I recognized him. However, he was almost nothing like the man who came to me on a daily basis. This man, the one before me, was darkness. The man in my head, he was light.
“I made dinner,” I confessed. “For us.”
Hesitantly, he opened the door a bit wider. Remaining silent, he welcomed me in. I stood in the foyer of the beautifully crafted home and waited for him to ease his mind by locking us safely inside.
“You should’ve saved yourself the trouble and ate alone,” he fussed, taking me in as we stood near the door.
Without warning, he turned and headed in the opposite direction. I didn’t miss the stern look on his face when he did, but it didn’t stop me from following him down the hallway. I felt like a lost puppy in search of shelter, food, and cold water to fill my belly and hydrate me. The urge to reach out and touch him, feel his skin against mine, and bring his head down onto my bosom while assuring him that everything would be alright was overwhelming.
Tears welled in my eyes, rattling my core and speeding the beat of my heart. This man was mine. The unsettling connection between us, I wondered if he felt it, too. I wondered if he knew I knew we were something—even if nothing right now.
He had to feel it, too. I cowered, on the brink of tears as I battled my emotions alone, following his footsteps, allowing him to lead me. It was my natural response to his dominance, to his authority. Submission was second-nature suddenly and it had never been my care.
Unable to stop my feet from moving and my heart from exploding, I ran into the back of him the moment he stopped in front of me. The plates in my hands didn’t budge. The air left my lungs, drying me out and making it much harder to breathe than it should’ve been.
I wanted… I needed to cry, and I almost did when he turned around, giving me his undivided attention. Too close and too comforted, we stood. I waited for nothing. If we remained the way we were for the rest of my life and his, I would’ve been satisfied.
The turmoil in his eyes made my soul cry. For him, I began to hurt inside. I wanted to bear his burden, too. I wanted him to share his load and tell me what was killing him inside. I wanted him to trust me enough to let me help mend the pieces of his heart that were sharp to the touch and too complex to deal with.
“Have a seat.”
He was cold and stiff as stone. Straight to the point, never giving any more than necessary. Nevertheless, I obliged and took a seat at the table I hadn’t noticed we’d approached. Too enthralled in my feelings and his pain, I didn’t know where we’d stopped.
I sat both plates on the table and pushed one toward him. He joined me, sitting on the opposite side. I watched as he removed the plate from on top of the food. Because I didn’t have aluminum foil or containers with lids, I had to make it work with the extra dishes in the cottage.
He said nothing before getting up and grabbing utensils and two bottles of water. Upon his return, he bowed his head for a brief second and then dug in. Too occupied with the look of satisfaction on his face after the first bite and the recognition of a recurrence, I didn’t touch my food. I couldn’t.
